quiet thoughts @thinkingofastar - Tumblr Blog

i hate those stories of people, bested, outsmarted, who destroy the work of others simply so they may win. alexander and the gordian knot, loki and the wall. if you are beaten at your own game, let yourself be beaten. don’t let pride break promises.

perhaps i feel so strongly because i relate. which side was i on, i wonder - pride, or promise?

#thoughts of a star

jumbled memories

i was crooked, jagged, inhuman. my neck was no neck, but several points in space connected by thin, straight, lines. i had wings. i had hands, outstretched as if to cup something in them. i felt every point of light within me, every bond between those points. for just a moment i was no longer physical but conceptual.

vada, one of the constellations in my sky, the snake that eats the moon. in life he was pure white, fast as lightning, a hunter like no other. he would have been elevated normally, but he came to me after death and proposed that we play a game for his life. he said he could win any challenge i set. i felt amusement? frustration with his arrogance? and i agreed because i knew i could make a game he couldn’t win. i challenged him to hunt the moon for all his days in the sky. once a year, he would get a chance to swallow it. if he did, he would be allowed another chance at life. annually, i would watch the culmination of his efforts, but annually he would fail.

a’tien. “little star” but also a marker of respect. “wise star whom i adore.” bits of a language which i know but have never learned. “de’varr” is a title, a marker of where the dragon is from. not a true name, but still something to go by.

a best friend. a bond as strong as the bonds between my stars. someone i loved more than love, a kindred spirit, myself in another person. a best friend. dissatisfied, they wished to leave, to journey, to be more than they were. selfish, i implored them to stay. i tried to force them. they spat angry words, intended to hurt, to get me to back off, and they still left. the words alone broke my heart. the hurt of them leaving was worse than any pain. i curled in on my crooked self. one of my stars went supernova. i hurt for a long time, but i healed. i understood. and i forgave them, and was ready to never see them again, and that was okay.

#thoughts of a star #memories