I Ain’t Afraid of No Ghost! or, How to Make Fear Your Best Friend
I’ve always had unrealistic and huge ambitions, and I’m proud to say that I have accomplished many of my goals. Not always the way or to the extent that I wanted to, but I can’t complain. I fucking did it. Sometimes I can't really point my finger on how I did it or how I overcame my fears while doing it. Maybe it was just knowing I could do it, or being in denial about why I couldn’t. Either way, something has always kept me going and pushing and fighting. It’s in my blood and soul and existence, but I do wish at times I could live on a farm with cows and tomatoes and be just fine with it.
Why do I always have to have the most complicated ideas? Why do I always have to go after something impossible? Why can’t I just live and dream in a world with no worries, no stress, and no deadlines? A world where I’m not constantly chasing something. A world outside of the rat race. A world without fear of failure or disappointment. I’m sure you feel the same sometimes.
But hey, let’s talk about fear. Fear is a strong emotion. Fear is strong and powerful, and most of the time it overcomes any other emotions we have. Fear can paralyze you, shut you off, and prevent you from living your dreams.
I get many emails asking if I have experienced fear before a photoshoot. It’s one of the most common questions I get, and though this question comes in many shapes and forms, the bottom line is always the same: How do you deal with fear?
The answer is to that is yes, or more like ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? I have countless fears all the time, of many kinds! I have a glorious range of fears before a photoshoot. Always have and probably always will. No matter how many shoots I have done, the fear is always there. Yes, it has gotten better over the years. I no longer wanna kill myself or vomit the night before (and right before and during) the shoot. But I will certainly always have fear to some extent. Sometimes I feel more uncomfortable and scared, and sometimes less, but it’s rare that I don’t feel any kind of fear or doubt.
And I have to say that in a weird way, I’m thankful for these fears, because I believe they mean that I care dearly about what I do. When you don’t care about something, you don’t get nervous, you don’t really sweat it. Fear makes me not take things for granted. Fear keeps me intact. Fear ensures that I’m where I should be.
So how do I deal with it? Here are few things I do to handle fear better. And I’m talking mostly photography here as that is my personal experience, but I do think most of these ideas would apply to fear in general. Take a deep breath and here we go:
Acknowledge fear as a natural thing. It is okay to be afraid and nervous. Seriously, IT IS.
Most the time, I feel we are afraid of fear itself. Fear is something we can’t really control, and it makes us doubt ourselves. And we don’t like doubting ourselves. I believe that we like to be best at what we do and the thought of not being the best makes us nervous. For example, in documentary photography, there are lots of things that can happen unexpectedly. Or perhaps it’s the unpredictable lights on stage at a live show, or our subject being nervous or uncomfortable during a portrait shoot. There are so many things that can make us doubt our skills and ourselves. But feeling nervous is OKAY. When I get nervous, I don’t even try to fight it anymore. I accept it. I just let it be. I don’t try to push thoughts aside or make them go away. I sit with my fear.
I do, however, try not to show it, as I don’t want my subjects to smell my fear and feel even more uncomfortable. But I don’t try to fight it too much. It’s not gonna help. Fear always wins. And you know the old saying: if you can't beat it, join it. That’s why fear is now my best friend.
Talk about it
After you’ve acknowledged your fear and decide to coexist with it, TALK ABOUT IT. Talk to those you trust and feel you can open up to. It could be your partner, your mother, your close friends, the deli guy, or your cat. Spit it out now. Tell them about your next assignment, the journey you’re about to have, why and what you’re afraid of. Speaking things out loud can really help you out! When it's all in your head it can sometimes seem bigger or worse than it is.
Also, these people (it won’t work if you’re talking to your pet) might have great advice for you or remind you that you’re pretty terrific. Sometimes it's nice to hear that about yourself from someone who knows you well. Don’t be afraid to admit your fears. We all have them! Even the deli guy. Seriously!
Knowing what you’re doing can really help (but don’t overthink it)
I don’t like preparing for a shoot too much as I love the spontaneity and getting inspired in the moment, but I do think that some preparation is helpful. Even at a live show, I usually don’t like to know too much of what's gonna happen on stage as I love the surprise element of it all. I think that overpreparing can kill the natural creativity that I love so much. With that said, when it’s a big show or production, I do look at videos or ask friends who have photographed or seen the show for tips. Those tips will be stuff like, how high was the stage, how were the lights, is there a lot of movement on stage? It’s more like guiding points than actual planning. That way I can get the feel of it, know what to expect, and be more at ease without it being totally predictable. While it gives me a sense of comfort to know what I’m in for, I still leave plenty of room for surprise.
So yeah, knowing the sound or music of the musician you're about to shoot or how they look, knowing the style of show, or style of clothing, can really help sometimes, but I would not recommend getting too concerned. Leave some room for fun and excitement. It’s a really important part of photography, and part of life in general I believe.
Pamper yourself with kindness
I’m not the most relaxed person in the world. I would even call myself an extremely hyper person. I can drive myself insane with my thoughts alone. This is why the night before an important shoot, I like to be extra generous and kind to myself. Sometimes I’ll do some online shopping (that might not be the cheapest way to relax), and buy myself a little present just to say “you’re the best and you deserve it.” I’m not saying go buy yourself a Prada bag everytime you feel fear or have doubts, but it's more like acknowledging your hard work. Pamper yourself! You deserve it. It can be a massage, an exercise class, bubble bath, a nice date—anything that will make you feel more relaxed and rewarded.
It’s not about money, it's about valuing who you are. Look at things you've done that you’re proud of. Previous work you’ve done that you’re happy with, go over your photography archives. Be kind to yourself. Kindness can really help your confidence and dealing with your doubts. The more confident you are,the less your fear will be present in those stressful moments. With that said, don’t go to the other extreme and let your ego take over. Stay humble. Valuing yourself doesn't mean being an asshole. It’s all about balance in life, but that’s a different and possibly a whole new blog post...
Don’t be afraid to experiment and take chances
Yes, it’s important to try and be the best at what we do. But in order to become good, we need to experiment and practice as much as we can. Many times people quit something because they don’t feel like they are any good, or don’t have the patience to become good. Becoming good takes time and I can't state it enough. Even to those lucky ones who are naturally talented, being really good at something takes experience. There is nothing you can do to expedite that.
Be hungry for knowledge, be patient, ask for help, listen to those who offer their help. Thinking you know it all and having an attitude will not get you far. Trust me on this. There is always room to learn more. So experiment! Nobody ever became successful by being safe, and no good story ever started with a salad. Take a chance on yourself. Failing is a part of getting good. Don’t be afraid to fail. And when you do, learn from it. Get back up on your feet and use the what you’ve learned in your next experience. Who knows, it might make a good story you’ll be able to tell for years to come.
Trust yourself
Knowing your shit can be very helpful, but trusting yourself is probably the most important thing of all. Don’t give up. Even on the darkest of darkest days. Giving up is not an option, it’s just the easy way out.
I was lucky enough to have supportive parents who helped me get back up whenever I failed and inspired me to never give up. I know that's not the case for everyone, but keep on trying even if things didn't work this time around. Next time, or the time after that, or the time after that, they will. Don’t let it bring you down or feel like you’re good enough right now—you can become great at whatever you set your mind to. I truly believe that. It might take time and practice, but you will become good at it. Even in times of self-doubt, trust yourself. Trust yourself; you can do it! There is no reason why you can’t, always think of the fact it could have been worse and give yourself kudos for even trying. I would rather fail a million times than not to try at all. Yes, it's not a great a feeling to be disappointed, but so fucking what??? I’m not the first to say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. You’re still alive? Great! That alone is a reason to celebrate!
Clear your head, organize your life
I’m not the most organized person, but I find that organizing my life and environment makes me feel better and stress less. It might sound like this is something unrelated to fear, but trust me my friends: cluttered head,cluttered life. Having your head and life organized can eliminate fear or at least make it more bearable. I believe that when we are more together, we feel more in control and experience less paranoia. There’s also something really comforting about organizing things and knowing where you’re going with your life and goals. So organize your closets, write down your goals, come up with plans and ideas, make mood boards. You don’t have to have your whole life planned, but ask yourself what it is you want to do, where do you want to be? Knowing what you want can really help you get it, and making a basic plan can help even more.
I also find that loving your personal space is really important. Whether you have a small room or a huge house, feeling organized and happy in your personal territory can do wonders. Redecorating your space can also help with self-motivation in other areas.
Girl you gotta have fun no matter what you do (guys too, I just love this song)
To me, there is no point of doing anything unless you can enjoy it along the way, or at least be rewarded for it at the end of the journey. I’m not saying life is all rainbows and unicorns, but in general, let's keep it positive, shall we? A good attitude and good karma can really upgrade your game. No one likes a Debbie Downer. People like being around good energy and other people that motivate them. “ I get so inspired and revived by your whiny complaints,” said no one EVER. Surround yourself with positive people who can lift you up instead of bringing you down. In times of doubt, the last thing you need is someone to bring you even lower or add more stress and insecurity. It took me a long time to realize that being loyal to people who were not supportive or who didn’t treat me well have done the most damage to my life. We all have bad days, but let’s avoid those who have a bad day, every day.
Never forget why you do what you do, or started doing what you do in the first place. That passion, that love, that fire. Keep it going.
My journey has been exhausting and frustrating times but I never forgot to pause for a minute, take it all in, and enjoy myself and my progress. If you’re not enjoying it, maybe it's time to stop and ask yourself, am I in the right place? Am I doing the right things to achieve my goals? Are my earlier dreams the same dreams and desires I have now? Just like being in a bad relationship, too used to it or too afraid to leave, getting stuck in your path or career can be similar. Life is too short to spend it on things that cause us more agony than anything else.
Not giving up on your dreams doesn't mean you can’t change directions or decide that maybe this is simply not for you. While I don't suggest you take the easy way out and give up, I also recommend to make sure you’re still fighting for something you love, or something you want to be a part of. Things change, you change, the world changes all the time.
I must say that I have enjoyed every moment of my career journey, and I’m still not even halfway to where I want to be. I can’t control everything, but I strive to be the best at what I do and I work very hard to accomplish my dreams. And I never forget to enjoy the journey. It can be hard at times and I just wanna hide under a rock or not get out of bed in the morning, but those moments of pride, being published, getting people inspired, meeting new friends along the way—those things make it worth it all. Don’t forget to have fun on your journey! Kick out that fear by showing it you’re not afraid of it!
Just fucking do it!!!
You all know my that’s my main motto.
Fear is not going away. Fear will always be there and fear means you care, so instead of trying to beat it or hide from it, have it join your party! Make fear your best friend. Take it in, take it out, make it your journey buddy. Don’t let fear control you;learn how to work with your fear.
Don’t lose yourself among your fears. Good things come to those who wait, better things come to those who don’t. Just fucking do it.













