Thousands of Candles Can Be Lit from Only One
There are days when lifting this human body is almost impossible. There are days that seeing humans so closely distorts my view of them. On this planet, I am bombarded with detail so fine, so poignant, and so striking that it is so very easy to get lost in the pieces which form the appearance of a fragmented world, so easy to lose sight of the wholeness I once saw.
Today, Gravity came and sat on my chest, unmoving, unyielding. The force strangles the lungs of this body I carry, so I cried, which stars are not supposed to do.
“Gravity, please, tell me how I can get home.”
Gravity shifted. “Is this not your home? It is what you wished for.”
“Not like this. I’m tired. This body is heavy. I want to go home. I’m disoriented every moment and nothing seems real.”
Gravity sighed. “I cannot put you back, that is not my nature. You wanted to show them your love, I gave you that chance. Perhaps if all of them show you love, you could return to your original place.”
I baulked. “All of them!? But there are several billion them and they are born and then die so quickly. I will die quickly also! And then I will be reborn and there will be even more humans. What you ask is impossible.”
Gravity shrugged. “As I said, putting you back is not in my power. Talk to Entropy.”
Eventually, Gravity eased off this body and I spoke to Entropy.
“Sha-ii, you are a being of pure lightness. Before, you were little more than hydrogen and helium. As you exist on this planet, you are made of much heavier things and you have darkness now,” Entropy said. “You have tried to conceal the darkness you acquired or transmute it, but you cannot. No one can put you back. This is what you are now. You struggle, but you forget this is the choice you made. You must reconcile yourself and learn to find peace here on this strange planet.”
Entropy told me to go for a walk, to not wear shoes and to walk into the night, so I did.
I came to a stop in a wide, open field with a good view of the horizon.
And then Entropy spoke, “Sha-ii. You say that the Universe does not care for this planet, that it does not even know it exists. But you know that to be false. The Universe cares for everything it holds, from the tiniest particles that comprise everything to the largest galaxies to the dark energy which permeates all time and space. It cares for you, it cares for the blades of grass beneath your feet. It cares for all the creatures on this improbable planet, for everything is part of its design. All things are equally important to the Universe. You knew that once.”
Tears rolled down this body’s face. I nodded.
“Remember, Sha-ii. The ground beneath your feet is all you know of the life you are currently living. It is small and predictable. The horizon is all you know as a human from all the lives you have lived. It is all you can conceive of now. But remember, little star, what it was like to stand in the sky and gaze longingly at the place where you are standing now, how you saw nothing as separate. How you only saw love, which is the greatest force the Universe has ever created.”
I stared up at the sky, tears still falling, me still falling. I looked up at all the stars I had been so envious of and for one moment, I did remember.
Entropy continued. “You lamented that no one on Earth could see you when you were a star, but the other stars see you standing here now. Your light shines brightly to them.”
I felt still.
“Everything matters, Sha-ii. Everything is important, even this strange, improbable planet and the strange, improbable creatures you claim to love.”
“I do love them!”
“Then show it. Your place in the sky is gone. Make your home here. Be lightness here and you will find peace.”