Things My Husband Says

This is a collection of the profound, funny, and downright ridiculous things that Blake Loyd Maloney says from day to day.

[thingsblakeloydsays]

I think cargo pants are cool, but I don't know if I can pull them off.

[thingsblakeloydsays]

I should just turn this into things Blake says in his sleep

B: What's in the mug Me: Bailey's B: (whispers) Nooooooooo

[thingsblakeloydsays]

I felt like I could hear the show, but not respond. I was like 'Shelby doesn't have a boyfriend and these guys don't have a kneecap and then they shoot each other'

He's a sleep talker

[thingsblakeloydsays]

Dogs

All dogs came from wolves. You had to incest the shit out of wolves to get a French Bulldog.

[thingsblakeloydsays]

Blake: I don't want to talk about this...

Shelby: No? Why not?

Blake: Cause I can't dig myself a hole if I put down the shovel, Shelby!

[thingsblakeloydsays]

I'm glad I don't have to club and stuff to get the hoes. Instead I have a wife!

[thingsblakeloydsays]

Umbro

Blake: Whoa! That's cool...it's got that umbro look...wait, what is it?

Me: Ombre?

Blake: Yeah! Ombre!

[thingsblakeloydsays]

I'll tell them I got mad cow disease and I can't mooooove.

[thingsblakeloydsays]

In your condition, Shelby, you're allowed to say anything you want.

I'm pmsing.

[thingsblakeloydsays]

Sleep Talk Part Three

Blake: No, you have to fold the plastic bags

Shelby: Why do I need to fold the plastic bags?

B: To make them fit in the drawer better!

S: But they go under the sink, not in a drawer...

B: ughremnhfkaknfj

[thingsblakeloydsays]

Shelby, I would change my name to BUTTHOLE if someone gave me a million dollars!

[thingsblakeloydsays]

Here's your magic wand for the evening.

Blake handing me the remote for #TGIT

[thingsblakeloydsays]

Watching the Golden Globes

Me: I haven't even heard of most of these movies.

B: I know. We're not hip enough anymore.

[thingsblakeloydsays]

I feel like my brain has different people living in it that don't want to meet each other.

Blake has a headache.

[thingsblakeloydsays]

Nose Goes

Me: your nose makes a perfect triangle.

Blake: your nose makes me...happy.

[thingsblakeloydsays]

I love this hood. It's like a cave for my head. It's so large. Large and in charge.

[thingsblakeloydsays]

You might as well pretend you're making out with Nelson Mandela!