Stories From My Various Jobs.

Everything in life boils down to just learning to be kind.

[theworkadventures]

3rd grader, playing with the skylander toys:

fire guy: youre just a kid pretending to be a knight!

small knight guy: better watch out! Im not a kid, Im a teenager!

[theworkadventures]

What a start to Monday, we’ve had three tantrums, the kinders are doing exactly what they’re supposed to, I’ve been bit, one of the teachers (not mine) didn’t call in sick until too late to get a sub, the middle classroom has two students

[theworkadventures]

“Santa only needs one cookie, he has a big belly” - the nine year old

[theworkadventures]

“Six is a thumbs up and a high five” -the fourth grader trying to teach the four year old what six is

[theworkadventures]

Today the teacher I worked with said “be kind, motherfuckers” and we decided we really need that on a tshirt

[theworkadventures]

Every time I do PD about teaching kids phonemics it just reinforces my feelings on the English language which is “🎵🎶 English is a nightmare language🎶🎵”

[theworkadventures]

Y’all it’s so fucking apocalyptic working in schools rn

[theworkadventures]

One of the kindergartens was telling me today that she’s going to get a haircut “just like Betty White because [she] likes her face and style”

[theworkadventures]

I love when I take a PD course on fasd and it teaches me drinking facts I didn’t know (did y’all know that the lines on a solo cup are drinking measurements? Because I didn’t)

[theworkadventures]

My favourite part of Thursday is when I straight up lie to my coworkers as we end the day going “one day left of the week, get some rest tonight” and I go “that’s the plan!” As though my plan is not actually to stay up until at least midnight watching nerdy voice actors roll dice

[theworkadventures]

8 year old, completely unprompted: when I grow up and make my own country I’m going to make the buildings smaller so you can’t fall off and die.

[theworkadventures]

I love the stage where children are just starting to come up with stories about how something happened, for instance one of the kiddos I’m looking after this week is three and we just had this conversation

Him: wiping his spilled soup all over the table

Me: Buddy, you made a huge mess oh man

Him: no a baby did it

Me: you’re not a baby

Him: no a baby from outside

Me: a baby came in from outside and wiped your soup all over

Him, with soup still on his hands: yeah from outside a baby

Me: buddy I watched you wipe it all over

Him: oh

[theworkadventures]

Infection is both an absolutely Wild game to play in the middle of a pandemic and also a wildly popular pick among children

[theworkadventures]

“I’ll be the cop because I have a weapon” -overheard at the playground as a couple of kids (one with a nerf gun) decided who was what in cops and robbers

[theworkadventures]

Gr 2 student today, entirely unprompted: Miss M, do you know about god? He made everything. Except the planets, the sun and the moon made all the planets

Other Gr 2 student: hey [name of first student] did you know that the moon is part of the earth? A long time ago a really big asteroid named [????] crashed into the earth and a bunch of pieces of rock flew up and turned into the moon.

[theworkadventures]

My favourite thing about PD is when I get to listen to physiologists give talks that make them sound like aliens

[theworkadventures]

Me: *sneezes*

The 2 year old Im watching, in a monotone: achoo

Me: *laughs so hard I put my head down*

Them, loudly: wake up!