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[therealnani]

Day three of doing the treadmill. I'm hungry and this shit is hard when you have your period. All I want are cookies.

Egg and bacon muffins. #ketogenic #lifesum #breakfastrevolution

[therealnani]

Eggs+garlic scapes+scallion+arugula + @cabotcheese + salsa #lifesum #vegetarian #breakfastrevolution

[therealnani]

Downloaded Lifesum app, made my life difficult by choosing Extreme Fat-Burning diet plan but desperate times call for desperate measures. Started right away, with lunch. Fended off temptation for kids' calamari and french fries. Gave my husband withering glares as he helped himself to the fried stuff. Resentment much?

[love-personal]

[therealnani]

Mmh... Yes.

[therealnani]

Studied the case at the donut shop pathetically and walked away with only coffee. Really wanted that ham croissant though...

[therealnani]

It's my birthday. My husband asked what my goals were. I didn't have any at first but I came up with one. Lose five pounds a month for 12 months. I don't know exactly how I'm going to do it but it probably involved the treadmill and calorie-counting. I'm fatter than I've ever been, the same weight I was when I was pregnant, and that really blows.

[therealnani]

[email protected] 🔹Seattle WA 6/25-26 🔹Denver CO 8/20-21 🔹Baltimore MD 9/11-12 🔹Pittsburgh PA 10/15-16 🔹Dallas TX 10/22-23 🔹Thailand 200 Hour TT

#inspo

[therealnani]

I re-heated baked ziti because I thought I was hungry, then I pretended I made it for A, who didn't want it so I ate it. Because I'm a fat asshole.

[therealnani]

[therealnani]

My dumb husband bought a package of Oreos and left them in the car for the kids, who each had one while I channeled Pema and stared my desire in the face. I had a whole internal conversation with myself about whether I really wanted the Oreo or the smell was making me think I wanted one. I allowed myself the space to let the moment pass. I should do that more often...

[therealnani]

Girl Scout cookies + no self-control = 200+ lbs. FML

[therealnani]

[therealnani]

Reading a book on Ayurvedic cleanse and I want to believe that the author is genuine in her assertion that weight loss is just a happy side effect of the cleanse, and that it's more about mental clarity and overall good health. Skeptical that it's just another diet trap that I'll fall into and spend money on besides. All the herbs and spices---is it any different from any other MLM diet scheme just because she's not selling a product?

[therealnani]

I almost paid $3 for a candy bar. Almost. But didn't!

[therealnani]

(Ugh, tumblr. You suck. Why don’t you have auto save, if your dumb app is going to crash without warning?)

I said no the first time I was offered cake but not without hesitation. S was standing next to me and I felt self-conscious. The second time, she wasn’t there. So, I said yes. When she rejoined me, I felt like I was being watched. My shame. My guilt. My paranoia. Why should I feel bad over a piece of cake? I had to think about the answer. It's not the cake. It's my inability or unwillingness to resist, to say no. How can I want something so badly but sabotage myself every step of the way? All the mind tricks I play. The pretend indifference. And now I'm on the treadmill, in my slippers, walking verrrry slowly.

[therealnani]

Ok. I did not have to have the cheesecake. Or the cookie. Shit. I've fallen into the virtuous trap, irresponsibly. Drinking a smoothie at breakfast then using that to justify a damned cookie and a piece of cake. It's not just mindfulness that matter but also plain old will. Also, the moderation rule does not apply when you're fat. It doesn't.

[therealnani]