Tips on successfully invading a few cities with your fellow steppe brothers
Authors note: Since a lot of you guys are asking me how to successfully invade a city, I figured I’d make a short post with a few tips and tricks that I’ve either learned or picked up over the years.Â
Always bring a few friends. One of the most fundamental principles, bringing friends not only increases your chance at success, but has been proven to strengthen bonds and sometimes even save lives. So, while you may be disgusted at their lack of hygiene (we do live on the steppe guys), it’s always great to bring a friend... or two thousand.
Leave the kids at home. Now this one may seem like a no brainer, but when you’re travelling long distances, it’s always wise to leave the kids at home so you can focus on the upcoming battle instead of hearing them ask, “Dad are we there yet?”
Additionally, leave the wives at home. Taking care of children may be hard and all, but make sure you leave the majority of your wives at home too, so that they can run the empire in your absence.
If your enemy has better equipment, leave them alive to have them mass produce it for your buddies. When you have to get good at war, it’s a great idea to turn your enemies’ machines against them. This is an even better way to ensure victory, as it crushes morale above all else.
Build your siege machines on the spot. Another no brainer, it’s better to build your siege machines outside the walls of the city, rather than to have to drag them across the open expanses of grass, where you are more vulnerable to attacks.
Show mercy in small kindnesses. For those of you who don’t know me, I simply do not vibe with the murder of children. That being said, if necessary, kill everyone but the children. That way the world will have a much kinder way of learning.
Leave a physical reminder of your victory! This one is more sublime than anything else. Whether it be the bodies of the fallen, a child (or ten) in the belly of a noblewoman, or just the charred remains of what had once been, it is always good to leave a reminder of your presence in the eyes of your subjects, lest they forget you exist.
If you go out, do it often, and do it quick. Fear spreads like wildfire, especially among the urban areas of civilization, as rumors only grow more and more outlandish. So, if you plan on taking more than one city, do it often and do it quick, so that your name can be spread like the fires that will consume your enemies.
Use your really horrible reputation to your advantage. If people start calling you a savage unironically, use that to get what you want! Even though you cry yourself to sleep at night because you just want to make friends, not everyone is going to like you. They will just have to defer to you once you’ve thoroughly crushed their spirits under your horse’s hooves.
Finally, have fun! Be yourself! Murder may not always be a walk in the park, but when you’re fighting you should always be yourself and most importantly, have fun! Murder is only terrible when you aren’t having fun with it!
