tpn incorrect quotes from my wattpad book
riley: Sweet dog you got there.
police: Yes, this is our new drug sniffing dog.
riley: Still training huh?
police: What do you mean?
riley:
riley: Never mind.
gilda: Guys, my friend here is bilingual.
riley: Yes.
gilda: Which means she like both boys and girls.
riley: Ye- wait, what-
ray: gilda, that's not what bilingual means-
gilda: Shhh, it's okay riley. I still love you, man.
riley & ray: ...
gilda: bUT NOT LIKE THAT-
norman: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the things you lost throughout your life.
riley: It would be nice to have my sense of purpose back...
don: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this.
ray: My will to live! I haven't seen this in years.
emma: I knew I lost that potential somewhere.
gilda: Mental stability, my old friend!
norman: Jesus, could you guys lighten up a little?
don: How the hell are you still alive?
riley: Honestly, I'm just as confused as you are.
emma: If I was married to you I would put poison in your coffee.
don: If I was married to you I'd drink it.
norman: Hey, can we stay in your dorm tonight?
ray: Why?
norman: emma fiddled with an ouija board and cursed ours.
don: riley doesn't know how to banish spirits, so she just throws salt at them and yells "DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A HOTEL TO YOU?!"
*the squad is at a dinner party but someone has been murdered*
riley: You're acting pretty carefree for someone who's life's at stake. Who's to say you aren't the killer?
ray: It's a murder, not a tax audit. I'll be fine.
don: What about gilda? Nobody ever suspects gilda!
gilda: Well what about norman? he has a gun!
norman: riley has a knife.
riley: Yeah, for fun, not for murder! *stabs don in the arm*
ray: Why is riley crying on the floor?
gilda: she's drunk.
ray: And?
gilda: she saw a picture of don's wife
ray: But she's don's wife?
gilda: I know.
ray: What are you getting riley for the holidays?
norman: I don't know. It's kind of hard buying a gift for your partner when they already got everything they could've ever wanted when they married you. So I'm not sure yet.
don: I'm getting riley a divorce lawyer.
*at an awards show*
riley: Can I carry you on my back like emma did?
don: I don't think norman would like that.
riley: *pouts*
*Later*
riley: *carrying don on her back*
norman: What the hell??
don: What was I supposed to do? Say no?
riley: I love you.
emma: I love you too. I've waited so long to hear you say that.
*riley and emma kiss passionately*
gilda, to norman: You owe me 20 dollars.
emma: You know, don gives riley flowers everyday, I wish you'd do that too.
gilda: Okay.
*Later*
gilda: *gives riley flowers*
riley: ???
gilda: I don't know, I'm confused as well.
norman: My stomach growled super loud in French.
norman: I would like to clarify, my stomach did not speak in French. It growled during French class.
don: Bonjour.
emma: Le growl.
riley: Hon hon hon, feed me a baguette.
riley: I like wearing oversized sweaters. Not just because they're extremely comfy and cuddly, but because whenever the sleeves are really big, I get to flop them around and smack people.
*riley holding their baby*
ray: Oh God, I can't believe one of us actually has one of these.
norman: I know, I still am one of these.
riley: Do you ever feel bugs on you when really there's nothing there?
norman: Those are the ghosts of the bugs you killed before.
riley:
riley: *sobs*
don: You fucking scared her, you idiot.
riley: Ah shit, I forgot.
emma: Forgot what?
riley: How do you expect me to answer that?
riley: Clownery. Tomfoolery. Absolute fuckery, I am going to revoke your life privileges.
don: riley told me to stop being immature, so I told her to get out of my fort.
don: I won a new phone in a race.
riley: Huh? What kind of race lets you win a phone, don?
don: A race between the store owner, the cop, and me.
*s2*
norman: What's this?
riley, hugging norman: Affection!
norman: Disgusting.
norman: ...Do it again.
riley: Fine! Judge all you want but...
riley, points at emma: Married a lesbian.
riley, points at gilda: Left a man at the altar.
riley, points at ray: Fell in love with a gay ice dancer.
riley, points at norman: Threw a girl's wooden leg in a fire.
riley, points at don: Lives in a box!
*At a dinner party, the guests converse while the host is away*
riley: So how do you know the host?
emma: They were a former vegan, and they bought milk.
gilda: That BITCH!
ray: I pulled them over for money laundering.
don: I'm chaperoning their dinner party.
norman: They stole a baconator!
gilda: That BITCH!
riley: I tanked the store they were managing and they convinced me to quit from one of the only jobs I've ever had. Now I'm living off of unemployment checks and fear!
*The Squad when asked about their earlier confession of love*
don: Yeah, you're lucky. I like you.
emma: I'd understand if you didn't feel the same way...
riley: *has a panic attack* What confession?
norman: *winks* I know, babe. You like me too.
ray: So what? Are you going to date me or not?
gilda: It was a dare.
*Squad reactions to being told 'I love you'*
gilda: Thanks fam!
ray: Oh no.
norman: *cries* I love you too.
emma: Sounds fake, but okay.
don: *A flustered mess*
riley: Can I get a refund?
ray: You know, when don comes over, riley can get a little...
norman: Psycho?
gilda: Scary?
emma: Drunk?
ray: All three.
don: The floor is lava!
gilda: *helps ray onto the counter*
norman: *kicks riley off the sofa*
emma: *lays on the floor*
don: ...Are you okay?
emma: No.
don: Is it still visible? Where emma slapped me?
ray: Your face looks like a don't walk signal.
gilda: Your face looks like a photo negative for the hamburger helper box.
norman: A palm reader could tell emma's future by looking at your face.
riley: The phrase 'talk to teh hand cause the face ain't listening' doesn't work for you, because the hand is your face.
don: ...A simple 'yes' would've sufficed.
gilda: Throw lamps at people who need to lighten up, and throw handles at someone who needs to get a grip!
don: Throw a refrigerator at someone who needs to chill!
norman: Throw scissors at someone who needs to cut it out!
emma: Throw a clock at someone who needs to get with the times!
ray: Throw matches at someone who needs to get fired up!
riley: Throw a brick at someone to kill them.
*the Squad at Disneyland, in the teacups*
emma, gilda, and ray: *spinning a little and talking*
riley, norman, and don: *flying past them, spinning as fast as they can, screaming*
norman: Man, they look like a real handful. How do you deal with them?
ray, watching don screaming, gilda trying to set a sleeping riley on fire, and emma choking on air: I don't know either.
gilda: Every time I hear someone talking about updog, I'm torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke.
norman: Okay, but what is updog?
riley: Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish.
don: No, that's a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released.
ray: No, that's an update. You're thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden.
emma: Surely, that's Uppsala, where's updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.
gilda: That's Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs.
don: You're thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current.
riley: No, that's an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway.
norman: What's a henway??
gilda: Oh, about five pounds.
norman: Just be yourself.
ray: Really? norman, I have one day to win over riley's parents.
ray: How long did it take for you guys to like me?
gilda: Couple of weeks.
emma: Six months.
don: Jury's still out.
ray: See norman? 'Just be yourself,' what kind of garbage advice is that?!
*The Squad is playing Minecraft together*
don: Ooh, a village! You know what that means!
ray: Hostile takeover?
emma: Genocide?
gilda: Steal everything!
don: No, I meant-
riley: I didn't know we would fight the ender dragon this early! A village worth of beds isn't enough!
norman: WHAT ARE WE EVEN DOING?!?!
don: ...I was going to say move into the village and become the mayors...
riley: Ohhhh! That sounds like a better idea.
norman: Agreed.
norman: *standing at the top of the stairs* What are y'all doing at the bottom of the staircase?
ray: I accidentally fell down.
don: EMMA PUSHED ME down the stairs because I refuse to pay THEIR part of our rent!
riley: ray bet me fifty bucks that I couldn't reach the bottom of the stairs faster than they did falling down it, so I slide down the banister to get my money.
gilda: I don't know how I got here. One moment, I was sleeping in my bed, three floors up, and then suddenly I was waking up here, just in time to get crushed by riley.
*after the Squad has been separated for a few years*
emma: So what have you been up to recently?
riley: Leading a revolution with don.
emma: Good for you two! Me, I've joined the mob.
riley: *nods* Oh, how cool! That's awesome!
emma: I know! Anyway, have you heard from the others? ray?
riley: Happily living as a hermit in the woods. norman?
emma: Wrongfully locked up in an asylum, which reminds me, we need to break him out later. gilda?
riley: Cult leader.
emma: Yeah, that sounds about right.
norman: Dammit, riley, you ruined everything!
riley: You're welcome.
norman: Pardon the intrusion, but-
riley: On this moment or just my life in general?
riley: I won a new phone in a race.
ray: Huh? What kind of race lets you win a phone, riley?
riley: A race between the store owner, the cop, and me.
riley: gilda, I need some advice.
gilda: You need advice from ME?
riley: Yeah, frightening, isn't it?
ray: But what about don? They were my SOULMATE!
riley: You said that about a ball of yarn once!
riley: You should have realised, don, if ray didn't kill you, we would.
