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due to personal reasons im going to sleep

If anyone ever thinks that nobody will remember you or miss you if you die:

Today I read about a 17 year old girl who died recently. I didnt recognise her name, but I recognise her face.

I used to work at Subway, and I remember her. She would come in every Friday with her friends and order a tuna sandwich, double cheese and toasted. I knew her order off by heart because it was all she ever ordered, and she would always be very polite. I never knew her name until today.

I haven't seen her since I quit working there, 3 years ago. But I remember her and I remember her voice and her order and how polite she was and how I was always jealous of her hair. Now she will never order another 6 inch tuna sub and that is really upsetting me.

Somebody will miss you. Someone will remember you. The cashier at your local shop. The woman who always likes seeing you walk your dog. Your next door neighbours. A fellow school pupil who always admires your makeup or your hair. You will be missed.

#this is beautiful #i love this #more posts like this #some people really need to hear this #i really needed that today #and everyday #you matter #we all matter

noorskitchen

One of the most challenging things I’ve had to learn is that healing must be intentional. There is no one golden day that comes and saves you from all your misery. Healing is a practice. You have to decide that it’s what you want to do and actively do it. You have to make a habit out of it. Once I learned that, I only looked back to see how far I came.

#wow #reblogging this because i need it #need to understand this #need to believe it #and use it #jusT DO IT

frodo-sam

#my last two brain cells

dat-is-chill-ghafa

My anxiety explained in two gifs.

#me

longing for the silence i once escaped

#journal entry #my art #please stop thinking #silence

anxiety is through the roof

i really don’t know what to do

how to stop it

stop this

now

i have been so low lately

so down

sleeping so much

so many restless nights

i just need it to stop

i’m so tired

i don’t want to think anymore

anxiety is through the roof

#journal entry #my art #poetry #anxiety #insomnia #please make it stop #my outlet #this is my way of coping #dealing with demons #just dealing #make something #this is my kitchen sink

softloveletter

..sleep is the cousin of death..

NAS

buffysummers

do you guys ever just stop to think about how nice it is to just… be alone? like, completely alone. no texts, no calls, you’re just simply existing and doing what makes you happy in solitude. maybe you’re reading a really great book, or listening to music, or watching something/etc. you’re just…. alone with your own thoughts and no one is there to bother you. i love moments like that. everything is so quiet and peaceful.

now

feeling everything and nothing all at once

#journal entry #my art #me rn #life is strange #is this humanity?

biwomensuggestion

You’re never too much, whether it comes to taking up space, eating, asking for help, speaking up or simply existing. You don’t need to make yourself smaller, less loud, less visible. You’re not a bother and you’re allowed to be human just like everyone else.

26th of August,2018

usually.

Usually my anxiety leads to depression.

Depression, as it turns out, is a great excuse to sleep all day.

I love to sleep, as many hours as possible. the more the merrier.

Probably because problems, even the irrational/almost invented ones, the ones born from overthinking everything and not confronting anything, are for some magically blissful reason, not allowed in my dreamland.

It’s my perfect getaway. An easy and comfortable solution. One that doesn’t harm me physically or even mentally; or maybe it does. Temporarily avoiding them, not actually resolving anything for the long run, maybe it makes things ever worse. Running away from my issues.

But lately...

Lately I’ve not been granted admission to dreamland. It’s closed off. Shut down. Like I’ve lost my fast pass. Don’t have permission to enter it anymore. I can’t get to it. As hard as I try, I can’t.

I’ve lost my safe space. And I want.. no, I NEED to get back to it. Otherwise I think I’ll go insane.

I can’t sleep. That thing that I love so much, it’s incompatible with my spirit. It doesn’t accept me, I’m not worth such a luxury anymore.

I’ve left my fears and troubles pull me down, so far down that I’ve lost my safety rope. The one I used to pull to get to dreamland.

Physically, my body feels tired. My eyes burn, brimming with tears that aren’t brave enough to fall. My face looks pale, almost green-like. Huge dark heavy bags hang under my eyes, as if trying to pull me down even deeper. My muscles tickle, spasming every now and then. Begging for rest. My head doesn’t understand what’s going on. So it hurts. Probably as a way of warning: something is failing.

Mentally, my anxiety is going at light speed. In all directions. It’s everywhere. My nails are mostly gone. My depression is there, but not, at the same time. Everything is all too much. I can’t handle it. I’m more neurotic than ever. Restless. My mind won’t stop thinking and overthinking. I know I need sleep. I’m trying, I really am.

Spiritually, I feel as though I’m broken. My spirit is fading away. Holding on as hard as I can. But everything seems stronger than me. My soul’s fire is slowly going out. I’m fighting, I swear I am.

Usually, when it gets bad, I can always run away to dreamland. My dreamland, my safe space. Where everything makes sense, or doesn’t. But it doesn’t hurt. It feels good, calm, warm, comfortable. Blissful.

usually.