You will meet people for whom you want to change who you are. That last sentence is grammatically correct, and is also a great example of what Iām about to say. Bear with me.
You will come across people who want something different that what you are. Hereās an example: I loved a girl who once told meĀ āI love a guy with tattoosā and I immediately thoughtĀ āI should get a tattoo.ā
I donāt want a tattoo. I never have. Iāve thought about it before and decided against it, independently of the thoughts of others. I know this about myself. Yet, in this brief moment- I seriously considered getting a tattoo.
I didnāt get one. I recognized the thought as me trying to change myself to fit the mold of what someone else wanted, but you get the point. Some of us have a deep desire to please people that we care about (I am guilty of this) and others will consider changing themselves to earn the affections of those they desire (I am also guilty of this).
But hereās what I want to tell you: you are not helping ANYONE by changing yourself for them.
First, Iāve realized the importance of seeing others as strong and capable. If I look at the people I encounter as able to handle anything that comes across their life, suddenly the need to cater to them declines.
What I realized is that by trying to please someone by changing something about myself, I was actually viewing them as fragile or incapableĀ in some way of handling (or accepting) me in my entirety. Some will call thisĀ āmaking yourself smaller for the sake of othersā. Iāve spent years of my life doing this and continue to do it in some ways to this day (itās a slow process).
The other element of this is changing yourself to gain the affection of someone. Thatās a temporary fix. Had I gotten that tattoo that wasnāt true to me it wouldāve been inauthentic- and nothing stinks more than inauthenticity. Inauthentic actions or behaviors might work initially, but they donāt last over time. Itās like holding a bag of groceries, it could be easy at first, but the longer you carry it the heavier it feels until itās unbearable. Theyāll know it, youāll know it, and no one will be happy. In fact, Iāve found that people appreciate a respectful difference. It shows an inner strength, confidence, and self-understanding that is incredibly attractive.
So, back to that first sentence. Itās the sentence that I wanted to write (because the other way sounded funky to me). I worried that the less educated would be turned off and wouldnāt read further. I worried that someone, somewhere looking at this would be turned off or distracted. I worried so I wanted to change it. And in not changing it, Iām giving those people the opportunity to push past something; to be bigger than they were before. Itās their opportunity to take it, but in standing in whatās true to me, Iām providing it for them.
My wish for you reading this right now is that you go be you. Unwaiveringly, truly, and from a place of love and compassion for everyone you come into contact with. They are big, strong people and can handle anything your put in front of them from that place. See them this way and they will surprise you.