The Written Art

[thewrittenart]

Thursday, November 16, 2023

I woke up around 7:30AM, feeling well-rested and not groggy. It was very sunny and warm! Today was warm in general: high 50s. I remember Charlie coming up on the bed at some point during dawn to look out the window and lied down as well; that made me happy!

I decided I wanted to workout but wanted to also maximize my time before my advisor meeting. So I did some dumbbell exercises before breakfast while listening to an audiobook. I felt pretty okay about my meeting: I knew what I wanted to talk about and accepted that I didn’t have any data to show because I got tunnel vision on a certain part that I was trying to debug. The meeting went well, and we even talked about my future career plans after graduation. I told PU that I am looking and applying to internships and subtlety asked if that was okay with him. I think he also subtly said it was fine. He even offered to help me prepare for this coding part of the application process. I really appreciate him as an advisor and mentor. I even shared with him this science fair I would be judging at, showing him how advanced these students’ abstracts seemed and how it made me feel inadequate to be their judge haha! I think he got a kick out of that.

When I got home, I had some motivation to get my simulations up and running. After I had finished those, I got ready for a girls’ dinner with Jess and Harshal. We got Vietnamese food, and it was such a lovely evening. I even picked out a nicer outfit. I’m really getting into the holiday spirit, which I am so excited about since I feel like the last couple holiday seasons haven’t felt very homey and cozy. Then I go away next week for Thanksgiving with T to celebrate with his family at the cabin! I feel like I haven’t had a proper vacation or get away in a long time. So I’m very excited. Plus, flying somewhere just makes it feel even more vacationy - also, I haven’t done that with T in a couple years. (Not sure if he knows the exact date, but the day we fly out will be 4 years since our first kiss, which is when I consider us official. So that’ll be a nice surprise!)

Side note: I got a $25 gift card to the school store for doing that new student event last week! I really like my department, especially our coordinator. She is so lovely and caring. She also is overworked, in my opinion...

[thewrittenart]

Wednesday, November 15, 2023

I woke up feeling rested, not groggy. I walked to seminar with a friend; I like this little routine we got. I went to the alcohol store with Jess for our department's Friendsgiving, which was fun because it reminded me of when we would randomly do things in the middle of the work day. Then I walked Piper when we got got back, and the weather was beautiful: sunny and warm [for recent temps]. Charlie, too, had a great and long day outside! He always came back in on his own too, which just makes me happy and makes things so easy for me. I even came home with him already inside during the afternoon - thankful for my roommates that go out of their way to let him in!

I did some work but still no luck with my issue. So, I guess, I am just going to discuss it at my meeting tomorrow as my update. When I get these frustrating obstacles, I procrastinate by looking at internship/job postings. I saw an internship posting that sounded fitting for me, so I applied! And a couple hours later, I get emails to do a video recording interview and a coding challenge. That made me anxious... Maybe imposter syndrome? I immediately thought: “I’m not going to do well at all on the coding one.” But I’m gonna go through with it. Sometime. Eventually. I feel like my advisor will be helpful, but, at the same time, I’m not 100% sure what he would say about me leaving/taking "time off" for internships. This also led me to think about my future aspirations career-wise and to finding more organizations to apply to or volunteer for. So I’m working on signing up to be a judge - and maybe a mentor too - for a science fair!

I have been sleeping later recently (past 12AM), but that’s okay since I’ve been relatively productive right before bed!

[This] Today was a good day.

[thewrittenart]

Tuesday, November 14, 2023

I woke up well [around 7AM] but wanted to keep sleeping. So I just lied in bed for about half an hour, then let Charlie out. I went to the gym; it was so nice and empty! I went home, ate, got ready, then walked Piper. I went directly to the office after as I had group meeting at 2PM. My stomach started to grumble by the end, so I went home to make a HelloFresh for lunch - it was more a late lunch and early dinner. I then went back to the office to do work until 8:30PM. I did okay-ish work... troubleshooting something. But I'm glad I went back to the office; I don't think I would've been able to have done as much work at home.

Today was an okay day.

[thewrittenart]

Friday, November 10, 2023

I felt anxious throughout the day, like anxious anticipation. I had decided that I wanted to try and drive to T's (~3 hours away) by around 3PM. So I wanted to get a good chunk of work done. But I think my anxiousness was taking up some mental energy, so I couldn’t focus well on work... or at least I felt rushed when doing it. As a result, I tried to multitask, which left me feeling scatterbrained and working like so.

I felt bad I couldn’t let Charlie out one last time before I left, especially since the weather was nice. I always feel guilty leaving him, but he’s so much happier staying in place. (He hates car rides.) But I felt better once on the road, only ~30 minutes of extra traffic which is better than an hour.

I made us a HelloFresh dinner: Thai burgers. We then ate while watching Hell's Kitchen, a classic M&T activity.

[Today] This was a good day.

[thewrittenart]

Thursday, November 9, 2023

I tried to work as much as I could before my meeting. But I accepted that what I had gotten done the night before was enough and was the main update since my presentation on Tuesday. I knew that would be fine, so I tried to reassure myself of that. As a result, I didn’t feel as anxious about my meeting as I usually do, which I am proud of. I just focused my meeting points on the approach and the potential challenges I forsee, so that I could get some advice and input.

The meeting was nice and relaxed... and quick! My advisor even un-promptly showed me this modeling kit. I think I really have gotten through to him: as in he is more willing to converse and share about not necessarily research stuff or related to research stuff. That makes me happy. 

I went back to work around 5PM after letting Charlie in - glad I did! I got some good work done. I even helped T's brother with physics homework, but I was kind of tired at the point [and so was he] that my patience was starting to get low as well as my mental capacity.

[Today] This was a good day.

[thewrittenart]

Wednesday, November 8, 2023

I had a slow start to my morning: I wanted to keep sleeping, so I got up at 8:30AM even though I woke up around 6:30AM. As a self-consequence, I forced myself to go to the gym and felt good after! I took a quick nap (~30 minutes).

My cat kept coming back inside after a short [for him] amount of time - maybe from the cold and/or wind. So I decided that he has had enough outside time, which then allowed me to go to the office around 2PM. I had an event at 3PM, talking to new graduate students about my experience over the last 4 years: what I learned, what I wish I knew, what I would have done differently, my favorite part, etc.

I stayed until 8PM and got my stuff working - success! Erika, my god-sister, also called me while I was there, which was so fun. This is like our thing: We get into these periods (after an in-person reunion) when we talk almost daily. We'll call for hours, literally like 6-10 hour calls. I love her so much! She’s definitely my soul sister.

T, my boyfriend, also asked me to call, which was a nice surprise haha! Usually, I call him and just call him whenever. He is very perceptive and listens... maybe it's because I told him about therapy.

[Today] This was a great day.

[thewrittenart]

Tuesday, Nov. 7 2023

I woke up to my cat sitting next to my bed, looking out the window - great start to my day. I also had a text that postponed an appointment I had from the afternoon to the evening, which I was so thankful for since I had to work on a presentation for 2PM. (Presentation went well, and I actually enjoyed making it. I haven't done one like that in a while. It helped me organize my work and kind of review and summarize it for myself. It’s like telling a story.) When Charlie went to nap, I headed to the office for some crunch time.

I did some dumbbell workouts at home instead of going to the gym. I also got a HelloFresh delivery! Who doesn't like getting packages and food?

Still riding the good vibes from yesterday, at least trying to bring it to today. Weather was nice and sunny, so that always helps!

T randomly texted me and told me he loved me in the afternoon... swoon. Then he called me while I was cooking and kept me company. He's been so present today!

[Today] This was a great day.

[thewrittenart]

Monday, Nov. 6 2023

Woke up around 6:40AM feeling a bit tired. But it was already somewhat bright outside, so I felt like I should get up to let Charlie, my cat, outside in order to maximize his "outside time," especially with the recent time change (Fall back, so the sun sets an hour earlier around 4:30PM).

I get up but wasn't feeling energetic at all. So I mosey on, and I don't even know what I actually do. I do remember putting on a YouTube video (Alfie Deyes's latest vlog upload -- I love watching or having in the background daily vlogs!); his sponsor was BetterHelp. This prompted me to check out how much it costs. (I've known of BetterHelp prior but have never tried it -- heck, I've never been to therapy, but I have been thinking about going since some time in the beginning of this year.) With Alfie's link, it was ~$60/week, which is a bit tight for me right now financially. But they had a link after I filled out the questionnaire that said something like "I can't afford this right now." So I clicked it, and it asked me more questions about my situation. After I was awarded financial aid! That was so amazing! It lowered the price to ~$50/week, which is not so much of a difference but the fact that I got aid and that that is even a thing they offer just made me get on board. It's like I already feel like they really care about you. (I do some dog-walking for pocket money, so I just told myself that what I earn from that, for now, will go first to paying for therapy, at least for a couple months. I want to try it out until the end of the year.) I got really excited after signing up and even got matched within a few hours! I haven't set up an appointment though... I have trouble committing to a time constraint for some reason. It kind of makes me anxious. Maybe I can talk to my therapist about it haha!

Anyways, around noon, I was still feeling tired, so I lied down and napped. (Charlie joined me too!) Woke up after 20-30 minutes feeling somewhat energized. (My psychology teacher said 20 minutes is the magic number for naps.) I felt better after that.

Around 3PM, I realized that, since the sun sets around 4PM, my cat will have to be inside at that time for the rest of the night. Then I thought: wow, 4PM is still pretty early for working in the evenings. So I decided to go into the office to work! I figured work until 8 or 9PM -- that's 3-4 hours of work! And I work really well in my office, better than at home... Hate to admit it. I do really like working there; it's just that Charlie is so happy outside. I need to be home to let him in and out. And I only let him go outside during the daylight hours, given the weather is appropriate. So, I guess on the bright side, bad weather days have an advantage that: I don't have an excuse to not go into the office [especially since it's becoming winter]. So yeah, I did enjoy going into the office. I felt very proud of myself for being able to work 4-5 hours, and I didn't really feel like I was dragging myself through the mud to be productive, which has been happening a lot (part of the reason I signed up for therapy). And when I got home, I did not feel any obligation to work or even think about work. I just started my bedtime routine. I like going to bed after a good work session [and doing some me-time in the morning after waking up]... I might actually prefer it.

I slept so well that night: no wake-ups at all, felt well-rested and not groggy when I woke up, woke up around 6:30AM before my alarm. It felt so natural. Honestly, it felt like the best wake-up I've ever had -- at least, the best one I've had in a long time!

I think I'm going to try and employ a day rating scale: great > good > okay > meh > bad.

[Today] This was a great day.

Note to self: Tag journal posts with the year, the month, journal, and day rating.

[thewrittenart]

Tumblr, my old friend!

Wow! I can't believe this account hasn't been deactivated [or worse, deleted and taken over] from the extreme lack of activity. I mean, I just saw my last post -- and that was January 21st... in 2017!

Man, so much has happened. I want to say so much has changed, but I think I'm still the same me at my core -- just a little bit less patient and a lot more spicy!

Wow... Writing this honestly feels so good. I feel like a part of me just turned on, woke up from a deep and long hibernation. This is good. I did think my speaking and presenting skills declined as a result of everything being virtual during the pandemic and the slow return back to in-person normality.

What is it about November? Growing up, I thought November was an uneventful month (besides Thanksgiving and, I guess, elections, which wasn't relevant to me since I wasn't a citizen -- but key words: wasn't. That's right! I recently became a US citizen! 'Murica!). But actually, many new chapters in my life happen in November! Fun fact: all my relationships (in my 3rd one now) have started in November!

Well, my boyfriend just called me, so I'm going to end this post here! [But, don't worry; I promise I will be back. Today felt like a day when many things turned around, and things are looking up! So I must document it... and make written art.]

[thewrittenart]

New year. More me?

I can’t believe this blog still has, let alone gain, followers, even though I have been on hiatus for over a year. I might start it up again, not sure yet. I just haven’t had time to read as much as I used to before, therefore a non-existing source of quotes. A lot has happened. Life happened. And, I guess, that’s not such a bad thing.

[thewrittenart]

It is remarkable that different people will have different thoughts when they look at the same thing.

Lemony Snicket (The Reptile Room)

[thewrittenart]

A thing doesn’t need to be forever for you to know it mattered.

Beau Taplin

[thewrittenart]

I’m now fairly certain that the tiny crack in your voice right after you say goodbye roughly translates to stay in some hidden language of the heart.

Beau Taplin, “Translation”

[thewrittenart]

It’s not what I feel for you; it’s what I don’t feel for anyone but you.

Anonymous

[thewrittenart]

I hope I never love someone as much [as] I loved him, but I do hope that I learn how to love someone better than I loved him.

Katie Wilkes ("I Did Not End Up With the Love of My Life")

[thewrittenart]

We didn’t talk about anything heavy or light. We were just there together. And that was enough.

Stephen Chbosky (The Perks of Being a Wallflower)

[thewrittenart]

I’m afraid we’ll always be a book with the end pages ripped out.

Madisen Kuhn, “Does time truly heal all wounds?”