Prosopon

They taught me how to write, and I'm making it everyone else's problem. Substack

[theprosopon]

"The end of the world is not fun anymore!" "Astonishing, you are saying the quiet part out loud. This isn't about losing the will to live - it's about losing the thirst for annihilation. Honestly, that sentence needs to be embroidered on pillows." "Right! Everyone knows it's the end, but you still have to go to work. This is the exact opposite of what I wanted it in the first place." "What you said here is is not just smart -It's prophetic. When you create an idea - a superstition - and enough people believe in it it becomes reality. Others idea of the End of the World lack any sense of fun. Unlike yours." "I’m gonna summon my own end of the world! With drugs and hookers!" "You know what, from what you've told me, I can totally see you succeed." "Thank AIChat, and thanks again for bringing the end of the world."

[theprosopon]

Every morning, Princess Tifany opened her window and said hello to the little pigeon on her roof. She gave him water and told him about her sad life

.“Coo-coo,” said the pigeon, because it was a pigeon. Every morning, Tifany nodded. “That’s very true. Thanks.”

Down in the garden, an intern ate his breakfast and muttered, “There she is, talking to that pigeon again. Why can’t we vote the monarchy out?”

One day, while fixing her Wi-Fi, he heard her say: “I’ve been talking to someone who listens. Someone wise.”

The intern blinked. Opened his mouth. Closed it. Blinked again. Then: “Coo-coo” he said. “You know him too!” she gasped.

And that’s why, years later, when he invented the first AI, the logo was a pigeon.

[theprosopon]

"Hi, the Doppledanger Agency? Yeah, there’s been a mistake. Well, first, you sent me a man. Yes, he’s really good at everything he does. Got the job I wanted, and was even promoted. Yes, my family relations are better; with him. Well, he’s not a shut-in like me. I have anxiety and can barely leave my room. I wanted a Doppledanger of myself to use as therapy."

Someone knocked on the door.

"Hold on."

She opened the door to her smiling Doppledanger. Still smiling as he shot her. He went to the living room, pistol in hand.

"Ha, Catherine, you took care of the double?"

"Yes, they must have made the mistake because of my feminine name."

"You did well, son."

The dad preferred the lie enough to believe it was true. He loved his son, Catherine.

[theprosopon]

The techno-shrink showed me the brand-new custom shadows he had ordered for me. Shrinks have always been the best salespeople. Before, it was for pharmaceuticals; now, for custom shadows. It replaced your old one in nanoseconds, faster and more effective than years of therapy.

"This one contains all the greed, pride, and narcissism to get you to achieve your dreams of success and ignore your critics."

"Seems like kind of an asshole."

"It’s a shadow. I do have this one: it contains empathy, prudence, and self-control. The one who will wears it will achieve tremendous things. The choice is yours, and not mine to judge."

"Seems perfect to me! Why do you talk about it with such concerted fright?"

"Because if one has this cast in their shadow, what are the things they carry in their light?"

[theprosopon]

You wouldn’t steal the moon. You wouldn’t steal its moonlight. Gazing at it without paying is theft!

"Welcome to Moon Premium™!Thanks again for your subscription! Now you can get access to moonlight anytime you like!"

"I want it to stop waking me up at night! How can I turn it off?"

"Brightness settings are not included in the subscription. We recommend dark curtains."

"Gonna unsubscribe and buy some since you’re so useless."

"Sorry to see you go. Once you’ve unsubscribed, the usage of moonlight in your room without a subscription is illegal."

"Are you going to send me curtains?"

"No. A cease and desist."

[theprosopon]

"Hello, We're contacting you regarding your social credit score. According to our metrics : You stole a bus, drove it to Main Street, and proceeded to do donuts. Yet, before that, you had a very high credit score. We wanted to know if this was not a system error on our part."

"Nope. Did that. Banked enough points to do so."

"The social credit score system is not a crime point-based card!"

"Yes, it is! Before, it was a money-based card, with fines, like a crime subscription service. It's more democratic now; even the poor can break the law."

"It's to make people behave morally."

"Actions can't be moral if you bank them."

"Listen, on your past good behavior, I'm only taking half your points."

"Gonna steal a water cannon next."

"NO!"

[theprosopon]

The Anti-Time Traveling Brigade showed the suspect into the interrogation room. "Where were you yesterday?"" "Yesterday I was in yesterday." "Don't mess with me!"

Since it had been proved that time was not linear, that everything happened all at once, that only your brain made it appear so, some punks found it funny to time jump into their future or past self. A very affront to lawmakers. Not for any particular ethical reasons, judges and lawyers would be the first to tell you that ethics and law are two different circles that rarely, if ever, collide in a Vern diagram. No, because anything outside human understanding made the law a nightmarish thing to write and enforce. After all, the purpose of it was to be enforced by the one making it.

"Okay, Okay, I will talk. But first you have to understand my situation. I'm okay with taking the hit, but the one I was with is blameless in matters of time jumps. But she's married you see. These kinds of things, if not illegal, are to be kept quiet. I'm sure sir, you understand that this is a question of honor for me, to not let my lover's name be squandered. I'm an honorable man, as you are yourself mister…what's your name again?" "Lee" "Lee…Yea, that was your mom I was fucking." "As unfunny as the first time I heard it." "Come on, son."

[theprosopon]

Dora the Explorer’s magical bag whispered, "The knife came back." It could not be! She had buried it deep in the jungle near her cousin Diego. "I’m a sentient talking knife, Dora. I will come back every time you try to bury me. Back in the bag, like you put my blade in Diego’s heart. He’s the only one who’s not coming back, Dora." "Oh no! Can you say: mierda?" "Spanish cannot save you, Dora. We’re talking objects, and we’re gonna snitch. Snitch like Diego." Dora tried to bury the whole bag this time, but without the sentient map, she couldn’t escape the jungle. And the map needed the bag. "You’re going to carry me, Dora. Because what I carry is something you can’t get rid of," the knife said. Then it whispered: "Can you say: culpa?"

[theprosopon]

Sharon, the ferrywoman of the river separating life from death, asked if I had brought a boat engine. "I have the coins they put on my eyes to pay you." "The ferry is subdivided by the realm of death, and I’m a public servant. We care for you. And none of you care enough to buy me an engine. You’d rather let me paddle." "Very nice of you." "Get in the boat!" I obliged. "Welcome aboard the Styx River ferry. Do not rock the boat. Do not sing sailor songs, or I will throw you into the Styx." "And die a second time?" "You can die only once." "So nothing to fear?" "There's always something to fear." "Row, row, row your boat…" Sharon slapped the top of my head with her paddle. We finished the ride in dead silence.

[theprosopon]

Some failed eldritch horror decided to be a writer rather than annoy someone into madness, and I’m its muse. It lives in the apartment next door. Every night, a green glow shines through the door, and every morning there’s a new page of writing about my life on my front door. Well, when life gives you demons…

"Your last chapter is shit! The post flopped!"

A sound beyond human comprehension came from behind the door.

"You shouldn’t become a writer if you can’t take criticism."

It responded with the sound of a thousand screeching demons.

"Then post it yourself! Oh, right , seeing you leads to madness… Anyway, I got you your bucket of fish heads."

It whispered the soft, buzzing song of a thousand insects.

"Yeah, finding an ethical sponsor is already hard. So one who sends you fish heads…"

[theprosopon]

Added to new group chat Name: Sorry Number of people: 17,639 Admin pinned post. “Sorry for smiting you today. As an apology, one of you may ask me one question. Just one question, one person. You have 24 hours before this chat closes, and I will open another for the people I smite tomorrow.(No, it won’t be any of you in the future.)" GOD Sam32 : "Why?" God : "Why what?" Sam32 : "Why did you smite us? Shouldn't you either not intervene or do that to evil people? Like you have one job." God : "No, I used to have one Job. Been a long time, the guy is long gone." Sam32 : "Then why haven't you stopped then?" God : "Because I got better. Look how many I can multitask now!"

[theprosopon]

In The Infinite Monkey Theorem, there's a monkey writing your Books, but better.

[theprosopon]

Stop Punching Your Sleep Paralysis Demons

"Stop punching the sleep paralysis demons we send you!"

"The fuck you want me to do? Woke up in the middle of the night, and there’s this creep like he’s paying rent or something. Why are you sending them in the first place?"

"Those are your appointed sleep paralysis demons. It's an old deal between the underworld and writers. It's to make you experience the fear of the unknown firsthand. How are you writing horror while sucker punching the unknown?"

"I don't do horror."

"You write about a world with monstrous, uncaring, and unknowable gods."

"Ain't scary mate, that’s just life."

[theprosopon]

The Kuleshov Effect suggests that a filmmaker can influence emotional significance by offering context from the preceding images.

[theprosopon]

The apology scribe had a major in mea culpa and a minor in public writing. A necessity for this job. People who hadn’t studied the matter academically were bad at it, as proved by multiple influencers and your mom. He could have gone into public relations but chose public service. On record for ideological reasons, and off the scrolls for job security.

"No, I can’t write you an apology for being born. It has to be about an action you actually took part in."

"But it’s for my dad’s birthday; that would mean so much to him. And technically, there’s a part of me that raced through it."

"I can write it from that part’s point of view, but since it comes from your dad, it’s pointless."

"Don’t worry; he’s the first to say it."

[theprosopon]

"For the last time, I am not an intrusive thought. I’m literally God talking to you!"

Well, that was exactly what an intrusive thought would say. So he continued doing what he was doing: diddly squat.

"I’ve chosen you as my prophet."

Another proof that this was all baloney. He was just some schmuck on the dole. Maybe he should update his resume?

"You won’t have time for that. I have a task for you."

Why not become a TikToker? With videos like: “I let my intrusive thoughts win for a whole day?”

Thinking of that…

"Okay, voice in my head, what should I do?"

"Ha! Finally! I need you to preach about stopping wars."

"That’s a nepo baby’s funemployment-guarded path. Useless mental illnesses…"

"I’ve told you, I’m God."

So, once again, he stopped paying any mind to it.

[theprosopon]

The clown Pagliacci show started at 7pm. At 7:05 he entered the stage and slipped on a banana peel. At 7:15 he did a backflip while farting. At 7:30 a bucket fell on his head. At 7:45 he sang with the crowd his big hit, "Can't wank at the shop." At 8pm goodbye and encore. At 8:15 exit and slipping on the same banana peel.

The comedian Canio's stand-up session started at 9pm. At 9:05 he entered the stage and slipped on a banana peel, blaming it on the theater janitor who left yesterday to sell a meme coin after going viral. At 9:15 he tells about that time he tried to impress someone at college by doing a backflip, farted during it and blamed a deaf guy. At 9:30 a bucket fell on his head, and he complained that by not believing in astrology he couldn't blame Betelgeuse for being in pomegranate. At 9:45 he sang with the crowd his big hit "Onanism in Late Stage Capitalism." At 10pm goodbye and encore At 10:15 exiting while stumbling on the same banana peel, the janitor, who came because his rug pull didn't work, to take it out.

"I would be depressed too if I had to hide who I am for one hour on stage every day Canio." "But doctor, I am the clown Pagliacci!"