I Don’t Know What I’m Doing Here

[fanfic-obsessed]

Not Our Jedi

Let’s take some time today to imagine a variation on Order 66.When Order 66 declares the Jedi traitors it is believed, without question save for one thing. Each Battalion, each clone is absolutely certain that their Jedi were not traitors (This is, of course, excluding the few Jedi who were like Pong Krell and thought of the Clones as less than human). Their Jedi alone had stayed true (For the purposes of this idea there is a battalion stationed in the temple who consider all of the Jedi in residence as theirs. The Coruscant Guard claimed a number of the Shadows, including Quinlan Vos. Also, by and large the clones consider any Jedi they interact with regularly as ‘theirs’). In addition, through chip related hand waving, the clones believe that only their own battalion have stayed true, all other clones in the GAR have betrayed them and are a danger to the non traitor Jedi. 

Frankly Sidious’s words and actions did not dissuade the clones of this. Neither did the actions of the nat borns that supported the new emperor.  Instead it convinced the entire GAR that the evil Jedi traitors have somehow taken control of Palpatine. The Nat born officers that claimed their Jedi were also traitors…well those nat borns tended to be the ones treated the clones like meat droids anyway, so it was all too easy to assume they were in league with the Jedi traitors.

Every battalion decided, near simultaneously, that they had to take their Jedi and run. Regroup on some uninhabited world (Somehow none of the battalions managed to pick the same uninhabited world) and any nat born that tried to stop them was killed outright.  They could make a plan for saving the former Chancellor and the Republic once they were certain that ‘Their Jedi’ were safe. The Jedi go along with this because 1.) The force is telling them to 2.) They can feel that something is very wrong with their men and 3.)Their men are nearly panic stricken at the thought of their Jedi reaching out to other Jedi. 

In the chip-addled minds of the clones they are convinced that their Jedi reaching out to the traitors would be disastrous. Not because they thought their Jedi could be convinced to be a traitor, but because their Jedi was soft hearted and kind and trusting and the traitor Jedi would HURT them, either emotionally or physically. 

Anakin Skywalker, in the midst of falling to the dark, still marches on the temple with the 501st. By the time they reach it, the entire thing is empty. Not only that it is stripped bare courtesy of the temple bound battalions who evacuated everything not nailed down (and a few things that were). Even the Force felt different in the empty temple. This was enough to pause Anakin’s fall. It also gave the 501st the chance to convince their general that they need to retreat and regroup on an uninhabited planet with Anakin’s pregnant wife (By getting them both out of the line of fire they prevent Padme’s death and manage to bring Anakin mostly back to the light). 

Sidious thinks that with one Order he was going to take control of the GAR and be able to use millions of controlled clones in taking full control of the galaxy. Within 2 days the entire thing, including the Coruscant Guard, vanishes. What’s more his shiny new apprentice has also vanished and not a single one of them is picking up their comms (Communications across the GAR have been shut down to keep their Jedi from being tempted to contact the traitors) and the Force is not nearly as dark as it should be.

This goes on for months, the Jedi trying to carefully coax their battalions to let them reach out to other Jedi. The clones panicking and destroying more communication equipment every time and being in all other ways just to the left of their old selves. No one knows what's going on, least of all the clones, and the war has all but ground to a halt. There is so much trauma on all sides of the conflict that many of the Jedi are legitimately afraid that this was a break from reality on the part of the clones and, not knowing how widespread this was, were concerned that their men would be labeled as defective and killed. 

I cannot stress enough that none of the Jedi, save perhaps Anakin Skywalker, knows about Order 66, the chips (though Shaak Ti does know about the chips she did not connect them to the strange behavior of the cadets ), or the ramifications thereof. 

Finally, after months, Ahsoka has an idea. She goes to Rex and the other officers (without the urge to kill Ahsoka, Rex did not fight the chip or make the connection to Tup and Fives) and starts asking about who the enemy is, who the traitors are, since they cannot trust the Emperor (who is being controlled by ‘traitors’) or the separatist or even each other really because they came from all different battalions and felt some loyalty to their old comrades. At last she asks if there are any other Jedi/former Jedi that they can reach out to, to start to figure out who to trust.  Rex is quiet for a long moment. At last he says that General Kenobi always chooses what is right. Whatever side Kenobi is on is the right one. All the other officers agree.

Ahsoka helps them make plans to track down the 212th. Internally she is a bit horrified because 1) no one being should make up the entirety of another person's moral compass 2) is aware that her grandmaster is, like any other sentient, capable of making the wrong choices and siding with the wrong people 3) she knows for a fact that Rex also knew that and 4)she still has no idea what is wrong with her men.

It takes another few months to track down and make contact with the 212th, a few weeks after that to convince Cody (who very much thinks that they are traitors and should be shot on sight) that they are on General Kenobi's side. At last they find a neutral place to meet and two Jedi meet for the first time since the Order went out. 

Obi Wan is ecstatic that Ahsoka is ok. In the intervening months he has learned how to ask questions of the controlled clones where they will answer with information that they do not consciously know (Still never stumbling on the chips or their function because none of the 212th had the correct information). So when he asks Rex if he knows why the Jedi are believed to be traitors, Rex answers with ‘the chips Fives warned us about are active now.’ From this Obi Wan is able to get more information about the chip and convince Cody to have it taken out. 

After the removal Cody has a mild to moderate panic attack once he wakes up.  Dealing with memories of abducting his general, the death threats he delivered to his younger brother and a Togruta who might as well be his sister, the horrifically uncharitable things he thought and said about any clone not in the 212th. He also wakes up realizing that the Jedi are not traitors and has to reconcile what he would have done when confronted with any of them. I imagine that it is sometime shortly after Cody wakes up that Codywan gets together (I love the idea that they had an understanding that they would explore their relationship after the war, this also neatly skirts the issue of consent while under a mind control chip).

With it confirmed what was going on, the 327th and the 212th began to remove the chips wholesale. There are whole new branches of psychotherapy that are developed as the dechipping continues and Clones begin to realize exactly how kriffed up those chips made their heads.  Though the process for dechipping the entirety of the battalions takes months, as soon as the process is nailed down and there are a handful of dechipped clones, they begin to try and track down the other battalions (They find Plo Koon and his Wolffe pack next). 

With the rest of the galaxy, the disappearance of the clones and the Jedi has changed both nothing and everything. Palpatine is Emperor in name and function, he has many people in power to back him (Or who would back whomever promised them power). The Jedi do not need to be dead to be scapegoats, just absent. In fact, without the inherent tragedy of the Purge and the march on the temple, they actually make a better scapegoat. What has hurt Palpatine’s regime is the lack of 3 million clones ready to enforce his every command.   The nat born military officers that would have supported him are dead, the ones that wouldn’t have chosen to desert with clones and the Jedi. It is too close to the end of the clone wars to use droids. This leaves him entirely without a military at the most vulnerable time of his new regime (When it is between 6 months and 3 years old).  

What would have become the Rebellion in the Canon universe is also struggling.  Order 66 and the Purge is such a defining moment. It would go on to become the moment of rock bottom for many worlds, the moment where there is nothing left that can be taken away so you might as well fight.  Though it may never be pointed at, it was in that moment that many of the Rebellion founders found their courage to fight back, to Rebel, to deny the Empire that the Republic has been for decades. In this universe there is no tragedy of unimaginable proportions, no genocide to spur secret meeting, no rows of faceless white to fight against.  Instead we have a tense holding pattern, restrictions that are unenforceable and thus ignored. 

Some systems talk about seceding, some just quietly stop showing up. As the months drag on there are more and more empty pods in the imperial senate.  More and more systems suddenly stop accepting imperial credits, or abruptly seem to have their own military and won’t take Senate comms.  Then entire systems seem to be blockaded from Imperial ships. 

Palpatine played his ace in the whole and it was a good one, unveiling his empire. Without the immediate glue of the Clones, that empire began to unravel.

The Jedi and Clones know none of this, creeping between worlds in the outer rim and wild space.  Once they discover the planet that the Coruscant temple was evacuated to, it is decided to make this planet their home base, their new home which they call Haven. Once they find where Kamino was evacuated to (thankfully not far), the cadets are moved to Haven.  Thankfully it seems that Obi Wan Kenobi remains the only person that every chip-addled mind seems to think would always choose the right side (Everyone, including Obi Wan and the dechipped clones, is both baffled and a little concerned) so Obi Wan can go in with a few dechipped clones to each speak with each Jedi. 

By the time they find the 501st, Luke and Leia are just over 2 years old. The forced downtime has given Padme and Anakin the time to actually have several adult and emotional conversations. 

Anakin’s march on the temple has highlighted the cliff that he almost stepped off, and without an enemy to beat it becomes very clear that this cliff is something he wants no part of.  Something about the combination of 1) Raising children, 2) dealing with clones that even Padme can tell are NOT acting right, 3)No longer being constantly under battle stress and 4) Doing just a little self reflection (assisted by his wife) and reeling that Holy Kriff he was ready to kill kids (He has already done so but this is the difference between manslaughter and first degree murder).

Padme has also realized that she has some very unhealthy mindset she doesn’t want to pass onto the children. There was something about the way the clones agreed with everything that Anakin said that was striking in all the worst ways, for both of them (The chips meant that ‘their Jedi’ could do no wrong).

They are both so glad to see Obi Wan, even more so when he tells them that they have a way to fix/free the clones. The last grip Palpatine had on Anakin’s mind fades when Obi Wan is nothing short of ecstatic for them at the birth of the twins, and is not surprised about their relationship (he is a bit surprised that they are married, and how long, but he just sighs and goes, ‘well I guess no one wins that bet’). The 501st is dechipped, assigned a therapist to deal with the issues caused by the chip (and marching on the Jedi temple), and they are all brought back to Haven. 

During this entire process the combined Jedi and Clones are still entirely cut off from the rest of the galaxy. They could not risk being found by the Empire or Sidious and had no idea about who they could trust. They have managed to grow, create, figure it out, or do without everything they could need. It takes ten years to find all of the Clones and Jedi. There is a slowdown in year six that lasts for a year and a half when they start having to ration the fuel for their ships, which led to the more mechanically inclined managing to invent a whole new propulsion system. 

After 10 years all of the Clones and Jedi have been found and brought to Haven. With everyone safe it is decided to peek out into the galaxy to find out what is happening. 

They poke their heads out into a very different galaxy. The Republic and the Empire have both crumbled under its own weight, without the Jedi or the Clones to prop it up.  Instead smaller States, rarely bigger than a system or two, have cropped up across the galaxy. Palpatine was dead, killed by rioters on Coruscant in the final days of the Empire in year 8 (Sith might be able to cause a massive amount of damage, but even they can be overwhelmed by sheer numbers). 

In spite of what the Republic Propaganda, and later Empire propaganda, these smaller governments did not immediately throw the galaxy into a lawless free for all.  Nor did the lack of Jedi involved cause more suffering that would have happened otherwise. 

The residents of Haven decide to adopt something similar, theirs was the only inhabited planet in their system (one of the reasons the Clones chose it) but there were three other habitable planets. Thus the system Tonbrei, named for the Dai Bendu word for completeness and unity, joined the galactic stage and started making trade agreements.  Their primary exports were their new propulsion system and teachers for Force Sensitive children.

[phantom-of-the-keurig]

Two clone commanders from different battalions meeting up to plan a joint operation but neither can remember the others name

[phantom-of-the-keurig]

From @fox-trot

[code-sumeragi]

#Doom switching to internal comms#and desperately asking his SiC who the fuck this is#‘Fax sir’#‘The Corrie asshole??’#‘That’s Fox sir’#‘I thought Fox was one of Rex’s suckers’#‘That’s mini Fox sir’#‘fucking hell someone get a new baby name book to Kamino’#‘that’s how we got Hughbert Franklin sir’ (via @frostbitebakery)

[now-you-sound-like-a-jedi]

If Obi-Wan had actually stayed on Mandalore with Satine after the Civil War and left the Jedi Order, it would've made The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones peak comedy.

Like, Qui-Gon would still be sent to Naboo and end up on Tatooine, he'd still meet Anakin and take him back to the Temple. But, in this AU, he survives the battle on Theed and takes Anakin as his padawan. And the entire Order would be making jokes:

"Congrats on the new padawan! Hope he sticks around longer than the last one!" "We'll keep this one off the bodyguard missions, eh Qui-Gon?"

So one day little Anakin’s like "hey master, what happened to your last padawan?" And Qui-Gon's like "oh he ran off with a girl, yeah he's royalty in the Outer Rim now".

And it's all fine and dandy until Anakin’s nineteen and they get assigned to protect Padmé, and Qui-Gon takes one look at this kid's face and thinks "You've got to be fucking kidding me, this shit again??"

[happydragon]

@muffinlance how dare you leave this gold in the tags

[now-you-sound-like-a-jedi]

Reblogging for the best fucking thing anyone has ever added to the tags of one of my posts

[impossibleprincess35]

MAYBE THE THIRD WILL BE MARRIED TO THE ORDER HMMM?

I am fucking HOWLING with laughter over here

[nevertheless-moving]

inspired by the ‘your afternoon was already ruined’ post

Death Star Stormtroopers: “Freeze!”

Han: (panicking, trying to come up with a lie): Woah there don’t shoot, uh, you can’t shoot us because—because this guy is Darth Vader’s son! You don’t want to be responsible for shooting Darth Vader’s own flesh and bone do you?”

Luke: *glares incredulously*

Stormtroopers: “That is the dumbest thing—”

Leia: (done at this point, absolutely done with this rescue, better than Han at lying) “Exactly! Why would we tell you something so phenomenally insane if it weren’t true! Why do you think Darth Vader is so obsessed with finding Rebels, huh? Call him he’ll tell you!”

Luke: (also done, much better than Han at lying): “Or you could just shoot us; I’m sure my father, Darth Vader, inventor of the lightsaber, would be thrilled to meet the men who killed his son and his son’s friends.” *waves lightsaber arrogantly*

Stormtrooper 1: “Maybe we should call this in. I mean—he’s got a lightsaber, so that’s—that’s Vader stuff anyway.”

Stormtrooper 2: “are you kidding me right now?”

Leia: *shoots them while they’re distracted*

Han: “…We’re friends?”

//

Tarkin: “The rebels said what? You incompetent fool, how could you buy such an absurd stalling—”

Vader: “My…son…”

Tarkin:

Tarkin: Oh fuck THIS.

[nevertheless-moving]

Rebel: “General Mothma—we’re recieving a transmission—from the Death Star!

Darth Vader: This is Darth Vader—I am in command of this space station—hand over my son or I will destroy your miserable Rebel base personally.

Room Full of Miscellaneous Rebels:

Mon Mothma: “…Does anyone have something they want to tell me?”

Leia:

Luke: 

Han: [in a whisper] “Stop looking at me like that!”

Mothma: “Captain Solo? Did you have…something to share with the room?”

Luke: “I think I’m going to be sick”

Han: “Uh, no your uh Senatorship. I’m done saying words. Forever.”

Leia: “Now that’s an even more moronically bold-faced lie than earlier!”

Han: “Well excuse me, princess, it worked didn’t?”

Luke: [slightly hysterical] “Yeah, it worked, and now Darth Vader thinks I’m his son!”

Han: “How was I supposed to know the man actually did have a long lost child?! How was anyone supposed to have guessed that?”

Chewie: “HhHHURR!”

Han: “Oh you stay out of this, I didn’t see you coming up with clever suggestions before.”

Luke: [fully hysterical] “Darth Vader KILLED my father, I can’t believe I even went along with the lie—what would Ben think of me—”

Leia: “No Luke, don’t do that yourself—this is Han’s fault”

Han: “I saved all our lives! You wanted to go into a trash compactor!” 

Leia: “Because you wandered onto the Death Star with no plan!”

Luke: [curling into a ball] “I just wanted to be a pilot…”

Room Full of Miscellaneous Rebels:

Mothma: 

Mothma: “okay, first of all—”

[nevertheless-moving]

Han: (being hit over the head repeatedly by Leia, while high command argues about ‘diversionary tactics’ and ‘bait’ and ‘necessary sacrifices’) “You know—the Old Man’s the one who came up with the joke in the first place!”

Leia: “I—what?”

Luke: “Yeah but he didn’t say in front of stormtroopers! On the Death Star!”

Mothma: “I’m sorry when you say old man—who exactly are you referring to?”

Luke: (miserable) “It was a stupid joke that Ben—I mean Obi-Wan—made. My aunt and uncle had just—he was trying to take my mind off things but man, he really was insistent about it. 

Han: “Kept repeating it. I don’t think he really got jokes, you know.”

Luke: “I mean, he was a hermit. For like, twenty years.”

Leia: “…So Obi-Wan Kenobi, told you, Luke, that your father was Darth Vader? Repeatedly? And you just. Didn’t believe him. And Vader does.”

Luke: “I—oh. Oh. But…Anakin Skywalker is my father! Ben ALSO said Vader betrayed and murdered him!”

Han: (placing a hand on Luke’s shoulder) “You know, you do, uh. Kind-of have to be close to someone to betray them.”

Luke: “…No. It—it can’t be true. It’s impossible!”

Mothma: Remembering Padme making snarky comments about Ventress (an extremely tall, powerful Sith/Military Leader who dropped out of the public sphere towards the end of the war) and how she couldn’t seem to keep her hands off Obi-Wan or Anakin, not that it was any of Padme’s business. 

Mothma: “Did…did General Kenobi mention anything about your mother?”

Luke: “No…my aunt and uncle didn’t know who she was, either. He—he didn’t visit Tatooine much, but at my grandmother’s funeral he brought a, um, well they described her as “a fancy woman who looked like she didn’t get a lot of sun. But. That could really describe anyone, considering they were moisture farmers. Do you think—you think Vader might be…”

Ackbar: (also remembering Ventress) “…has anyone ever asked Darth Vader his—her—their—preferred pronouns?”

Leia: 

Misc Rebel Leaders:

Chewbacca: 

Luke: “…I really hate this day.”

[ellie-you-idiot]

Luke, with all the confidence and self-satisfaction of someone who has added two and two and gotten fourteen: Hello, Mother—Or should I say, Ventress?

Darth Vader, who has never been more confused or offended in his entire life: What???

[willowcrowned]

#luke: that’s right! i know all about you and my fathers. how could you murder your husbands?! #vader: my…husbands? #luke: don’t play dumb! i know about you and ben and anakin! #vader: *faulty breathing noises* (via @ellie-you-idiot)

[nevertheless-moving]

Darth Vader: (at the end of a very long day in which he killed his first Master, learned his child survived, and killed half the leadership of the Death Star: “…No.”  

Luke: “ …No?”  

Darth Vader: “No. I am your Father. Join me and together we shall—”

Luke: “I will never join you, Father. You killed Ben, and my other father! I’d rather die!”  

Darth Vader: “…Your mother’s death was—a tragedy—the true blame for which rests at the feet of Kenobi.”  

Luke: “I—okay I’m still mad about the murders, obviously. But I don’t want to keep dead naming or misgendering my parental figures, so before you kill me—because you’ll have to kill me, because I’m not joining you—what name did my mother choose for herself? And also what pronouns did Ben prefer?  

Darth Vader: (shattering the floor in rage and confusion): He never told you the name of your MOTHER?!?!  

Luke: “I agree that was…uncool of him. Still not an excuse for murder.”  

Han:“I’m trying to respect family boundaries, but I have SO many questions.”  

Stormtrooper holding Han: “Same.”

Leia: “Yeah, those two are not having the same conversation.”  

Stormtrooper holding Leia: “Well, I think it’s great that Vader’s son is being so supportive of his parents identities.”

Leia: “I just can’t believe Obi-Wan Kenobi would be a homophobe—I feel like we’ve made an incorrect assumption somewhere. Maybe Vader wasn’t Ventress?”

Stormtrooper holding Han: “Well, you might as well ask—we’re definitely all going to be killed for overhearing this much.”

Han: “Alternate suggestion—if we sneak away while they’re shouting at each other, maybe we won’t die? The rebels are actually pretty soft on empire deserters.”

Stormtrooper holding Leia: “Shut up, I can’t hear!”

Vader: “…I did…destroy Anakin Skywalker. He was weak and I…replaced him.”

Luke: (confused and hysterical) “You kidnapped me? From Anakin and Padme? And then Ben kidnapped me back? Are you insane? That doesn’t make me your son! Not that it matters anyway!”

Vader: “You are my son—reach out to the force, you know it to be true!”

Luke: “Oh gods—you—my mother—did you…you monster!”

Vader: (angry and frustrated) “I feel like you are deliberately misunderstanding me now. We were married. Your mother chose me.”

Luke: (frustrated and angry) “You said she chose Anakin Skywalker!”

Vader: “Yes. Both Anakin Skywalker and Padme Nabariee made their own choices.”

Han: “Oh PLOT TWIST.”

Stormtrooper holding Han: “Wait, you followed that?”

Luke: “Just to be clear—no-one is, or was, trans? And what’s your name? Or is it just Darth? Is Darth a name?”

Leia: “HOW DID OBI-WAN KENOBI AND MY PARENTS FIT INTO YOUR POLYCULE?!”

*ALARMS SIGNALING IMMANENT DEATH STAR DESTRUCTION*

[andante-del-cielo]

[nevertheless-moving]

[ID: The woman doing math meme, with white, all-caps text at the top that reads: “Leia: knowing that Bail and Breha were **also** in a relationship with Obi-Wan” End ID]

Stormtrooper previously holding Han, henceforth known as ‘Stormtrooper A’: “Oh kriff. Oh gods. Oh fuck.”

Leia: “Maybe…hear me out—maybe it’s a cloning thing?”

Luke: “You think I’m some kind of…hybrid clone of Darth Vader, Anakin Skywalker, and, uh—”

Stormtrooper A: “Ohdeargods.”

Leia: “Padmé Amidala Naberrie. She’s a legend. If you really do share some of her DNA—though I’m still not completely convinced Vader wasn’t lying about all or some of what he said—

Stormtrooper previously holding Leia, henceforth known as ‘Stormtrooper B’ or ‘Carl’: “Vader doesn’t really lie. He’s actually really blunt about things. Usually. I think he was pretty off today…what with the whole long lost son thing.”

Luke: “He was telling the truth, whatever the truth is. I could feel his anger…so much anger. I think—I think I might really be his son. Maybe…could Vader be Padme? Would that work?”

Stormtrooper A: “Oh gods. I—What did I DO?”

Han: (awkwardly patting Stormtrooper A on the back) “Relax kid, you done good.”

Carl: “Man, I even bet on him being human—half the guys thought he was some kindof droid. Guess they’re all dead now. So. Doesn’t really…matter.”

Leia: “I’d say I’m sorry but considering I lost my entire planet earlier today it would be a bit insincere. And Senator Amidala would never become a fascist. I still can’t believe she was willingly involved with one.”

Trooper A: “Darth Vader—he was just—and I—”

Carl: “…Let’s talk about Luke’s corellian holodrama parantage again, huh? I feel like that was a safer topic. What if Vader used to be Anakin Skywalker? ‘Killed a weaker version of myself’ sounds like the sort of thing a guy like that would say.”

Trooper A: “I’m going to die. We’re all going to—”

Han: “ENOUGH ALREADY! You hit Darth Vader in the back of the head! We get it! You wanted to live! We all wanted to live! Rebels will probably give you a medal! But news flash—this ship is too small for four people and if you don’t shut up, I will space you.”

Leia: “Can you not yell in my ear?”

Han: “Oh, excuse me your highness, I’ll just move to the other side of this one-seater tie-fighter. Oh—wait!”

Luke: “No, my father was a Jedi. Ben would have said if Anakin fell to the darkside—if he became Darth Vader. Hells, Vader would have said that!”

Carl: “If you say so. Neither of them seem like very clear communicators when it comes to this, if I’m being brutally honest.”

Leia: “Maybe we can talk with Mothma, figure it out logically. The movements of clone wars generals and Senators were both matters of public record. What’s your exact birthday?”

Luke: “Empire Day. The actual day it started, 19 years ago.” 

Leia: “Huh. That’s…an interesting coincidence.”

Luke: “Yeah. I guess.”

Leia: “No I mean—that’s my birthday.”

Han: (sarcastically) “Maybe you’re long lost twins!”

Leia: “I—I am actually adopted.”

Han: “…And I am going to stop saying words now.”

[lizasweetling]

(and, to the narrator’s shock, he was still lying.)

[nevertheless-moving]

Trooper A: “I can’t believe the rebellion gave me a…medal.”

Carl: “I can’t believe they didn’t give me one.”

Han: “For what? Screaming in Luke’s ear while he blew up the death star?”

Luke: “Blew up part of the death star. Biggs’ teams had already taken out most of their defenses. I just…finished the job.”

Han: “Still one hell of a shot, kid.”

Trooper A: “The station really did have a lot of security flaws, didn’t it? I mean…it was probably going to blow up on it’s own, right? Even if I hadn’t gotten insane and betrayed Lord Vader?”

Leia: “Sure. Whatever you have to tell yourself. Okay, I got the blood work back—”

Trooper A: “Oh gods, I’m leaving.”

Carl: *refuses to let him leave*

Luke: “We’re twins, aren’t we? As soon as Han said it—”

Leia: “—It just seemed right.”

Han: “Going right to freaky force twins telepathy, huh?”

Leia: “I don’t—oh gods, could I have…could I be…”

Luke: “Ben did say the force was strong in my family. Whoever that is.”

Carl: (whispering to Han): “You really have got to learn to stop with the words.”

Han: *screams internally*

Leia: “I—I can’t deal with that right now—look, I don’t know about our…birth father, but our mother’s DNA is definitely Nabooian—and Padme Amidala was definitely pregnant around the right time.”

Luke: “Look Leia—this has been the craziest, uh 43 hours of my life (holy kriff I need a nap), but you’re awesome, and I’m thrilled to have you as a sister, and whoever are birth parents are they must have both been at least somewhat good to make someone like you.”

Leia: “Oh Luke, you know, I always wanted a bro—wait you haven’t slept in 43 hours? How are you standing?”

Luke: “More like…um 59? I think? If getting knocked unconscious by sand raiders counts. The space travel makes it a little confusing.”

Leia:

Leia: “…Go to sleep, Luke.”

Han: “Gods, you can figure out your parentage later.”

Luke: “Look, Han—this has been the worst three days of my life (please let it end), but you’re a good man, and if you want to sleep with my sister and not me I completely support—”

Trooper A: *hits Luke over the back of the head*

Luke: *immediately falls unconscious*

Han & Leia:

Carl: *chuckles weakly* “Like father like son, huh?”

Han: *picking up Luke* “Too soon Carl, too soon.”

[gaeasun]

"average Mandalorian has 1.2 clones" factoid actualy just statistical error. average Mandalorian has 0 clones. Mandos Jango, who has two hundred thousand clones ready and a million more on the way, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

[phoenixyfriend]

Just thinking about having the three main Mandos (Jango and the Kryze sisters) arguing at some point before Jango gets dragged into the Kamino project.

Jango: I was fighting Death Watch at eight! Satine: Okay, you--you do realize that's one of the things I'm trying to stop, right? Children going to war? You were eight, you shouldn't have been fighting anyone off the playground! Nobody should have put you in that position. Jango: I don't follow.

Jango's problem with perpetuating violence is that he straight up does not recognize that what happened to him was fucked up.

As @atagotiak put it:

He recognized that his parents being killed was fucked up but hey, he managed to kill the dude that killed them so, that’s all good, right?

Bo-Katan: I can fuck with that. Satine, tearing out her hair: NO. BOTH OF YOU NEED SO MUCH THERAPY. Jango, scoffing: What, like you did? Satine: YES. I needed so much therapy after being on the run from Death Watch and fearing for my life for a bloody year, and it helped! Therapy helped! GET SOME.

Satine calls up Obi-Wan to help her with both of the idiots in her living room--who won't LEAVE--but Jango's first instinct is to fight this Jedi twink, and Bo-Katan is heckling Obi-Wan from the sidelines, needling him about the Rumors going around about Korkie being an Obitine lovechild, and also Qui-Gon is wandering around touching things and asking if Satine knows where she got this weird antique while his padawan is trying desperately not to get choked out by a disgraced Mand'alor who only recently escaped spice slavery.

(Qui-Gon trusts in Obi-Wan's ability to handle himself. The Force would tell him if Obi-Wan was in any real danger, after all. Don't worry so much, Duchess.)

Satine just wants these assholes out of her house.

[phoenixyfriend]

Hey do you happen to know any fics that actually talk about Anakin’s slave trauma? Thanks :)

There are so many. Like, I'm serious, AO3 is flooded with fics about Anakin's slave trauma, no 'actually' about it.

I'd suggest reading @fialleril's Double Agent Vader series before anything. The worldbuilding for Tatooine Slave Culture is very well-done, and has been used in works by other authors since then.

into the desert by That_Ghost_Kristoff, TheElusiveBadger is solid work that kicks off with the TCW movie mission and Anakin's status as a freed man being questioned by Jabba.

Force of Many Sights by DAsObiQuiet focuses heavily on Anakin's trauma as a slave and processing it through therapy, and much of it is lensed through his experiences as Vader.

The Little Jedi by PhenomenalWoman touches on the traumas but is primarily fluff.

Rivers and Roads by PhenomenalWoman is an 'Anakin has to do another mission to Tatooine, ends up freeing all the slaves instead' fic.

Jedi Shmi AU by MirandaTam is primarily Shmi POV and focuses on her slave trauma rather than Anakin's, but I think it's still in the spirit of things.

Realign the Stars by FeatherQuillsFiction, TerinAngel is also a comedy, but does involve Anakin running off to Fuck Things Up for the Hutts and having what appears to be a dissociative episode as he explains to everyone why, exactly, he refuses to let high-value individuals like Ahsoka and the handmaidens onto Tatooine unless there's absolutely no other option.

Dominoes by meridianpony is clone-focus, but has one of my favorite "Anakin finds out about the clones' chips" sequences I've ever read.

The Making of A Man by Project0506 (@thefoundationproject) explores Anakin's background being utilized by the Jedi in a way that has the clones furious.

Hope and Ekkreth by PhenomenalWoman There are a lot of fics out there that have Anakin comforting recently-freed slaves, but this is my favorite in terms of writing and structure.

[chiliger]

Oh if you're taking requests maybe cadet Dogma? I can imagine he'd make quite a funny face if someone handed him a tubie...

I think this would have been the only situation he’d ever hold a tubie.

(This has been on the back burner for months.)

[swedenis-h]

[swedenis-h]

@fiveswashere gets it

[obiboba]

obi-wan, screaming at anakin mid battle: ibic cuyir an jorcu be gar!! anakin, sighing: yeah i know cody: when did you learn mando'a????? anakin: i didn't. i just know the phrase "this is all your fault" in every language obi-wan speaks.

[tattycoram]

Rex: Today I realised I'm old Cody: What happened? Rex: I fell in the mess hall and instead of laughing, Fives came running to see if I was ok Cody: Rex: I saw fear in his eyes

[ddeck]

that's it. *chibi-fies your commanders*

[stealthetrees]

Fox goes out with the command batch to a bar and they end up debating who the best general is. They eventually turn to Fox, who has bo Jedi and therefore is a neutral party, and ask what he thinks.

Fox pulls out a data pad with a huge spreadsheet containing every Jedi general and commander with stats like casualty rates, likability, treatment of clones, criminal records, how the chancellor feels about them, leadership ability’s, ect. He scrolls to the top and says “It’s Plo Koon” The discussion is done. Cody asks where his Jedi ranks. “He’s mid, we had to dock some points for being so close to Skywalker.”

[padawansuggest]

Post war clones living in apartments and such, one day some group of shinies (they will forever be shinies because they were some of the ones that never went to war they are designated vod’ika forever lol also fix the fast aging issue kk) is sitting in an apartment hanging out watching movies or something when someone knocks on their door. They open it up to a crying woman and they’re all ‘Omfg’ and she asks them to take care of something in her apartment because she’s scared. These vod’ike who have never gone to war are ready for this. They can handle this. If their ori’vod could punch droids and snub their noses at Sith, they can handle a domestic dispute for a neighbor.

It’s a spider. She’s scared of spiders and was trying to relax when she found one above her bed. They dispatch the intruder and comfort her with awkward shoulder pats and telling her she’s brave for asking for help.

They have finally done it. They found a vod’ika who’s more vod’ika than them. They’re keeping her. Does she know how to use the instant pot? It keeps scaring them into changing dinner plans. She can help with that.

[ihavetoomanyfandomstobesane]

and so the tradition of mando/clone adopting continues even in times of peace

[padawansuggest]

Oh fuck ya. They see someone even slightly more pathetic than them and they’re like ‘YOINK’

[willowcrowned]

Something very cool to me about Star Wars that’s also a complete accident is the way space in the OT feels so much darker and emptier than in the prequels. Obviously it’s just a result of Lucas getting the green light to do whatever he wanted and sacrificing structure for tons of world building, but it does really make the prequels feel more full of life than the OT.

You see Tatooine and Naboo and Coruscant in the prequels, Kamino and Geonosis and Utapau and Mustafar. Obi-Wan and Anakin throw out random names of planets three times a movie, coupled with a quip about something that happened there. There’s a whole, thriving galaxy out there that feels immediate because the characters know it, because they’ve been there and they remember it. And then… the OT. Luke has never left Tatooine. When he does, the first planet he sees is a smoking ruin. Dantooine, that Leia mentions, is abandoned. Han hasn’t touched his home planet of Corellia in years. Hoth is hidden and desolate. Dagobah is home only to one person. Bespin is out of the way, and also the only place Han, Leia, and Chewie have to go. The galaxy is cut off in the OT—darker and emptier. And it’s a total accident, but… it works anyways. The Empire has risen. The galaxy is splintered. Everyone is alone.

[blue-sunshine-mauve-morning]

Fail Better AU -

Anakin Skywalker is eleven years old, the nine year old wary, clingy, needy boy burgeoning into a pre-teen who is chafing and resentful of what he sees as his master’s overbearing strictures and unnecessary coddling, too smart for his own good and too ignorant in turn and too powerful even for himself to contain, which is why Obi-Wan tries so hard to do so.

Their arguments simmer and boil over, tension and uncertainties clashing with grief and frustration. It goes how it could have been expected to go, really;

“I didn’t ask to be your padawan! Master Qui-Gon was supposed to train me! He  –“

“Well I never wanted you either!” Obi-Wan snaps, to his instant regret, locking his jaw shut and pinching his brow, glowering at the floor and squeezing his eyes shut in shame. “I’m sorry. Excuse me.”

He leaves with Anakin hollering in wordless anger at his back, stung to the point of tears as he runs off in one direction and Obi-Wan retreats in another, hand covering his eyes.

He is in over his head with the boy.

But it was Qui-Gon’s dying wish that Anakin be trained. Obi-Wan has done his best. Taught him basic, taught him literacy, sat with him through numerous tutoring sessions to help him catch up to his peers in the glaring gaps of his education. Taught him to swim. Taught him to meditate. Held him through nightmares and tantrums alike. Comforted him through grief while quietly burying his own.

But he is drowning in the effort. He was barely a knight trying to teach a padawan who is both too young to be a padawan and too old to be anything else.

And Obi-Wan… this was not his choice. This was not the knighthood he imagined and certainly not the mentorship he’d looked forward to.

It is so bitter, that he finds himself doing to Anakin exactly what Qui-Gon had done to him, the worst of the old scars between himself and his master.

Qui-Gon had not wanted Obi-Wan either, not particularly. Obi-Wan had begged to be his apprentice and Qui-Gon had vocalized his resentment for having taken him on several times in their first couple of years together.

And it was a wound from which Obi-Wan had never quite healed. He simply stopped resenting Qui-Gon for it years ago. He fears he has started resenting Anakin for it, though. For being the padawan Qui-Gon did want, the padawan he went so far as to fight for.

And the boy does not deserve that, no matter how difficult he might be.

Obi-Wan had once sworn he would never do such a thing to a student of his own.

And he is failing.

There is a tense, awkward silence between them for the next few days. Obi-Wan spends most of them meditating and the conclusion he comes to is hard and ugly and weak.

He takes himself to Master Yoda’s quarters and bows  low on his knees before the elderly grandmaster.

“I cannot train the boy,” he confesses. “I cannot fulfill the last promise my master asked of me. Master Yoda, I do not know what to do.”

The elderly master rests a clawed hand in his hair, consoling. “Done enough, you have. In vain, your efforts will not be. In vain, your word was not.”

Anakin is only eleven years old, and in spite of his temper and his anxiety, of his obstinance and his uncertainties, he is a boy who has proven himself hard-working, eager to learn, eager to please, with the right motivation. Impatient, perhaps, but brilliant. In spite of his difficulties and disadvantages, he has in fact made great progress in two short years, in both his studies and his self-control.

He is taken into the creche, with the other initiates, moved into a dorm with age-mates who have spent their whole lives in the temple. They don’t talk like him, or think like him, but they are eager to share gossip and temple lore in exchange for stories from the greater galaxy, of life on the Outer Rim, to learn about pod-racing and how to reprogram the temple flight simulators (Initiate Skywalker! – they get scolded for it, but only because they did it without permission. Anakin learns to ask. Most of the time, even the teachers are curious enough to let him attempt anything at least once.)

He makes friends. Sits at a crowded table in the cafeteria every day and tries snacks from all over the galaxy (“You’re human, you can’t eat that!” “Bet me.”). Plays silly games with the younger kids and gets teased with riddles by the elders who assist the crechemasters. Learns more about the Jedi Order, about the Service Corps, about apprenticeships and the various paths towards knighthood. Learns about his choices, and his freedom to choose among them.

“But… Master Qui-Gon said I was the Chosen One.”

“That doesn’t mean you don’t get to make your choices yourself. Prophecy is a fickle thing and Master Qui-Gon Jinn… hmm.”

Obi-Wan, no longer tied to the temple by a too-young padawan, spends much of the next two years on field missions, racking up assignments and accomplishments more prodigiously than even his own infamous master.

He returns to the temple on medical leave shortly before Anakin is to turn fourteen, with a full leg cast and crutches, to find that the boy has found a master in Jedi Knight Kit Fisto.

“It feels like a good match,” Knight Fisto says, when Obi-Wan politely and a little wistfully inquires. There is still an ache in his chest regarding the boy, regarding his broken promise to Qui-Gon and the promise he had kept with himself not to repeat Master Qui-Gon’s mistakes with his own padawan. “Kid loves water. I love water,” Knight Fisto jokes, the nautolan smiling broadly. “He says you taught him to swim,” he adds, his tone more sincere. “You did a good job.”

He excuses himself after that, nodding in gratitude.

Anakin almost knocks him over running down a corridor a few days later. Obi-Wan rights himself on his crutches and sighs at the boy, only just biting his tongue before letting out a chiding padawan. He is not Obi-Wan’s padawan.

“Mas – uh, erm, Kn- Knight Kenobi,” Anakin scratches the back of his head sheepishly, rocking on his heels to absent, excess energy as he always has.

“I think it would be fine,” Obi-Wan says, smiling softly, “if you were simply to call me Obi-Wan. You look well.”

“Really?” Anakin beams. “Thanks! You look, uh, broken.”

“Thank you,” Obi-Wan replies dryly. “How flattering.”

“I mean, uh, you – erm – wanna see my saberform? I’ve improved a lot! Master Kit says you were right bout my suiting Djem So, but he’s really had me focusing on Shii Cho, he says the basics a very important and also I need to get strong to do Djem So properly and I’m too skinny for it yet but if I eat too much won’t I just get fat? He doesn’t seem to thinks so. He thinks swimming cures everything but I feel like he’s kind of right? Anyways –“

“I would enjoy observing your progress,” Obi-Wan manages to get a word in. “Yes. I imagine you’ve improved greatly. You’ve always had great potential and it would be my pleasure to see what you make of it.”

Anakin turns pink in the face but grins broad – a little like Knight Fisto, actually – and bounds ahead towards the salles, seemingly forgetting that Knight Kenobi is on crutches.

Obi-Wan tips his head back and chuckles, hobbling on after him, feeling terribly, dreadfully relieved.

[blue-sunshine-mauve-morning]

I imagine in this AU Obi-Wan gets a lot of random holo-calls from Kit that start with "Hey, Knight Kenobi, so you're.... human. Is it normal for -" insert strange noises, smells, puberty growth, behaviors, whatever dubious thing Anakin just ate -

Also;

"Hey Knight Kenobi so you're... human. Can you give him the sex talk cuz uh.... "

"Hey Knight Kenobi, yeah I think he snuck out again which level did you say the swoop races were on?"

"Hey Knight Kenobi, what tea were you using to help him sleep and was it actually just a sedative cuz this kid is so energy -"

"Hey Knight Kenobi, don't ask any questions I just need you to show a disapproving face for a sec, yup, there we go, perfect, thanks-"

Are any of these calls necessary? Are there actually entire archives and medical professionals in temple dedicated to providing resources and information to cross-species partnerships? You bet there are.

Does Kit Fisto use them?

Religiously.

And then he calls Knight Kenobi anyways, because Anakin talks about him, a lot, and lights up when talking about him ( most of the time) and Kit knew Kenobi came out of one of the most horrific missions imaginable, freshly grieving, freshly knighted, and put monumental effort into helping Anakin adapt and find his place and thrive in spite of his disadvantages.

And he succeeded, even when it meant admitting that his very best effort was still not enough.

And that was no easy thing to do, not even for a jedi.

You taught him to swim, Kit praised, hoping the younger knight knew what he really meant by that. You did a good job.

So he calls. Keeps Kenobi updated and a little involved. He makes a great sparring partner, giving a hand to Kit and a regular fresh challenge to Anakin. He’s a good confidante, for both the nautolan and his padawan who still has his bouts of insecurity and embarassment.

And the LOOK on his face, when someday sixteen/eighteen/twenty year old Skywalker tells Obi-Wan he's the closest thing he ever had to a father.

Kit doesn't even have tear ducts but he could have cried laughing. He nearly burst an air bladder.

[fanfic-obsessed]

We Want That one

This is a Satine/Cody/Obi Wan of a flavor that I have not seen before and hope to see more of. It takes a bit there but I think it will be worth the wait. 

At the end of the mission to Mandalore, Obi Wan decides to stay with Satine and leave the Jedi Order. Now it is important to note this is done with Qui Gon’s full and loving support.  In this one Qui Gon is not a raging asshole with many issues and trauma (Melida/Daan happened and after it did both Qui Gon and Obi Wan were required to go to therapy-both separately and together- before they were allowed to go on mission together again). Also it is important to note that in this one ‘Will of the Force’ is not an excuse Qui gon uses to do whatever the hell he wants. The Force does actually have OPINIONS that it will share with specific Jedi (There is no tie to power, abilities, position, or previous messages for who will get a specific message. There is a tie, though not complete because the Force has other measures that mortals cannot comprehend, between who is making the decision the Force has an opinion on and which Jedi gets the message).  The Force did let both Obi Wans and Qui Gon know that it fully supported Obi Wan leaving the Jedi to be with Satine. 

So Obi Wan returns to the temple to formally leave the Order, get comm codes for people he wants to stay in touch with, and his remaining things from his room.  He is allowed to keep his lightsaber and encouraged to keep his login to the Temple Archives so he could keep learning.  Six months after he returns to Mandalore, he and Satine marry with his Jedi friends and family in attendance. A year after that their son Korkie is born. He and Satine take up the mantle of Duke and Duchess and balance each other well.  Though Satine remains a pacifist, she does not begrudge her husband not being one and the addition of Obi Wan lessens the power of some of her more odious advisers. At some point within the first few years Death Watch attacks and through a series of strange and unfortunate (for Death Watch) both Satine and Obi Wan simultaneously defeat Pre Vizsla and win the Darksaber. They both take on the title of Mandalore jointly and unite the clans. The stabilization of Mandalore goes largely unnoticed by the republic (Including Sidiuous and Plagieus, they both just kind of assumed that everything was going as planned)

Now we come to the Naboo mission, a few years down the line. There is little change to the start, save for the places where we are missing Obi Wan. Qui Gon still ends up, with Padme, on Tatooine and helps free Anakin. The High Council is still leery of Anakin and accepting him. Qui Gon is still adamant that this child must be trained. Padme is still tricked into calling for a vote of no confidence. There does come a change when Qui Gon meets up with Padme again as they conspire to return to Naboo. Qui Gon gets an idea and puts in a call to someone he is sure Padme should talk to immediately. When the call connects, greet the pair on the other end as Duke and Duchess Mand’alor.  The man, Obi Wan, sighs deeply and turns to Padme, and in the driest tone she had ever heard goes, ‘I apologize for Qui Gon. He thinks he’s funny and no one has ever been able to disabuse him of that notion. We can be either called Mand’alor, or duke/duchess, you do not need to call us both’. 

Qui Gon explains what is going on with Naboo and Satine immediately goes to Padme, ‘Oh, you poor thing, we will get you some humanitarian aid immediately, right dear?’  to which Obi Wan agrees. 

Something about the way Qui Gon is now looking amused and mischievous and the way that Satine had said that left Padme, for all that she was a bit on the naive side when it came to galaxy politics (As evidenced by the fact that she did not realize slavery did exist until she faced it directly and that she did really believe that doing what was right drove the Galactic senate), with the belief that there was something more going.

They leave Coruscant and are met, just before reaching Naboo’s system, by a ship full of Mandalorians led by Obi Wan.  He apologizes that Satine could not be there as well, but they tried not to be off planet at the same time, just in case, and Obi Wan was better for this.  

Also as soon as Obi Wan saw Anakin, he felt the immediate and nearly irresistible urge to adopt him (Both the Manda AND the Force had opinions here), only the knowledge that he did not know whose child it was and the fact that Satine would kill him for adopting without her stopped him.  Obi Wan did take a moment to ask Qui Gon why there was a small child going into a warzone. 

Eventually they got down to business. Obi Wan explained that, since Mandalore was not part of the Republic, they could not send an army to help with the Trade Federation’s illegal block (particularly since, officially, no one knew about it).  However, if their old friend Qui Gon (Qui Gon good naturedly protested the ‘Old’. In the same dry tone as earlier, Obi Wan said that they all knew that Qui Gon had been there at the start of the Republic (i.e 25,000 years old), there was no need to lie. Then Obi Wan winked at Anakin, making the boy giggle) happened to mention that Naboo was experiencing a crisis and Mandalore chose to send humanitarian aid, well that was not declaring war on a Republic entity. Of course they would also have to send a security force with their aid workers (Never mind that each aid worker is also a commando) there might be pirates or other dangers along the way.  

Blockaded though Naboo may be, the blockade was not meant to hold up to a platoon of Mandalorians (sorry a group of Mandalorian aid workers with their security escort). They get to the surface, though liberation would take more firepower than they had immediate access to (particularly since they people were dying, thus a time crunch) so Padme negotiates with the Gungans to take back their planet. By the way, as soon as the Mandalorians and the Gungan warrior meet they get along like a house on fire (to the concern of more than a few politicians later). Our core group heads to the Theed palace to end things, while the Mandalorians and the Gungan begin the liberation of the camps (Made easier by the fact that the Naboo had not just been waiting to be rescued, many had been working from within the camps to make things as difficult for their occupiers as possible. At least two of the camps, upon hearing that liberation was incoming, promptly rushed their guards and were in the process of tearing the droids apart when the Gungan/Mando liberation team arrived. It may or may not have done more for Gungan/Naboo relations than anything Padme did).

Obi Wan does go with Qui Gon to battle the Sith. He goes armored, made specifically so that he can fight like a Jedi in it. He also goes armed with the Darksaber and a slugthrower (Obi Wan did indeed bring a gun to a lightsaber fight). While there is a little fighting, long before they reach the power reactor, Obi Wan drops back far enough that he is able to shoot Maul in the knee and they capture the Sith.  Anakin does end up taking out the shield generator (though the ship he ‘accidentally’ acquired was from the Mandalorian ship- where he had been told to stay for the battle; most of the mandos were a little alarmed at the 9 year old in the space battle but making heart eyes at the fact that the was able to hotwire one of their ships to do it).

After the battle Obi Wan calls his wife and introduces her to Anakin, Satine promptly asks ‘when are you bringing our new son home so we can say the adoption vow?’. 

The High council arrive, more willing to admit Anakin (though still reluctant) to find that it is a moot point because Anakin, with Qui Gon blessing (as the Force only said that Anakin needed to be Jedi trained, Obi Wan can do that) was going to be adopted by Obi wan and Satine. Everyone is in agreement that this is actually the best solution (I want it clear that this is not a slight against the Jedi Order, their rules and restrictions are there for a reason and they would have taken Anakin in, but they could all sense that he was ambivalent about it). Everyone parts ways, with a light reminder to Obi Wan Jocasta Nu is waiting semi impatiently to read his most recent paper comparing Jedi historical Force traditions and Mandalorian historical Manda sects (The Manda and the Force both are and are not the same thing). 

As soon as Anakin is adopted, Mandalore has an excuse to go after the Hutts (Frankly some of the more aggressive Mandos were getting restless). Due to the way Mandalorian adoption works, adopting a child effectively adds all of childs relatives (that the kid wants to claim) as the adopters relative as well (essentially adopting Anakin makes Shmi family). Family trees get very complicated on Mandalore very quickly (also all new ways to define relationships). 

There are some changes we should acknowledge before going any further. Obviously Anakin growing up as the oldest son of the leaders of Mandalore has some difference (Korkie-Then aged 5- was ecstatic, he had specifically been asking for an older brother for two years), for all that Obi Wan is also training him in the ways of the force and the Manda. Also Shimi is living with them now. 

There are some political ramifications that come from what could, in the loosest sense, be the Mandalorian invasion of Naboo (as some politicians privately call it) and the fact that the Gungan cities become a prime vacation spot for Mandalorian warriors. It never really goes anywhere, since doing so would mean acknowledging that the Trade Federation also invaded Naboo. 

Padme wanted Naboo to cut ties with the Republic, she was fairly disgusted with the interaction with the senate which was highlighted by how differently the interaction with Mandalor went. This was never going to be allowed to happen (Palpatine’s status as Chancellor depends on Naboo being part of the Republic). This combined with Palpatine's (and other politicians) reactions to the Mandalorians that saved her planet, the continuing mistreatment of the Gungans by some (but much less) Naboo humans, and an unfortunate accident that left Padme as one of the sole survivors of her family mean that Padme does not become a senator. Instead when her term is up she, many of her handmaidens, and the other survivors of her family all move to Mandalore where they maintain a close relationship with the ruling family. 

Padme and Anakin start dating when Anakin is 20. Their relationship is very much different than it was in Canon. For one, they had been friends for years before getting together. They were also not each other’s firsts (both having had romantic/sexual relationships with others prior to getting together). They are also not trying to squeeze too much into too little time as they try to hide from their friends and family, or justify to themselves their quick marriage. Frankly the lack of a war or a secret massacre putting strain on their relationship also helped. 

Satine, Obi Wan, and Shmi never put any restrictions on how long they should be together before getting married, nor could they but it is important that they did not even try. They did highly recommend that, before any action that could be legally binding or have long lasting consequences (like kids) that the pair take at least one trip to the outer rim in a two person ship (the equivalent of taking a road trip together). 

Anakin and Padme get married when Anakin is 22. 

The Clone Wars break out a year later, in much the same way as Canon though obviously with different people in place of Obi Wan, Anakin, and Padme (Everything about the Clone Wars and the Clones is pushed back by four years. The setback is mostly because Maul was captured instead of bisected. Palpatine needed to be more careful for the first few years to make sure his cover was not blown). Though Count Dooku is the leader of the Separatists, he is never revealed to be a Sith.

Mandalore remains largely neutral, though they register an official complaint (that absolutely everyone involved knew would go nowhere) that Jango Fett’s, a Mandalorian, progeny were being effectively enslaved in the GAR. The Republic is able to produce paperwork signed by the late Jango Fett where Fett relinquishes any claim to any clones created using his DNA with the exception of a single unaltered clone (Boba), thus denying the clones automatic Mandalorian citizenship.  Privately Obi Wan contacts the Jedi and tells them that any GAR Clone that wishes to not be fighting for the republic will be welcome on Mandalore, where they can get assistance setting up and where being armored (and thus hiding the most recognizable face in the galaxy) would be perfectly acceptable.  The Jedi do find a way to start funneling clones that want to desert toward Mandalore. Oddly enough it actually decreases the amount of clones that want to leave, there was something about just having the option that made the clones feel like they could stay to protect people, instead of being effectively enslaved to the Republic (and it is indisputably true that innocents are being harmed by the CIS). 

Mandalore does send ‘humanitarian aid’ and their security escorts to any planet that wishes for help. Ryloth annexes itself to Mandalore after the fifth time the Mandalorains were instrumental in repelling yet another CIS invasion before the GAR could arrive (The Twilek of Ryloth do not begrudge the actual soldiers of the GAR. They do understand that it is a big galaxy, they can only protect so many places at once, and the various battalions do not actually get to choose where they are being sent. However they do blame the Politicians of the Republic for the war going on).

Somewhere in the first year of the war a group of Mandalorians find Boba Fett. This group, who had long been close to Obi Wan (and had in fact been part of the group going to Naboo), clock the 10 year old with Jango Fett’s face putting himself in dangerous situations and forcibly bring him to Mandalore,  where Korkie goes ‘Free little brother. For Me! Don’t mind if I do!’ and adopts Boba into the family (for the rest of his life Boba will maintain that there is some form of Captive Syndrome happening, but eventually Boba accepts it). 

During the second year of the War several representatives from the Republic are sent to Mandalore, in theory to encourage Mandalore to join with the Republic for the war but several are also secretly on Palpatine’s payroll and looking to destabilize Mandalore or at least their ability to send people to protect other planets (which is making it difficult to extend the war). They are escorted by Qui Gon Jinn’s battalion (an amalgamation of the 212th and the 501st), accompanied by Qui Gon’s new Padawan Ahsoka.  

The representatives were given the biggest run around that was politically feasible (Which is a lot, every member of the ruling family, their closest advisers, and the escorts are all little shits who knows how to pull off ‘we’ll piss you off and you can’t do anything about it’) led by Boba, who still does not like Jedi very much; even he understands what happened was a battle and not an attack so does not want to be around Qui Gon. Qui Gon and his troopers are greeted like family. 

Satine and Obi Wan, as soon as they catch sight of Commander Cody, go ‘Ooooh Pretty’ (Satine had developed a limited Force Sensitivity after carrying Korkie, enough that she could perceive Force presences and both thought Cody’s force presence was the most beautiful they had ever seen). Qui Gon, who had to suffer from a year on the run with Smitten Padawan Obi Wan and smitten Protectee Satine, immediately recognizes the looks in both their eyes and decides he is too old for this shit. He ignores all of it to go play flirt with Shmi (neither he nor Shmi are actually interested in each other and they know it. Qui Gon has not been attracted to anyone other than Tahl and in this one Shmi is very much a Lesbian. They both enjoy flirting and are glad they have someone they can do it with without giving the wrong idea).

I am torn between if I want Padme and Anakin to immediately do the same thing to Rex (‘oooh pretty’), or if I want Anakin to look at Padawan Ahsoka and go ‘oh she’s little sister shaped’ and immediately try to adopt her (Between Anakin and Korkie rampant big brother instincts, the logical consequences of Satine and Obi Wan having a healthy sex life, and the Mandalorian adoption gene- Satine comes by it honestly, no is sure how Obi Wan managed to inherit it- the ruling family of Mandalore has something like 15 children; Anakin is still the oldest). 

The negotiations start and the Duke and Duchess of Mandalore absolutely insist that Commander Cody be there through every step of it. It is in part because they are being little shits toward the representatives(all of whom had been vocal in the belief that the clones were not sentient) and making them flinch whenever one or the other goes ‘And what do you think, Cody, dear?’ It is also so the Duke and Duchess can flirt, heavily and obviously, with Cody the entire time he is there. 

Cody is a bit baffled, since he is not usually the person drawing attention (both for dehumanizing  reasons and Cody is oblivious reasons), but does enjoy the flirting. He also returns the interest in Obi Wan and Satine. Three of the eight representatives began to ask his opinion on their own somewhere around day three. 

At the two week mark, working in tandem, Obi Wan and Satine spring the trap that they had been weaving since the beginning (Cody had been warned what they were doing, and they made sure he was in agreement-which he would have been even if he had not been attracted to the other two, just for the benefits to his brothers). For two weeks they manipulated the representative, and in turn the senate, to get those representatives an unprecedented amount of power in treaty making (Since part of the treaty process, particularly with something like a senate involved, is ratifying the treaty in which the negotiators take it back to the people in charge to agree, there is a vote and all that). Basically anything these representatives agree to is binding, law within the republic, no restrictions on what they can agree to. No one in the senate realized that these eight now had that power, that they had given them that power. Now Obi Wan and Satine led the representative around by the nose until they were agreeing to all sorts of things. Things like the clones of Jango Fett, and clones in general, would be recognized by the sentience of their species (with which comes all kinds of rights and responsibilities on the part of the senate to clones). They also convince the representatives to seal the new treaty with Commander Cody's hand in marriage (incidentally making all of the Fett Clones Mandalorian citizens). It should be noted that the reason these representatives agreed to that was that they, personally, would receive the bulk of the bride price for Cody (the final price was actually higher than the republic bought him for in the first place, Cody was very proud).

In addition Mandalore does not quite join the republic, the agreement is to take control of the GAR to fight for the republic. It is worded in such a way that the Jedi are given a choice (thus they can send the children home), a number stay with their battalions but some are also able to be called back from the field. The GAR naval officers, the natborns, were to be replaced by Mandalorian officers. The few officers that wished to would need to sign up with the Mandalorians (there were a few that wanted to continue serving with the Clones). One of the concessions from the Duke and Duchess was that, though back pay would be handled by the senate, pay for the GAR going forward would come from Mandalore(the reason that the representatives agreed to let Mandalore take over the GAR, they felt quite proud of themselves). Without knowing it this also derails the Orders on the chips, since Palpatine is no longer in the chain of command, no matter what title he does or does not take. 

Three months after the Chancellor’s office stopped being in the loop for the war, the CIS and the Republic sue for peace. Sitting across from each other on a neutral world but publicly broadcasted throughout the galaxy are Count Dooku and Chancellor Palpatine with Mand’alor Obi Wan Kenobi there to mediate. Dooku and Palpatine have too much on each other to reveal that the other is a secret Sith (not without the assurance of victory, which they do not have).  They are forced to play this as if they are both well meaning leaders trying to do what is best for their people, as neither has an army backing them any more (The GAR is now Mandalorian and they have destroyed the droid army). Obi Wan wants to get home to his spouses (Satine was pregnant again, while they would love any and all children equally, Obi Wan was hoping that the little one would be born with Cody’s features).

I cannot emphasize enough that Obi Wan does not know he is sitting with two Sith who, if they thought they could get away with it, would kill him and subjugate the galaxy. He honestly does think that the other two are doing their best (He knows as a leader himself that sometimes a leader will make unpopular or not understandable choices for the betterment of their people-because they had bad information or because of their own prejudices).  

Two Sith are forced to negotiate a peace they do not want because not negotiating (or stalling) would be so obvious as to give them away and if they are exposed now the entire plan is for nothing. 

They are not down and out yet, but it is not far off. Their plans are derailed, and the person who did it never even noticed. 

And I think that is the ending both of them truly deserve.