Comedy News

Late-Night TV Monologue style news jokes. Onion style headlines. Sketches. Political humor.  All original content. Also on my YouTube. 

[thirdfartfromthesun-blog]

White Man is Self-Declared Victim After Punching Bag Asks Him to “Please Stop”

Unsure of what else to do, he started an online petition. Then he bought body armor and punched harder. After asking daddy to fix it and tweeting about it, he took a closer look and has yet to realize it wasn’t a punching bag, but a person all along. He cannot grasp how another being that doesn’t look or think like him could possibly have feelings, so he started an online petition and spread the word to his buddies via Facebook. After a few days he had nearly 100 signatures and could rest easy knowing that his fears of his punching bag were validated.

[thirdfartfromthesun-blog]

Welcome to Trump’s America, where Everything is Made Up and Facts Don’t Matter.

[thirdfartfromthesun-blog]

In Flint, Michigan, lead levels in the water have dropped below critical for the first time in years.

Donald Trump is taking credit.

[thirdfartfromthesun-blog]

Millions March All Around The World in Protest. Donald Trump Brings Up “Size”

What do you say when a man continually insists that his “everything” is so much bigger than yours? Insecure much? Compensating?

The ship may be sinking, and his life boat may be on fire, but before being rescued, he’d like to point out that his boat was so much bigger than yours is,

[thirdfartfromthesun-blog]

2016 Is Worst Year on Record - Holocaust Survivors Agree

[thirdfartfromthesun-blog]

Day 3: Trump has lost all credibility among everyone except Cosby and O.J. Simpson fans.

[thirdfartfromthesun-blog]

Sources have been saying Trump voters may have been motivated by a desire to bring back “White Christian America”

Because if there’s 3 things Hillary’s NOT...

[thirdfartfromthesun-blog]

Trump Mistakenly Activates Siri During Private Rant / Meltdown, Accidentally Tweets Everything.

Nobody could tell the difference.

[thirdfartfromthesun-blog]

Making The Effort: Trump Brings Dictionary To Briefings, Might Use It

According to sources it was a paperback Webster’s Children’s Pocket Dictionary, Third Edition. Trump also brought translator Paul Ryan to read the dictionary to him whenever the staff used a word he didn’t recognize. This is a step up from his last briefing two weeks ago, when he continually asked Siri for explanations such as, “Where is the nearest ISIS?”; “Who is Julian ASSage?”; “Is Happy Holidays a terrorist slogan?” and “When is this briefing over?”

[thirdfartfromthesun-blog]

CNN Called Out For Being A News Organization

[thirdfartfromthesun-blog]

Who’s ready for Episode 2 of The Uncoordinated Words with Van Jones?

[thirdfartfromthesun-blog]

Breaking: Electrons Discovered to Have Negative Effect on Really Bad Puns

[thirdfartfromthesun-blog]

What To Do With All The Samples You Steal From The Hardware Store Like A Goddamned Klepto

[thirdfartfromthesun-blog]

“Donald Trump’s Next Target: Prices For Blank Printer Paper At Office Max”

[thirdfartfromthesun-blog]

Donald Trump attacked civil rights leader John Lewis on Saturday, just days before Martin Luther King Day.

Trump explained that this is just his way of commemorating the holiday; by attacking a black guy.

[thirdfartfromthesun-blog]

Marco Rubio could be the deciding vote for Rex Tillerson becoming Secretary of State. Rubio has vocalized his disdain for Tillerson and Slammed him with questions. Tillerson dodged all of Marco Rubio’s questions.

He did this by responding to each question with “Polo”

[thirdfartfromthesun-blog]

“Normal Amount of Crime Reported On Friday The 13th.”