The Musings of Sun Weaver

There is a time to think and time to act

[thewaterholdstruth]

The Mysterious Self

This weekend brought me some interesting and strange social interactions in the world of roleplaying: some good, some bad, and some I won't be going back to revisit. I never go looking for some greater meaning, because it feels wrong to put that much significance on any one interaction. What all those moments collectively did however was draw me to this particular set words by Mishi McCoy:

"They tried to define her. Some called her perpetually enigmatic. Some said she was fucking crazy. It didn't matter to her what they called her. She knew she was free."

This is a blog about Roleplayers and the art we call Roleplaying so I could talk about myself and introspection, but let's make this about our characters. Life is made up of perceptions that are filtered by emotions and experiences. Memories are formed when we take experiences into our hearts from something deeply felt. This is what changes someone. A moment becomes a catalyst if change when it triggers an emotional reaction that forever alters our sense of self.

One of my characters lost part of a limb in the course of her adventuring work. She felt defined by what she did. It was part of her for as long as she cared to remember and suddenly she felt that she was now less. That triggered a change in her, because it forced her to ask: "What now?" and so many other follow up questions stemming from it.

Let's zoom back out now. Most changes are not nearly so traumatic. They are subtle and over time. This is why the backstory is so important and is no small task. We are breathing life into something and giving it a filter through which to see life. After that they are thrown into situatuons. Some are things they may enjoy, while others are things they have a strong distaste for. What determines those things? The Backstory and as they grow, their experiences, their friends, their family, their lives. 

So now the point of the quote. In creating art others will critique your work (whether you ask them to or not). They will see it through their eyes and to them your art may be something they adore, but it could be just the opposite. You never need to justify to others. The freedom to create is yours, but never forget the responsibility that comes with having those wings my songbirds.

[thewaterholdstruth]

The Warrior Within

When I was looking for something to write about last night I couldn't find anything, so I started to read about the characters I have written about in stories and roleplayed over the years. A lot of people who have roleplayed with me know my knack for giving life to eccentric and sometimes horrifying characters. These are characters that at their very core believe they are doing the right thing. They do not flinch when their acts are called into question, nor apologize for what they felt they needed to do. 

 So I asked myself what is the common thread among them. Ultimately that conclusion is that they are all warriors for their specific causes. I looked for warrior quotes. There's a lot of them for just about every situation, but I wasn't looking for just any quote. I wanted something that was a fundamental truth about someone who dedicates their time and person (both in body and mind) to refining a practice to the point they can wield it as a weapon. This is the quote that stood out to me most: 

 “A warrior has to believe, for belief is an essential part of his being.” ― Théun Mares

Were it only so simple for us, right? There's a lot going on out in the world. When we're young, younger than our own memory serves us, most have a moment where in defiance of our parents' rule we say "No". We're born knowing what we believe. It is why children can ask questions that pierce the armor of lies. 

We know what we believe, but sometimes it's pretty hard to stand for something. There's consequences to choice,to standing up. There's punishment from those who have power and want you to do things their way. There's lonliness. There's others who believe the same, but are afraid to act. 

In the book, Stormfront, Jim Butcher touches on this very topic. Movies even have that moment where one defiant warrior standing for what they believe in rally others to their side. "No!" Gives you just a little shiver, doesn't it? That is the warrior within, maybe small, maybe weak, recognizing someone acting in belief despite fear. I will end this entry with some food for thought: 

 "Fear is a part of life. It's a warning mechanism. That's all. It tells you when there's danger around. Its job is to help you survive. Not cripple you into being unable to do it." -Jim Butcher

[thewaterholdstruth]

Today I wanted to start with a quote. It's a long one so brave yourselves. If you make it past there it'll be worthwhile. I promise.

"But there were some things I believed in. Some things I had faith in. And faith isn't about perfect attendance to services, or how much money you put on the little plate. It isn't about going skyclad to the Holy Rites, or meditating each day upon the divine.

Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others--even when there's not going to be anyone telling you what a hero you are.

Faith is a power of its own, and one even more elusive and difficult to define than magic." --Jim Butcher

Throughout the ages people have had faith. People think of religion first, because it is the biggest and most prevalent in many ways. Faith to me is more than that. I am about to get personal here, because that is where my seed of faith took root.

I had a child when I was really young. I was in high school only barely and believe me, I was terrified. Everything in me wanted it to be a really lucid nightmare that I would snap awake suddenly from in a cold sweat and have some sense of normalcy restored, but that wasn't the truth of my situation. There was nine months of carrying another life in me. I was so sure I was going to give him up for adoption, then I felt him move. Whatever happened then made things a lot clearer. There would be new and helpless life coming and  someone would need to protect that life. It was that shocking and primal moment that woke up something deep inside me that I didn't know was there, my maternal instinct.

I'll spare the inbetween for later, but long story made slightly shorter I became a teen mom. My dad said he would have my back and became my greatest champion, but made it clear I was going to raise this child. There was no turning back, no running. I had my chance to do that many times. It hit me hard for the second time just what I was trying to take on. So I did. One step, then another. If I couldn't walk I would crawl. If I couldn't crawl I would do so anyways, even when everything in my day was bad. I needed to trust something good would come of it. So here I am now, married and with a second small blessing.

That is faith. Faith is this small seed inside us that most only look at when things are going bad. They look to the sky perhaps and mutter the the name "God" along with what they hope to be the outcome, but me... I do something different and look within. Everything is inside you, whether by Divine Hand or Evolution. You were born with this instinct inside you to fight or to run. Keep that fire lit. It matters more than any of us really knows.

Maybe not today, but sometime in the quiet moments of your life ask yourself: "How much have I endured that should have crushed me, but still I held firm." That is the power of faith brought to bear against a world that can be cruel and unrelenting. It was you my readers and only you that called up that strength from inside of you. So give yourself a break and maybe a little trust that you know what you're doing.

[thewaterholdstruth]

The Inner Spirit

First post…wow. I admit I am usually a little bit nervous in taking the first step in a new endeavor. So to start off let’s get to know one another.

Call me Evie. I am a writer, new to blogging (so bear with me on protocols), and I love roleplay. I think quotes are great, but more important is I love to pick them apart and see how they work.

Words to me are like machines. There are all these little moving parts in them and the way they arranged, angled, stressed, and so much more decides how the eye sees them. It is then of course up to the reader of the words how they wish to interpret them.

My heart shall be on my sleeve here, but it is not a thing I am afraid will break. The heart is a resilient thing capable of bringing out hidden reserves of strength from us when we nurture it.

I’d like to wrap my first post… (so excited to say that ^.^)…. with a quote from someone I have come to admire on a professional level, because I feel it sets the theme for this blog and blogging as a whole. None of us see ourselves as the cruel one, as the wrong one, but sometimes we are wrong and when we look inside ourselves and can own our faults that mistake becomes a learning experience, a strength.

“No one is an unjust villain in his own mind. Even - perhaps even especially  -those who are the worst of us. Some of the cruelest tyrants in history were motivated by noble ideals, or made choices that they would call ‘hard but necessary steps’ for the good of their nation. We’re all the hero of our own story.”

–Jim Butcher