Prim Rose

For all the words left unsaid. 

[thesoulflorist]

My Cabin at Night

3rd of October 2022

Today is Tuesday, which means I have the room to myself. The room is filled by me, the silence of the night, and the papers I scribbled on. On regular days, I had to share room with our housemaid, she is very nice though. There are days like these that I had it all by myself and I had to finish a lot of tasks for work. Therefore, let me narrow it down. I wanted to use this space where the light is bright above me, where silence is defeaning enough for thoughts to fill in, and the perfect time to do journaling. I have these journal which I will fill in with my plans and soon do. Goodnight, cause Im getting to it already.

[thesoulflorist]

Late at night, I am feeling lonely and empty.

Three years had passed since the last time I went to love someone.

But I guess right now, it wasn’t the person that I miss at all

But the feeling of being loved and thought of

Having the same mutual feelings toward the other

It is something that I am longing for these days.

I know that person is on his way to meet me

Anytime soon.

Just want him to know that Im excited to see him

And that if he comes in my life, I’ll treat him the best

And make sure he feels loved and cared for.

Writing this down, so that on the days that I am finally with you

And everything gets rough and I wanted to leave

This note would remind me

That I waited for you for so long

And I should hold on no matter what

See you til then.

[thesoulflorist]

I guess this Goodbye is for real.

Hello to my friend

Whom is very close to me back then

We we’re each other’s go to

When were sad, happy or angry

We used to be soulmates

We had been apart for months

But we forgive and restore what’s gone

For the meantime

We hang out once more

We were our joyful youth

But I guess the only thing remains is change

And the change for us may mean we can’t be side by side anymore

And even I try to be near you

Or slow my pace to walk with you

You seem to be getting farther and farther

I, truly feel, and think I’m no longer part of your world

And maybe you feel the same way too

I guess I should let this go already

No bitterness in my heart

But appreciation for what we used to have

I know you’re going through something hard

And there are times you feel lonely

I was here by the way

If you ever need help

But i do understand

If I don’t come in your mind on times like these

That was all I guess

We are no longer each other’s go-to

We’ve grown on different paths

And hope I’ll just see you again.

[thesoulflorist]

Today, an unexpected package arrived in our house. The guard downstairs told us it was a credit card delivery so I went to my sister’s room to inform her. My brother went down to get the package and went back immediately. My brother in law tore it open and in our surprise, it was under my name, not my sister’s. Sarcastically, he joked about me waking them up early in the morning when the package is mine after all. I even denied its mine cause I don’t remember apllying for one at all. I open the enveloped and it was really under my name. My brother-in-law stands besides me, he mumbles words about credit card out of excitement. About how he get his first card, that we should go shopping later on. I am in awestruck. Its funny and amazing though, because yesterday, as I sat in Starbucks, it was on my head already. Im thinking about applying for one, but realized it would be risky for me to have one. And then, magically, it aririved out if nowhere.

[thesoulflorist]

Today, Feb 21.

Its the same time of the year. Why do all the start of the year seems scary and aggravating. Well, today I guess I’ve realized I’m not being the same person I was anymore. I didn’t know whether I changed for the good or the bad. But I am hoping that even right now of my status, my feet are still on the ground. I wanted to keep it there.

I wanted to move forward and continue to grow without being high up in the clouds. I dont want anything to get into my head. And that is why I would keep this journal. In order to track myself and reflect on my actions. I won’t mind to write here if I have time.

So far, I had a crappy week due to my toothache. I felt short of the deadlines and remitted bills late. I’ve been suffering in so much pain I couldn’t think straight anymore. However, Im well now. Im able to go through treatment with my dentist.

Therefore, there are lots of school work I missed.

Honestly, Im never able to master that. Balancing school and work. TIME BALANCE. It is something I should work on nowadays. I couldn’t always rely on my friends to do the work for me. I must do my part. Who am I to think I can slack off just because I have work? Thats such nonsense.

It seems like my brother-in-law and my sister has a good image of me. But it is something I had to take care of. I shouldn’t be comfortable by the idea alone. I worked hard on earning that trust. And its possible that a Single mistake can actually turn the things around. I must not be STAGNANT.

There’s so many things I had to work on about myself. And there is nothing wrong if I work hard and outgrow people. Go on.

[thesoulflorist]

See you, 2021.

Every year, I always make a playful guess of how the new year will come by. Just like 2018, I didn’t know how I figured out that would be the best year. Then, 2019 being a gloomy year for me. And knowing that 2020 would be a successful year for me. And that so it goes. Those years happened as I expected them to be. And sadly, I knew 2021 would be a tough one for me. It would be full of obstacles just as I know. Well, that’s what happened but I am proud to say I ended the year just right and smooth.

In the former year, I am left alone to manage the store and it took so much challenges before I finally navigate things smoothly. I doubted myself a lot of time, thinking I’m way too young and its way to early. Also, I almost lost a friend whom very close to me. Having almost ending ties had hit me so hard. It was very tough emotionally. Covid visited our house too and infected the whole family. We opened a new branch and new challenges had surfaced. It is a real roller coaster.

Luckily, I manage to get by. I am able to find my core and transform myself to become a better leader to our employees . Happily, I made contact with that friend I almost lost. And were friends again, just like the old times. We healed from our sufferings, my family suffered a sickness that strengthened our relationship. I am very grateful then.

#my2021

#happenings

[thesoulflorist]

Hi I am the Soul Florist

Hi, its been a while since I’ve been here. Well, since today is the first day of the new year, I have come to visit this old page I used to write notes in. I had a quick skim on the page and saw the sorrowful notes I used to write. I guess my life had really been on rock bottom by that time. Now I’m here again, I would like to write notes again but of different mood. Just so you know, my life has changed so much right now and just want to tell how happy I’ve become. You have met my good-for-nothing self, the lost unhappy one. I want you to see that those days finally paid off. Now, I am a grown up, working while studying. I finally found true friends, a best friend for life, and a beautiful family in the people around me. I have learned to love myself and I am winning in life. 

I am the old writer of an empty parchment. Now, I am the one who sees the beauty of life and leading others to see it by flourishing it myself.

[thesoulflorist]

Day 2 Note: To my Sunshine

To the supreme being who always listen to the small voice of my scarred soul. I would like to say sorry for being ungrateful and for being unintentionally apart from you. I admit that being far from you feels like my world is being swallowed by worries and unending fears. I wanna say I miss you so much that I long for you everyday. I mean it when I say that I wanna be with you everyday oh lord. I know you're hearing my prayers everyday and that I wish you'll empower me from this day on. I know that I couldn't run away from all my worries and those things exist because my body notices what is wrong. It is neither I am too unpowerful to deal with them nor too scared to address them one by one. But I am willing to take one step of a time to defeat what is trying to devour me. Oh lord, make me strong enough to endure all this pain. For I am sure, you're my only hope.

[thesoulflorist]

Day 1 Note: Shield against Sorrows

If writing is a cure, then I will write here everyday or everytime my worries and emptiness visit me. I call this day as the Day 1 of a long journey of fighting my sorrows, since I badly wanted to escape this deep well of thoughts that has captivated me for a very long time.

Today, I woke up early to come to school and enjoyed activities in class. I am happy and laughed a lot today. But once Im home, things are starting to turn around. It was as if my world were no longer lies at the palm of my hands. Even though words can't explain this loyal visitor, I would try my very best to explain it in words and take it out of my system.

I simply feel worried about my future. Its probably because I think long term plans in life that I feel affected by unexpected changes. The month is about to end and I still had no period which worries me first. I bet this is the root of all this procrastination. Then, my hand eczema came back I felt like I'm being careless on my body fitness and health. Third, I wonder if a man would be able to love someone like me in the future. If I will ever be able to provide his needs and keep him by my side. See, every thought is random. And it just happened to cross my mind and stayed there longer. Lastly, I miss God. I wasn't able to attend worship services and I miss hearing his words. I always wanted to embrace him and feel him by my side. But the world is edging away I felt like I cannot reach him anymore even If I pray to him everyday. And things go like that, its just so exhausting.

P.S Congratulations Self, You are able to speak it out 💕

[thesoulflorist]

Cause I found myself lost in my own thoughts

[thesoulflorist]

Dear Writing,

Sorry for sometimes I do forget that I still have you by my side. You are as beautiful as always. I am a writer and I love writing. It is the tunnel into my own empire. The country I designed and created on my own head. You are my escape and sweetest downfall.Let me come back you and cherish the words. Like what we we used to do.

- Prim

[thesoulflorist]

[thesoulflorist]

Oct 2, 2018

I decided not love you with my all, because it makes me crazy. It made me lose myself out of questions of anxiety and doubts. Everytime you're not talking to me makes my heart ache. I cant handle these things. I hate longing for your attention. It feels like I dont own myself anymore

.

[thesoulflorist]

That boy, he step into my heart, and always makes me cry

[thesoulflorist]

Forgive me but I feel like youre no longer interested in me.

[thesoulflorist]

I need you, Now that I found you, Pls stay?

[thesoulflorist]

I thought I could be more patient but I end up thinking about my own pain