This girl JB

I write about funny conversations I have with my Mom while she's living with me. I'm also studying for the bar exam. Social justice advocate. Amateur maker and baker of foods. You can find me under some Midwest snow.

[thisgirljb]

Life with JB’s Mom

JB: I’m going to need one of us to be an adult around here and you just had to explain to me that I don't pay my insurance company so I think it’s going have to be you. Mom: This is a lot of pressure.

Adulting is hard.

[thisgirljb]

Life With JB’s Mom

There has been a lot of “to-do” in my apartment because of the damned cockroach that was captured a few weeks ago ... here are some snippets of conversation. 

JB: we should switch rooms Mom: Why? JB: because the cockroach will eat me Mom: So you want me to get eaten instead? JB: I find this acceptable... Mom: You are such a brat. How did I raise such a brat?

JB: I read an article that says cockroaches like beer, so it says to put out a container and oil the lip so it can’t get back out Mom: Did it say how large the container should be? JB: No... Mom: And where do you want to put it? JB: In my room? Mom: and where are you going to sleep? JB: In your room?  Mom: and where am I going to sleep?

JB: I have a theory that cockroaches are afraid of you. Mom: I have a theory that you are sick in the head. 

JB: My friend sent me an article about a cockroach being pulled out of some lady’s head. It was alive. Mom: I saw that on the news, I decided not to tell you because I know how you’d react... JB: and how’s that? Mom: Poorly. Guess I’m sharing my room again tonight. JB: This wouldn’t be an issue if you’d just switch rooms. 

[thisgirljb]

Life with JB’s Mom - The Background

I’ve been posting a bunch of convo excerpts from my life with my Mom, so here’s the deal...

When I was 17, my dad died. It was my senior year in high school and life just became a mess. My mom and I fought all the damn time. It was pretty terrible. My mom told me that when choosing my college, I wasn’t allowed to live at home, and even if I stayed in-state, I still needed to dorm at school. So I picked college out of state and about three hours away.

Our family dynamic is a bit strange. My mom is older than most parents of kids my age. She retired when I was a junior in college and didn’t really have much to do. She volunteered a few hours a week after a lot of cajoling but it’s pretty easy to see that I make a huge part of her life as I am her baby. I say this without resentment and with knowledge that I am very blessed to have her. She is my rock and my only parent.

My brother is a decade older than me. He moved and settled in the midwest the same year my dad died. He has parent-esqe tendencies and filled the role of dad figure in my life when I needed it. But he’s also was removed from my mom and I for a long time. We reconnected a bit when my dad died but truly did so when I moved to the Midwest for Law School. 

My mom stayed with me for holidays when I was in law school. It’s easier since I have the extra bedroom and no spouse, unlike my recently married brother. They have their own dynamic that is not my story to tell.

My mom has been living with me for about a year now, due to family events - holidays, my graduation, wedding planning, the wedding, me starting a new job,  me not passing the bar, more holidays, and me retaking the bar. She’s made the decision to make the midwest her home and rent out the house to my cousin. 

Sound like a weird dramatic comedy made-for-TV sitcom? I thought so. But the real reason why I post on this site is because one day my mom will be gone, i think about it too much after losing my dad, and I will miss the hell out of my mom. So, I write down funny stuff we say to each other for a collection for myself and others. She’s so wonderful and I adore her so much -- but she’d hate that I have this ... so don’t tell her.

Sending my love!

JB

[thisgirljb]

Life with JB’s Mom

Letting your baby boomer mother travel by herself...

Mom: How did you print this? (Holding up her itinerary.)

JB: While you were looking for your password, I just logged into your email...

Mom: Oh. Good. I’m glad you have that. And this text is nice and big. You’ve thought of everything. 

[thisgirljb]

Life with JB’s Mom

JB: Mom, did you make all of the cookies from the frozen dough so I wouldn’t eat them raw?

Mom: And now you won’t die from salmonella. 

JB: Do you have evidence that people who ate raw cookie dough actually died from salmonella? Because I think it’s a thing baby boomers made up to scare us from eating all the cookies. 

Mom: Well you don’t have evidence to prove anything so...

Aaannndd this is the story of how I ended up in law school. 

[thisgirljb]

Life with JB’s Mom

We are going on an adventure to an amusement park with my cousin’s four kids. 

Mom: If the kids start the rides now, that means they’ll be over it by time we have dinner, right?

... I’m not sure she actually raised children.

[thisgirljb]

Life with JB’s Mom

Text Convo with JayB - JB’s big brother

JB: Well, woke up to a cockroach in my room. Mom caught it in some tupperware. She left it on my building manager’s desk, so I’m reasonably sure they aren’t going to renew my lease.

JayB: I bought some skis today but your story is better.

JB: I don't know to be worried about potentially being homeless in the future or proud that our mom is a cockroach catching badass. 

JayB: Be proud, if your apartment has cockroaches, she's doing you a favor. 

[thisgirljb]

Life with JB’s Mom

Text Covo with MB (JB’s BFF)

JB: So I’m snuggling in my bed. My mom brought me coffee. My mom leaves and comes back with breakfast. My mom decided I needed to get out of bed and took my breakfast back. But she left the coffee and that was nice. 

 MB: She knows you need it to function.

JB: Just kidding. She came back and took the coffee. And yelled at me to get out of bed. Reliving my childhood all over.

[thisgirljb]

Life with JB’s Mom:

Mom: I think that sheets clean. is that sheet clean? You think that sheet’s clean? Are you even listening? (sigh. exit stage left.) JB looking up from her phone: What?

[thisgirljb]

Life with JB’s Mom:

Mom to the microwave: NO NO NO NO

JB: You have to actually press a button you just can’t yell at it

Mom: well it’s definitely not listening so I am going to have to do something 

[thisgirljb]

A Serious Moment from an ‘Other’

Disclaimer: I’m going to have a serious moment here. I’m going to talk about my views on race. These are representative of what I have felt/dealt with in the past.

Everyone who knows me well will know I take issue with most census forms. Why? Well, according to the government, I'm not mixed race. Hispanic/Latinos are white because Hispanic/Latino is an ethnicity. Luckily, we are the only brown folks who get to muddle through that distinction.

But when I go to check off White, there are classifications (not on the census, but on other forms I’ve encountered). Pick one: White - non hispanic or Hispanic/Latino - non white. Which am I going to pick? Neither fit. Why? Because my mother is Eastern European and my father was Puerto Rican. Two or more races? Nope. Not that either because Hispanic is not a race. Well golly gee, like I didn’t have to go through enough on the ethnicity question.

 (NOTE: The census is especially confusing because I mark off the boxes as Hispanic. I struggled for a good five minutes antagonizing boxes before my friends asked if anyone would really care and to just leave it as being Puerto Rican. So I did. I ignored one-half of my DNA.) 

Generally there is another option. One that makes my blood boil. Why? Well if I don't figure out which narrow category I fit into, then I can check the “Other” box. Just in case I wasn’t already upset that I couldn't pick more than one option, this little piece of paper is going to strip me of the identity I have been struggling over my whole life. I have become an Other. 

Multiracial has become a popular term. People are trying to figure out what being multiracial means in a world so focused on race. But those who get left behind are those who have fallen between the cracks. The Other, who needs to pick between being white and passing themselves off as Italian or being Latino but not speaking Spanish or having the right hair. People think in boxes, trying to stuff others into molds... and sometimes it forces people to try and fit those molds too. I never did. 

People are focused on Rachel Dolezal, and how she picked the race she wanted to be, and are condemning her for it. Now, I do not in any way condone what she did, but it brings me to my point. (I do have one.)

Huff post released this article about people being multicultural. Fifty-five percent said (that as a multiracial individual, they) been the target of racial slurs or jokes. 

The majority of multiracial adults, 61 percent, do not self-identify as “mixed-race or multiracial.” Nearly half of the adults who didn’t identify as multiracial said it was because physically they looked like one particular race, while others said they were raised to think of themselves as a particular race.

People pick their races everyday. Why? I can only speak for myself. I know exactly what people want me to say when they ask for my background. They want to know if I am Latina. So I just say that.  It becomes a fluid identity that allows me to pick what I am on a daily basis. It’s just easier.

We have a long list of things to fix on race. This pales as a problem compared to other issues (ha, other...). But can we put it on the list? How about we just say multi-racial/multi-ethnic -- someone else can figure out the wording.

Just let me stop being an other. 

Here’s link to the full survey: http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2015/06/11/multiracial-in-america/

[lawschoolproblems]

Studying for finals just like

[thisgirljb]

I truly never breakdown as horribly as I do during finals. 

[thisgirljb]

Update on the pizza guy: A few months ago I drove to get pizza in a snowstorm (because I am foolish and love pizza) ... anyway, went to get pizza at this place again with a friend. 

Guy: you look familiar  Me: Well, I get pizza here a lot .... Guy: you’re the girl who drove in that storm to get pizza and took 2 hours to pick it up! Me: Yep, that’s gonna be my legacy 

[psych-facts]

Be the person you needed when you were younger

(via psych-facts)

[thisgirljb]

I’m watching this earth documentary and it keeps killing all the baby animals and i know they get eaten and circle of life/simba/hakuna matata … but it makes me sad. they are eating all the cute things.

😭🐒💨🐅💨🙉😱💀😭 wahh

[thisgirljb]

I need netflix to have a setting to skip a show's intro... like I've watched 8 episodes today, i don't need to hear the damn song again. move along. 

[thisgirljb]

you know you are having a bad day when the professor asks you a question and a tear leaks out of your eye.