The Superior Blog

This blog is either a work-in-progress or it's art. Regardless, you'll never understand my genius. I certainly don't.

[misscrazyfangirl321]

Being an adult will have you unironically craving a vegetable

[thevampirecrow]

fellatio sounds like a supporting shakespeare character rather than oral sex on a penis to be honest

[iraffiruse]

[furaffinity]

i’m so fucking pissed off at this picture

[stargh0st-deactivated20131025]

wwhat the fuck….

[tubaplaysmatt]

I FUCKING LOVE THIS

[thebaconsandwichofregret]

oh my god thank you for the second perspective, it honestly makes me feel way less stressed about this image, you have no idea

[smimon]

Here’s the second image again since it somehow disappeared in reblogs

[the-quasar-hero]

Come, you simply must meet my associates! This woman right here is a delightful pervert of sorts, and this fellow here, he’s some kind of a fucking idiot.

[modernbaseball]

2 am: bedtime were meant to be broken 😈

7 am: I hope i get in a car accident

[gaystation4]

[baradragon]

i think we should all be hairy and sweaty and beautiful

[mrsterlingeverything]

[strangewomanlover-deactivated20]

One time I sent a guy nudes and for whatever reaso. He drew clothes on them and sent them back and it was weird but the fit was lowkey cute…

Stay out of my ask box

[itsbenedict]

having now watched every 3D animated Barbie movie (don't ask), here is my tier list:

notes:

the top tier is not S tier. the top tier is like "6 or 7 out of 10, by kids' movie standards, if I'm being generous".

"enjoyable elements" usually boil down to a villain who is completely batshit insane and chewing the scenery. sometimes it's "clown plane" or "she always milked the cow her own way" though.

most of these tiers are sorted chronologically, not by quality within the tier. special exception to the bottom tier, which does descend in quality, steeply.

don't. watch. all the barbie movies.

[brazenautomaton]

1: who did this to you

2: which one is Mass Effect But Barbie

[itsbenedict]

a fellow by the name of Freshmin who I don't know if he has a Tumblr, acting as executor of the will of the people

that's Barbie: Star Light Adventure (or, as Freshmin would call it, "BARTBIE: SATR LGITB ANDVERUTE"), which is one of the kinda tolerable ones. like, it's visually interesting, it kinda wants to be Star Wars, and while it has no actually good characters and its moment-to-moment writing is dull and frequently nonsensical, it does make an attempt to tell an original story instead of having Mattel executives play paint-by-numbers with tired kids' movie tropes. (you can tell the executives were still involved because Frozen had just gotten huge and so Barbie has Elsa hair in this one, at least for the cover art and the first twenty minutes before they put her in a worse outfit that's easier to animate.)

[itsbenedict]

It means various things! Those movies are weird and hard to categorize and I didn't even understand what they were going for.

Barbie in The Nutcracker (or BASEBIE IJN THE NUTCRACKERT) was the very first animated Barbie movie, and one Mattel wants people to forget (Barbie in A Christmas Carol was billed as "the first Barbie Christmas movie). It's a kind of surreal movie that features lengthy wordless plotless ballet sequences, random D&D monster encounters, a horrible-looking bat, and a Rat King who doesn't make sense from basically any angle. It's also got this really bizarre ending twist in its framing device that I really don't know what to make of. It was kind of entertaining to watch insofar as being baffled and boggled is enjoyable, but "good" isn't a category of thing that feels like it could even be applied to it.

Barbie & The Diamond Castle (or BAURVE & THE DIANOD CAALT) is the one I find hardest to figure out if the writer thought they'd accomplished what they wanted or not. It's the most lesbian Barbie movie, insofar as it has two leads who are women who live together and sing about how much they love living together in their cottagecore fantasy house in the woods and show no interest in the male love interest supporting characters- but it's a chaste 2008 possibly-somehow-unintentional kind of gay that doesn't really do anything. The weird thing is its bizarre original story about magic music witches that runs on a fairytale logic that keeps zagging out of the way of making sense- it's the one I'd have the hardest time describing what it's about. Also it has maybe the worst CGI animal sidekicks in the franchise. Those horrible little dancing dogs feature in my nightmares.

The Barbie Diaries (or THE NAIRNE DIARIES) is not a Barbie movie. It's a Disney Channel original movie that got lost on its way to the shoot and fell into the Barbie basement by accident. Not animated by the same studio, stylistically and tonally completely different. Leaving aside the weird inconclusive subplot about a magic good-luck book, it's a perfectly serviceable teen movie about high-school popularity drama- a subject I cannot fucking stand and so I hated every minute of it. I can't honestly call it bad, but I've got an allergy.

Barbie: Princess Charm School (or BARBE: PREINCFWESS CHARM SCXHOOL) is a fever dream. It's kind of funny and high-energy, but, uh... well. The plot: there is a, uh, prep school type thing for "lady royals", which doesn't appear to have any correlation with hereditary noble standing and might just be a state of mind. Barbie, a commoner, is enrolled sort of by mistake and has sort of a fish-out-of-water plotline where she learns to be the Barbie franchise's deranged hallucination of what a princess is, and embroiled in a complex inheritance manipulation scheme that doesn't make any sense. The school incidentally has like, fairy slaves flying around and they're weirdly involved in the action despite not talking or having their deal explained ever. It kinda turns into a girl power heist movie towards the end??? This is like, the most running-on-vibes a Barbie plot has ever been, besides BARBIER: S FASHIN FWAIERYTALEW which is kind of the same movie (down to the poorly-explained fairy slaves) if it were tedious and ugly and about nothing.

I wasn't really sure how to sort any of these into their own tiers so they get their own Mystery Bucket in the middle.

[cosmicanger]

graphix artiste

[isuggestrevolution]

i have a suggestion

[liberalsarecool]

Data centers have a very limited lifespan but their consequences will be felt for generations.

[depsidase]

[mindovermutant]

People on this website will dislike a character and legitimately start talking like Jafar.

[mindovermutant]

??

[holy-leapin-splits-batman]

[stella-draws-things]

[myfootyrthroat]

I think some of y'all would really benefit from learning the scope of power of various political offices.

[smegorl]

Are you trying to tell me my local schoolboard doesn't have the ability to declare a unilateral ceasefire with iran?

[myfootyrthroat]

If they try hard enough and are pure of heart... still no.

[dimetrodone]

The Great Gatsby