Summary: A fix it fic for the faking orgasms scene in 2x16
A/N: Unless you’ve watched the episode recently, I suggest rewatching the scene in their bed, as well as the scene before hand when they are talking at the dining room table.
This scene has always bothered me, so I finally got around to writing it the way I wish it would have gone. This is a conversation between two emotionally mature adults who’ve been together for ten years and *already* know that sex does not have to be goal oriented.
~
Focus. Stef took a deep breath, willing it to clear her distracted mind as she exhaled. She focused on the heat of Lena’s mouth, and her fingers gripping the backs of her thighs, and the warm, pleasant tingle beginning to spread up her abdomen, and… six years! How do you go six years without having sex with your wife? The harder she tried to stop thinking about it, the more she thought about it, and after another minute, when the pleasant tingle halted then slowly dissipated, she gave up and let herself sink down into the mattress.
Lena lifted her head, concern in her eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I just… I don’t know. Can’t get there?”
Lena pulled herself up onto her knees. “I wasn’t hurting you, was I?”
“No, love. You were doing everything right. It just… wasn’t working,” she shrugged.
“Do you want to try something else? A different position or—?“
Stef looked appreciative, but shook her head. “I think I’m too much in my own head at this point. It’s fine.”
Lena tipped her head to one side. “You sure?”
“Absolutely.” She nodded, offering a warm smile for reassurance.
Lena dropped a kiss onto one of Stef’s knees and then they both shimmied under the sheet as Lena laid down beside her. Stef turned to face her, gliding her hand up her thigh and over her hip.
“We don’t have to stop, y’know?”
“…Really?”
“Mhmm.” Stef’s voice rumbled deep in her throat as her hand inched higher.
When Lena spoke, her words were thin and breathy, her head already feeling a little fuzzy. “Because we don’t have to if you’re not feeling it.”
“I don’t know about it,” Stef said, leaning closer so her lips almost brushed Lena’s, “but I’m certainly feeling you.” She grinned as she captured Lena’s lips, and was eagerly received.
As Stef’s hand reached her breast, cupping it while she rolled her nipple beneath her thumb, Lena sighed into their kiss. She felt like she could float away so she rolled onto her back, pulling Stef on top of her, anchoring her to earth.
When Lena pushed her hips up against her, Stef slipped her hand back down beneath the sheet. With the lightest touch to her thighs, Lena spread her legs, and although she wasn’t expecting her to be ready quite so quickly, that was all the invitation Stef needed. She used the arm beneath Lena to lift her shoulders, exposing her neck so she could draw her tongue across it at the same time as she sunk her fingers into the wet heat of her inner folds.
Lena was overwhelmed by sensation—the slick caress of Stef’s fingers, the scrape of teeth against her throat, the burning trail from her lips and tongue across her chest, the desperate rush of her own breathing that was her only relief to the building pressure. Her hands grasped at Stef—her shoulders, her hips, her hair—as if she were trying to be everywhere all at once but nothing was enough. She was already close but her head was spinning, so she closed her eyes tight, focusing just on the rhythmic circles of Stef’s hand. She gripped the pillow behind her with one hand, pressing down harder, her body tense against the edge she couldn’t quite get over.
“Did we lose it?” Stef asked as she looked down at the concentration etched in Lena’s face.
“No. Just… a little more…” she reached down to guide Stef’s hand, “yeah. Stay right there.” Stef did as she was told, keeping steady, and rebuilding momentum as Lena’s hips rocked down against her again. Determined, Lena pulled Stef down to her, burying her face into the crook of her neck, but Stef could already tell. She was trying too hard, trying to hold onto what was already gone. After another minute, Lena’s grip loosened, and as her body stilled, so did Stef.
“We lost it, didn’t we?”
Frustrated, Lena blew out an exhale. “Yep.”
Stef dropped her head against Lena’s temple for a moment before rolling over and flopping onto her own pillow. Lying side by side, they both heaved a defeated sigh.
The quiet pressed on them, neither sure of what to say. It wasn’t the first time this had happened, but it was the first time it happened to them both on the same night. It was Lena who broke the silence.
“I think I had too much wine.” Her tone was flat, sounding as disappointed as she felt. “Maybe next time we should have sex before dinner. Or maybe we should have dinner. And less drinks.” Because squeeze pouches of applesauce really didn’t qualify as a meal. Especially when they’d had an entire bottle of wine.
“I think… there was just a lot of pressure tonight and—”
“All the pressure to have sex tonight was coming from you.” It came out sounding more like an accusation than she’d meant, but it was true nonetheless.
Stef sighed. “No, I know, that’s not—I just mean… I couldn’t stop thinking about Hope and Kim not having sex for so long, and then it, it started to feel like I was, I don’t know, trying to prove some point instead of just enjoying it.”
A weighty silence passed before Lena slipped her hand beneath Stef’s in the space between them, lacing their fingers together. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I know it’s been hard lately. Especially with how long it took to start having sex again after losing Frankie.”
“Sweetheart, you were grieving. We both were.” She squeezed Lena’s hand as she spoke. “I don’t fault you for that. We both needed time, and I wanted you to have however long you needed.”
“I know, but… even now sometimes, I can be completely in the mood, then half way through it’ll hit me all over again. Suddenly my body doesn’t feel like mine anymore and I have to stop. And then I feel guilty for ruining it because it’s already so hard for us to find time with everything else going on.”
“My love, you don’t ever have to feel guilty for that. I’m just glad you feel safe enough to be honest with me when it happens because I don’t ever want you to feel pressured or, or like this is some obligation you have to fulfill—”
“I don’t. I never have.” Her cheeks puffed out as she blew out a sigh. “But I have to admit, sometimes I miss when sex didn’t come with all this baggage and we could just enjoy each other.”
Stef shifted onto her side, her face full of understanding. “I know, love.” There was warmth and love in her eyes as she held Lena’s gaze, and her thumb stroked back and forth over the softness of her palm. “Is that what happened tonight? You thought about Frankie?” Her question was gentle, and the care in her voice created a bloom of tenderness in Lena’s chest.
“No.” She shook her head, smiling. “I think this really was just too much wine on an empty stomach.”
Stef laughed despondently. “Yeah, well, at least you didn’t psych yourself out about lesbian bed death while in the middle of having lesbian sex.” She rolled her eyes closed, shaking her head at herself.
Lena pressed a smiling, sympathetic kiss to Stef’s lips. “You have nothing to worry about,” she said as she pulled back to look her in the eye. “You know that, right? We’re fine. Even with the really hard year we’ve had, we’re still finding time. It’s okay if it’s not as often as it used to be.”
Appreciative of the reassurance, but still feeling a bit unsettled by the whole thing, Stef smiled as she squeezed Lena’s hand again. “Do you just want to cuddle for a while?”
“Are you just going to fall asleep on me?”
“Not right away.” She winked, making Lena laugh as she leaned in to kiss her. “C’mere,” she said, patting Lena’s hip to encourage her to turn over.
Lena shuffled backwards, appreciating the warmth of Stef’s skin against her back. The weight of her arm draped over her waist was so familiar and comfortable, she felt like she was melting into her as Stef pressed kisses to her neck, and jaw, and shoulder. Closing her eyes, Lena sighed, not even aware of the smile pulling across her lips.
“We’re not losing our spark, are we?” Stef asked softly.
“Do you think we are?” Lena asked, careful not to let her surprise sound like defensiveness. At the moment, with the way she felt just lying in Stef’s arms, that seemed unimaginable, but she was willing to admit to herself that she’d had similar worries in the last year. Life had gotten harder, and their relationship always felt like the only thing that could be put on the back burner, because it was the one thing she thought she could trust to still be there when all the fires were put out. Of course, that hadn’t stopped her from worrying that maybe, while getting all those other fires under control, they would come out on the other side only to realize that they’d accidentally extinguished their flame as well.
“No. It’s just… In the beginning when everything is so exciting because it’s new… it’s intense and, and everything just comes so easily. Sometimes, I worry that being comfortable and settled will turn into complacency, and we won’t notice until it’s too late.”
Lena didn’t respond right away, and Stef grew tense in the quiet that settled over them, feeling more vulnerable and unsure the longer it dragged on.
When Lena finally spoke, it was with a quiet reverence. “I still get excited every time you walk through the door at night. It may not be new, but it’s better. Because we’ve seen each other at our best, and our worst, and we still choose this life over and over again. The way our love thrives in the day-to-day is my favorite part of us, and I’ll happily take it over new passion every single day for the rest of my life.”
This time, it was Stef who let the silence linger. She considered what her wife was saying, and the events of the evening, and all the way back to the beginning of their relationship. She realized how right Lena was. The familiarity and security of their love was what had sustained them for so long. It was what made them stronger together, and it was why, when she stopped worrying about what anyone else might think, it didn’t matter how often they were having sex, or if sometimes an orgasm was elusive, or if intimacy sometimes just meant talking and cuddling until they fell asleep. What mattered was that they were still happy, still growing closer, still finding peace in one another, even on the hardest days. After all, a spark can only ignite a fire. It takes so much more to keep it burning.
“For the record, I’m happy anytime we get to be together, finish or not.”
Lena smiled. “Me too.”
“And this right here?” She nuzzled Lena’s neck, pulling her closer. “This is my favorite part.”
Fandom: The Fosters
Pairing: Stef/Lena
Rating: M
Summary: When young Mariana starts coming into their bed every night, Stef and Lena struggle with the loss of their time alone together. Desperate times call for desperate measures and they have to get creative to find time alone.
Notes: This is set after Chapter 3: United We Stand in the Party of Five one-shot collection, as well as the flashback with the twins in The Night Before Christmas. Neither are required reading but might be worth reading ahead of time, should you be inclined. I know this fandom is pretty quiet at this point, but I do appreciate any and all kudos and comments that still come my way. Thank you for reading. :)
Also on AO3
In the week following the haunted house, when the twins had asked to sleep in their room for the first time, Stef and Lena’s bed had been crowded. Very crowded. Both kids were back the next night, then asked to just start in their room, bypassing their own beds altogether, and by the fourth night, Brandon had asked to come in, too, apparently feeling left out. After a night that felt more like a brawl than a family sleepover, Stef put her foot down and insisted everyone go to bed in their own rooms. The boys stayed put until morning, but in the middle of the night, Lena was startled awake by Mariana standing inches from her face, staring at her in the dark until she was invited into the bed. This continued every night, and by the time two weeks had passed, not only were Stef and Lena desperate for a good night’s sleep, they were starting to feel the loss of their only time alone.
In an effort to make it up, they resorted to stealing moments with each other, sneaking around like forbidden lovers in their own home. Slightly altered morning routines allowed for some half-naked dalliance before work. On nights when Stef was home before dinner, meal prep became a game of who could flirt the most outrageously without getting questioned by a kid. Dinner clean up got longer as they got distracted, empty rooms became shelters for heated kisses, and every embrace grew a little more desperate, and a lot more daring, than the last.
On movie night, Lena followed Stef into the kitchen. The popcorn popped in the microwave while Lena stepped up behind her, pushing her blonde hair over to one shoulder. She grazed a kiss against the back of her neck, exhaling slowly so the heat from her breath curled around it. Her hands gripped her hips, pulling her back until she was flush against her. She kissed a meandering path along its length, slow and torturous, sparking electricity up into Stef’s skull. She didn’t stop until the microwave beeped, and even then, she was reluctant to let go. Fortunately, as a family of five, they now needed two bags, so Stef got it going, fumbling a little in her haste, and they used the rest of the time to make out.
Later, while snuggled under a blanket on the couch, the kids sprawled across the floor watching Monsters Inc., Lena was stoically trying to ignore Stef’s hand creeping up the inside of her thigh. Her pulse raced beneath her tingling skin, growing faster with every inch. Just as Stef reached the center seam of her jeans, Lena took her hand, sliding their fingers together as she nestled them down into a more appropriate location. When she heard a little hrmph from Stef, she glanced at her, chuckling at the pout on her face. She then spent the rest of the movie torturing herself by imagining multiple scenarios in which she could have let her continue.
Similar instances were frequent in the following few weeks, each more frustrating than the last. Between their work schedules, the house, the kids with their homework and their activities, and the extra time Lena was spending helping fill in some of the gaps in the twins’ education, and without nights to themselves, they just did not have time together.
~
“I have a plan,” Lena announced, though the kids were too busy goofing around instead of eating their breakfast to pay her any attention.
“And what’s that?” Stef asked as she poured coffee into her travel mug.
“While you’re at work today, I’m going to take the kids to the beach.”
That got the kids’ attention, and all three of them began shooting off excited questions about when, how long, and what they would get to eat while there.
“I’ll answer all your questions later. Right now you need to finish your breakfast and then go find your suits and towels.”
“Okay!” They all turned back to their plates, their excitement barely contained.
“Goodbye my babies!” Stef called out before planting kisses on top of each of their heads.
“I’ll walk you out,” Lena said, and Stef noted the mischief in her eyes as they turned to leave the room.
“What else are you planning?” she asked when they reached the front door.
“To wear them out. It’s a beautiful Saturday, we can spend the whole day out in the sun, and by bedtime, they’ll be so tired they’ll pass out for the whole night. All of them.”
“Ooh!” Stef crooned, looking both impressed and conspiratorial. “I like when you get all determined and take control.” She took a step closer as her gaze dropped down to Lena’s lips.
Lena tilted her face up, brows raised. Her voice was thick with tension as the space between them closed. “Oh really?”
“Mhmm.” Stef leaned in, letting her lips linger over her lover’s until Lena finally captured them with her own. It was a slow kiss, tender but restrained, and yet both felt it burn through every nerve in their bodies.
They said their goodbyes, and Lena watched Stef leave, the promise of later lingering on her lips.
~
Their day at the beach had been fun. The kids had a blast, and they chattered about it all evening while Lena made dinner. Lena, however, had underestimated how exhausting it would be to take all three of them to the beach alone. Still, excitement thrummed through her whenever she thought about Stef coming home, and she was hopeful that if she was feeling as tired as she was, the kids would be feeling it, too. By the time they were settling down for dinner, she could see the heaviness on all their faces, the quieting of their voices, and she was sure her plan had worked.
When Stef came home, the energy in the house picked up a few degrees. The kids told her all about their day—burying each other in the sand, seagulls trying to steal their picnic, and Jesús digging a hole so deep that even Mama could sit in it without her head sticking out!
Stef got up to put her plate in the sink. “My goodness!” she exclaimed. “It sounds like you should all be thoroughly worn out then!” Grinning, she winked at Lena, who bit back a smile.
“They’re not the only ones,” she muttered.
“Oh, no!” Stef crooned, the concern in her voice entirely for show as she came up behind Lena and wrapped her arms around her neck from behind. “Don’t worry, love.” She pressed her lips against her ear, her voice dangerously low, “I’ll make sure you get plenty of time in bed.”
Lena suppressed a shiver, suddenly feeling much more alert. Swallowing hard, she leaned back into Stef’s chest, at the same time as she slid her hand over the back of Stef’s to intertwine their fingers, their hands resting atop her shoulder. They stayed like that for a moment, letting the quiet undercurrent of desire they had been feeling all day pass between one another, each noticing their own heartbeat fall into sync.
The kids starting to bicker pulled them out of the moment and back to the reality that stood between them and their much needed time alone. The next few hours passed as if time was moving at half speed. They trudged their way through dinner clean up and bath time, trying and failing miserably at not checking the clock every five minutes. By the time bedtime rolled around, they were both so desperate to be done that it felt like a race to get the kids all settled in their beds. Lena took on the boys while Stef laid with Mariana, making sure to give her extra snuggles, trying to ensure she was so comfortable and drowsy that nowhere else could be more desirable than her own bed.
Finally, when the little girl’s breathing became steady and her head grew heavy on Stef’s chest, Stef carefully extricated herself and tiptoed out the door. She glanced around the hallway, noticing their bedroom door ajar, light shining into the hall. Padding her way to their room, a flutter of excitement started in the pit of her stomach at the possibility of what she might find. She poked her head around the door. Lena was nowhere to be found.
“Lena?” she called quietly, entering the room and closing the door behind her.
“In here.”
She followed Lena’s voice to the bathroom, only to find her doing laundry. Though it wasn’t quite the sight she had been hoping for, she certainly wasn’t bothered by the way Lena’s shirt rode up over her waistband, revealing her back as she reached down into the washing machine, or how her yoga pants fit perfectly along the curve of her backside when she leaned to toss the wet clothes into the dryer. She watched for another minute, heat slowly rising to her face, before she came to and shook her head, laughing at herself. If she was lusting over her partner doing laundry, she really needed to get laid.
“I see laundry is higher on your to-do list than I am,” she said, feigning offense as she approached her from behind.
Lena rolled her eyes at Stef over her shoulder, an easy smile on her face. “Not by choice,” she said as she grabbed the last handful, tossing it into the dryer and closing the door, then squealed when she felt Stef also grab a handful. When she turned in the small space between her partner and the dryer, Stef did not let go of her ass, instead allowing the motion to wrap her arm around her as she stepped closer, easing Lena up against the cold metal of the appliance.
Stef’s body was flush against her, the slight pressure making it just a little harder to breathe. Or, perhaps, it was the darkening of her eyes as they dropped down to Lena’s lips.
“You have been hard to pin down these days,” Lena said, her voice down in her chest, restraining her lips from reaching, trying to play it cool despite the desperation creeping through her body.
“Not by choice.” Stef smirked, lowering her head slowly until her breath washed over Lena’s lips with every exhale.
Lena wound her arms around Stef’s neck, one hand sliding up the back and into her hair. Their mouths were achingly close, their lips parted, poised. Stef brought her hand up to Lena’s jaw, caressing her thumb over her cheek. Leaning into the touch, Lena closed her eyes in anticipation, waiting for Stef to land her kiss. Instead, she felt her breath rush over her chin as she spoke.
“Should we wait?”
Lena blinked her eyes open, confused as she pulled back. “Why?”
“To make sure she stays asleep, so we don’t get interrupted.”
Lena tucked her chin, taking a deep breath to think more clearly. Wait? They had done nothing but wait for weeks, and as patient as she usually was, she had no more waiting left in her.
“What if we wait and she ends up coming in anyway, and we lose our chance?”
Stef thought about it for a moment, her eyes drawn back down to Lena’s mouth where she was worrying her lower lip between her teeth. “You make a compelling argument, my love.”
Using her thumb, she gently tugged Lena’s lip out from between her teeth, gliding across the plush surface before capturing it with her own.
Fire flashed between them immediately, weeks of pent up desire blazing, ready to burn everything down. Lena slipped her tongue between Stef’s eager lips, her stomach twisting pleasantly when their tongues slid against one another. Stef pressed her harder against the dryer, her hand moving down to grip her thigh, pulling her leg up while she pushed her hips into her, causing a delicious friction between them. When her other hand pushed beneath the hem of Lena’s shirt, the cool touch of her fingers on her ribs made her gasp against Stef’s mouth. Her hand continued up, pushing under her bra so her breast was cradled in her hand. She squeezed it gently, teasing her thumb over her nipple, over and over, until the familiar sound of her lover’s breathless want spilled into their kiss.
“Please, Stef. I can’t…” she panted. “I can’t wait anymore.”
Pulling back to look at her, Stef felt a tightening deep inside at the unabashed lust on Lena’s face. Removing her hand from beneath her shirt, she grasped her slender waist and lifted her up onto the dryer.
“Something wrong with the bed?”
“Yeah,” Stef looked at her with a devilish grin. “The bed doesn’t do this,” she said, reaching behind her and turning on the dryer.
The vibrations, spreading from the backs of her things up into her entire body, made Lena’s breath catch in her throat, her mouth falling slightly open. Stef wasted no more time. She tucked her fingers into Lena’s waistband, tugging them off along with her underwear. She kissed her one last time before bringing Lena’s legs over her shoulders, urging her to lean back enough that Stef could anchor herself on her forearms. With her arms wrapped securely around her legs, she was just beginning to graze kisses along her inner thigh when she heard the familiar click of the bedroom door.
She froze for a second, then, when she heard, “Mommy? Mama?” she felt panic rise up the back of her throat.
“Shit!” she whispered, dislodging herself to shut the bathroom door. “Be right out,” she called through the door.
Lena was already off the dryer, pulling her underwear back on while Stef leaned against the door, breathing heavily, her face burning red. Once Lena was fully dressed, Stef pulled her in against her, dropping a kiss into her hair.
“I’m sorry, love,” she whispered, feeling more than hearing the whining groan coming from her very frustrated partner.
“Do you mind if I take a shower? I need to cool down,” Lena asked in a tense monotone.
“Of course. I’ll go lay with Mariana.” She smoothed a hand along Lena’s spine, feeling guilty despite knowing she did nothing wrong. Though, she did forget to lock the door.
“Thank you,” Lena said flatly, and waited for Stef to leave before beginning to undress again.
~
A week later, Stef had pressed Lena back against the fridge where they were sure to be out of view, her lips already busy with the tender flesh beneath the edge of her lover’s jawline. The denim of Stef’s jeans was rough and inviting against the inside of Lena’s thighs as her knee pushed between them, inching her skirt higher. Lena gripped the back of Stef’s shirt, knuckles digging into her ribs while she pulled her closer, closer, closer until there wasn’t space for even a whisper between their bodies. She couldn’t tell whose heart she could feel thumping against her chest, but decided, when the gentle scrape of teeth along her neck made it beat faster, it must have been her own.
It took an enormous effort for Stef to keep herself under control; they had to stop doing this. It was stupid to think it was going to do anything but make her more desperate, and still, every time she naively hoped it would offer a little relief. Now it was to the point where she couldn’t think of anything else; all day, every day, that undercurrent of desire consumed her.
When she felt Lena’s fingers curl into the hair at the nape of her neck, she shuddered, a tiny moan escaping despite her efforts to contain it.
“Do you think we can sneak upstairs without them noticing?” she asked, her breathy whisper snaking around Lena’s neck, making her shiver.
“What if they need help?”
“It’ll be fine. We’ll be fast.”
When Stef’s tongue dipped into the hollow at the base of her neck, Lena had to grip the edge of the fridge behind her for support. “I don’t think I can take getting interrupted again. It’s somehow even worse than just waiting it out.”
“They won’t. We haven’t heard a peep out of them this whole time. We can use the vibrator, and be done before they even realize we’re gone. It’ll at least hold us over until we can find some real time alone.” Stef kissed her way back up her neck to her lips, kissing her deeply until she felt Lena’s body relax all the way into hers. Pulling back enough to look at her, and seeing desire so unmasked on her lover’s face, she cocked a knowing eyebrow. “Wanna?”
“Yeah,” Lena agreed, her eager grin growing wider by the second.
As if on cue, Brandon’s voice bellowed in from the dining room. “Moms! Jesús needs help with his math homework!”
Stef let out a despondent whimper, and dropped her head onto Lena’s shoulder.
“I’ll be right there,” Lena called back, wrapping her arms around her partner’s shoulders while trying to ignore her own mounting frustration. She nuzzled her nose into Stef’s hair, eyes closed, just taking in the feeling of her for a moment before offering her a sympathetic squeeze. “I’ll be right back,” she murmured against her ear, then reluctantly extricated herself from Stef’s embrace.
By the time she returned, Stef was almost finished washing the dishes from dinner, so she grabbed a dish towel and started drying.
“This is ridiculous,” Stef said, her aggravation evident in the tone of her voice.
“I know, but it’s just a phase. We’ll get through it,” Lena offered.
Stef looked over at her, studying her as she dried and stacked another plate on the counter. “How are you not going absolutely crazy? I feel like you’re usually worse than me about this, and I am going crazy.”
“I am,” Lena said, her calm and collected demeanor a stark contrast to the tense energy radiating off of her partner. “But I, um…” she pressed her lips together for a moment, “I might’ve… taken matters into my own hands the other day, which helped a little bit.” Her eyebrows lifted, and she tried to hold back a grin as she glanced at Stef, whose face was a mixture of shock and jealousy.
“You did?”
“You haven’t?” Lena countered, just as surprised.
“No! We can’t get any time alone for us, much less for, y’know, going solo.” As she handed Lena a bowl, she took the opportunity to watch her for a moment, appreciating that even the way she dried dishes was beautiful. But then she started picturing her naked, and she felt that familiar pulse begin, and she had to shake the image from her head and look away before she got worked up again. She picked up another dish and swiped the sponge across it. “When did you…?”
“Last weekend, when you took the kids to the movies.”
“Lena Elizabeth Adams!” Stef admonished, gaping at her, though a smile was unhidden in her eyes. “You told me you had a headache and needed to lie down!” It was an accusation, but made with nothing but affection. It was a fair play, she just wished she’d made it.
“I did,” Lena insisted. “I just figured, since I had the opportunity… Plus, it helped get rid of my headache.”
“I am so glad to hear that,” Stef snarked. After handing Lena the last dish, she shut off the water and turned towards her partner, leaning her hip against the edge of the sink while she dried her hands. She swept a gaze down the length of Lena’s body, biting her lip. “You know, that image really isn’t doing me any favors right now.”
Lena glanced at her, noting the flush in her cheeks.
“I know, sorry. That’s why I didn't tell you before.”
“I think maybe it should be your turn to take the kids to the movies this weekend.”
“That can be arranged.” It was Lena’s turn to get caught up in her imagination for a moment, only to instantly regret it. With some very X-rated images clogging up her brain, she wanted to pull Stef to the ground right there, but instead she took a step back, hoping the physical distance would help her impulse control.
That was it, she decided. They had to figure something out. Soon.
“But what we really need is someone else to take the kids to the movies, because all it did was take the edge off. What I really want is you, the connection, the intimacy. That’s what we really need.”
Stef snorted and tossed her towel at Lena. “Yeah, says the woman who already had an orgasm.”
“What’s a orgasm?” The perky little voice came from the other side of the kitchen, and both women turned to see Jesús standing in the doorway, with his head tilted in question, and his familiar lopsided grin beaming at them as they both froze. “Can I have one?”
~
“Well, that was fun.”
“What happened?” Lena asked from their bathroom.
“I just gave Brandon his first sex talk!”
Wide-eyed, Lena poked her head out into the bedroom, her fingers still wound in her half-braided hair. “Wait, what? Why?”
“Apparently after our talk with Jesús this evening, he went to Brandon for clarification. Which left him with even more questions than Jesús’d had.” Plopping down on the edge of the bed, Stef scrubbed her hands over her face. Abandoning the braid, Lena came to sit down beside her.
“Did you talk to Jesús again, and answer his questions, too?”
“No, love, I didn’t,” she admitted with a bone-weary sigh as she looked up at her. “Two impromptu, age appropriate sex talks were all I could handle today.”
Lena rubbed her hand across Stef’s back, resting her chin on her shoulder. “I’ll talk to him tomorrow.”
Stef sighed again. “Thank you.”
She planted a kiss on Lena’s cheek, then patted her hand, and went to put on her pajamas. Lena returned to the bathroom, and they finished their nightly routine in a tired yet comfortable silence. Once in bed, Stef switched off her lamp and tucked herself down into the blankets.
“I’m gonna try to get some sleep before Miss Thing comes in. That girl windmills worse than you.”
“I do not windmill,” Lena insisted, turning off her own lamp and settling down on her side.
“Whatever you say, my love,” Stef laughed, unconvinced. She draped her arm over her hip, scooting closer so they were face-to-face. “I will say, though, this is the first time in weeks I haven’t even wanted to think about sex, so maybe this whole thing was a blessing in disguise.”
~
Perched at the table, Lena was just hanging up the phone when Stef walked into the kitchen after work, still in her uniform.
“Hey, babe,” she announced herself, making Lena look at her over her shoulder. “Sorry I missed dinner.” Even though it was unavoidable, and happened more than either of them would have liked, Stef always apologized when work kept her late. She never wanted Lena to feel like she took everything she did for granted, especially now that she was caring for three children by herself in the afternoons.
Lena smiled away her apology. “Hey.”
“Who was that?” she asked, coming up behind her and leaning down to kiss her temple before heading to the fridge.
“Kelly.” Lena set the phone down on the table and watched Stef pour herself a glass of water.
“Oh yeah? What’d she want?”
“I called her, actually.”
“Really?” Stef sat down on the seat beside her, glass in hand.
“Mhmm. We haven’t seen them in a while, I thought it might be nice to get the kids together for a play date.”
“That’s a great idea! When are we going?”
“Saturday.” Lena turned so their knees knocked together.
“Great,” Stef said absentmindedly, her focus fully fixed on the length of skin along the inside of Lena’s thigh that beckoned her up into the darkness beneath her skirt.
They had gotten two days of relief after their mishap before the awkwardness faded, and their sexual frustration returned, full force. Unfortunately, nothing else had changed; Mariana was still in their bed every night, and they were right back to surviving solely on stolen moments. Except now, they were working a lot harder to avoid another indiscretion, which meant even less time alone.
“Where are the kids?” Stef asked, when Lena slid off her stool and came to stand in front of her.
“Playing in Brandon’s room.” Lena took another step forward, urging her way between her partner’s knees.
“You’re sure?” She plucked at Lena’s sweater, pointedly keeping her hands in neutral territory, though her eyes and mind were already wandering.
“Mhmm.”
There was a smile on Lena’s face and a flutter in her belly from the way Stef looked at her. She slid her fingers beneath Stef’s chin to tip up her head, running her thumb over her bottom lip before leaning in to kiss her. It was purposefully chaste, which only made Stef want her that much more. Stef edged her tongue between Lena’s lips at the same time as she brought her hands up to her waist. Lena’s heart beat harder in her chest at the feeling of her partners’ fingertips digging into her skin through her sweater, clearly losing a battle against her self control. She welcomed the deepening of their embrace, allowing Stef to part her lips and relishing in the sensation as her tongue swept against her own. Her hand moved from Stef’s chin, dragging down her neck to her chest. Stef urged her toward the counter and Lena reached for the edge, knocking over the glass with a clatter. Water spilled over the countertop and down into Stef’s lap, barely missing Lena as they sprang apart.
“Shit!” Stef swiped at the water seeping into her uniform slacks. “I guess that’s one way to cool things down.”
“Sorry!” Gingerly avoiding the water on the floor, Lena grabbed the hand towel hanging on the oven door. She tossed it to Stef, then pulled another from the drawer. “Go change. I’ll wipe this up and then reheat your dinner.”
“Thanks, babe,” Stef said, patting her lap dry before heading for the stairs. As she went, Lena paused her clean up to enjoy the sway of her hips and that swagger she had always found so irresistible, realizing it was going to take a lot more than a glass of water to cool her down.
~
They usually split the kids’ bedtime routine as evenly as possible, but since she’d missed dinner, Stef offered to tackle it alone. Brandon didn’t take much assistance anymore, except a check for clean teeth, a kiss goodnight, and a reminder for lights out after his reading hour was up. Jesús and Mariana still needed more help, so while she got Jesús settled, Stef let Mariana hang with B. She liked listening to him read from his chapter books, and he never minded her quiet company. Plus, Stef offered him an extra twenty minutes as added incentive.
Once Mariana was tucked under her yellow Beauty and the Beast themed comforter, and after a bedtime story followed by a song—a recent addition to the routine at the little girl’s request—Stef sat on the edge of her bed, smiling down at her drowsy face.
“Do you want to try sleeping all night in your bed tonight?” She was careful to keep the question neutral, not wanting Mariana to feel rejected or unwanted.
Mariana looked up at her, her big brown eyes round and unsure. “Do I have to?”
“Of course not, sweets.” Stef tenderly brushed away the wisps of hair from her forehead that had escaped her ponytail. “But wouldn’t it be nice to have your whole big bed all to yourself? It gets pretty tight with you squished in there between Mama and me.”
“I like it,” Mariana shrugged. “Feels safe.”
The warmest smile spread across Stef’s face, making the corners of her eyes crinkle, while her heart squeezed in her chest as if Mariana had wrapped her arms right around it.
“And that is the most important thing. You know you are welcome in our bed anytime, yes?” Mariana nodded her head, looking far too serious, so Stef booped her nose to make her giggle. “Goodnight, Miss Thing.” She pressed a few quick kisses to her cheek, “I love you.”
“Love you, too.”
Leaving Mariana’s door cracked, Stef went back downstairs to get a couple chores done. It was more than an hour before she was wrapping up her nightly check for locked windows and doors, turning off lights, and heading back upstairs. Lena was already in her pajamas, sitting in bed with her laptop. The papers strewn around her and the pen clamped in her teeth were a sure sign that she was working. Stef quietly got ready for the night, not speaking until she went to get in bed, only to find her partner’s paperwork had crossed well onto her side.
“You know, I said I’d do the kids tonight so you could have a break.”
Lena looked over at her, then down at the bed, and began scooping up the papers. “Sorry.” She stacked them into a neat pile and put them back into their file folder. “I appreciate it, but I’ve gotta get this stuff done.”
Stef grinned as she got into bed. Sitting beside her, she tucked her hand under her pajama shirt and began a gentle massage on her lower back. “So this wouldn’t be the best time for a distraction, then?”
A whining groan rumbled in Lena’s throat at both the suggestion and the way Stef’s fingers deftly worked at a knot she hadn’t known was even there.
“I’m sorry, babe,” she said after letting her partner work that tight spot all the way out, “but I really do have to finish this. Carina wanted it done yesterday, and I can’t tell her I need more time, again.”
Stef tried not to let her disappointment make it to her face, even though she understood. Lena was leaning back into her hand, eyes closed and head tipped forward, so Stef continued her massage. “It’s probably for the best anyway. I asked Mariana if she wanted to sleep the whole night in her bed tonight, but she didn’t seem too keen on the idea. So, who knows when she’ll be showing up.” After another minute, Lena straightened back up, so Stef kissed her shoulder before turning to lay on her back. Looking up at the ceiling, she audibly exhaled. “We can’t keep this up forever.”
Lena let out a commiserating sigh. “It won’t be forever. I’m glad she feels safe enough to seek out and ask for the comfort.”
“I know, me too but… I miss you.”
“I miss you, too.” Lena reached over and took Stef’s hand, running her thumb along the back in a familiar, comforting motion. “Soon enough, she’ll be ready to go back in her bed. Brandon went through this, too, remember?”
“Yeah,” Stef squeezed her hand, “but he at least had weekends at his dad’s. This just isn’t sustainable.”
“I know. We’ll figure it out, promise.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” Stef said, looking at her with a challenging smirk.
Lena raised her eyebrows high as she brought Stef’s hand to her lips, brushing a kiss along the tops of her fingers. “You know I never do.”
~
The following Saturday, Lena and Stef had the kids buckled into the car, on their way to Kelly and Jenna’s. The kids were hyped. They loved getting to hang out with their son Garrett, and it had been a while since they had gotten the chance.
When they pulled up in the driveway, everyone clamored out of the car, all talking at once.
“Go ahead,” Lena told Stef. “I’ll be right there.” She headed around to the back of the car while Stef led the troops to the front door.
The four of them were already inside when Lena let herself in the open door, and the kids were fully enraptured in setting up a board game in the middle of the floor. Lena came up next to Stef, who was already catching up with their friends.
They exchanged greetings and hugs before Kelly asked if they wanted to have something to drink.
“Oh, no,” Jenna swooped in before Lena could say anything. “You two love birds get on out of here. Don’t waste any time on us.” She wagged her eyebrows, grinning at them.
Stef looked between her and Lena, trying to put the puzzle together without all the pieces. Lena wore a bashful grin as she slid a small suitcase over towards Kelly. Stef’s mouth slowly fell open as the pieces fell together.
“Thank you, so much,” Lena said. Stef stared at her.
“It’s no problem, honey.” Jenna grinned at them both, nodding her head in understanding. “We’ve got this covered. You guys go. Enjoy yourselves.” She winked, cackling quietly.
“We’ll call if there’s an emergency, but otherwise you won’t hear from us,” Kelly assured them.
“Thank you.” When Stef still seemed stunned, Lena took her hand, pulling her over to the kids to say goodbye, grateful they had all been able to keep their secret since she had told them about the sleepover yesterday. Waving goodbye to everyone, they walked out the door and back to the car, still hand-in-hand.
Once they were in the car and on the road, Lena was surprised when Stef didn’t take her hand back, despite it resting on the seat between them, an invitation that would usually be accepted. Instead, Stef’s hands were curled around the steering wheel, knuckles white, as she stared very adamantly at the road.
“How long have you been planning this?” Stef asked, still not looking at her partner.
“I set it up when I called Kelly earlier this week.”
Aside from the tiniest head nod, Stef didn’t answer.
Feeling a flutter of trepidation, Lena turned to look directly at her. “You’re not mad, are you?” she asked cautiously. She knew Stef sometimes had some complicated feelings about sex, and could embarrass easily, but these were their best friends. This was hardly the first time their sex lives had been a topic of conversation, and she really hadn’t thought Stef would care.
Stef chewed on her lip for a moment, before turning to meet Lena’s gaze. “No, love. I am definitely not mad.”
The look on her face made Lena tense against a full-body shudder that culminated in the start of a heavy pulse between her thighs. No. Stef was certainly not angry, and Lena understood that even holding hands would have been too much distraction while driving.
A smile slowly spread across her face, as both of them turned back to watch the road. The rest of the drive was spent in silence, both women feeling the urgent ache of anticipation after holding so much pent up desire for so long.
By the time they pulled into the driveway, Lena felt like she was ready to crawl out of her skin. They walked to the house, still maintaining their distance, until Stef managed to open the door, allowing Lena to walk in first.
As soon as the door closed behind her, Stef grabbed Lena’s arm, turning her towards her and pulling her in to kiss her. There was no teasing, just lips and tongues and mingling breath as Stef guided her back against the door. Lena’s purse slid from her shoulder, hitting the floor with a thud. Her hands came to Stef’s hips, pulling her closer, wanting more. So much more.
Stef trailed her lips over her cheek to her ear.
“God, I’ve missed you,” she panted, the rush of her words against her ear making Lena’s breath catch in her throat. A hand came up to cradle the back of her head, tilting her ear closer to Stef’s mouth as she ran her tongue along its edge. Lena’s eyes squeezed shut as need scorched through her body, her gasping breaths echoing up the stairwell as Stef began to suck on her earlobe.
Lena’s head swirled, lust and love creating an insatiable need for her lover’s touch.
“Stef,” she pleaded.
“Yes, love?” Stef asked, knowing full well what she needed by the way she pushed her hips harder against her.
“I need you. Please.”
Stef smiled, chuckling against her neck. “Need me to what?” she asked innocently.
Lena was too far gone for games. She took Stef’s face in her hand, bringing it up so she was looking her directly in the eye, giving her exactly what she was looking for. “Fuck me. Right now.”
Stef’s eyes dilated so far the green nearly disappeared, feeling both shocked and impressed, but also satisfied. There was nothing hotter than that word in her well-spoken partner’s beautiful mouth.
She was smiling when she captured Lena’s lips again, her right hand slipping down between their bodies to find the hem of her skirt. She pushed it up, her hand gliding along her soft inner thigh until the skirt was bunched up by her waist and out of the way. She pushed her hand into her underwear and down into the dripping heat beneath. Understanding her orders, she did not dally; she pushed her fingers all the way into her, dragging a moan from deep in Lena’s chest as her muscles tightened around her.
With the heel of her hand resting against her clit, she started slow, pulling nearly all the way out, curling her fingertips forward just enough to drag along her inner wall, then pressing them back in until her palm was flush against her. She continued this pace, feeling Lena’s hips and core work in tandem with her, pulling away from their kiss to watch the pleasure course over her love’s face with every stroke.
It took almost no time before Lena’s legs were shaking, and she had to lean into Stef for support. Lena wrapped one arm around her waist, the other coming up to her shoulder, her fingers weaving into the blonde hair at the nape of her neck. Her head fell down onto Stef’s shoulder, her breathing coming in hitching bursts as her body tensed harder and harder before she exploded over the edge into blissful darkness.
Stef kissed her shoulder, giving her a moment to recover before slipping her hand back out, putting her arms around her back to pull her into her, away from the door. She lightly rubbed her nose against the crook of her neck, following along with a dusting of kisses until Lena finally picked up her head.
Using her hand that was still tangled in her hair, she guided Stef into another kiss. It started out softer than anything else had been up to that point, with Lena still existing in a semi-solid state, but it didn’t take long for Stef to urge it deeper. Her body was made of electricity and fire, raging for more heat, more touch, as it consumed her from the inside out.
Lena could feel Stef’s desire burning in the force of her touch and the eagerness of her kiss. Happy to oblige her, she tugged her shirt out of her jeans, her hands seeking skin. They pushed their way up her sides, her fingertips gripping the skin over her ribs, feeling her breathe into her hands. She tugged the hem of her shirt up until Stef lifted her arms, allowing her to pull it off. It landed in a heap by Lena’s purse, followed immediately by her bra.
Her hands traced around Stef’s ribs and up to cup her breasts. Her palms rubbed in urgent circles, her nipples rolling beneath them. Lena left Stef’s lips to find her pulse point, sucking it until she drew out a hiss, then soothed her tongue over the spot already pooling with color.
“Couch or bed?” she asked against her neck. It wasn’t an option they had very often these days.
“Mmm…” was all Stef could manage, both in response to the wet trail of Lena’s lips and tongue over her collarbone, and the question that was proving too difficult given the current wave of sensations clouding her mind. “Um, c- uh, couch, y-yeah, couch,” she finally stuttered, mostly because it was close and she wasn’t sure her legs were going to carry her up the stairs with how shaky they were starting to feel.
Lena’s lips left her skin and she took a couple deep breaths, which didn’t help steady her swirling head. Smiling with her lower lip between her teeth, Lena took Stef’s hand, tugging her along to the living room.
Standing in front of the couch, Lena hooked her hand inside the waistband of Stef’s jeans, pulling her closer. Her eyes captured Stef’s, holding them so she couldn’t look away as she slowly slid her belt out if it’s buckle. Stef’s heart beat harder in her throat, and she swallowed as Lena’s nimble fingers opened the button and tugged down the zipper of her pants. When her fingertips brushed over the skin just beneath, she had to press her lips together and remind herself to breathe to control her composure. Lena took a step forward at the same time as she slid her hands around beneath her waistband to her hips. Their lips were achingly close as Lena pushed the jeans down over Stef’s hips. She shimmied out of them, kicking them aside, eyes still locked with Lena’s.
Leaning in, her lips hovered over Stef’s, just out of reach. Her hands swept up her body to her shoulders, and just as Stef could feel her lips brush hers, Lena whispered, “Sit down.”
With a tightening in her stomach, she sat and watched as Lena tugged her shirt off and unzipped her skirt, letting it fall in a pool at her feet. Stef swallowed hard. Lena wore a matching set of black lace lingerie that was intimately sheer, and which Stef was sure she had never seen before.
Her mouth hung open slightly as she swept a long gaze over Lena’s body, but then the sound of a car passing by caught her ear, pulling her out of the haze of desire she had been in since they got home.
“Lena! The window!” she gasped, grabbing her partner’s hand and pulling her down. Lena tumbled on top of her, splayed out face down across her lap. She rolled over, and upon making eye contact, both women fell into a fit of laughter, setting each other off again and again whenever they looked at each other.
They were both gasping by the time they managed to regain their composure, and tears pooled in the corners of Stef’s eyes. She wiped at them, heaving a long sigh that was tinged with laughter.
“I’m sorry,” she said, smiling down at Lena as she shook her head. “That might have been a bit of an overreaction.”
“You think?” Lena raised her eyebrows, her eyes full of amusement.
“I just didn’t want anyone to see.”
Lena cocked an eyebrow, her lips pulling down at the corners as she shrugged, teasing. “What if I wanted them to see?”
“What?” she shrugged again, her eyes gleaming. “I look hot in this.”
Stef took a moment to really take her in, lingering on all of her favorite spots.
“Yeah, you do,” she crooned. Starting at the base of her neck, she trailed her fingers down through the valley between her breasts, over her abs and belly button to the silky skin just above the lace of her underwear. Lena tensed under the sensation, her skin tingling as Stef’s fingers came up to the sheer fabric of her bra. “Did you buy this for me?” she asked, her voice deep in her chest.
“Mhmm,” Lena agreed, her voice thin in response to Stef’s touch. “And the neighbors,” she said, smirking.
Stef narrowed her eyes, her lips pursing against a playful smile as Lena repositioned herself so she was sitting and straddling her lap.
“I’m not very good at sharing, you know,” Stef said, her hands settling on Lena’s hips and her eyes darkening.
“That’s good.” Lena brushed her fingertips along Stef’s jawline. “Because I’m all yours.”
A wicked grin pulled across Stef’s lips, her fingertips digging further into Lena’s hips.
“All mine,” she murmured as she lowered her head to Lena’s chest, momentarily distracted from her own needs by the vision perched on her lap.
She pressed open-mouthed kisses along Lena’s sternum, trailing over to the thin mesh covering her breast. Running her tongue over it, the wetness immediately seeped into the fabric, warm on Lena’s skin. She closed her eyes, biting her lips as Stef took her into her mouth. Her tongue ran back and forth, the slight scratch of the fabric on her nipple sending sharp waves of pleasure through her body.
Lena was starting to feel herself building back up; one orgasm was not enough to satiate her after so long. But that hardly seemed fair to Stef, who still hadn’t had any and had waited just as long. Especially since they had all night for more. As hard as it was, she could manage another short wait.
With a touch of reluctance, she urged Stef up with her fingers under her chin.
“We can finish that later,” she murmured before kissing her mouth, her chin, her neck. When she couldn’t comfortably reach any lower, she moved down to the floor, parting her lover’s legs so she could kneel between them.
Stef wet her lips, the sight of Lena kneeling for her sending a streak of heat through her body. Lena’s hands dragged down Stef’s shoulders to her breasts again, making them harden with gentle strokes of her thumbs. Her lips found her pulse point, grazing her teeth over it, eliciting a stuttered breath. She began kissing her way down her chest, admiring all her familiar freckles and sun spots with lips and tongue, but from the mindless way Stef’s hands roamed her back, and the little whining sounds she made, Lena knew she was becoming needy in an unrelenting way, despite her best effort to remain patient.
She let her hands move down over her stomach to her hips, her mouth following closely behind. Her tongue flitted over the outlines of her abs, down to her underwear. She placed open-mouthed kisses just above the edge of the fabric, watching her muscles twitch in response.
Stef wriggled under Lena’s touch; everything was too much and yet she was desperate for more. When Lena began to slide her underwear down, she lifted her hips, then her feet so she could tug them all the way off. Lena’s palms pushed up her thighs like fire across a burning forest, urging them further apart. Stef’s heartbeat rushed in her ears as Lena’s lips moved lower, over her mound of curls, down into the wet heat of her desire.
She was lost in the feeling immediately as Lena’s mouth worked her effortlessly, instinctively. It wouldn’t have taken much anyway, but she knew every trick to drive Stef to the edge, and she used each one. With every stroke of her tongue, Stef gasped through parted lips, and as the tension arched her back, she pulled Lena closer with her hand on the back of her head. When Lena hummed a laugh against her, the vibration made Stef’s head push back into the couch as she finally, mercifully tipped over the edge with Lena’s name on her lips.
Stef’s chest heaved with every breath while Lena spread kisses along the inside of her thigh, waiting for the tension to fully melt from her body. It wasn’t long before the hand in Lena’s hair urged her upward, so she crawled back up onto the couch, and settled onto her partner’s lap again. With a dreamy smile, Stef brought her hand over to Lena’s cheek, her hazel eyes shining as she drew her into a soft, lazy kiss.
Their foreheads came to rest together, their breathing slowly falling into rhythm in the small space between them. A calm settled over them as the pent up frustration and desperation finally faded away. There was still desire humming underneath, but it was more like a warm breeze than a raging storm. Stef stroked her thumb across Lena’s cheek and she leaned into the delicate, familiar touch.
“I’ve really missed this,” Lena said, a particular reverence in her voice. Sure, she had missed the sex. But more so, the intimacy and vulnerability of being as close as possible to the person she loved most.
“Me, too, love.” Stef took her face in both her hands and kissed her temple, her nose, her cheek.
“We need to make sure we’re making time for us.”
“Mhmm,” Stef hummed, her hands beginning a slow ascent from Lena’s hips to her ribs.
“Maybe we can set a standing date night with K-Kelly and Jenna,” Lena said, her voice breaking as Stef’s lips began to tease the spot behind her jaw.
“Let’s worry about that later, hmm?” Stef grinned wickedly as her mouth continued down over Lena’s chest, back to that enticing black fabric. “Right now, I have something to finish.”
Her lips wrapped around their destination, and every other thought vanished from Lena’s mind. They would have plenty of time to plan and organize and ensure they didn’t fall so far behind in the future. As it was, they only had the rest of the night for this, and they had plenty of catching up to do.
3 sentence prompt: Stef and Lena and grief, please!
Stef creeps into the bedroom, squinting through the darkness until she sees her wife curled up on one side, buried under the blankets, both physically and mentally blocking out the world. She wants nothing more than to crawl into bed next to her, to wrap her up in her arms and promise her that the pain will subside, but Lena won’t hear it - not now, not while the wound is too new and too deep. Instead, she puts the cup of hot tea on the bedside table and leans down to press her lips to Lena’s hair, a whispered ‘I love you’ filling the silence and drawing her wife’s hand out from her den, the gentle squeeze of Stef’s fingers the only way she can show her gratitude right now.
Favorite Lesbian/Bi/Queer Characters: The Fosters - Stef Foster & Lena Adams
Lena: Sorry, Mariana called me, then Jude needed me for something and I just forgot.
Stef: Remember when you used to love me?
Lena: Don’t do that it makes me feel terrible.
Stef: I guess, salsa will be fine, I just.
Summary: Based on my previous story, Journey to You, this chronicles Lena’s side of all of the events that took place between the flashbacks from 1x09. This is how Lena fell in love with Stef and, despite every obstacle in the way, was finally able to accept and meet Stef exactly where she was on her journey.
Chapter Title Song: Good Friends and a Glass of Wine by LeAnn Rimes (It’s very on the nose, I know.)
~
Chapter 2: Good Friends and a Glass of Wine
“Hi!” Lena stepped back from the door to make room. “Come in.”
Kelly led the way, her hand clasped around Garret’s little hand while Jenna urged him forward with a gentle hand on his shoulder.
“Come on, come on. Let’s go, let’s go.” Jenna chanted her encouragement as the family piled into the entryway like a struggling freight train.
“Sorry we’re running a little late.” Kelly wrapped Lena in a one-armed hug. She looked as she always had—sleek black hair, lanky build, kind smile, and pale skin that defied the California sun.
The two had met in college when Lena was a freshman, Kelly a sophomore. Both psychology majors, their constantly overlapping schedules led to frequent study sessions, which then developed into an easy friendship. They were alike in all the right ways—quiet introverts who could always enjoy each other’s company, even when it was silent. During Kelly’s senior year, she’d met Jenna—a loud, and very proud, lesbian—and Lena, who had also been out since high school, had been able to be a quieter, more understanding place for Kelly as she navigated discovering her sexuality and coming out. As much as life had changed over the years, Kelly had been a constant in Lena’s life and, especially after the events of the last year, she knew how lucky she was to have someone she could trust to always be there.
Also for the anon who asked for the same combination... were you two conspiring?!
kitchen counter make-outs
Lena can’t help but feel nostalgic as she puts the last few kitchen items into boxes. Packing up their life has been emotional, memories found in every cupboard and drawer. The kids will be back at the weekend to collect the last of their belongings from their rooms, before they scatter themselves across the country. Even though she has had time to get used to it, it is still hard to say goodbye to them all.
Once the last box is sealed, she hops up onto the empty kitchen worktop and looks at the kitchen table, her mind full of memories of chaotic family dinners; of laughter and tears and arguments over the last serving of chocolate pudding. Of Brandon playing his keyboard and the twins with their heads buried together as they coloured; of Callie deep in concentration with a text book and Jude glued to his cell phone.
Of Stef and everything they have been through in the last fifteen years. Of every cuddle, every kiss, every ‘I love you’.
“Hey, my love,” Stef’s voice interrupts her thoughts as walks into the kitchen. “What are you thinking about in here?”
“You,” Lena says. She smiles and holds out her hand, encouraging her wife closer.
Stef complies willingly, stopping just in front of her. The light shines through the window, highlighting her features as she tips her head to one side and looks down at her.
“I love you, you know that?” Lena says.
Stef doesn’t question her sentimentality, there has been a lot of it over the last few weeks. “I love you too.”
Lena shuffles towards the edge of the counter, as Stef steps closer to her, their lips meeting in a soft kiss that gradually deepens. Lena’s arms wrap around her shoulders, pulling her closer like she always does, like she cannot bear there to be any air between them. Stef’s hands gather up the bottom of Lena’s dress until it sits at her thighs, her fingers grazing her skin. Lena moans against her lips, hooking her ankles around the back of Stef’s legs.
It’s a good thing the kids aren’t back until the weekend.
Fandom: The Fosters/AdamsFoster
Rating: G
Prompt: I wish I’d known you sooner
~
Stef and Lena watched as Jude escorted his date out the front door, waving one more time as the two boys—no, young men—drove away. Closing the door, Stef turned to her wife whose eyes were damp along the bottom, her lips pressed tight in a thin, shaky smile.
“Oh, love,” she laughed in sympathy, knowing exactly where Lena’s sentimental heart was lingering. She wrapped her arms around her shoulders while Lena leaned her forehead against her chest. “I can’t believe it! Our last baby’s last prom!” She toned down her celebratory joy for Lena’s sake, but it couldn’t be fully disguised. She was so proud. So happy that their youngest was getting to have the perfect prom night being exactly who he was without fear or shame. So much had changed since she was that age. There would be time for tears about growing up later. At the moment Stef couldn’t feel anything but elation.
She gave Lena another squeeze and dropped a kiss to the top of her head before taking her hand and leading her to the kitchen.
By the time Stef had gotten them two generous glasses of wine, Lena had composed herself. Stef sat beside her in the breakfast nook so they touched from shoulder to knee, their fingers laced tightly together.
“You okay?” she asked, nudging her wife’s temple with her nose before placing another kiss in the same spot.
“Mhmm.” Lena squeezed Stef’s hand. “I just can’t believe all of them are all grown up.”
Stef nodded her head in agreement. She had been thinking a lot about firsts and lasts lately as they watched their youngest reach every milestone. They’d had four other kids go through them all and yet they seemed even more significant this time around. A quiet lengthened between them, both wrapped up in their thoughts. Stef finally broke it. “I wish I could have known you sooner.”
Lena turned to look at her. “What do you mean?”
Stef shrugged. “I don’t know. I just— Watching Jude go to prom with another guy… It made me wish I could have had that. That we could have.”
A tender, understanding smile pulled at Lena’s lips. “I know. But when we were going to prom, we couldn’t have had that. I mean, I was already out and I didn’t have it.”
“Yeah.” Stef sighed, settling herself down a little further into Lena’s side. “I guess—I just think, if we’d met when we were kids, maybe I would have been brave enough to come out earlier, y’know? We could have spent almost our whole lives together.” The wistfulness in her voice made Lena kiss the back of her hand.
“By the time we’re old and gray, we will have spent almost our whole lives together.”
“Joke’s on you, babe. I’m already old and gray.” Stef gave a hearty laugh and Lena shook her head, charmed despite herself, as usual.
“Well, I think our lives came together exactly when and how they were supposed to so that we could have everything we have now.”
“I can’t argue with that now, can I?” Stef clinked her glass against Lena’s, and finished it off before setting it down.
“And anyway,” Lena mused, “who’s to say we would have made it if we’d met so young? What are the chances we’d still be together now? I was such a different person back then. I’m sure you were, too.”
Stef barked a laugh and shook her head. She wasn’t so sure about that.
Lena shot her an amused side eye. “I just mean, it’s pretty rare for first loves to work out long-term. Even when they feel meant to be.”
Stef gazed at her for a moment, a tender smile dancing in her eyes. “Jokes on you again, sweetheart.” She patted Lena’s leg. “Mine’s working out just fine.”
This time Lena’s sideways glance was soft and blushing, and Stef winked at her. Lena set down her glass, turning to curl herself against Stef’s side, pressing a kiss to the soft spot beneath her ear. “And aren’t we both lucky for that?”
Fandom: The Fosters/AdamsFoster
Rating: G
Summary: During their first trip as a family to their new house, Brandon has some big questions that help Lena realize her dreams have already come true.
~
There was a charged energy in the car. In the backseat, Brandon was perched on his booster seat with his forehead pressed against the window, hands splayed out over the glass.
“Is it this one?” he asked for at least the tenth time.
“No, buddy. We’ll tell you when we turn onto the street,” his mom reminded him again. In the front seat, Stef drove with one hand on the wheel. Her other was clasped around Lena’s, nestled on the seat beside Lena’s thigh. As they got closer, the hum in Lena’s limbs came to a focused flutter deep in her stomach. Every once in a while, she felt Stef squeeze her hand so Lena knew she was excited, too.
In the back of the car, boxes were stacked up to the roof of the hatchback, blocking the view out the back window. They already had all but the necessities packed and neatly labeled in their apartment which meant, even though they had movers coming in two days, Stef wasn’t about to waste a trip to the house by going empty handed.
Deleted Scene: Stef & Lena (from The Night Before Christmas)
A/N: One of a collection of scenes that were deleted or rewritten from various fics during editing that I liked too much to discard. These scenes have not been edited beyond when I originally wrote them, except for one final edit for major grammar/spelling errors. They are not final drafts but instead are snapshots of my writing process. A bit of context will be given at the beginning of each scene in order for it to make sense, including the name of the fic it was originally written for.
[Context: Cut from the flashback in The Night Before Christmas because it wasn’t right for the mood of the story and was just too much for a flashback. I decided to take the main elements and add those into the conversation between Stef and Lena after the flashback but I really enjoyed the broodier mood of this original conversation, as well as Lena’s internal dialogue about the situation. I think it’s very telling about Lena and how she approached adoption.]
———————
Another silence fell between them, this time less comfortable. Lena could feel the anxious energy in her partner’s body and she knew what was coming when Stef cleared her throat.
“Have you…” Stef paused to wet her lips. “Have you given anymore thought to adoption?”
The way she tried to make the question nonchalant gave her away in an instant. Lena already knew Stef’s heart was tied to the twins. Not that hers wasn’t. She already loved them in a way she couldn’t describe. But she knew she had to be rational for both of them. If it had been possible, she was sure Stef would have adopted them on the spot that day in the police station. Her partner’s heart was big and although Stef’s capacity to love so fully was one of her greatest qualities, always leading with her heart often had her acting without regard to consequences.
During a too-long pause, Lena decided if she wanted to have this particular conversation. Mariana and Jesús had a mother who they knew and loved, even if right now she wasn’t fit to care for them. Maybe someday she would be. If not, would her own love be able to fill the void left by their mother? Would they ever be able to truly trust her, to feel safe with her? Could she be everything they needed or would she always just be a substitute? These were questions that ran on repeat in the background of her mind lately. So even though her heart ached at the thought of losing them, Lena wanted — needed to be sure that adoption was in the twins’ best interest, not just her own. As of that moment, she still wasn’t sure.
“What if Ana puts up a fight for custody?” she finally asked.
“Then we’ll fight back,” Stef said with conviction.
“It won’t be easy. The system wants to put kids back with their biological parents. They haven’t been with us that long. We won’t have much leverage.”
Stef scoffed. “You mean aside from the fact that their mother is a drug addict who continuously neglected her children so she could get high?”
Lena sighed. “And what if she gets clean?”
Stef snorted and rolled her eyes. “Yeah, right.”
“I’m serious, Stef. What if she gets clean and wants the twins back?”
“Love, it’s going to take a lot more than a 30 day token for her to prove she’s fit to be a parent. I mean, come on. Not only did she neglect them when she had them but how many times has she blown off visits since we started fostering them? Every time she does, it sends both of those kids into a tailspin for days. A judge isn’t just going to overlook that stuff.”
“I know.” A little exasperated, Lena sat up and faced her partner. “That’s not what I mean. I know that Ana’s going to have an uphill battle, even with the courts favoring biological parents. But if she gets clean, and can stay clean, don’t you think it’s better for them to go back to their mom?”
Stef looked at Lena, bewildered. “Absolutely not.”
“How can you be sure?”
“Because she’s had every chance to try and make up for the choices she’s made and she’s shit on every one of them—”
“Please don’t yell.” Lena cut her off, unwilling to let her partner’s frustrations make it out to the twins’ ears. The last thing they needed was for one or both of them to think they hated their mother.
“I’m not—” Stef stopped and closed her eyes, her jaw flexing as she reeled herself in after realizing that, in fact, she was. Her voice was down to a seething whisper when she started again. “There isn’t anything that can undo the damage she’s already done to those babies but she can’t even be bothered to try. You can’t possibly think the risk of them getting hurt again is worth it when the last good thing that woman did for them was give birth.”
Lena was taken aback by Stef’s harshness, her eyebrows arched high in surprise. “Of course not. I don’t ever want to see them hurt again.” She paused and searched for the right words. “But biology… it means something. It connects us.” When Stef opened her mouth to interrupt, Lena shook her head and powered forward. “I don’t mean emotionally. I mean in a real, physiological way. It’s linked to our survival. It’s powerful and instinctive and I don’t think that’s something we should just ignore because it’s convenient for us.”
Stef’s eyes narrowed. “So what? You think she’s naturally more fit to be their mother because she’s related to them? After everything she has put them through.” Her words were sharp and quiet but beneath the smoldering anger, Lena could see the hurt in her partner’s eyes.
“Honey—”
“Whose side are you even on here, Lena?”
“Ours. But I have to be on theirs, too.”
“Oh so I’m not on the twins’ side? That’s news to me,” Stef snapped, resorting to sarcasm to hide her hurt feelings.
“That’s not what I mean—” Lena closed her eyes and gave her head a little shake. Somehow, every time she tried to climb out of this hole she’d gotten herself into, she just kept digging it deeper. She took a breath to focus her thoughts and push away her frustration. When she spoke again, it was slowly and with intention. “I just don’t want to rush into a decision without considering all possibilities. I want to make sure that whatever decision we make, it’s the right one for them.”
A/N: Prompt #2 from this list of kiss prompts: “moving around while kissing, stumbling over things, pushing each other back against the wall/onto the bed.” Based on the memory discussed in The Night Before Christmas of them moving in together.
A/N: To the anon who sent the request, I’m posting this separately because I plan on writing your other request. Hopefully I remember to link back to this one in your ask when I’m able to post the second request.
—————
“Oh, hello,” Stef purred as Lena came up behind her and wrapped her arms around her bare waist, the towel in her hand growing still. She let out a pleased little hum when Lena kissed her shoulder. Her wet skin was cool against Lena’s lips. “Someone’s feeling better.”
“I was feeling better on Tuesday.” Catching her girlfriend’s gaze in the mirror, she lifted an indignant eyebrow before being enticed back by the scent of Stef’s shampoo. She buried her nose in her damp blonde hair, breathing in the familiar fragrance while her hands slid down to Stef’s hips.
I was just reading a post you had reblogged about how the writers basically used Lena as a plot device for all of their dumbass drama. That poor woman got the shit end of the stick. And to have done that to the only black character was/is bullshit. The writers let everything go to hell after 1a, and I’ll always be bitter about what they put our couple through and what they did to these characters.
You’re absolutely fuckin right. They treated Lena like crap and it is so disappointing where this show went with this wonderful family. Pro tip: recreate the world via fanfic using your favorite authors. Give them lots of comments to show your appreciation.
I know this is a "The Fosters" blog but I was directed here from your FFN profile. Saw your reviews on a couple "This Is Us" fanfics and I can't tell you what a relief it is to have another person not be as fond of Kevin Pearson as the rest of the world. What's so great about him? The actor doesn't look too hot either, he looks completely washed up with years of substance abuse.
LMAO
Kevin is getting better in the current season but yeah I mean he’s a very entitled man who violates the boundaries of others “because love!!!” and for a long time was not at all willing to examine his own crap / take responsibility for his actions. As far as the actor’s attractiveness, I’ll leave that for people who are into men to determine but I don’t think he looks unhealthy and I have no idea if he has substance (ab)use history BUT since Kevin does it makes total sense that they would want him to look a little rough around the edges in that way
Drabble Prompt: “The key is under the mat” requested by @iamlonirene
#elitewritingchallenge Entry number 9
Prompt: (Day 19) Forgetting Something
_____________________
“Hey, babe,” Lena answered her cell after seeing Stef’s name flash across screen.
“Hey. Listen, I’m at your place. I left my cell inside.”
“Oh, okay. Well, the key is under the mat.”
“Yeah, love. I know.”
“Then… why are you calling me? Did you need something else?”
“I’m calling you from my cell.” There was a heavy pause. “Lena, I’m in your kitchen.”
“Okay, great. Look, Stef, I’m sorry but I’ve got a lot of work to do and I’m already behind. Do you need something? Can I call you back?”
“No, no, never mind. Are we still on for dinner?”
“Of course.”
“Good, I’ll see you tonight.”
“Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
____________________
“What’s this?” Lena asked when Stef set a small gift bag on the kitchen counter later that evening.
“Just a little something.”
“I didn’t forget an occasion did I?”
“No! No, I just saw this and thought of you.” Stef smiled at the sweetness on Lena’s face and the eagerness beneath it. “Go ahead. Open it.”
Lena grinned. After tugging the tissue paper out of the bag, she reached in and pulled out… a rock?
There was silence as she looked at it then back up at Stef, her eyebrows raised in an effort to disguise the disappointment tugging at her mouth.
“Thanks, babe…”
Stef was turning red trying to hold in a laugh.
“It’s fake.” She took the rock and turned it over, slipping a plastic panel from the bottom. “It’s a hide-a-key.”
“Oh… okay.” Lena’s disappointment turned to confusion as she looked between Stef and the fake rock.
“Generally, we advise people against keeping spare keys outside their house but if you’re going to, this is what we recommend,” she explained. “The first place anyone’s going to look for a key to break in is under your mat. That’s how I got in before I called you this morning.” Stef tilted her chin down, eyebrows raised, and Lena gave a slow nod, her mouth forming an oh. “Exactly. This way, instead of under your mat, you can put your key in this. Just tuck it underneath the bushes by the side of the house and chances are, no one will ever know.” Pleased with herself, Stef grinned at her girlfriend.
“So,” Lena’s eyes narrowed and she cocked an eyebrow. “What you’re telling me is you broke into my house this morning?”
Stef shrugged her shoulders. “I guess, technically. But who would believe you? I mean, I did have a key.” She wore a smug, crooked grin while Lena pursed her lips against an annoyed smile. When she winked, Lena lost her fight — breaking into laughter as she took the plastic rock from Stef and set it on the counter.
“Maybe instead of that, it would be better if I gave my spare key to someone.”
Stef nodded. “That’s a good idea.”
“It should probably be someone I really trust. Someone I can count on.”
“Oh! What about your friend Tara? She lives pretty close and she’s responsible and reliable.”
“You’re responsible and reliable,” Lena told her.
“Yeah but I live all the way on the other side of town. Wouldn’t it be better if-”
“Stef.”
“Yeah?”
Lena stepped forward and took hold of Stef’s hands, looking into her eyes. “I want you to have the key.”
After a moment, Stef’s eyes widened. “You mean… you want me to have a key to your place?”
Lena nodded. Her bottom lip was clamped between her teeth and she held her breath.
Stef squeezed Lena’s hands and searched her deep brown eyes. “You’re sure you’re ready for that step?”
Lena nodded. “I am, if you are.”
Tilting her chin up, Stef’s smile grew until it glittered in her eyes. “I would be honored.”
Exhaling, Lena wound her arms around Stef’s neck while Stef encircled her waist and drew her closer.
“I guess I’d better make a copy of my key, too, hmm?” She pressed a soft kiss to Lena’s lips.
“Mhmm.” Lena rubbed her nose against Stef’s before she pulled back to look at her, her eyes dancing. “And I guess I don’t have to worry about you breaking into my house anymore.”
