My heart hurts right now. Itâs only been 2 days that we have been broken up but it feels like a lifetime. Itâs so hard for me to grasp that the man who called me beautiful, told me I was too good to give up, took me to Florida, taught me how to ride a motorcycle, went parasailing with me, kayaked with me, laughed with me, sang to me, cooked for me, went bike riding with me, went swimming with me, woke me up with sweet kisses and a cup of coffee, decorated my room with me, helped me through my transition home, told me I could do anything I wanted when no one else believed in me, taught me how to throw a football, introduced me to my favorite tv show...is out of my life. I refuse to believe that he felt nothing the entire time. Someone who feels nothing doesnât do all of these things for someone who doesnât mean much to them. He can say his feelings never developed a million times, but his actions and my heart tell a different story. I am going to miss his family, his puppy, our nights in, family gatherings, his kisses, his arms around me after a long day, his words of encouragement when I needed them, his laugh, our nicknames for one another. My everyday plans always involved him. Now at dinner time I eat alone, I go to family events alone, I ride my bike alone, I watch movies alone, I cook alone, I am buying my bike alone, I am learning to ride alone, I am sleeping alone. This is a huge adjustment for me. In the past when we parted ways , we would always get back together and that was comforting because neither of us had expectations. This time feels more painful because we crossed that line. We made the commitment, we traveled together, he called me beautiful which he never did in the years I have known him, we spent a lot of our waking moments together. I feel so very sad today. I donât feel angry, or resentful, I feel so sad. Â
