now see I like goats. goats use their brains to invent new crimes and formulate evil plots, which means they are often preoccupied with their own inner worlds and the logistical problems of how to maximize the impacts of their mischief. unlike rams. which have no interest in criminal activities more complicated than giving and receiving as many concussions as possible.
An extremely funny and 100% real thing about this difference is
When a goat buck and a ram get into a fight
The buck rears up on his hind legs, as bucks do, to be able to come down on his opponent with a sweep of his horns
And the ram um. Puts his head down and RAMS his opponent. At head level
So like um when a buck is reared up that puts his dick at head height.
Um so
A lot of bucks get their dicks rammed really hard by rams in fights its like it's. A thing. Super common
And this happened to one of my goat bucks once and he screamed and ran to a bush and cowered and cried and had a nosebleed. And I thought he was hurt but. He was not I sat with him for an hour or two to calm him down and o inspected him and he was. Fine like he was totally normal the next day. He was just like damn bro you punched my dick with your skull that SUCKED
Like goats are doing you know posturing and like, going for psychological warfare or whatever and rearing up to look big and be like YO MAN YOU WANNA GO???
And rams are already like oh yeah no we are doing this and they just don't even consider like they locked on 30 seconds ago they're doing it
OK I don't know if goat kids do this too cause I've never raised any, but lambs from the day they're born have to punch their mama's udder in order to get milk out, that's how lactation works in ewes, so the instinct is very firmly ingrained in their little baby lamb heads to "punch the dangly thing on adult's belly in order to dispense food." By the time they're big enough to wean, they will sometimes punch hard enough to lift their mama's back legs off the ground in their enthusiasm for food.
I'm sure you see where I'm going with this. One year I had to pull a few of the ram lambs two weeks early for reasons (nobody @ me they were fine) and because they were smaller than usual and there were only a few of them I didn't want to dump them straight into the pen with all the big guys to get beat up. Instead I put them in a smaller pasture and tossed the Boss Ram in with them as a babysitter because he's always been relatively gentle with lambs and letting The Boss get used to new guys alone usually helps with dominance fighting later.
So here is this big, dominant ram, undisputed king of his domain, locked in a pen with four of his newly weaned mini-mes who have never shared a pen with an adult male before. He's got the biggest horns and the hardest head on the farm, he's ready for anything.
Except. The lambs have no interest in bashing skulls. The lambs are hungry. The lambs see an adult with dangly bits in approximately the same place as their mama's dangly bits. Their entire three months of lived experience tells them punching those dangly bits results in food.
That ram, who had never before run from a fight, spent a very uncomfortable and confusing time being chased around the pen by four miniature copies of himself, all of them crying at the top of their lungs and very determined to punch him in the nuts.
Fucking SOBBING
I almost regret reading this. I’ve got a bad cough right now. Dying laughing was a real risk
