welcome

22yrs old | engaged | teacher striving for the future which will hopefully include a boatload of kids occasionally struggling with the now private diary type blog

[sadsongsandwaltzes]

the school system is not a replacement for the active role of parenting in a child’s life. thanks for coming to my ted talk

[holyth3firm-deactivated20200430]

therapee

[timeaway]

Who else loves refusing to face reality

[thevacantlog]

Straight up life is terrifying.

[thevacantlog]

Hi- Before you read what is sure to be a long post just know this is a long-withheld anger of mine that I struggle with and find extremely embarrassing to be the owner of so bear that in mind if/when you decide to comment/respond.

Why do so many girls/women who don’t deserve their lives/babies get to have them? Am I merely some entitled little shit who has more growing to do as a person or is my frustration felt to be true and understandable?  I know (personally, not just online) an obscene amount of people who have children who absolutely shouldn’t. Women who hold the title of mother but are completely undeserving of it. I know of teenage girls who make the decisions of grown women to bring children into this world and then proceed to give them little to nothing of a decent life. I know of girls who believe they’re grown women trapping well off men with a child and then realizing after it’s too late that motherhood doesn’t suit them. I work in a private preschool which is open from 6:30am to 6:30pm and parents complain about how we’re not open longer because they don’t want to spend time with their children. I could go on and on and on for days of this list of people I deem unworthy of their position in life but I’ll spare you the time. My point is that I am angry. And obviously slightly hurt and perhaps it’s not too far of a stretch to say scorned and/or envious of those around me. I work hard to make what I consider “right” decisions and one of those is waiting until I was married to have children. Or waiting to bring a life into this world until I know I’m happy with myself and see the growth I desire before being an example to others. Or waiting to make sure my partner is align with me in my desires for our future children and not going to leave (This is obviously not completely predictable due to the fact that people can change out of nowhere one day but it’s fair to say that some people don’t get to know their partners at all before bringing life into the world). Or waiting until I can afford to not only be a stay at home mom but also on top of that afford all of the activities and private schools my child may want or need. This list could also go on and on but the main purpose of it is to make it clear to see is that I guide myself to the beat of responsibility and following my logic over emotions even if that means suffering for awhile. But even as this continues to exist on and on I see no light at the end of the tunnel. I know that is unrealistic but I am an emotional person when it comes down to it and I want to be selfish. I want to indulge in the light of a baby in the heart of my home. I want nothing more than to grow a family with my one true love. Suffering a miscarriage was painful enough but it was even harder sitting idly by as people who shouldn’t even have one child gets to have two! As I, a person who has worked SO hard for everything I have and want, has none. The world sometimes seems so cruel and unfair and I can’t deny my anger about any longer. I find all of these feelings disgusting and repulsive so I don’t dare share them with anyone especially not anybody I know in real life but here we are- “privately” dumping them onto the internet. 

That’s all. If you read it all wow thanks. I’m impressed. It would bring me great peace to hear from other women about their experiences and struggles so if you see this I’m BEGGING YOU please share them with me. I feel like a horrendous person. These people around me probably don’t deserve the wrath I carry for them. And me carrying this intense anger really can’t be good for me either. Oh well. Thanks!

[thevacantlog]

I’m gonna rant in a minute. I would appreciate some feedback when I’m done.

[faerie-rose-garden]

It honestly amazes me how many of my friends and women I know would love to be homemakers but they are embarrassed to admit it. Its sad that it is assumed that all women should want to be “hustlers” and “boss ladies” and wanting to being a homemaker is seen as outdated and having a lack of ambition. 

I’ll admit that I’m a little shy talking about my true goals sometimes, but when I get to connect with another woman who shares the same aspirations it really means so much to me. 

*Just want to make it clear that I’m not hating on women who have career goals. I love and support them too! 

[parentless-suggestions]

Someday I will have my own place. My world won’t be confined to my room. I will stumble sleepily through the house in the morning, opening the blinds. I will sit out in the backyard and look at the stars. I will go out whenever I want to. I will survive long enough to have that.

[thevacantlog]

I’m so fucking annoyed by this persons behavior right now. Idk why when I’m severely ill, lonely, and stuck on bed rest you decide now is a good time to be a dick to me but I’m really just frustrated and tired of trying to make conversation and all you do is find something negative to say. I feel like I’m on a stranded island.

[emlynns]

a comic about trauma

[nowhites]

whats the deal with people with low-empathy levels going into high-empathy career paths? like being an elementary education major is not easy…. i cant imagine how some people choose to go through all these classes, all the reading, exams, student teaching… just so they can be mean to kids. like why are you here??????????? 

[mrsokiedoke]

When I hear “you’re a lot nicer than Mrs. [teacher who came before me]” my heart fucking breaks.

[the-stray-liger]

They were bullies in school who sought to remain in positions of power in order to always control and abuse others.

It’s not only cops and nurses, it’s very often also school teachers who immediately regress into their highschool bully form the minute they step into a classroom

[per1winkle]

Or maybe consider kids, especially teenagers, fucking suck??? And you’re poor all the time??? And so under-funded that anything you do doesn’t make a difference??? And also kids suck.

[frauchun-racun-deactivated20220]

Then don’t be (or stop being) a fucking teacher. Leave the job to people who actually give a shit about the future generations.

You dense motherfucker.

[spider-hands-mannos-deactivated]

“Don’t be a teacher if you’re gonna bully children” “b-but children suck and I hate them” then dont be a teacher, bitch.

[thiefqueenftw]

My wife has ADHD and when she was SIX YEARS OLD a teacher got mad at her for not paying attention and slapped her and laughed when she started crying. But you know “kids suck” or whatever

[casualfruit]

Let me tell you something that I learned from my (admittedly limited) experience with working with children:

Kids want to learn. They want to have fun. They want to work with you.

But if you come in with the attitude that “kids suck” they’re going to pick up on that vibe and they’re gonna see it in your behavior. They won’t like you, they won’t trust you, and they won’t want to work with you. 

Guess what happens when kids are forced to spend hours in a room at the mercy of someone they hate? If your answer is “they will eventually start acting out” then DING DING DING you are correct. And what happens then? That reinforces your believe that kids suck because they’re getting more and more difficult to handle. 

That whole situation can be avoided if you come in with empathy and patience instead of resentment.

If you don’t like kids, don’t be a teacher. Period. 

[thevacantlog]

Let me tell you something that you may already know and I was sure I knew but really got reinforced once working as a teacher.

School kills creativity.

Any piece of happiness you or a child may find in the little things in life will be torn from you or them time and time again. An example? You put stickers on your name tag bc they’re cute and it makes you happy. Absolutely not. You may have thought that wearing the same uniform as your peers and no freedom in appearance was enough but it’s not. Throw yourself away and conform. It’s what works best. (Or be like me and continue to reapply new stickers to your badge every time they have you take them off.)🤭

[thevacantlog]

what even are all of these feelings?

[11111100m-deactivated20240606]

everything is sort of weird and sad and i want to sleep next to you

[anancientheart]

i’m in such a strange, transformative, challenging part of my life 

[wholeheartedsuggestions]

resist the urge to give up on healing just because it is slow

[thevacantlog]

Leaving work barely an hour after you came in because you can't stop hysterically sobbing is embarrassing to say the least.