Are you a good bitch or a bad bitch?

if i ever accidentally posted something relatable or good enough to trick you into following this account, i truly apologise. im crying also

[beardedmrbean]

[unfriendlymoth]

[dualcasterjay]

however small you may think this dog could be, it is sooo much smaller

[princecroutons]

does croutons know how to count to 4

his mind is unburdened by the concept of basically everything

[girlonradio]

[anditookthatpersonally]

@animals-with-fan-art

one of my favourite posts of all time 😌

[spin-the-wheel-polls]

you are now a cat in the warrior cats universe! Spin these wheels for your name!

Do you like it?

YES!!!

yes

eh it's okay

no.

IM MOON MOON

results/other

Remaining time: 5 days 20 hours

note: I (the owner of this blog and maker of wheels) am not into warrior cats! I just thought this would be fun to make

(prefixes and suffixes from @yarrowleef)

[lemmmmmmmmmmonade]

HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP

[thoodleoo]

been reading cicero's rant about words being given obscene meanings and i don't think i've ever seen a latin sentence that made me burst into such immediate and violent laughter before

[thoodleoo]

had a couple people be like "i have no idea what this means" so to clarify: the word penis in latin originally meant tail and only later got the sense of, uh. penis. so this is cicero complaining that nowadays all these hooligans are using the word "penis" for naughty purposes

[tim-official]

ORC FACTS

the green color is not chlorophyll. they cannot usually photosynthesize. but sometimes they can

[the-orc]

my cousin lorbish can photosynthesize

[tim-official]

ORC FACTS

lorbish can photosynthesize

[redstonedust]

people saying my evil clone would be called greenstonedust but you have failed to consider that 'evil' and 'opposite' are not the same. we all have capacity for evil and thus my opposite self would not be evil, they would be as complex and flawed as i am, just in ways that contrast my own flaws. my EVIL clone would be called shadowkiller666dust the fallen angel of blogging. and they would be cool as fuccckkkkkkkk.

[hungwy]

One of the best stories humanity ever produced was a draft of a rewrite of the Epic of Gilgamesh written by a Ecuadorian poet in 1935. It was tossed into a fireplace by an angry boy and lost forever. Another of humanity's best was told 65,000 years ago and was overheard by a small tribe of embarked Neanderthals boating down a river in what is now northern Georgia. A short woman at the bank scrubbed a wooden idol in the water and sang an ancient tale in an unknown language. These two are eclipsed by everything produced by two brothers at the coast of what is now Cameroon between 503 BC and 490 BC, which they shared with some family and friends, and were beloved by everyone except a sour uncle.

[oditorie]

[redstonedust]

funny thing about anxiety is sometimes it kind of breaks your sense of danger. like i am known for repeatedly putting myself in situations that make my friends go "bro you couldve died. werent you scared?" and the answer is 👍 yjeah. i did it scared. i do everything scared. i didnt know that was the actual important kind of scary because i usually have to ignore my fears to function in society. it will happen again. watch out.

[redstonedust]

my number one advice for parents is to listen to your children tbh. and i dont just mean listening to their problems i mean like. when your kid recites the plot of a movie youve already seen or your tells you about what they did at school today or wants to show you their roblox gameplay. youve gotta be invested in knowing your kid as a person or why are you even doing the whole parenting thing.

[seracadash]

(goverment voice) we need to protect the children from pornography so our plan is to remove their eyes so they would never see something so traumatic. if you are against removing children's eyes you are basically a pedophile

[linolinoing]

guys pls don't die from the heat i love playing tumblr with you

[deadeyesopened]

[ovur]

I won't ever get over the removal of headphone jacks, or micro sd slots, or cd drives. I won't. Fuck everyone and everything

[firewalkwithmedvd]

Was trying to make a joke about TV writing to my friend the other day and had to pause and go "...does the phrase 'surf dracula' mean anything to you?"

[firewalkwithmedvd]

One of the most important critical texts of this century imo

[hypokeimena]

image description: tweet by @/topherflorence, reading: back in the day if u did a tv show called surf dracula you'd see that fool surfing every week in new adventures but in the streaming era the entire 1st season gotta be a long ass flashback to how he got the surfboard until you finally get to see him surf for 5 min in the finale /end description

[ceruleanheaven]

i just wanna do nothinggggg 😭😭😭😭😭 which is like what im already doing but i wanna do it in a way that doesnt actively ruin my life 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[wifegideonnav]

gonna be honest i don’t know how many more ‘enter the 6 digit code we sent to your phone’s i got left in me