The stargazer journals

A story about unconditional love and how it found me

[thestargazerjournal]

My Universe

There's a paradise they couldn't capture That bright infinity inside your eyes [...]

You, you are my universe And I just want to put you first And you, you are my universe And you make my world light up inside

Coldplay fet. BTS - My universe

I admit, I didn’t recognize you at first when I saw you again this autumn. But even though you try your best to hide your light behind all the walls you built, I can still see it. And I still love you for who you are. Even if you might not be my perfect partner. Maybe never will be. Or maybe will. If I learned one thing on this journey then that the only constant is change. And sometimes this change can happen literally overnight.

Even though you seemed rather withdrawn it was cute of you to leave me the gin. I really appreciated that even though I wouldn’t have needed it. And when we were stargazing you suggested my favorite even though it isn’t the best to see in a binocular. You still remember it, right?

[thestargazerjournal]

Life is what you make it

I let go of the past, I crossed over that bridge Started loving myself I know I am that bitch Everything I have I'm thankful for it I know that the Universe continues to give

Moonlight Scorpio - Pretty Girl Magic

Its really hard to fit this year into some lines. So many things happened, so many things clicked. It was deeply transformative and with every challenge I learned to evolve beyond my limitations. Things I never thought possible (or at least not in the near future) suddenly became a part of my life.

You may ask how and the answer is simple: I focused on myself. I invested in myself like I never did before (and damn, it was scary!). And every time I got stuck with something I came back to myself. Asked myself if this was the only way to see it or if it was just my MINDs perception of it. I let go of so much shit. And I learned to root myself in my body instead of my mind. I started to be more playful and enjoy what life offered me without getting too attached to things. And damn it, it offered me more and more.

[thestargazerjournal]

While you feel like home And I don't wanna let go With you I'm home I keep holding on Oh you're my home

Avec - Home

Handsome, I know its been a while. But I had to take a step back and look for myself. It allowed me to get some space around all the stories my ego told me. All the lies it tried to feed me. That you might have bought a house with your girlfriend, maybe even started a family... But my heart always knew the truth. Slowly the stories all broke down. And when I saw you, I knew it was over.

After I sent you that mail, I wasn't sure you'd want me to contact you again. So I was kind of glad that your birthday went unnoticed in our group. Don't think I forgot it, I could never. I even listened "Wir werden uns wiedersehen" at 12am on your 30th birthday. I wouldn't have dreamed that I would see you only 5 days later.

I was on my way to get some groceries when I saw that open garage. And I saw you screwing on your motorcycle. It confused me a lot, I admit. I was afraid to stop and talk to you. Didn't know if you'd want me to. When I came back a bit later you sat there. And by the look of you I could tell that things hadn't worked out so well.

Seeing you sent me down a spiral. I would never wish you to be unhappy but I also knew that it wasn't the right time to contact you. Still my ego came up a lot. Especially when I saw that you had deleted WhatsApp again. A lot of worry. But its not up to me to save you.

Still, if you need help, I'll be there. Always. And I do hope we will see each other again soon. Hopefully we can also talk a bit then.

[thestargazerjournal]

View this post on Instagram

Long time no see. But I'm still around and still writing poems. This one is a bit older but still a favourite of mine. So for a change I thought to make a video instead of just a photo. How do you like the idea? #poem #poetry #gedicht #calligraphy #kalligraphie #consciousness #hearttruth #love #unconditionallove #universallove #awareness #spiritualart #spirituality #twinflames #twinsouls #soulmates #truelove https://www.instagram.com/p/CKmuQbMCr7T/?igshid=cen44bw5lfvx

[thestargazerjournal]

Sometimes you just feel it in your bones that something is about to end. You can't explain, you just know. And even though you know that what no longer belongs into your life will make room for something new, it is hard. Especially if you notice the slow decay of a friendship you hold dear... ©2020 by me #poem #poetry #gedichte #friendship #lettinggo #decay #releasing #awakening #selflove #starseed #twinflame #twinsoul #calligraphy #handlettering https://www.instagram.com/p/CFPqHqmiGoc/?igshid=1yzz8bjt9dgl

[thestargazerjournal]

What are twin flames?

A while ago I was thinking about this. How would I describe being a twin flame? Well, twin souls are like identical twins. Just like identical twins share the same DNA, twin souls share the same soul. Only the way we grow up define the differences. But the truth is, below all the ego stuff, behaviour patterns and ancestral garbage we are the same. We are always connected. No matter if both twins are aware of this or not. And sometimes when he pulls me in an embrace I don’t even care that he’s not present in body. I feel him as much as if he were ❤

When I say he pulls me in, I mean the presence of his soul. Even before I was awake I could feel the pull to him. And it can be really freaky if you have no connection to spirituality. But when I found the truth and opened myself to love, I learned that the connection can be really beautiful. To feel the presence of another soul lingering with you, to feel their touch or embrace, their emotions, flashes of images from them (or songs that suddenly pop up), to hear them in your head and sometimes even talk with them. It is really magical. I never had this kind of connection with anyone else, not even my soulmate. It is really intimate. Deep in our core we are one and we cannot hide the truth from each other. My twin never told me, what he feels for me. But his gestures, the way he reacted to things I told him, the flashes of interest or the things he said in between the lines, they spoke volumes.

So with time I learned to embrace our connection and allowed myself to feel the deep love he has for me. I really love that I just need to tune in and find him there. Or when something happens he is suddenly there and asking if I’m okay. And when he misses me and needs me, I’m there for him, too. It teached me that I’m really not just a body living this life but a divine soul may be bodily separated but energetically I’m never alone.

[thestargazerjournal]

One of the poems that I wrote in July. ©July 2020 by me #poem #poetry #love #gedichte #twinsoul #twinflame #starseed #awakening #handlettering #calligraphy #lettering https://www.instagram.com/p/CDjuBaSCVYo/?igshid=pabv2ezqr1v0

[thestargazerjournal]

Today I found a penny on the parking lot. And I took it and instantly knew what I'd wish for. It's always the same, no matter if it is a shooting star or a penny. Even after all the years, I still wish for you ❤️

[thestargazerjournal]

Robbed

She told me put my heart in the bag And nobody gets hurt Now I'm running from her love, I'm not fast So I'm making it worse Now I'm digging up a grave, from my past I'm a whole different person It's a gift and a curse But I cannot reverse it

Juice WRLD - Robbery

Yesterday I had that feeling that I should go on Spotify and saw this was the last song you heard an hour earlier. And when I listened to it, it felt like a message from you.

But handsome, you robbed my heart a long time ago... ❤️ And yesterday night it felt so peaceful in your arms. I love that. It feels so magical. So special. Sacred. Beyond anything I ever experienced before ✨

Hope to see you again soon. And if you want to call, please do. You know I'd always pick up.

[thestargazerjournal]

Oh well, third day in a row now with a poem. Wonder when the second will come in... 😂 ©me, July 30th 2020 #poem #poetry #love #gedichte #twinsoul #twinflame #starseed #awakening #handlettering #calligraphy #lettering https://www.instagram.com/p/CDQeIpRCiz_/?igshid=1b0aiebt4m0x0

[thestargazerjournal]

Just wanted to train my handlettering when yet another short poem formed in my head. Don't know what's going on but this is the 2nd day with 2 poems 🤷‍♀️ ©me, July 29th 2020 #poem #poetry #gedichte #handlettering #lettering #calligraphy #awakening #spirtualawakening #starseed #twinsoul #twinflame #love https://www.instagram.com/p/CDPYBq1qp2S/?igshid=ipgk2uqnhzxz

[thestargazerjournal]

Yesterday not one but two poems came in. I have to admit, it's not that I sit down and decide to write one. It's more that a word or a phrase enters my mind and then it flows. I lile this one because I was really looking for the red line in my twin flame connection and I slowly begin to see the truth. And this feels really magical 💕✨ This time I did experiment a bit with the ink colours and I really like the gradient that came out 💕 ©me, July 28th, 2020 #poem #poetry #gedichte #love #twinsoul #twinflame #awakening #spirtualawakening #1111 https://www.instagram.com/p/CDPBcUiqkuD/?igshid=s21eqztszsmb

[thestargazerjournal]

Smile

Yeah, and that's why I smile It's been a while Since every day and everything has Felt this right And now you turn it all around And suddenly you're all I needThe reason why I, I, I, I smile, oh oh oh

Avril Lavigne - Smile

Handsome, today I listened to your playlist for a while and I really had to laugh about all the songs. This is so typical for you. A patchwork of songs. That’s what I always loved about you. You inspired me so much to widen my horizont, trying out new things. Even the silliest stuff.

And I also realized these past days that - no matter how far we are from each other, no matter what happens in our lifes or with whom we are together - this love between us will always be there. And that’s the most precious gift I could think of. I feel so loved at the moment and try to really feel into it.

[thestargazerjournal]

Sometimes you know that things had to end in order for something new to emerge. Something much greater than you even thought possible. And sometimes even the wildest dreams can come true✨ ©me, May 27th, 2020 #poem #nightlover #nightsky #poetry #awakening #love #gedichte #twinsoul #twinflame #starseed https://www.instagram.com/p/CDJ8iHQC7Ym/?igshid=1hexmtajbvx7u

[thestargazerjournal]

Sabrina hört mit

I tried to find love In someone else too many times But I hope you know I mean it (mean it) When I tell you you're the one that was on my mind, oh

The Weeknd - In your eyes

You really know how to freak me out, I hope you know that. Yesterday I had that thought to check your spotify playlists again. Normally I avoid it because I tend to think too much about what is going on in your life. But yesterday I did check it. And what I found took my breath away:

A playlist. For me.

Handsome, I hardly know what to say. I don’t know if you saw that I checked your account or if you heard me when I asked for a sign that you love me. Thank you for the sign. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for everything. I so badly want to see you, too ❤

[thestargazerjournal]

This morning I was inspired to write a poem again. Yesterday I craved for silence but everywhere I turned there was constant noise. This morning I woke up very early and I really enjoyed sitting on the window sill watching the world slowly rising. ©2020 WJB #poem #poetry #gedichte #twinsoul #twinflame #awakening #spiritualawakening #soul #nightlover #stillhours #unconditionallove https://www.instagram.com/p/CC0JKoliGku/?igshid=189rm5bxbgole

[thestargazerjournal]

I had this poem in my head when I wrote my diary. So I though I might as well send it out in the world.

And damn, I love you. I can’t tell you how much I enjoy the nights I can feel you with me. And I see flashes of us again and again. And they become more and more vivid. I so love to see you smile and laugh, it makes my heart sing.