let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
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Game Changer & Make Some Noise
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Cosmic Funnies
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almost home
tumblr dot com
Fai_Ryy
cherry valley forever
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@thirtyandbroken-blog
I Swear I'm Alive
Well I'm terrible at keeping up with this. Weight loss journey still continues. Hit a bit of a stalemate lately. Had a job. Quit the terrible job. Still single. Still very broke. That's everything in a nutshell
Dumped
So the thing with Bob ended yesterday. Apparently he feels like our lives are too different. The thing that really bothers me about this is he is using my brothers lifestyle against ME. My brothers both live in a world that's pretty intimidating, even for me, and Bob has got it into his head that their careers are a reflection of who I am. I sobbed all night. My head is pounding. The CF work out involves a lot of running today which I was going to avoid but now I need to do something to kick my ass.
Under or Over
Guys! Fucking finally! I am on the downside of 200 lbs!!!!!!! Granted my weight fluctuates so much that it probably won't last long BUT it's the first time I've managed that in this journey. So hell fucking yea!!
Supportive Support
I have had a tumblr for probably close to 8 years now. My former blog was kind of just a hodgepodge of all that is me. In all those years I had a few mutual that became friends but it took a while. Fitblogs are some of the most supportive, thoughtful, considerate people. I'm really thankful to be able to document this journey and know others are going through it with me. Love you guys!
I Spend My Life Missing People.
I miss my sister a lot today. I’m sitting in my living room looking at her urn. 28 years worth of life amounts to a small blue ceramic jar. All that she was is in there. Her big blue eyes, long Bambi eyelashes. Her brown hair that she wished grew as fast as mine. The cuts on her hands from being a chef. The small tattoos she hid with grace. Her brightly painted finger nails. All in one jar that sits in my living room. I can’t talk to this jar, I can't hug it and feel the comfort that came from knowing my little sister believed in me. I am lost in La La Land and have no one who gets it. My brothers are self reliant. They are strong. I am weak. She wasn’t as strong as I thought. She did a fantastic job of hiding it. But she made me feel strong. She should be here with me. She should be cooking dinner and not me. She should be the shoulder Quinn leans on, not me. I need her laugh. Her comic relief. I need her.
My head feels lighter
SNAP!
I am on the verge of a breakdown. 2 months and 2 weeks into living in California and I am still jobless. I have resorted to apply for jobs I am over qualified for. And yet, still nothing. I went on a job interview last week for a job I am BEYOND qualified for but as soon as we got to salary talk he chimed out. I just want to be able to make enough to afford a life here. I’ve accepted I won't have a savings account any time soon.
I am bored out of my mind and lack anything that could represent a purpose.
SOMEONE GIVE ME A JOB!
How Much Does Willpower Cost? Asking For A Friend...
Guys. I fucked up. Last night my brother, roommate and I went out for a friends birthday. Roommate and I are broke so we pregamed at home. Fiscally responsible. Or so I attempted. Spent too much money, drank too much and with that comes the inevitability of....fast food. FUUUUUUCK! I feel like shit. Hungover and full of very terrible food. Can I just have one weekend where I don't completely screw up?
Hire Me?
Job interview didn't go too well. They can't afford me and I don't think I'd vibe well with their company. DAMMIT! I am so poor, living in a new state that I'd like to explore but can't do so without MONEY 😡
Pants Dilemma
I have a job interview tomorrow and I have no idea if any of my business attire fits. I haven't had to dress up since July. Fuck. Guess I'm torturing myself with wardrobe options tonight.
But For Real?!
If I don't get under 200 pounds soon I am going to lose my fucking mind! Got an email from my crossfit gym that it's been 45 days since I started. 45 days and I'm only down 15 pounds! Fuck I hate this shit!
You’ll start living and craving it soon enough.
Short People and the Squat
Hit my PR today with back squats! It was only 115 but that's a big step up for me. I've noticed how shorter people seem to tackle the squat a little easier. Less of a distance to dip. Damn my long legs! My back isn't too happy with me right now. I always have to be cautious when working out since my back and knees are fucked but I always want to push myself. Tonight I made spinach turkey burgers (no bun) with tzatiki and cucumbers. Pretty good. Might be a go to meal from now on. Things with Bob have been going well. He's mentioned the whole girlfriend title a few times now but only when he's drunk. I've told him we're not having that conversation unless we're both sober. I really do like him but the title scares me a bit. Not that I'm seeing anyone else but it's just been a long time for me and now that I'm 30 there's this added weight that the person you're dating could really lead to marriage. Ok, I'm getting WAY ahead of myself.
Hi, I'm Dead.
So today was my first real CF class. I only almost threw up 3 times. 400 m run EMOM: 15 burpees 15 kbs AMRAP: 250 m row 15 wall balls 3 rounds: 50 double unders 25 sit ups I had to scale it to 10 burpees and 50 single jumps. I finished in 37:14. My head is pounding and I can't stop shaking but man do I feel accomplished. I was the last one to finish and it was my first time with the 4pm class. They were all super supportive and cheered me on until I finished. I'm gonna sink into my couch, watch some Netflix and pray I can move tomorrow.
The Worst
I've had a bad food weekend. Beer, pizza and In and Out. So disappointed in myself. Plus I didn't have CF on Friday because of the open, which I didn't participate in. Feeling like a total scumbag right now. In other news I'm dog sitting for my friend for a week. I currently have a snoring 2 month old pit named Jagger laying next to me. Thankfully he gets along well with my two other dogs. Should be an eventful week.
