How do you deal with a needy POT/SD? He gives me small amounts of money a few times a month, 300-600$, and taken me shopping and to shows nice dinners and the like.... We haven't hD sex and I don't plan on it, at least not for a very long while.... He's a sweetie but texts me ALL THE TIME... "hey babe", "u busy babe", "morning babe", "night babe" I want 2 keep him hooked but Jesus I want to rip my hair out! He doesn't know he's a POT, met him freestyling.
Basically, in my opinion you have three options:
1) Tell him like it is. Be blunt but definitely be respectful and nice. Kindness can go a long way.
You could say "Look, you are driving me fucking nuts! I donāt communicate with all of my friends and family combined, as much as I do with you, its all day everyday and itās frigging annoying! I need space from you!ā And see how far thatāll get youā¦?
Or you could say something like:
"Hey, I know this new between us, so we really havenāt established any sort of routine or boundaries just yet, but I think we need to soon. My mom (or work, friends etc) is on my case about how much Iām on my phone. I love chatting with you, but it makes it hard sometimes, because I want to keep talking to you, when I should be focusing on my family (or work, school etc). I really donāt want to cause any issues at home (at work) right now. So I think we need to come up with a plan that works for the both of us, as to when is a good time to chat, and when weāll just have to wait it out. What do you think?"
Iāve learned that youāll catch more bees with honey than you will with salt.
2) Pace yourself. Donāt answer his communication immediately. How you respond, whether its sending an email back, answering his calls or responding to his textā¦inevitably trains him and shows him what to do and what to expect from you. Give things some time. Start playing with time limits and make your best judgment on whether something needs an immediate response, or if it can wait 30 minutes. But donāt just disappear in the middle of a full conversation, no one likes that. Itās like WTFā¦did I say something wrong? And then heāll get like R, panic and send 10 more texts! Just be slower to respond and tell him that āyouāre a little busy right now (today), so it might take you some time to get back to him, but you definitely will!ā
3) Create scenarios. You can create/invent new stories or situations to help buy yourself some āaloneā time. Whether its saying something along the lines of:
* Youāve started a new part time job in the evenings from 5-9pm etc. Or every weekend, youāll be doing night shifts cleaning your dads office and will be sleeping in till 6pm etc.
* You have joined a study group at school. This should give you an extra 2-3 hours a night.
* Taking a new evening/night class. I would suggest something that corresponds to a hobby that you have/enjoyā¦so you are knowledgable in the subject. As Iām sure he will eventually ask you about it, you donāt want to go stone cold and freeze on the spot or look moronic if you canāt answer simple questions as to what you are ālearningā.
* Your parents have requested you to be on your phone less and to be more āpresentā at home. You could say your dad is old school like mine, and literally gets irritated when he sees my phone or hears it. (He still doesnāt have one).
* Joined a new sports team. If you like basketball, say you joined a girls leisure team, or are going to do practices and drills with a team as a volunteer coach etc.
Whatever you decide, be polite about it! You have to remember that he clearly seems as if he is developing some serious feelings for you. And if you do not set boundaries sooner, rather than laterā¦no amount of money from him is going to give you your sanity back.
A few things to remember though, for whatever you do chose to tell him are:
1) Phone settings. Make sure that you have your āread messagesā setting off, if you have an iPhone. Iām not sure about Blackberryās or any other makes, sorry. When we see that someone has read our message but is not responding to usā¦its very frustrating (even hurtful at times) and much worse than if they hadnāt read it all! Now, imagine how heād feel if he saw that?
2) Be present. When you do see him, make sure that you are with him, and not playing or checking your phone frequently. If you do, that will only raise questions as to why you canāt check it that often for him. And that would hurt any one of us ladies if we seen that.
3) K-I-S-S. otherwise known as Keep It Simple Sweetie. The more details you come up with for an ellaborate story, the more you have to remember.
4) Shhhhā¦Donāt tell anyone of the excuses or false scenarios that you have created to buy yourself āaloneā time from him. Only the two of you need to know, as the more that know, the bigger it gets. The bigger it gets, the more likely it is that it will collapse.
5) Tit-for-Tat. If you are not going to be available to him and for him 24/7, you canāt exactly expect him to be for you either, when ever you decide that youāre ready or bored. Thereās a risk that youāll have to take that he will do the same things/excuses to you in returnā¦just saying. The rules that you create together, youāll need to abide to just as equally as he would be expected to.
Basically, if you want to keep him around, and to keep him content with your situation so that he continues to give you money and gifts etcā¦youāll need to find a way to balance out your needs with his wants. If you continue down the path that you are on, you are likely going to snap one day and take it out on himā¦and possibly lose him as a result. You donāt want that, so continue to be sweet, be flirty and find a way to meet his communication needs without robbing you of your āprivateā time! This in a nut shell, is something that MANY of us SBās, and even SDās struggle with. So you are not alone!
I hope that helps to get you started on some ideas! Trust me, I know what itās like to have needy men. R is the most giving, but also the most needy! It drives me insane. Today for instance, I had to tell him Iām having a ābathā, just to get away lol.
Somewhere awhile back, I answered a similar question and gave an A-Z list of excuses to use to buy yourself some time. Iāve since used many of them lol
Good luck and congrats on finding a POT free-styling, that takes courage!
