TheSecretLifeofMe

One side doesn't know the other side knows everything, my life's a mess and I'm ok with it. I just hope it doesn't come crashing down.

[thesecretlifeome]

Things have been going well, been more accepting towards myself. I just want somthing that can take the pain away, i just dont want to be alone.

[thesecretlifeome]

End

I just want it to end

[thesecretlifeome]

Alone

Well, it’s fully official. The last person I thought that would actually include me in things and do things with me they promised turned out to be lie like everything else. Trust is somthing hard for me to give as I always get stabbed in the back. But atleast I know now where people stand now why try and make new friends if all I do is get treated the same. I’ll just stay alone like I’m ment to be.

[thesecretlifeome]

It's getting worse

My non existing social life is falling apart. School starts back up. I’m moving soon and it feels like I’m moving to nothing. I think I experienced my first full anxiety attack and I just don’t know what to do I can go anywhere for it I can’t afford to. I just want to do somthing wreckless and just not care but I know I shouldn’t. 😢

[thesecretlifeome]

Alone

Why do I do this to myself. The one night I need to actually be with someone and I push him away. I can’t concentrate on school I’m failing hard I have no control over anything. I don’t even want to wake up sometimes. My chest pains are coming back. I cry to sleep pretty much every second night. I won’t do anything drastic. But I’m struggling everyday, I can’t get proper help because I can’t afford proper help. I know I’m not the center of everything but never getting invited and then always seeing everyone having fun hurts. I want to feel wanted, appreciated. I just want to hug someone and cry. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I’m afraid. I’m alone. I deserve to be alone.

[thesecretlifeome]

I don't want things to be like this. I don't deserve what I have. I deserve to fail. If it means that I can finally get to sleep at night. I miss the feeling of being cared about. I just want a night where my thoughts won't be my enemies. I want. I need. But can't. My life's a mess. Even if it can be organized what will be left.

[thesecretlifeome]

Life of lies.

I’ve had to live on so many lies in don’t know what’s really real anymore. My life is a mess and it keeps getting worse. I have no constants no sense of security, I’m getting really good at faking happy it’s more of a less depressing day. I’m tired of it all. Do I just let all become true and let my life get destroyed. Do I just go out and do reckless shit? Like I mean why not I’ll go nowhere having no experience Noone wants that. I don’t deserve anything good, I don’t deserve him or my one friend I trust with everything. There’s one thing I’ll never fail at and that’s failing at everything. One day it’ll be better, but it’s so far away I just hope I can make it to that day.

[thesecretlifeome]

How to start a day👌

[iamthebestby2ne1]

[thesecretlifeome]

My fb is filled with people taking about how they came out and I’m just here twirling my thumbs. I once told my old coworker about a date she asked me what her name was and I said “you mean what’s his name?”. She’s was shocked and speechless kinda funny really

[thesecretlifeome]

I guess this is what I do now, lie to everyone and hope for the best. Noting could go wrong.

[thesecretlifeome]

Today I was asked to be in a 3some 😂🤔

[thesecretlifeome]

The hardest part of having a double life is not getting them mixed up. It's funny cause they are so close to one another they could never be so far apart.