‧.Welcome to ‧ .
‧ . The West Of Heaven ˚‧︵‿𓆩♱𓆪‿︵˚.‧
་࿐ about me: i am totally normal about supernatural (LIE!) ive been hyperfixated for 2 yrs but im finally joining instead of lurking!!! whether its moments from the show, fanfic, or ocs... im here to go FULL GEEK MODE!
✦ what to expect: fanart, oc art (especially my oc, Celeste Winchester), graphics, & possibly mood boards! also rambling & sharing my perspectives. & HOPEFULLY WRITING!!! (it often stays in my head)
☞ requests: taking sketching requests... send me spn characters + what if scenarios!!!
☻ mutuals: IM NEW TO TUMBLR!!! i would love talk to people who love spn as much as i do! theories, moments, art, fanfic... my ask box is always open for discussion as well!
♡ fav characters: CASTIEL! (hes stuck in my brain), dean, sam, & bobby
♬ music (80s-00s rock/grunge): alice in chains, linkin park, creed, audioslave, soundgarden, queens of the stone age, nirvana, foo fighters, soad, zakk wylde, scorpions, journey, zz top, bon jovi, van halen
× dni: wincest
✿ credit: thank u to @pixopix for the awesome divider
hyperfixation please stay with me long enough to complete the project. hyperfixation do not fade. hyperfixation finish what you started for the love of god
today my government was testing out a new emergency warning alert system on everyones phones and being in a classroom of approximately 28 people with all our phones going off loudly beeping scared the absolute SHIT out of me
Do you ever think John Winchester was jealous of Dean in a way he could never admit?
He’s the one who taught the boys that “family” is all they have, the one who conditioned Dean to make Sam his entire world as his protector, caretaker, stand-in parent. But in doing so, John built a bond that even he wasn’t part of anymore.
Imagine the way that must’ve felt on hunts. Something goes wrong, Sam’s in danger, and for one gut-wrenching second John thinks he’s too late. He’s already halfway to reaching for his son only to realize Dean’s already there. Dean’s already holding him, already the one Sam clings to, seeking comfort.
And that’s not even Dean’s fault. It’s John’s own making. He created this dependency, but now he’s on the outside of it. Sam’s instinct isn’t to go to his father for safety, it’s to go to his brother. And somewhere deep down, that must’ve burned.
Because John didn’t just lose Mary. In a way, he lost the right to be “home” for his sons too.
Okay, as promised, here’s a breakdown of Castiel and his predisposition or potential for addiction—overindulging in human methods of coping, such as TV/media, alcohol, and even work.
Firstly, let’s start off with this:
Castiel isn't predisposed to addiction. No, the truth is that Castiel's addictions, or his tendency to overindulge in human activities, are a symptom of his loss of purpose and identity. After all, he is an angel, and angels are made for purpose. It’s made clear in the show—angels are warriors of God, and they are made to fulfill Heaven’s decree.
Castiel’s entire arc is centered on his faith. On his search for purpose and duty, first in Heaven and the Prophecy, then in Dean, then his own vision of Heaven (Season 6), then later in Jack (Season 12-15). The transitional moments, such as season 7, and then 9-12, are when Castiel falls into patterns of escapism and indulgence, because he lacks what he, as an angel, as who he is, needs the most: Purpose. Duty. A way to be of service.
Let’s break down the instances of Castiel and indulgence in Supernatural:
In Season 5, Castiel drinks an entire liquor store after realizing that God isn’t listening. At this point, he has lost his Heavenly purpose, and his faith in his Father. He was cut off from Heaven, and he rebelled, yes, but it’s made a point that Castiel always believed in his Father, and he always had some faith that he was doing what God wanted. But that faith was shattered.
Season 5, Endverse Castiel. Proof that Castiel has the potential for extreme hedonism.
In Season 7, he turns to simple pleasures such as bees and nature to forget his failures, because he no longer feels as if he can fight, as if he can do anything, because he thinks he will ruin it ("I destroyed everything, and I will destroy everything again.")
In Season 11, he turns to the TV when he feels useless against the fight with Amara. This is after the attack dog spell, when his grace is weakened and he is, once again, shut off and scorned by Heaven.
And that’s the crux of it. Castiel is vulnerable to addiction when he is cut off from purpose. When he feels lost, and has no way to be of service.
But to understand how clearly this is shown in the show, let’s take a case study: Season 11 Castiel, who is stuck in front of that TV Screen.
For this, let’s look at Cas when Lucifer possesses him, and where Lucifer keeps Castiel trapped in his own mind. First, Castiel agrees to let Lucifer possess him in order to fight Amara, because he believes it's a necessary task, and that he is more useful as a vessel for Lucifer than on his own. This is Castiel's desperation to be useful to the fight (The Devil is in the Details).
After the instance where Castiel pushed through in order to save Sam (The Vessel) Lucifer manages to completely subdue Castiel, and we know that Castiel’s mind trap is in the main room of the bunker, watching TV (Hell's Angel).
Why? Why did Lucifer choose this room?
We know from Micheal’s possession of Dean that archangels purposefully choose their vessel’s mind traps. Dean is given a bar that he owns with Pamela, a place of contentment, because Micheal knows that no amount of trauma can dim Dean—no, Dean thrives on trauma. So what does Micheal want? Micheal wants Dean to forget he’s being possessed (Nihilism).
Lucifer doesn’t try that. No, he doesn’t give Castiel contentment, because that’s not what Castiel desires, not really. Cas never expressed a desire for peace or retirement or a “normal life”. He wants safety for those he loves, but never cared much for it himself. He’s a soldier after all. And Lucifer doesn’t put him into trauma, or Heaven, because that’s a reminder of Castiel when he had purpose. When he was a warrior, fighting and fulfilling his duty. That would only reignite Castiel’s motivation and confidence.
No, what Lucifer does is keep Castiel at his lowest moment—not lowest because of guilt, or anger, or even fear, lowest because of uselessness. Castiel began watching TV when he was recovering from the attack dog spell, shut out from Heaven and too weak to help Sam and Dean. That was Castiel at his mentally weakest, and that uselessness pushed him to say “yes” to Lucifer—he wanted to be of service to the fight.
Micheal kept Dean subdued by making him forget. Lucifer keeps Castiel subdued by making him remember exactly why he said yes. He keeps Castiel in the moment that Castiel feels the weakest, most useless—when he was turned away from all duty and purpose, and focused on that TV screen to escape.
Lucifer preys on Castiel's biggest fears: loss of purpose, and loss of utility. Castiel, isolated. Castiel, stuck on human, mundane activities because he isn’t strong enough to act as an angel should, because he’s cut off from Heaven and too weak to help his family.
And in these moments, Castiel turns to humanity, and to human methods of coping—and he overindulges, of course he does, because such methods will never be enough for an angel. Nothing is enough—because no intake of humanity can fill the void of angel hood.
And by angel hood I don’t necessarily mean Heaven’s purpose. I mean any purpose, any manifestation of duty stemming from his faith. Any mission he can fight for.
Castiel is plagued by his loss of purpose, and the only cure there is to it is for him to find another mission.
It’s like the point that Famine made with Dean—that Dean is empty inside (My Bloody Valentine). That he doesn’t feel hungry because nothing could fill him. In that episode, while Castiel’s vessel felt hunger, he himself didn’t have “hunger” of his own.
Because the only thing that Castiel needs—the core of his existence—is purpose. And he had that during My Bloody Valentine. But when he loses it, that’s when he falls to anything else to try and fill it, but it’s not enough.
And that’s the truth of it. Nothing is enough—but in the meanwhile, Castiel copes as humans do, because angels don’t cope, because angels don’t lose purpose, so he has no model for what to do. Instead, he turns to what he knows about coping that he has observed from humanity, or really, Sam and Dean are: drinking, sex, watching movies/shows, and throwing themselves into work.
So how does Castiel cope?
First, Castiel turns to work (Heaven Can’t Wait), because this is the most familiar one to him. He knows humans find some sort of purpose and duty in working, and so that’s what he attempts. That’s why he gives his all to it, gives that gas station job the sort of angelic zeal that he would to fighting celestial armies. Because this is Castiel attempting to find a new purpose, a normal purpose in human, ordinary existence.
Think of it this way. Gas-N-Sip Steve is the first step to Endverse Cas. Give it a few years or so. I mean, cut off from Heaven, Cas searches for some sort of task or duty to fulfill, and he tries the Gas-N-Sip. And it’s not just duty—it’s usefulness. He tries to find pride in it, to find purpose in it, but Dean coming, and the case, is just another reminder to him that no matter how hard he tries, no matter how much zeal he puts into it, it won’t work out. Because human, civilian purposes cannot fill an angelic absence. And that’s what it is.
So what would probably happen? Cas would move on to numbing. We see this in the Endverse (The End), where Cas moves to drugs, and sex, and drinking. And yes, that’s the extreme version, where Castiel turns to hedonism as an effort to, again, fill in that devastating, existential void that a lack of purpose left him. That’s what would happen if Castiel remained human, because Castiel is predisposed for indulgence. Not because he’s made a certain way, or he’s morally wrong in any capacity, but because he will spend his time searching for some goal that he can redefine his faith around, but it just won’t come. Not for a human Castiel, especially not for the one we see in Season 9.
Because Endverse Castiel isn't a different, alternative universe Castiel with an inherently different configuration. Endverse Cas is still this Castiel. It is—it’s this Castiel that we know, pushed to the brink, stripped away of heavenly purpose, his grace, and all that he had faith in for years and years. Endverse Castiel is the ultimate, harrowing consequences of a Castiel that is unable to save himself, and is unable to temper his existential need for belief, for duty.
But in the show, Castiel saves himself. In Holy Terror, Castiel ends up stealing grace and comes back to Sam and Dean. In Seasons 9 and 10, he finds some semblance of purpose or duty in helping to save Sam, and then to help Sam and Dean with the Mark of Cain.
But in Season 11, we see that it’s not enough. Because while Season 9, Gas-N-Sip Castiel is the first step to Endverse Castiel, because both arcs are a human Castiel struggling with a lack of his angelhood, and all that comes with it. Season 11 Castiel shows that such a spiral, such an arc can absolutely happen to angel Castiel as well.
In Season 11, Even with Amara unleashed, Castiel falls into that pattern of overindulgence with the TV, because it’s not enough to have a mission. Not when he’s not at full power, not when he can hardly help—because then that mission, that duty isn’t for him. Isn’t for a Castiel that is weak, or powerless, or useless. Because Castiel is driven by duty, by faith and purpose, and when that is gone—when he cannot fulfill his duty, when he does not feel worthy or able to fulfill a mission, Castiel turns away. He turns to indulgence, to human coping mechanisms, to any form of comfort.
Castiel equates his utility with his worth—probably from the millions of years he has been a soldier. And if he cannot be useful, he has no place on the battlefield. And like Endverse Castiel said- if he is helpless, hopeless, and hapless, what else is there that he should do? It’s not that Castiel is particularly wired to be more likely for addiction, it’s just that Castiel, and all angels, have a very specific need for purpose, a need that cannot be filled by anything else. And if he doesn’t have that, well, what does he have?
Family doesn’t cut it, not really, not when he can’t protect them. Not when he can’t be of use to them. It’s just the way that he’s wired.
That’s the heart of it.
As an angel, and as a character, Castiel has two driving motivations: having faith, and working to fulfill a duty or purpose. When these are stripped from him, or he feels unworthy of them, Castiel turns to human coping mechanisms. And the tragedy of this is that he cannot temper himself, because there is no way to fulfill himself using these methods, whether they are healthy (working, trying to be normal) or not. There is no point where that coping will fulfill him, where he will find any human thing that makes up for something architectural to his character—purpose.
It’s simply the way that angels are wired—humanity, and human indulgences cannot fill a divine void.
Holy moly GUCAMOLE!!!! SO TRUE!!! Castiel lovers read this AT ONCE. maybe that’s why he got so fucked up after choosing free will, cuz at that point, heaven stopped giving him orders… purpose . It was alllll a slippery slope after that
This hug will always be insane to me. The way Castiel was perfectly content with closing his eyes and letting Sam rock him back and forth is genuinely an unmatched level of faggotry
why didn’t we get any Dean road rage moments. it would have been so funny to see Dean crash out over a Karen throwing water on baby and then sam being the psychic boy he is puts his powers to use and she explodes
(@ op not john winchester how does it feel being THE funniest spn account. i appreciate all that you do. dont need to post this if it's out of character just wanted to say you are cherished).
