ultimatums and guilt-tripping are forms of abuse…“Withholding love, communication, support, or money are indirect methods of control and maintaining power.” a la Dr. Darlene Lancer. it doesn’t have to be a threat or a demand to be a manipulation, and the victim doesn’t have to comply for it to be harmful. it’s still representative of larger behavior patterns and abusive tactics, gaslighting the victim into blaming themselves.
now, i’m a psychology major, and i’d ask you: if greg merely cared that billie broke the law (rather than disobeying him specifically), don’t you think he would have gone to the police? she would have had to pay a fine likely, and since it’s a first time offense it likely wouldn’t lead to incarceration. it certainly would have had the deterring effect.
greg claims to care about the law and the justice system, yet he didn’t seem to trust it to deal with billie’s behavior.
what greg did do was design a punishment which would humiliate her and retain effects (i.e. shaving her head and getting a tattoo). essentially he wanted to brand her physically as a villain, and make sure she permanently felt degraded. this is an “unreasonable demand” and also a way of physically reminding billie that greg is in control. no matter what billie did, she could not have physically moved on from her error, as the effects would still be visible via branding.
it’s important to be able to make amends and learn from mistakes, but constantly being reminded and further punished for a mistake is extremely harmful psychologically. the person holding that over your head has the ability to dismiss any pain you experience by pointing to your past mistake and throwing blame back at you. this tactic is in every type of abusive behavior. justifying any anger by reminding a victim of past actions, no matter how small, prevents the ability to move on.
greg didn’t hit her and leave a scar, but he sure wanted to. this manifested into him demanding the closest thing he could get - altering her appearance more subtly.
how would you feel if when you went to change clothes, shower, or even just look in the mirror, there was a permanent reminder of something you regretted? an insult seared into your skin?
my point is that irrational anger is indicative of scare tactics and emotional abuse, and just because billie was strong enough to refusedoesn’t mean greg’s actions were justified.
feel free to tell me your thoughts if you want to discuss further.
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