you don't win friends with salad

Disgruntled old man posts Simpsons memes and Grindr caps

[thisdiabolicalvarnish]

Tumblr is not a platform conducive of coherent and meaningful dialogues. It is a place where theory goes to die, where a half remembered sliver of a YouTube video recount of a philosophical concept is reinterpreted as its whole, lost from nuance and context. Where even smart people abridge from necessity a point that vulgarizes itself through transmission, where the distinction between truth in argumentation is desire. Everything becomes real, every reality pathologically true, and divinely obfuscated is any connection to a material objectivity or discursive narrative. We see here what we wish to see. We swim here in our sea of ideology, unspeakable the water.

[thisdiabolicalvarnish]

I've been picking up enough hours to get by, working six days a week, minimizing my food budget. I'm feeling a bit less anxious, but I don't think the financial stress will be gone until I get a new job.

[thisdiabolicalvarnish]

My hours are so bad right now that I basically can't afford food or heat. I feel guilty about taking the bus instead of walking the 6k to work in -20° and while I've started applying for a second, part time job, most of what's available either requires a minimum of an hour travel each way or scheduling commitments that conflict with my main job, which I can't leave for insurance purposes. It wouldn't be so bad to manage hour long travel if I were getting full shifts and worked the second job on off days, but my boss managed to schedule me for under 20 hours stretched over five days next week, and similarly this week. The only open position in my industry wants five years experience and requires a vehicle.

[thisdiabolicalvarnish]

hey, T4T caregiving is trans caregivers / doulas / DSWs doing sliding scale post op caregiving if that helps to know. i saw em at Philly trans. not sure how low they go, though.

I'm in Canada and doubtless can't afford them anyway. I also don't trust any organization that unironically uses the term t4t.

[thisdiabolicalvarnish]

I'm tired of being alive and I hate everyone. I can't afford to live and I can't do anything without interfering with surgery, for which I have no one to come with me or look after me afterwards. I'll probably drain what savings I have left paying for everything while I'm off work. I'm afraid of inevitable downhill trajectory. I'm trying and it's not enough.

[thisdiabolicalvarnish]

I went to the dentist for the first time in seven years and discovered I have two cavities and need a bite plane. On the bright side, my insurance kicks in next month, so I might actually be able to barely afford it. I can also get my eyes checked for the first time in my adult life.

[thisdiabolicalvarnish]

My feet hurt and I hate everything and I'm pretty sure I'm having another depressive episode, but I bought a book about the Simpsons and some Melville and I'm going home to take a gin bath. (A gin bath is a regular bath but I'm also drinking.)

[ewaneneollav]

[springfieldstills]

I agree. It’s not only sad, it doesn’t make sense, and that dog would have been at least 25 years old. It’s right up there with “the first non-Brazilian person to travel through time”

[thisdiabolicalvarnish]

I actually like both of these jokes, particularly knowing how much the writers hated and felt defeated by Rover Hendrix. I like the absurdity of the needlessly specific and impossible reference getting animated in spite of everyone's best efforts, of seeing their shortcomings personified in the labor of others.

[thisdiabolicalvarnish]

My suicide ideation is so bad I started googling gun ranges in the area. I am usually physically uncomfortable whenever I am awake. My anxiety is getting worse again. I am constantly worried about money, housing, work, surgery, and politics. I am feeling increasingly alienated by relative ideological peers. My anhedonia is constant. I'm finding it harder to perform the emotional labor central to my job. I am struggling with basic self-care. I know I'm being shortsighted, but this is my current reality. I've already booked an appointment with my doctor to look at adding an antidepressant to my regimen, but he's booked so far ahead that I won't see him until mid-December. Therapy is giving me tools, but that I don't have the energy or clarity to use. Nothing feels possible.

[thisdiabolicalvarnish]

Life is a false flag propagated by the DEGENERATE GLOBALIST Soros, we're all dead and this is hell

[simpscreens]

[thisdiabolicalvarnish]

Performative grief looks so dirty.

[thisdiabolicalvarnish]

I feel a sense of betrayal from intelligent cis allies who uncritically accept the idea of gender as spectrum. What they seem to mean is that expression socially given association with gender roles exists on a broad spectrum, but it isn't distinguished from neurological sex (as in inherent cognitive expectation of particular binary sex phenotype) or dimorphic sex characteristics.

[thisdiabolicalvarnish]

My favorite very radical very new opinion on tumblr.geocities.com that Totally Decimates Snowflake Transgender Leftists is that trans people deserve their suicide ideation, attempts, and successes for putting strain on the healthcare system to meet their medical needs, including and especially access to and funding of surgical intervention. Finally and for the first time, someone has bravely come out of the shadows and spoken the forbidden words which we all whisper to ourselves and know to be true: "trannies are delusional narcissists."

[thisdiabolicalvarnish]

I started therapy recently and even though the therapist has been pretty good with asking useful questions and offering constructive feedback and potentially useful techniques for managing issues, I feel fucked up for about a week after I see him. I don't know why. My eating and sleeping habits immediately fuck up, I struggle more to work out and read and take care of myself. I get minimally functional to the point that I'm basically just sleeping and going to work. Maybe because I'm still so angry about losing time; but all the anger does is lose me more time. I'm so bad at being kind to myself.

[thisdiabolicalvarnish]

I spend too much time ruminating over the things dysphoria and transition has stolen from me. I wish I had been functional enough to be a late transitioner, or had enough structural and personal support to be an earlier transitioner.

[lazy-polyglot]

To choose any one vernacular as a norm means to favor the group of people speaking that variety. It gives them prestige as norm-bearers and a head start in the race for power and position. If a recognized elite already exists with a characteristic vernacular, its norm will almost inevitably prevail.

Haugen (via lazy-polyglot)