note. written in RP style by @lifesizehysteria and @shmaptainwrites
After triple checking the contents of the minivan against the list she and Violet had made, sure they had not missed a single necessary item, Ellie and Violet wrangled the boys into the car—something she assumed would get easier with time and older children, but unfortunately had not—and headed to her parents’ house.
“Did you remember my Christmas vest?” Anthony asked.
“Yes, although I’ll remind you, you’re old enough to pack that yourself, kiddo,” Ellie said over her shoulder.
“I know,” he mumbled.
“Did you pack my snow boots?” Benedict asked.
“No. There’s no snow in the forecast, my friend.”
“But there might be a Christmas miracle!” he countered, to which Ellie chuckled and shook her head.
“If there is, we’ll have Nana tape plastic bags around your feet. That’s what she did for me and Uncle Danny, and it worked just fine.”
“Things were weird when you were a kid,” he said, scrunching his face.
“You’ve no idea, kid.”
The rest of the car ride went on much the same way, and Ellie was sure she had never been so happy to get to her parents’ house as she was when she pulled into the driveway.
“Da! Da!” Colin cheered, clapping his hands as they watched Danny get out of his car just ahead of them. Ellie honked the horn and made him jump, so he turned around and flashed a V sign at her before waving at Violet.
“What a prick,” she said under her breath.
“What’s a prick?” Ben asked, and Ellie dropped her head onto the top of the steering wheel.
“Merry Christmas!” she muttered, rolling her eyes before looking apologetically at her wife.
Violet shook her head and laughed, getting herself out of the car and then moving to the back, watching as the boys ran past her and to their uncle while she unbuckled Colin, holding him tightly in her arms. This was his second Christmas, but there was something about each year that felt like the first time with each of their boys. Even with old traditions, there was always something bright and new they would bring to the table.
“Colin gets to stay with Mummy, yeah?” she asked while pressing a kiss to his cheek. He answered by wrapping his arms around Violet’s neck and burying his face in her shoulder.
“Mummy,” he said, somewhat wetly against her skin. She chuckled, grabbing as many bags as she could with one hand before Ellie shooed her off, taking a few and making Danny take the rest before they entered the home which had been decorated weeks prior, in anticipation of today.
There was so much Violet loved about Christmas with the Bridgertons, but something that always stood out to her was the bright balloons and fabrics that lined the house along with streamers and then a typical, traditional Christmas tree in the living room. It was the perfect mesh of both Beatrice and Callahan. She couldn’t help but smile every time she saw it.
“Nack! nack!” Colin chanted in her ear.
“Do you want some chapati?” Violet suggested.
“Uh huh.” He nodded his head eagerly, so Violet made her way into the kitchen where both her in-laws were hard at work, cooking various things for their big Christmas Eve dinner.
“Let’s ask Nana,” Violet told him. “Mama!”
Bea turned around and beamed at the sight of the two of them at the entrance to the kitchen. “Oh, my dears, look at you two, you’re positively glowing!” She wiped her hands clean on her apron and came over, kissing Violet on the cheek before doing the same for Colin, but with a loud smack, making him shriek with laughter.
“Mama, sorry to get straight to business, but this little cookie monster was asking very politely for some chapati. Is there any chance you can spare some for him?”
Colin made his eyes go as big as possible, pouting out his lower lip to his grandma, as if there was any question as to whether or not she’d say yes.
“Of course, why don’t you come with me to get some, and then you can go back to your mummy?”
Colin nodded, reaching his arms out so Bea could take him, leaving Violet free to go and hug Callahan.
“Lettie Lass! Good to see you, love.” He smiled and pulled her in, kissing her forehead.
“You ready for tonight, Da? All practiced up?”
“Been working at it all year, it’s been driving your mum insane,” he teased. “Got the piano tuned last week so you and I will be ready to go tonight before church.”
“Splendid. I’m excited,” she grinned, feeling not only the warmth of the home, but the holiday cheer and spirit engulf her like it did every year. Oh, how she loved the holidays.
After Ellie and Danny finished moving all of the Christmas gifts from Santa to the guest room, the family gifts to the living room, and the rest of her family’s things to the den downstairs which was now the only room big enough to accommodate all five of them, Ellie passed Anthony and Benedict who were already deep into a game of tag.
“Mum’s time out!” Ellie called, making the boys halt in place, all gameplay paused, no exceptions, so she could speak to them. “I’ve got to talk to Nana and Grandad about timing, but I’m sure dinner will be soon, so don’t get too far away, yeah?”
“Yes, Mama,” “‘Kay!” both boys said, Benedict already gearing up to run off.
“And take it downstairs so you don’t trip anyone.”
They both groaned but chose not to argue when they saw the look on her face.
“Thank you. Alright… Mum’s time in!” she said and both boys resumed running instantly, Anthony’s socks slipping on the hard floor.
Ellie continued towards the kitchen, appreciating the familiar mix of smells as her parents cooked the same meal they always did: a barbecued turkey that combined the traditional protein of her dad’s Irish Christmas and the traditional barbecue of her mum’s Kenyan Christmas. Alongside it was always a mix of staple dishes from both countries including potatoes, rice, roasted veg, and, as always, chapati. No one else had Christmas dinner the way her family did, and it was possibly her favorite part of the entire holiday.
“Smells good, Mama,” Ellie said as she entered the room, kissing her mum’s cheek. She was sitting at the island, Colin in her lap while he happily munched on some chapati.
“Happy Christmas, Ellie Belly!” Bea said as she returned the kiss to her daughter’s cheek, cupping the other side of her face as she did so. “The smell doesn’t bother you?”
“Happy Christmas, Mama. No, for the most part, I’ve been fine.” Ellie grinned and gave her stomach a little rub. “Appetite is lacking when the nausea hits, but overall, much better than last time.”
“What a relief!” Bea squeezed Ellie’s hand, then leaned down to place a kiss to her stomach. “Thank God for this sweet little one,” she said.
“Vi thinks it’s a girl,” she said, smiling over at her wife who had clearly stepped in to assist her dad when Bea had stepped away, winking when Violet looked over at her.
“No, I know it’s a girl,” Violet teased. “I’m four for four already, I think we should just acknowledge I have a superpower.”
Her in-laws laughed, and Cal patted her on the back. “So, if you already know your baby’s going to be a girl, do you ladies have a name for her yet?”
“Cowin!” Colin cheered, and Violet laughed.
“Dearest, that’s your name,” she explained. “We’re talking about the baby in Mama’s tummy.”
“Baybee?” he asked, and Bea nodded, kissing his temple.
Violet looked over at Ellie, asking with her eyes whether or not they should say the name they’d picked out. At this point, there were barely any surprises with their pregnancies, Cal and Bea were there every step of the way, and Violet personally didn’t think it mattered all too much if they knew the name that they were thinking of.
After a quick exchange with Violet, Ellie nodded. “Daphne,” she said, leaving out the middle name, wanting to keep that as a surprise so her mum could find out while she was actually getting to hold her. There was something so special about that image, and Ellie wanted it to exist in her memory rather than her imagination.
“That is a beautiful name, Elinah,” Bea said, squeezing Ellie’s hand.
“Violet picked it out, and I think it’s perfect.”
“Another flower, just like her mum,” Cal pointed out, bumping Violet with his shoulder. “If we’re not careful, we’re going to have a whole garden.” His eyes were twinkling as he looked at his daughter-in-law.
“And if, by some chance, Violet is wrong this time, do you have a boy name picked out?” Bea asked.
“Daniel, obviously,” Danny said as he strolled into the kitchen and held his hand up to Colin, receiving an enthusiastic and rather wet high five.
“In your dreams, maybe,” Ellie retorted, looking at him as if he’d lost his entire mind.
“We’re still discussing a boy name,” Violet clarified. “But we’ll find one, I’m sure. We always do.”
“Anthony, Benedict, Colin, and Daphne.” Callahan smiled. “Hey, are you guys going in alphabetical order or something?”
Violet burst out laughing while Ellie and Danny groaned. Cal grinned at them all, clearly proud of his terrible joke.
Beatrice was shaking her head as she brought over Colin when he was done eating, immediately wishing to be in his mother’s arms again, so she and Violet swapped duties once more. “Colin, what do we say to Nana?”
“Sante!” Colin said loudly, using his own modified pronunciation of the Swahili word.
“You’re welcome, my darling.” Bea grinned and pinched his cheek lightly.
Violet sighed as Colin rested his head on her cheek, and she looked over at Ellie and smiled; there really was no time like the holidays.
Ellie grinned at the sight of her wife and their youngest son. He was such a little love bug, jovial and affectionate, and so far, even in early toddlerhood, still one of the easiest-going children she had ever known. After Benedict, whom she loved dearly but who still regularly made her question all of her life choices, Colin was a picture perfect angel.
“Ellie, Daniel, why don’t the two of you set the table? The holiday china is already out in the dining room.”
“Sure, Mama,” Ellie said, while Danny sucked his teeth but made no argument as the two of them left the room.
They went about the task, one that was so familiar it took no effort, making it easy to chat.
“Is Alice coming?” Danny asked as he put out placemats, holding one up in question.
Ellie shook her head. “No. She has plans with her family tonight. But she’s planning on stopping in for a bit tomorrow morning after breakfast.”
“Brilliant,” Danny said. “Can’t believe it’s been two years since she showed up.”
“I know. Seems like she’s been around forever.” Ellie was so grateful that all of her initial concerns about Alice had been unfounded, and she had turned out to just be as genuinely nice and kind as she had seemed. There must have been genetic influence there, because she and Violet both had hearts of absolute gold. “You staying the night?” Ellie asked. If anyone was going to break traditions, it was Danny, who still tended to be a bit of a black sheep, much as he had matured over the years.
“Yeah, but I’m meeting some friends after dinner, so won’t be back until late.”
“You’re coming to church though, right?” Ellie looked pointedly up at him with her eyebrows raised, a striking resemblance to their mother.
Danny dipped his head and rubbed his hand across the back of his neck, making a non-committal sound that definitely meant no.
“Danny,” Ellie hissed, glancing over her shoulder towards the kitchen, her voice dropping to a whisper. “Does Mama know?”
He pressed his lips together, his face somewhere between pained and sheepish.
“Danny!”
“It’s fine. She needs me to keep her on her toes.” He shrugged, trying to look nonchalant, and almost completely succeeding.
“She’s going to kill you!”
“Look, she’s got you and Violet with your perfect family, doing all the things you’re supposed to. She knows that’s not who I am. I never have been.”
“What’re you on about?” Ellie asked.
“Don’t worry about it, El. Just play dumb so you don’t end up in the crossfire. It’s fine.”
Ellie narrowed her eyes at him, wondering what in the world could be going on, but not pushing. She didn’t want to risk her mum overhearing, and something about the air coming from him told her it wouldn’t be wise. But she was not just suspicious, she was concerned.
“Hey, you two, need a hand?” Violet asked, a bright smile on her face.
“Nah, we’re all good here, sis,” Danny assured, coming to Violet and wrapping an arm around her, pressing a kiss to her head. “You just go make sure Da doesn’t burn the kitchen down.”
Violet giggled and nodded her head. “Righto, Danny Boy.” She headed back into the kitchen before hearing a loud bang come from the living room, making her run out to check and see what had happened. “Is everything okay out here?”
“We’re fine, Mummy,” Anthony assured her. “I was just trying to open the piano, but the cover thingy slipped.”
She walked over and saw all three of her boys huddled around the instrument and it made her smile. “And what made you curious about the piano this year?” she asked, leaning against its side, looking down at the sweet image in front of her.
“You always play with Grandad,” Benedict said. “Mama says it’s tradition. Why is it tradition?”
“That’s a great question, maybe I can tell you all a story,” she suggested, and Colin’s eyes lit up; he loved stories. He clapped his hands, and she lifted him up off the bench where he was between Anthony and Ben, sitting down in his spot and putting him on her lap.
“So, this story started when Mummy was about five years old.”
“Five! That’s so little!” Ben exclaimed.
“I know,” Violet chuckled. “But you remember I’ve told you about Papa Lawrence, right? Mummy’s dad.”
“Yeah, you said he passed away when you were a teenager.” Anthony nodded.
“What does passed away mean?” Ben asked with a curious frown.
“It means they’re not here with us anymore, like your brother, Callahan,” she explained softly. “But when Papa Lawrence was here, and Mummy was five, at Christmas, I climbed up next to him on the piano bench and watched him play carols until it was my bedtime on Christmas Eve. Then the next year, a bit before Christmas, he sat me on his lap by the piano and taught me to play Jingle Bells, and every year after that, Mummy and Papa Lawrence would learn new carols together and play them on Christmas Eve.”
“Is that the end of the story?” Anthony asked. “It can’t be, right?”
“You’re right, dearest, it’s not the end of the story.” Violet leaned into his side and pressed a kiss to the small tuft of curls on his head. “So, Mummy spent four Christmases without Papa Lawrence after he passed away, and on my second Christmas after marrying your mama, Grandad bought a piano. Mama told him the story that I just told you, and his Christmas present to me that year was a way to keep that tradition that I had with my dad alive. So now, every year, your grandad and I will play carols together on the piano to remember your papa.”
“Mummy, can you teach me to play piano with you?” Anthony asked. “For next Christmas?”
Violet beamed and held all three of her boys close. “I would love that, my darling. I would love that so very much.”
Ellie had heard the loud bang and had followed it, getting to the edge of the living room and finding Violet already on it. She turned to go back to finish up with Danny, but the boys’ question stopped her, and she stood in the doorway, listening. As Violet spoke, she felt a tightening in her chest, her eyes misting as she could hear the importance of the tradition in Violet’s voice. She knew her wife looked forward to it every year, but it had happened so long ago, it was nice to have the reminder of just what it meant to her.
Stepping into the room, Ellie came up behind Violet and kissed her head, bending to wrap her arms around her family. “Aren’t you all the perfect picture of Christmas? Looking just like an advertisement.” She tickled under Ben’s chin and scratched her fingers gently against Anthony's scalp before kissing Colin’s cheek.
“Did you know mum can play piano?” Ben asked excitedly, as if it was new information, even though he had been there for the tradition for several years in his working memory by that point.
Ellie chuckled. “Yes, my love.”
“I’m going to learn, too.” Anthony said, his face bright with excitement.
“That’s amazing! I can’t wait to hear you play!” Ellie said.
“What about me?” Ben asked, sounding put out that he wasn’t included.
“I’m sure if you want to learn, Mummy will teach you, too, sweet boy,” Ellie assured him while Violet nodded. “Would you like to learn?”
Benedict thought about it but then shrugged his shoulders. “Eh.”
Ellie laughed and moved to pick him up, letting his legs come around her waist while her hands clasped under his bum to hold him up. “Then you can sing with Nana and me and Danny, hmm?”
“Yeah!” He wiggled in her arms and pumped his fist.
“No one is going to be playing or singing if the lot of you don’t get into the dining room to eat,” Bea said from the doorway, making the five of them turn to look at her.
“That’s our cue, boys!” Violet picked Colin up again and reached a hand out to Anthony so that they could all make their way to the dining room again. “Time to eat Nana and Grandad’s famous barbecued turkey.”
“First time we made it, we burnt it to a crisp,” Callahan said.
“And who was in charge of the barbecue?” Beatrice asked, crossing her arms over her chest.
“I was,” Cal sighed, making Violet and Ellie both shake their heads and laugh.
“Alright, boys, you know the drill. Anthony, would you like to say grace?” Beatrice asked her oldest grandson, and he beamed at the chance to be in charge of the special Christmas moment. They all held hands and bowed their heads, waiting for Anthony to begin.
“Lord, thank you for the food we are eating today. Thank you for Nana and Grandad, Uncle Danny, Benedict, Colin, Mama, and Mummy. Please bless this food so that it…it…”
“May fill our bodies,” Violet whispered to him.
“May fill our bodies, and allow us to continue to live together in harmony. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.”
“Amen!” Callahan grinned, looking over at his grandson. “Knocked it out of the park, Tiger!”
“Yes, you did a wonderful job, my dear.” Bea smiled. “Did you practice?”
“Every dinner, Mummy and Mama helped me.” Anthony nodded his head proudly.
“You’re crushin’ it, mate.” Danny reached over and high fived his nephew.
The family filled their plates. Now that Anthony was old enough to help himself, Ellie helped Ben so that his food made it to his plate instead of into another dish or on the floor while Violet cut up bites for Colin. Ellie then served herself, getting little bites of everything, grateful that this pregnancy wasn’t ruining her favorite meal of the year. However, when her mum noticed the portion sizes she had given herself, she frowned.
“Elinah, I thought you said you were feeling better this pregnancy.”
“I am. Notice I actually have food on my plate,” she said, tilting her mum a teasing look, remembering the fight they had had when her mum hadn’t known she was pregnant with Ben and unable to tolerate almost any food at all.
“Mama,” Bea said, unconvinced. “That barely counts. Colin has more food than you.”
“I’m fine, Mama. I promise. I’m better than last time but I’ve still got morning sickness and my appetite is quite small. But I promise I’m eating enough, just less at a time. I’ll be back for more by the time you’re ready to pack it all away.”
Beatrice looked at her from beneath raised eyebrows, clearly debating whether or not she wanted to push.
“Let her listen to her body, Bumble-Bea,” Cal said, leaning over and kissing his wife on the cheek. “She looks good, healthy. Not like last time.” His words were quiet, reassuring in a way that told Ellie her mum was truly worried, not just picking at her to be right.
“I’m okay. Really.” To prove her point, she happily took a bite of turkey, the flavor washing a wave of nostalgia over her, making her mouth water, wanting more.
Violet smiled at the interaction between her wife and in-laws. “I promise she eats around six meals a day, they’re small in volume but big in number.”
Beatrice still seemed worried, but she relented, allowing the dinner to continue without too much more talk of Ellie’s appetite.
“Mummy,” Anthony spoke up. “Are we all going to sleep with you and Mama tonight?”
“Yes, dearest,” she nodded. “Same as every year.”
“And you guys can have mine and Nana’s bed,” Callahan said. “It’s bigger, you guys will be less squished.”
“And Nana is okay with this?” Violet asked.
“Yes, don’t worry, we spoke about it before you came. The bed’s already all cleaned up and ready for you guys.”
“Thank you, Nana.” Anthony grinned.
“Yeah, thanks, Nana!” Ben added. Colin joined in by clanging his cutlery on his plate, cheering along with his brothers.
“You’re welcome, my loves,” Bea said, the smile on her face overflowing with affection. Although their Christmases hadn’t looked exactly like her friends’ growing up, Ellie had always been grateful for the way her parents, and her mum especially, had made it such a magical time. And as she had gotten older, she appreciated the uniqueness of their traditions that just made it feel even more special. To get to share that same experience with her boys now was truly a blessing, and every year, her gratitude grew deeper.
Everyone ate, and talked, and laughed until they were all stuffed and a little drunk on atmosphere, the kids’ silliness amping up their grandad’s and uncle’s silliness until Ellie couldn’t help herself but be pulled into it, too. It was loud and raucous, and her sides hurt from laughing by the time Bea stood to begin collecting plates, signaling the official end of the meal.
Ellie joined her, bringing in dirty plates while her mum grabbed half-empty serving dishes, and they worked in their usual easy rhythm to get everything put away and washed so that in no time, it barely looked like a celebration had happened at all. She could hear the jumbled tinkling of the piano, indicating everyone had moved to the living room and the boys were getting to try their hand at the instrument while everyone waited for Bea and Ellie to finish. When the last dish was done and the counters wiped, Ellie turned to her mum, suddenly a little sentimental as she pulled her into a tight hug, her earlier thoughts on her mind.
“Thank you,” she said quietly into her shoulder.
“For what, Ellie Belly?” Bea asked, though she returned the hug with enthusiasm, pulling her daughter in and smoothing her hand up and down her back.
“For everything. For making Christmas magical for all of us, every single year.”
“My dear, I am happy to do it. Where do you think the magic of my Christmas comes from, hmm?” She pulled back enough to look down at her daughter, her eyes bright with love. “The joy on all of your faces. It makes all of the work worth it.”
Ellie nodded, understanding completely, thinking of her boys and her little one that would be with them next year. Tears welled in her eyes, and she sniffled while wiping them away. “Sorry. I think I’m a little hormonal,” she said with a wet laugh.
“Perhaps,” Bea said, a knowing glimmer in her eye as she brought her hands up to hold Ellie’s face. “But even so, you are simply a mother, and you know how it feels to be on this side of things.” She kissed her forehead then teasingly pinched her cheek. “Now let us go sing some carols before your father gets carried away and we end up singing pub songs for Christmas.”
Ellie nodded and let her mum wrap her arm around her waist, leading her out to the living room where her family was already standing around the piano.
“What do you want to play, Lettie Lass?” Callahan asked.
“What about Silent Night? We start off with that every year.” Violet suggested.
“Perfect.”
Violet began the melody while Callahan contributed with the harmony. Ellie and Bea came to join the others, all their voices mingling together in a certain mismatched perfection. Violet had played this carol so many times, she could do it with her eyes closed, and so she took a moment to look around her, at her family that surrounded her, eyes growing misty at the sight, feeling not only gratitude for what was before her, but all the losses she had endured over the years. Their sweet baby Callahan who hadn’t lived long enough to see a Christmas; her father who she had only gotten to spend a certain amount of Christmases with, and she remembered less than she’d experienced; her grandparents, who they were still searching for—oh, how she wished she could have been wrapped in the smell of her grandmother’s cookies and held in her grandfather’s arms as they listened to the Queen’s Christmas address like they did every year. When the piano died down, Violet looked at the keys and saw small droplets on the ivory. She touched her cheeks and realized the tears had come from her, and she quietly sniffed, excusing herself for a moment to regain her composure.
Ellie watched Violet disappear into the kitchen, her mouth turning down into a frown.
“Mu! Mu!” Colin said, wriggling against the confines of his uncle’s arms, reaching out towards the direction Violet went while breaking into an otherwise unsure silence.
“Da, why don’t you pick another song? I’ll go check on her.” She slid her hand out from around her mum’s waist and turned towards the kitchen, halting when Colin called out for her.
“I’ve got him. You go,” Bea said, moving to take Colin from Danny’s grasp. “That’s it. Come with Nana.”
The last thing Ellie heard before reaching the kitchen was the beginning of Joy to the World.
“Vi?” she said as she rounded the corner, not hesitating to cross the room and wrap her arms around her wife. “What’s going on, love?”
“I-I’m sorry, I’m okay, I promise,” she quickly assured Ellie, wiping away the few tears that were left on her cheeks. “I was just thinking about Callahan, a-and my dad, and my grandparents,” she explained, taking a deep breath to try and steady herself. “Got a little lost in my thoughts.” She leaned into Ellie’s embrace, resting there for a moment, hearing the piano come from the living room along with Ben’s very off-tune singing which he did on purpose just to make everyone laugh.
Ellie hummed a little sound of understanding, pressing a kiss to the top of Violet’s head as she squeezed her just a little tighter. There did not seem to be a need for words, just the comfort and safety of an embrace so familiar it felt like home. As they stood together, the song changed to O, Holy Night and Ellie began to hum along, the quiet sound of her voice wrapping around them like a warm blanket. It had always been one of her favorite carols.
Violet pulled away from Ellie, but only slightly so that she could look her in the eye, her arms wrapped around her waist, a certain reverence in her gaze. “Ellie, will you pray with me? For my dad and for Callahan?” she asked. “I just…I want them to know we’re thinking of them. That we wish they were here with us,” she explained.
“You know what, I have an even better idea.” Ellie took Violet’s hand and led her back out to the living room, gently putting her hand on her dad’s shoulder so that he stopped playing. Everyone else quieted down, all eyes on Ellie and Violet. “Da, can we light the candle now and then come back to this?” she asked. “Violet and I would like to say a prayer for her dad and for Callahan.”
“Course we can, loves,” he said, turning to face them, noting the bit of melancholy in Violet’s eyes as he reached out and squeezed her free hand.
Callahan led them over to the front window where a simple, white tapered candle stood at the center in a sturdy brass candle holder. It had been his grandad’s, and was possibly even older, and it had been lit in Irish tradition every Christmas Eve for as long as anyone in their family could remember.
The quiet in the room was palpable, even Colin sensing it and watching with wonder as his grandad picked up a box of matches, the sharp sound of the cardboard cover sliding off cutting into the atmosphere. Cal took out a match and struck it, causing a sizzle of the match igniting before it sputtered down into a gentle gold flame. He cupped his hand around it as a windbreak while he moved to light the candle, holding the match against the new wick until it began to heat the end, taking a second to catch and bloom into its own flame. Cal flicked the match to extinguish it, a gray streak of smoke curling into the air as he stepped aside.
Ellie looked expectantly to her mum, who always said their accompanying prayer, but Bea returned her gaze with a gentle nod of encouragement, relinquishing the moment to Ellie for the first time. With a slight tremble in her hands, one still holding firmly to Violet’s, Ellie stepped closer to the candle, facing it so that her prayer would follow the candlelight out the window, as her mum had always done. Her voice shook slightly as she stumbled her way through the Swahili words, not because they were unfamiliar but because she had always heard them rather than speaking them, and she felt a need to get it right. When she finished, she turned slightly towards Violet, drawing her in against her side, wrapping her arm around her back so her hand settled on her hip.
“Lord, I ask, as we light this candle to welcome anyone, strangers or loved ones, who may need comfort and community on the Eve of our Lord’s birth, that it also act as a beacon to guide home those who are far from us, but who live so surely in our hearts. Let this light find them and tell them of our love, so that their souls, whether they are on earth or in heaven, may know the strength of our love for them so they will never feel alone. Amen.”
Violet hugged Ellie with a force like she never had before, tucking her face into her wife’s shoulder, breathing her in and letting the presence of her family warm and comfort her. She felt a small hand on her hip, and she looked down, seeing Anthony standing there, reaching his arms out for her. Violet smiled, letting go of Ellie and bending down to accept the hug from her eldest son.
“Are you okay, Mummy?”
“I am, my sweet boy.” she nodded. “I am just missing some people very dearly tonight.”
“Papa Lawrence? And Callahan?” he asked.
“Yes, dearest. And Mummy’s grandparents. I haven’t seen them in a very long time.”
Anthony, who had spent his whole life by his grandparents’ side, only away from them for no longer than a month or two, could not imagine what it must have felt like to be away from his grandparents, so much so that the thought alone brought tears to his eyes. He was getting so big, but Violet used every ounce of strength she had to lift him up, cradling his head tenderly as they stood and continued to watch the candle burn.
“The prayer was beautiful, El,” Violet whispered. “Thank you.” Hearing the words come from her wife added an extra layer of gratitude for everything that she did, everything she would always do to make sure Violet was feeling her best.
“You’re welcome, Dottie,” Ellie said, wrapping her arm around Anthony’s back so she could hug them both, pressing a tender kiss to Violet’s temple. She was glad she was able to give her the solace her heart was seeking, and truth be told, it made her feel a little lighter, too. They stayed there for a moment before Cal’s voice cut in.
“C’mon, let’s sing a few more songs before we have to head out for church.” He was back at the piano and ran his hands down the keys to draw everyone back over, helping shift the mood to one that was slightly more light and festive. Ellie relinquished Violet and Anthony from her grasp, letting them head back, Violet returning to the bench beside Cal.
As Ellie walked back, her mum slid her arm around her waist, leaning in so she was sure to hear her low voice. “That was beautiful, Elinah.”
“Thank you, Mama.”
“I think perhaps it is time for me to pass that tradition on to you.”
“But Mama, you always do it.”
“I know,” she said gently. “But I won’t always be here to do it, and I think I’m ready to pass the torch. Or the candle, I suppose.” A lighthearted laugh rumbled in her throat, but Ellie looked at her, concern in her eyes. “Don’t worry, mama. There’s nothing going on. But more than half our brood is yours now, and I just…think it’s time. You don’t have to, if you don’t want to,” she added, genuinely, in case Ellie truly did not want to.
“No, no, it’s…” Ellie paused, looking up at her mum, a slightly wobbly smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. “Thank you.” As they came to a stop and Cal and Violet began to play again, Ellie hugged her mum to her side, laying her head down on her shoulder as they started to sing.
Violet sat down at the piano bench, Anthony still hoisted on her lap, but as soon as she sat he turned around so that he was facing the keys, watching as his mother and grandfather began to play in that all too perfect harmony. Over the years, Callahan had become quite proficient on the piano, his time practicing a good way to wind down from work, and Violet had always appreciated that he had taken the time to learn something that was important to her.
Anthony gently laid his hands on top of Violet’s, smiling as she carried his palms and small fingers along with the melody she played. He couldn’t wait to learn from her.
“Uncle Danny, where are you going?” Ben whispered, running over to where Danny was attempting to quietly slip outside.
“Nowhere far, mate, don’t worry about it.” He ruffled Ben's hair.
“But what about church? You always come with us to church.”
“Not this time,” he tried to whisper, but Ben’s voice had already carried over the music, drawing Bea’s attention to them. She quickly extricated herself from her daughter’s grasp, handing Colin to her, and headed straight for her son, her eyebrows arched high on her forehead.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
Danny faltered, his usual cool charm absent. “Mama, I don’t want to fight.”
“Then you’d better get back over there and finish singing so that we can leave for church.” There was not a drop of humor in her voice, and her jaw was harshly set. Cal and Violet were valiantly trying to ignore the scene beginning behind them, but Ellie was watching, her heart thumping in her chest at the danger her brother was in.
Something in Danny’s demeanor changed; he looked…lost, and Ellie felt sympathy edge its way into her heart. She didn’t know what was up with him, but even more so than she had been earlier, she was sure something was. Crossing over to them, she touched Ben’s shoulder, urging him to look up at her. “Go back to the piano, love,” she said and waited for him to listen before speaking again. When he was out of earshot, she turned to Danny, “Are you going to be back in the morning?”
“Course I am,” he said, meeting her eye and recognizing the save she was attempting to bring him. “Before anyone’s up, honest.”
“You cannot miss church, Daniel. It is Christmas Eve. Unless you are on your deathbed, you go to church. We go to church–” Bea’s voice was coming out in a low, dangerous hiss, but Ellie put her hand on her mum’s shoulder, urging her to look at her.
“Mama,” she said gently.
“No, Elinah. This isn’t up for debate.”
“Mama, please. I just…need some space,” Danny implored, his dark eyes troubled as he looked at his mum.
Bea opened her mouth to deny him again, but Ellie squeezed her arm and spoke first. “Traditions are not ruined from being broken sometimes. Maybe this year is just the year our traditions change a little. Make some room. Change hands?” she added, reminding her mum that she had just agreed to change one tradition. Certainly, she could handle one more alteration to their usual celebrations.
Bea looked between her mutinous children, her face slowly softening, but only just. “Fine. But you had better be back well before the boys wake up.”
“I will,” Danny promised.
“And not drunk.”
“I won’t.”
“And next year, you will be at church with us.”
“Understood.”
Bea pursed her lips, breathing out a sigh. “Fine,” she said again.
“Thank you, Mama,” Danny said, pulling her into a hug where he lingered longer than he usually would. Bea held him tightly, not releasing him until he pulled away. He then pulled Ellie into a hug, as well, before turning and leaving before his mum could change her mind.
Bea turned to Ellie, who felt small under her gaze. “You’re lucky it’s Christmas, Elinah.”
“I’m sorry, Mama. I just…I think something’s going on with him.”
Her mum studied her for a minute, her face softening even further, and looked almost annoyed with herself for it. “You’re a good sister,” she said, and left it at that as she guided them both back to the piano.
Once the carols had finished, the group of them had begun to get ready for church. Violet had gone to the den to get changed into something a little more formal, but having noticed Danny’s absence among them, she took an extra moment to pull out her phone and send him a message.
Miss you. Talk later?
His response came moments later.
Course XO
She smiled down at her phone and put it in her purse before going out to make sure the boys were dressed and ready. She helped Benedict get his socks on right and Colin to get completely changed out of his clothes which were still a little dirty from dinner before meeting Callahan and Beatrice downstairs by the door, Ellie coming soon after with her purse in hand.
“Ready to go, boys?” Callahan asked.
“Yeah!” Anthony grinned. “What about you, Beebee?”
“I’m tired,” Ben whined and smushed his face into Ellie’s legs.
“Don’t worry, dear, you can sleep as soon as we come back home,” Beatrice assured. “And you get to have a sleepover with your mums, isn’t that fun?”
He nodded his head against Ellie’s legs and the group of them chuckled. Violet picked Colin up to get him buckled into his car seat, Anthony and Ben sorting themselves out before they got in the car and went on their way to church.
The church service was beautiful, as it was every year. As always, the service was held in candlelight, which not only set the tone for a midnight service, but helped keep the little ones quiet when their schedules were already jumbled from holiday celebrations. The Christmas Eve service had always been one of Ellie’s favorites, and this time was no different. As she sat in the pews, her family now taking up an entire one on its own, her mind was occupied by the blessings she had, and the one that was coming in the next year. It did not matter if this baby was a boy or a girl, but something made her hope that Violet was right again. She looked down the pew to her mum who was on the end opposite her, and she thought of the ways they were like bookends surrounding their family—an eldest daughter and her own eldest daughter, possibly pregnant with the next. There was something truly special about it, and as the pastor began the final prayer, she bowed her head, her hand resting gently over her belly as she prayed for her little girl.
Once the service was over, they gathered their tired boys, Violet with Colin wrapped against her back while she carried Benedict in her arms, Ellie taking Anthony and both of them supported by Bea and Cal. They loaded up the sleepy little ones into the minivan and headed back to the house. When they arrived, Cal helped them bring the boys upstairs, and it was a task getting them changed and their teeth brushed so that they could climb into their grandparents’ bed, falling right back asleep as a small trio in the middle of the bed. After they got ready, Violet and Ellie took a few moments to make some tea together, taking it down to the den to drink it before going to bed.
When they sat down on the couch, Violet looked over at her wife with a smile, tracing her finger down her nose like Ellie had done to her so many times before. She then moved her hand to Ellie’s stomach, reminding herself of the baby that was slowly growing in there and would be with them before they knew it. There were so many words on the tip of her tongue, but none seemed enough to encapsulate the moment that they were in.
For the first time all evening, Ellie felt herself relax, finally feeling the toll the day had taken on her. Somehow this had ended up one of the most emotional Christmas Eves she had ever had, despite it also being one of the best. Much like her work life had shifted recently, it felt like another shift was happening at home. They were expecting their next baby, her pregnancy was going much better than anticipated, and she felt like her perspective on life and love and family was really beginning to settle into something new, but was also the most she had ever felt like herself. The one thing, however, that had never changed, and that she knew never would, was that Violet was the center of her universe. Even after spending what felt like most of the day apart, occupied by the rest of their loved ones and the busyness of being the source of Christmas magic for their babies, everything always came back to her, to this.
Ellie set her tea down on the table, taking Violet’s and doing the same, then scooted closer to her love so there was almost no distance between them. Tilting her wife’s head up, she kissed her softly, reverently, so she would feel all of the things Ellie felt for her, had said in one way or another hundreds of times, but that never stopped being true.
“Happy Christmas, Violet,” she whispered against her lips, sure that no gift would ever compare to the one already in her arms.
my most ungrounded and unresearched fear is that so many companies are pushing AI in part because it builds them a pathway towards a subscription model for a huge number of things that should not be subscription, but theoretically could be:
do you want to talk to verizon's help desk because there's an error on your bill? to access a real agent, you have to pay for Verizon Access+, only 5.99 a month.
want to filter out all the fake job postings from the real ones? subscribe to Indeed: Advanced Tactics and only verified postings will appear on your dash.
sick of the infinite ai slop? buy Google Premium; it'll automatically detect ai within a site and gives it a credibility score. with premium plus, you can shuffle high-credibility results to the top.
do you want a "luxury" experience? well, you'd have to pay for that luxury, and since the company sure doesn't want to pay its employees; the cost would fall to the consumer.
when automation has made every experience unpleasant; the experience of genuine humanity will be commodified.
This is already happening – one of the softwares used by a museum I work at only lets you talk to a human help agent if you have their premium subscription. It's such bullshit
the fact you are not the only one in these notes saying "no this is already happening; i have to pay money to speak to a representative" is just... really awesome! you said a software used by museums is doing this shit? okay! great! wonderful!! anybody know where i can scream
The KIDS act (which contains KOSA) passed the US house, so I recommend calling your senators and telling them to vote in opposition. I don't think I need to stress the importance of being able to use the internet freely and without privacy barriers being breached.
There are many scripts online you can follow, many ways to tweak your message to fit your senator (ESPECIALLY if they are up for reelection this year). Whether it's a recording you reach or a real person, be straightforward, don't argue, just let your rep know that you are a constituent and you oppose the KIDS act, etc.
Here is where you can search for your senator... call, email, fax, bring them physical letters, show up in person to their offices if you are able.
for real tho it feels exhausting that ive seen this whole "woman should be allowed to abstain from X beauty standard" -> "i perform X beauty standard, am i evil? do you think im evil? please forgive me i came up with a dozen excuses 🥺" since like 2015 (and i know its been going on longer than that) like girl thats not the poiiiiint
look me in the eyes. repeat after me. "i face societal pressure to perform this beauty standard. i should not face that pressure. i conform to this standard. i am rewarded for performing to this standard. i need to respect women who do not perform this standard. this is not about whether or not i am a sinner for wearing makeup."
[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz
Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat.
Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records.
My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now.
Called the county clerk.
Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty.
Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons?
Me: Yes, but he's a cat.
Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county?
Me: He's a legal cat.
Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption.
Me: He can't file anything. He has paws.
Clerk: You can file on his behalf.
Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat."
Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons."
Me: What's the medical reason?
Clerk: He's a cat.
Me: That's not a medical condition.
Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving.
Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later.
"Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement."
Took the letter to my vet.
Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty.
Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty?
Me: Excellent question. No good answer.
Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten.
Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve?
Vet: On what grounds?
Me: He's a cat.
Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings."
Me: Perfect.
Sent it in. Got another rejection.
"Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court."
My roommate thought this was hilarious.
Roommate: Felix is going to jail.
Me: This is serious.
Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens.
Decided that was actually the only option left.
Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters.
Checked in at the courthouse.
Clerk: Name?
Me: Felix Martinez.
Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix?
Me: Yes.
Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat.
Me: I've been saying that for six weeks.
Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption?
Me: I filed three. All rejected.
Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief.
Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation?
Me: Twice.
Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this.
Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me.
Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote?
Me: You tell me.
Supervisor: This is a data error.
Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out.
They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience.
Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry.
Me: Appreciate it.
Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted?
Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats.
Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card.
For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was.
Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud.
Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent.
Roommate: That's what they all say.
Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now.
Fitting end to his legal career.
end id]
When you try to talk about enshittification, it sounds like conspiracy theories. (I'm not crazy)
Amazon made their service worse, to force people to pay for Prime.
Nowadays, if you order from Amazon, there is a week long delay before your package is shipped. (on purpose)
I remember when orders would ship out the same day. (I remember - it was real)
YouTube didn't used to have ads. Now, ads play in the middle of videos. (it's worse than TV ever was)
The best can opener I have owned is over 40 years old. Modern ones just don't hold up as well. (The ones I bought new broke ages ago)
The bread machine my mom got for her wedding lasted 30 years. It's been replaced twice in the last 5 years. (How can you fuck this up?)
The cardboard tubes in the middle of toilet paper rolls have gotten larger. (This too?) Companies increasing the price of the product while selling you less. (REALLY?)
It sounds crazy. (it's the truth) When you talk about it, YOU sound crazy. (it's true)
Even when people believe you (do they really), all they can say is "it sucks". (it's too big) Because the problem is so big, so pervasive, what can we even DO about it???
To get the necessary laws written and passed, we need politicians, to get the politicians elected we need information campaigns, to fund campaigns we need money, and all the money is being hoarded by the people profiting from enshittification. (it sounds so fake)
So I talk about enshittification (it sounds crazy), so people don't forget that things have been made worse on purpose (it's true), even though I sound crazy. (maybe I am)
It's called planned obsolescence and it was invented when lightbulbs could still run for 1000 years. Enshittification is the web-specific (and more specifically social media) version of that.
New local scandal is an old woman who will walk down to her mailbox in her robe, then, when no cars are driving by, lay down next to her mailbox as if she’s fallen or been hit by a car. Tourists will stop, help her up, and walk her to her house. Then, after they leave, she’ll repeat this until she’s bored with it.
Her neighbors have called the cops a bunch but have been told that it’s not illegal to fake being an old lady in peril so soft-hearted tourists or newcomers are nice to you. One of the neighbors sometimes yells “oh, get up, Lois!” at her. But overall local sentiment is that this is at least somewhat enviable levels of not giving a fuck.
1) do this even if you're under 40. seriously. I definitely should have been doing something like this for years and I only turned 40 a month and a half ago
2) if you're like me just now trying this going "oh god i've only done 15 and i think my hands are cramping" start lower than 30 and increase by 5 once whatever number you're doing no longer makes your hand cramp up. I can manage about 15 per exercise at the moment.
I actually recommend everyone write for a rarepair once because it completely changes your relationship with fandom. Engagement stops being numbers and starts being names. You know who's going to show up. You recognize usernames. Someone disappears for a while and then comes back and you're like “OH MY GOD WELCOME HOME.” It's incredibly wholesome. It is also deeply inconvenient when all six of you simultaneously get writer's block-
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