Fanfiction is supposed to be cringy. You're allowed to write bad. You're allowed to be cringe. Fanfiction is supposed to be self indulgent. You're allowed to be cringe. Let yourself be cringe. Fanfiction is supposed to be fun. Stop putting arbitrary rules on yourself and be free.
(The best of this post and its reblogs, but with links that work)
Here is a website where you can scroll down to all the different levels of the ocean
Here is a website where you can see the future of the universe
Here is a website where you can press a ‘make everything okay’ button, over and over, until things really are okay
Here is a website that you can read if you feel like a burden
Here is a website where you can look at strobe illusions (TW strobe/flashing)
Here is a website where you can cut stuff up (TW blood/sh)
Here and here are websites where you can play with sand
Here is a website where you can draw with macaroni and other fun foods
Here is a website where you can paint someone’s nails
Here is a website where you can grow a garden with emojis
Here is a website with hundreds of videos of people hugging you (rightfully dubbed ‘the nicest place on the internet’ because it really is, y’all, it made me cry)
Here is a website that will take you to other useless websites
Here is a website where you can make a tiny cat play bongo drums (and other instruments!)
Here is a website to help give you gentle reminders <3
Here is a website where you can grow a tiny farm
Here is a website where you can take a bunch of scientific personality tests
Description: When y/n finally has had enough of the Cody family, Pope begs her not to leave him.
Warnings: Typical themes of Animal Kingdom. Violence, references to drugs and sex. Sexual themes, but there's no smut. It's more of a fade to black situation. Smurf being Smurf. Use of y/n and she/her, female nudity. It's very angsty. Y/n is attacked by a large, scary man.
Notes: So I'm in my feels about Pope Cody. I'm three episodes away from finishing Animal Kingdom, and I know what's coming, so this is how I'm coping with that, lol. It's very angsty and a little different to what I usually write, so reader's discretion is advised. If any of the warnings above make you uncomfortable, please don't feel pressured to read.
But if you do, let me know if you like it and want me to write more stuff like it. Also sorry it's so long :)
__________
"You don't want me here."
"Who says I don't want you here?".
"Well, Smurf definitely doesn't."
"Who gives a fuck what Smurf wants? You're staying here."
That conversation happened two weeks ago. She had been staying at the Cody house for two whole weeks. She wasn't sure how much longer she could take it.
She used to be normal as a kid, an only child with the picture perfect parents. They weren't poor, but they weren't rich either.
Her whole life flipped upside down the moment she met Deran Cody, though she didn't know it at the time. He was one of her best friends. She was the only 'normal' thing in his life, that's why he kept hanging out with her after high school. He trusted her. They got close. Close enough for him to tell her he was gay. She hated him smoking, it was banned from her house after an incident with his brother, Craig which she's never quite gotten over.
Close enough for Deran to, one night, when they were sitting on the roof of his car at the age of seventeen, watching the sun set, to tell her everything. About his family, what he did, what they did and she was sworn to secrecy. She never said a word and he promised to keep her out of it.
The real problem started when his mom, he called her Smurf, she never knew why, found out she was hanging out with her boys.
The dynamic was weird and she didn't like the feeling she got whenever she ended up at the Cody house. It was full of tension and fighting and underlying trauma that nobody addressed. But it was also somehow homely and welcoming. But Smurf's love and care was transactional. She learned that quick.
Pope, or Andrew as she preferred to call him was a different story. The oldest Cody was quiet and sometimes unnerving. But he cared about her and she knew that. At first it seemed like he wanted nothing to do with her. She was Deran's friend. But then he started offering to walk or drive her home after parties. Mostly because he could see she was uncomfortable being there.
It was on these walks and drives that she started to get to know him. He didn't let her in, not at all. But he wasn't dangerous like some people said he was.
They became friends, which slowly evolved into something neither of them could explain. They kissed and sometimes cuddled on her couch and held hands and ran domestic errands together.
Whatever it was, it stopped suddenly.
And it hurt a little, but she managed to handle it.
There had been reports of frequent robberies happening around her area, and it had scared her so bad she didn't want to be there. She couldn't stay with Deran because he had some stuff going on with his boyfriend Adrian and he was busy with the bar. So, with much reluctance she went to the Cody house.
And Pope was letting her stay.
She mostly tried to stay out of his way, noticing how tense he was. She assumed it was because she was here.
But he didn't seem to like that. Once the air was cleared and he told her that he wanted her to stay, things started to feel a little more like them again.
Long, late night conversations led to him kissing her.
The kiss turned passionate and heated, and before she knew it he was carrying her to his room and laying her on the bed and panting softly as he got on top of her.
The next morning, she woke up in his bed. She was still naked, and she smiled slightly seeing all the marks Andrew had left on her body, evidence of what happened last night. It was strangely comforting. They didn't hurt, he'd been so careful not to hurt her.
He wasn't in the bed with her, but she had already half expected that. The bathroom door opened and he came out wearing dark jeans and no shirt. Her eyes lingered on his beefy arms and chest. He caught her looking at him.
"Mornin'."
He looked softer than she'd seen him for a while. Like he'd actually got enough sleep for once.
"Hey."
He came over to the bed and sat beside her, resting his hand on her thigh which was hidden beneath the covers. His eyes trailed over the marks he could see on her skin, reaching out to brush his thumb over the one just under her collarbone.
"Does that hurt?".
She smiled slightly, shaking her head. "No."
"I'm sorry."
"I kinda like it."
"You do?".
"Yeah...".
He seemed pleasantly surprised by that.
"What are your plans for the day?".
He shrugged. "Smurf has a job for us."
"Oh...".
"What?".
"Nothing."
He tilted his head. "No, tell me."
"I... it's nothing, Andrew. I promise."
He frowned, taking her hand and giving it a gentle squeeze.
"I'm gonna go for a shower."
"Okay...".
She didn't tell him to leave, so he didn't, watching her get out of the bed. But he wasn't checking her out (well, he was a little), he was concerned.
"Can you get me some clothes?". She asked, grabbing a towel from the attached bathroom. He nodded. "Yeah."
After she was finished showering and was dressed in a pair of shorts and one of Andrew's t-shirts, she came out of the bathroom drying her hair with the towel. Walking into the kitchen, she found it was quite busy.
Deran and Craig were both there, and she smiled seeing her best friend, going over to him to give him a hug which he reciprocated.
He tilted his head, taking in what she was wearing. "Is that Pope's shirt?".
"Uh... yeah, it is. He let me borrow it."
"Why?".
She shrugged. "I didn't have anything else."
He seemed suspicious, but let it go.
Craig was leaning against the counter, cigarette in between his lips, lighting it. Her nose wrinkled a little at the smell, but didn't say anything.
It was then Andrew came in through the glass sliding doors, his eyes caught the shift in her expression.
"Take that outside."
"What?".
"She doesn't like it. Take it outside."
"You serious?".
Andrew pointed at the door, glaring at Craig until he rolled his eyes, grumbling curses under his breath as he walked out the door.
Deran looked between them, raising an eyebrow before shaking his head and leaving too. But y/n knew the look he'd given her. He would talk to her later.
The two of them were left alone in the kitchen, quiet settling between them like a soft blanket. She watched as he put on yellow rubber gloves and started to wash the dirty dishes in the sink.
"Thank you." She said, making him glance at her.
"You didn't have to do that."
He shrugged. "You don't have to be around that shit if you don't like it."
Rounding the counter, she went over to stand beside him. Close to his side. Not touching, but close enough. He went back to what he was doing, seemingly not minding her presence.
When he was done, he wiped down the counter and y/n had a sudden impulse to mess with him. Just a little.
She licked her finger, then touched the counter top he had just cleaned. He fully paused, looking down at her finger, then at her face like he was personally offended.
Seeing the little mischievous grin that grew on her face, his eyes squinted.
"Don't."
"What?". She said innocently.
"Y/n, the... the germs."
A light giggle tumbled from her lips, watching as he wiped the spot again. "It's kinda hypocritical, don't you think?".
"What is?".
"You complaining about my germs on the counter when you clearly didn't mind last night."
He rolled his eyes, but she noticed the light flush creep up his neck. "That's... different."
"How is it, Andrew?".
He smirked slightly, almost unnoticeable if she wasn't so close to him. His head dipped, voice lowering.
"I don't have you moaning my name to distract me from these germs."
This time it was her turn to be flustered. She swallowed thickly, not expecting that response from him.
Then, like he hadn't said a word, went back to cleaning.
She licked her finger, going to do it again only for him to quickly grab her hand, stopping her. Not hard.
He glared at her, but it wasn't harsh or intimidating like with his brother. His eyes had softened at the edges. It was playful.
"Stop it."
"Or what?". She challenged him.
His eyebrow raised, hazel gaze regarding her for a moment before letting out a soft sigh.
But before he could say anything, they heard the front door open and heels walking across hardwood flooring.
Y/n flinched a little.
Andrew noticed, gently nudging her away from him just as Smurf appeared at the entryway of the kitchen.
"Hi, baby."
The switch up from soft and relaxed to tense and guarded almost gave her whiplash. It was like night and day.
He didn't respond, really. Just grunted.
Smurf went over to him anyway, completely ignoring y/n and kissed him on the cheek, too close to the corner of his mouth.
It made her sick to her stomach, but of course she just stayed quiet. It was always better that way.
"Is everyone here?".
Pope nodded, taking the gloves off. "Yeah. J should be home soon."
"Y/n, sweetie." Smurf suddenly turned to her. "We're having a family meeting. Do you mind?".
Her eyes flicked to Andrew, and he looked as apologetic as he could as he nodded for her to go. He didn't want her to have any part in this.
So she nodded. "Of course. Yeah."
Stepping out of the sliding door, she went out as Deran and Craig headed back in, closing the door behind them.
With a quiet sigh, she found a lounger by the pool and sat down. She had no interest in the job they were discussing anyway. She just hated that Andrew and Deran were part of it. She wanted all the boys away from Smurf, if she was honest. But she knew it wasn't that easy.
She got bored quick and decided to just go for a walk. She texted Andrew, letting him know where she was going before leaving.
_
She thought maybe she should go home for a while. Though she was a little nervous, she had just been tending to her little garden for the last few hours.
Her house was cute. She had made it a cosy little place with a white picket fence, a porch swing, and flower garden. Inside it was like an old cottage with vintage furniture, wooden beams and full of little trinkets she collected. She didn't have a kitchen door, so she had put up a curtain made of beads. It was whimsical, and peaceful and so her.
But she never would've been able to buy it herself.
It was Deran that bought it. Once he had made enough money from the bar, he made an offer on it and it was his. But he gave it to her so she could move out of the shitty apartment she was in before.
He had bought it before he even got a place for himself, knowing she'd never accept it if he had told her beforehand.
Y/n was in the middle of putting flowers into bigger pots when she heard the squeak of her gate opening.
It was just Deran.
"Hey, trouble."
"Hi."
Closing the gate behind him, he went over and knelt beside her.
"Want some help?".
She nodded. "Can you pass me that pot?".
She pointed at the ceramic pot near him and he hummed, following her finger. "Mhm."
After bringing it over to her, he sat on the grass with her, watching as she filled the pot with soil, making sure to leave a big enough hole to put the flowers in.
"So...". He sighed. "I wanted to talk to you about something."
"Okay."
"You and Pope. What's going on there?".
"What do you mean?".
"Are you two... together?".
She sighed. "No. Well, I... I don't know."
"Right. That's what I was afraid of." He sighed, running his hand through his blond locks. "Listen, whatever is going on, it's not a good idea."
Lifting her head, she looked at him. "Why?".
"Because he's... Pope. He's dangerous and I don't want you to get hurt by him."
She frowned. "He's not dangerous. Don't say that."
"Okay, well he's not good enough for you."
"You don't get to decide that for me, Deran. I'm a big girl, I can make my own decisions."
He was quiet for a few minutes. "Wait."
"What?".
"You actually have feelings for him. Don't you?".
She shrugged. "Maybe."
"Y/n, please just listen to me. This won't end well for you. One day he's gonna break your heart, and you don't deserve to go through that. He is damaged, and you can't fix him."
"I don't want to fix him."
He tilted his head. "Then what do you want?".
"I just think he's been through far too much and he deserves to be happy."
"See, this is what I mean. You're too good for him. Just... anyone else. Please, pick anyone else."
"I don't want anyone else."
It seemed like no matter what he said, he couldn't get her to budge. He sighed, rubbing his face.
"Maybe you don't see him the way I do. And that's okay. But you can't decide for me, that's not fair."
"It's not just that. You'd be unintentionally digging yourself further into my family. And that makes you an easy target. Trust me, Pope has a lot more enemies than I do. So it's not only him I mean, it's dangerous to be close to him."
"Is it really any different than being friends with you?".
"Okay." He sighed. "I'm just saying be careful."
She nodded, smiling slightly. She did appreciate Deran worrying about her, but she could take care of herself. And she knew that if, for whatever reason she couldn't, then Andrew certainly would. That was the part her best friend didn't really understand yet.
For a while the two of them just sat there, talking about random shit like they always had done. Him watching as she planted her flowers and plants.
"So, how's Adrien? I haven't seen him for a while."
"Uh... yeah, he's fine."
"Good. Are you two still surfing together?".
He nodded. "Mhm. He's getting ready for a competition."
"Are you going with him?".
"Nah, I've got my bar to look after. But I'll host a watch party."
"That's a good idea."
"You should stop by. It's next week."
She shrugged. "I might."
"You know you don't have to drink alcohol while you're there. You can just come and hang out. I got soda too."
She smiled slightly. "I know. Remember when I'd go down to the beach with you and watch you surf?".
He hums. "Yeah, I still can't believe you never let me teach you."
"You know why."
"It's still crazy that you can't swim."
"It's completely normal."
"No, it's not. Everyone learns to swim when they're a kid."
She shrugged. "Well, I never learned and I'm doing okay so far."
He smiled, nudging her with his shoulder. "Smurf is having a party tomorrow night."
"No she's not."
"She is."
She groaned quietly. "Why?".
He shrugged. "Fuck knows. Are you staying at the house or here tonight?".
"I said to Andrew I'd be back there."
"Want a ride?".
"Yes please."
_
Later that night, y/n sat at the edge of the pool. It was quiet and dark, but she didn't mind. She couldn't sleep. The boys hadn't long come in after their successful job. They all had dinner together as tradition before parting ways. Y/n hated those dinners. It was always so awkward and tense, made her skin crawl. She almost never had an appetite whenever she had to eat Smurf's dinners. Not that it was bad food. She could admit the woman could cook. But it was a struggle purely because of the tension.
But this night, Andrew had held her hand under the table. Which helped a little.
Behind her, she heard the glass door slide open and turned her head, and was slightly relieved to see Andrew standing there.
He came over, sitting at the side of the pool beside her quietly.
He looked at her. "What are you doing up?".
"Couldn't sleep." Her eyes just watched the water.
He followed her gaze. "Are you going in?".
She chuckled, shaking her head. "Wasn't planning on it."
His lips pursed, sighing quietly. "Are you alright?".
She shook her head, though she didn't elaborate. She just moved closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder.
She noticed he didn't tense up or anything. In fact, he actually turned his head and pressed his lips against her temple.
For a moment, she closed her eyes, perfectly okay to stay like that for a while.
Then he moved, taking the warmth with him. He stood up, taking his shirt off and the black sweats he was wearing, stripping to his briefs underneath.
"What are you doing?".
"Going to swim."
She watched him slip into the pool, disappearing under the water before coming back up and pushing his now wet hair back.
"Are you coming in?". He asked.
"No."
"Why not?".
"I can't."
He tilted his head and she sighed. "I... I can't swim."
"What?".
"I can't swim, Andrew." She repeated louder.
"Oh." He paused, then swam over to her, resting his arms on her thighs. "You can hold on to me."
"I don't know...".
"Come on."
She sighed. "Fine. But just... don't let go of me, okay?".
He smiled. "I won't."
She took off her top and her pyjamas shorts, leaving her in just her underwear, minus a bra.
She shuffled to the edge, letting out a nervous breath. "Will you catch me?".
"Lean on my shoulders and I'll lift you down."
"Okay."
She did as told, leaning forward and she felt his arms wrap around her waist, and he pulled her into the water with him.
Her breath caught in her throat. "Andrew-".
"It's okay. I've got you."
He held her close, letting her hold on to him like a koala bear. Arms around his shoulders, legs around his waist. He didn't go too far in, staying near the edge just in case. But he wasn't going to let go of her.
She looked at him. "Now what?".
He breathed out an almost laugh, shrugging. "Relax."
She sighed, taking a slow breath in order to do so. Then he leaned in and rested his forehead against hers.
"What's wrong?". He muttered. "Tell me."
She frowned. "It's nothing."
"It's not nothing."
"The job you did today. It went... okay?".
He hums, nodding. "Yes."
"What was it?".
"A safe from some multi-million dollar company."
"And you were careful?".
"Yes. Deran got you a cut of the money we got."
"I don't want it."
"I know." He sighed. "But it's there if you do."
She shook her head. "I just... worry sometimes."
"About me?".
"Yeah. I'm afraid of you getting hurt or getting caught or something going wrong. I don't want anything to happen to you."
"Hey." He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, wet hand touching her cheek. "I'm okay. Nothing happened, it all went the way it was supposed to."
"But what if it doesn't next time?".
"Things go south, we get out. That's how it works."
She sighed. "Do you not...".
"What?".
His nose brushed hers.
"Do you not get tired of it? You know, always having to do what Smurf tells you."
"Of course I'm tired of her shit. But this is just my family, it's what we do. I can't get out. The only thing keeping me sane is you."
She leaned in, letting her lips brush against his. Not really a kiss, it was kind of impulsive from being so close to him. He seemed amused by it.
His eyes glinted, darkened by the night sky.
"If you're going to kiss me, sweetheart, do it properly."
She giggled. "I wasn't going to kiss you."
"No? What's stopping you?".
She hums, shrugging her shoulder. "Nothing."
She splashed him with the water a little bit, making him roll his eyes.
To be fair to him, he had stayed true to his word. He hadn't let go of her.
Her hands on his shoulders trembled a bit and he noticed, expression softening. "I've got you, baby. I'm not letting go."
She believed him, but it was still scary being in water and not knowing how to swim. Perhaps Deran was right.
"How come you can't swim?".
She shrugged. "I fell into a pool when I was a kid and I've been scared ever since. I just never learned."
"Are you scared now?".
"Yes. But... I know you won't let anything happen to me."
He nodded. "That's right."
"Hey, Deran said Smurf is having a party here tomorrow night. Is that true?".
He huffed quietly. "Yeah. Craig is having people over."
She frowned.
"I know." He mumbled. "I hate them too."
"What are we gonna do?".
"You don't have to be there."
"I told Deran I would."
He sighed. "Why?".
"I don't know. I have this... uncontrollable need to please people."
He chuckled at that. "I don't have that."
He brought her over to the edge of the pool, lifting her out so she could sit on the ledge. But he didn't move away. He stood up in the water in front of her, then gripped her hips to tug her closer to him, wrapping her legs around his waist.
She was fully pressed against him, her naked chest against his.
Then he leaned in and kissed her, without a word.
Clearly, he was done teasing and it had her giggling into his mouth. But it quickly turned heated when she kissed him back.
It was slow and sensual, but passionate enough to weaken her knees if she was standing.
She knew where this was going.
"Andrew." She sighed. "Not here. Someone could see."
"Don't care." He rasped.
Pulling away from her lips, he pressed kisses along her jawline, down her neck, all the way down her chest between her breasts. Her sigh turned into a soft moan, which made him smirk a little.
He continued trailing his lips down her body. Every inch of her skin that he could reach. His stubble was scratchy against her, but she didn't mind the feeling.
"Tell me to stop." He mumbled.
He reached the inside of her thighs, an area he knew she was extremely sensitive and would have her squirming. Parting her legs, he gave himself further access. His eyes glanced up at her face. "That feel good, sweet girl?".
"Mhm."
"Words."
"Yes." Her eyes closed briefly. "It f-feels so good. Don't stop."
"Good girl."
_
The next morning she woke up without him. He wasn't in the bed with her or in the bathroom. But she lay there for a while, staring up at the ceiling.
She sighed quietly, her mind drifting back to what Deran had said to her yesterday. She didn't think he was right, but she understood why he was concerned. It was dangerous to be close to Andrew, she knew that. But it was dangerous just being in the general vicinity of the Cody's, it wasn't a good argument.
She got up and changed into one of Andrew's shirts and a pair of her own shorts, then headed into the kitchen. Smurf was in there making breakfast. There was a platter of fruit, eggs, bacon, and pancakes set out on the island.
"Oh, good morning, sweetie. Sleep well?".
She nodded slowly. "Yeah...".
"Good. Breakfast is ready if you want it."
"Is Andrew around?".
"He left early this morning."
"Oh... okay. I'm gonna pass on breakfast. Thank you, but I'm not hungry."
"It's not poisoned, if that's your concern."
"Uh... no." She muttered awkwardly, though now she eyed the food uneasily. "I'm gonna go home."
"Alright. I hope to see you at the party tonight. It's at 4:00pm."
"I'll see you later, Smurf."
She wasn't going home, but Smurf didn't need to know that.
She headed down to the beach and walked along the sidewalk that ran alongside it. It was warm and sunny out, the sky blue with barely any clouds. The beach was at its busiest during the day, but she found a quiet spot to sit. She sat under a tree in the shade, watching the big waves that formed in the distance.
She could see some people surfing, but she knew Deran wasn't out there this morning.
She felt her phone buzzing in her pocket, but she didn't take it out to look at it. She just let it ring out.
After a few minutes it buzzed again.
The third time was shorter, indicating a text instead of a call.
She ignored them all, resting her head against the tree behind her.
It was around half an hour before she heard his voice.
"Do you just not answer your phone anymore?".
She smiled slightly, looking over at the familiar figure that was Andrew Cody walking towards her.
She shrugged. "Figured you'd come find me yourself if it was that important."
He sat down beside her. "Jus' wanted to know where you were. You didn't tell me you left the house."
She looked at him. "You did it first."
He frowned. "I'm sorry, sweetheart."
"It's okay. Where did you go anyway?".
"Deran needed my help with something at the bar."
"Oh."
"Why are you here?".
"Needed some time alone."
He paused. "You want me to go?".
She shook her head, moving to rest her head on his shoulder. "No, it's okay."
He kissed her head, making her smile to herself. Then she looked up at him. "I like it when you do that."
"What?". He mumbled, putting his arms around her.
"Kiss my head. It's nice."
He hums, leaning down to do it again.
"Can I lie down?".
"Sure." He shifted to sit more comfortably as she lay down on her back, using his torso as a pillow. His hand softly stroked her arm.
"Andrew."
"Yeah?".
"What is this?".
He tilted his head. "What?".
"I mean, like with us. What do we call it?".
He quietened.
"Just cause, you know, we've slept together twice now and we've basically been living together for weeks. I don't want to scare you away or anything, but I think I might be falling in love with you. And I kinda need to know what you're thinking, if you're thinking anything at all-".
"Wait."
She looked up at him. "What?".
"What did you just say?".
She slowly sat up, leaning on her hands to keep her balance. She frowned. "I-it's okay if... you're not, like thinking about me like that. I understand that, but-".
"Y/n, stop talking." He gently cupped her cheek, tilting her head up to make her meet his eyes. "You might be in love with me?".
"Oh... is that what I said?". She replied nervously.
"No, no. It's okay. Did you mean it?".
She nodded. "Yes."
He swallowed thickly as his expression softened. "You wanna know what I'm thinking about us?".
"Yeah."
"I love you." His voice lowered.
"You do?".
"I do. I want to be with you. But I wasn't sure if that's what you wanted."
"Well, I... wasn't sure before. But I am now."
"What were you not sure about?".
She shrugged. "I don't know. Smurf already hates me, I didn't want to give her another reason. And I was... scared."
"You don't have to be scared." He pulled her closer to him. "I've got you. You're my girl now, I won't let anything happen to you."
"I know." She replied quietly. "Can you start by getting me out of going to this party?".
He chuckled. "If it gets too much, tell me and I will."
"Okay."
Leaning back into his chest, she looked back out at the horizon. His arms wrapped around her again and she just sort of nuzzled into him. The two of them stayed there like that for a long time, not really in a rush to leave.
Andrew gently rested his chin on her shoulder, pressing a brief kiss there. "You okay?".
"Yeah... I think I'm just tired."
"I love you."
"I love you too, Andrew."
_
She wasn't a fan of parties at the best of times, but Cody house parties had a certain reputation that y/n was uncomfortable with. And she always had been. She was sitting on a lounger by the pool, Deran beside her with a beer in hand.
"See? It's not too bad."
"I think your bad is different to mine."
He chuckled. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Nobody's been shot at least."
"The night's still young, Deran."
He smiled. "C'mon, try to relax. People are here to have fun."
She pursed her lips, motioning to Craig and his friends jumping off the roof into the pool like they were teenagers. "I don't really understand how that is supposed to be fun."
"I don't know what you're so worried about."
She glared at him. "One of Craig's friends tried to push me into the pool because I wouldn't let him grope me the last time. I didn't even tell Andrew about that."
He sighed. "I spoke to Craig about that. It won't happen again."
"Spoke?".
He hums, taking a sip from his beer. "Okay, I punched him in the face."
She giggled. "That's what I thought."
"Where's Pope anyway? Thought he drove you here."
"He did. I think he's helping Smurf with food."
He nodded. "Did you... think about what I said?".
Her eyes flicked to his face and she sighed. "I'm in love with him, Deran. I don't know what you want me to do."
"What?".
She shrugged. "I know what I'm getting myself into, and I'm not scared."
"You're in love with him?".
"Yes." She sighed, like it was something that just hit her.
"Does he feel the same?".
"He said he does."
"And you believe him?".
"Yeah, I do."
He smiled slightly, despite himself. "You know this is why I call you trouble, right?".
"Yeah... I'm starting to get that."
He reached over and patted her arm. "Just be careful, alright? And if he hurts you, I'll fucking kill him."
She nodded. "Deal."
_
Pope was in the kitchen, helping Smurf with the food after she'd asked him to.
He could feel her icy gaze burning a hole into his head. He sighed. "What?".
"You know, I was thinking it could be a good thing that you're getting close to that girl."
Andrew had heard enough already. "No."
"We could use her, Pope."
He glared at her. "No."
"You really care about her, don't you?".
"Stay away from her."
"Oh, don't you worry, baby. I won't have to do a thing."
"Smurf."
"What?".
"If you touch her, I won't hesitate. I will kill you."
"She's using you, Pope. Don't be stupid."
He just rolled his eyes, proceeding to carry a tray of food outside. On the way past her, he said, "That shit doesn't work on me anymore."
Seeing y/n sitting alone, he went over and sat beside her.
"Hey, Andrew."
He gently squeezed her thigh. "Doing okay, sweetheart?".
She nodded, turning to look at him. "Yeah."
With a sigh, she eyed the drunken activities of people around her. Some were up dancing, others just being loud and annoying. People were still messing about in the pool. Deran had went to join them, she watched him laugh and cheer, encouraging Craig to down a whole bottle of beer.
"Don't mind them." Andrew spoke up, gaining her attention.
"Can you sit with me?".
"I am sitting with you."
She scooted over, patting the space she'd made on the lounger. He looked perplexed. "Y/n, two people can't fit on there."
She shrugged. "So?".
He sighed softly. "Stand up."
"What, why?".
"Stand up."
Doing as told, she got up off the lounger and he sat where she was. Then he motioned for her to sit on his lap. "Now sit."
She hesitated a little. "That's not what I meant."
"Is there a difference between this and what you meant?".
"Yes."
He pursed his lips, staring at her for a long moment. "Alright."
She smiled. "Shift over."
He was still confused, but did as told, making enough space without falling off the lounger.
When she squeezed in beside him, he grunted and rolled his eyes. "This isn't working."
"It is working." She insisted.
She caught herself from falling off, using his chest to keep her balance. As the corner of his lips quirked up, she burst into a fit of giggles. She was persistent though, refusing to let him be right.
"You sure, sweet girl?".
"Mhm."
Letting out a huff, he moved to lie on his side, giving her more space on the lounger than he had. Then he put his arms around her.
"See? We're fine."
"Yeah, yeah."
She chuckled, playing with a thread on his shirt before gently resting her chin on his chest. He sighed softly, looking at her eyes.
Then he looked past her, over her shoulder just for a second. But she noticed.
"What's wrong?".
"No, uh... nothing."
"Smurf?". She mumbled.
He nodded once, but he didn't look back at his mom. "Ignore her."
His arm around her tightened, making her smile slightly. Then he kissed her cheek.
The moment was rudely interrupted by a loud, sudden pop from the pool. She jumped, almost falling off the lounger if it wasn't for Andrew catching her. She looked over at the pool to see that Craig had lit a hula hoop on fire above the pool and people were now taking turns jumping through it.
She frowned.
"Shh, it's alright." Andrew said. "Hey, just look at me."
Her eyes glanced back at him, flicking up to his face. He gave her as much of a smile he could muster, his expression softening significantly. "I can tell them all to leave."
Settling back against him, she sighed quietly. "I'm tired. I might go to your bed."
He shrugged, nodding. "Yeah, you can do that."
He went with her, walking her to his room to make sure there was no one in there. She fell forward on the bed, lying on her front. Andrew followed and took off her shoes for her, then knelt beside the bed. His hand petted her hair and then he kissed her forehead.
"Baby."
"Hm?".
"Let me know if you need anything, okay?".
She nodded. "Okay."
He squeezed her hand, then stood up to leave, shutting the door over behind him.
She closed her eyes, though she wasn't asleep yet.
The faint thumping of the music and people talking loudly prevented that.
Eventually she gave up on trying to sleep, and instead grabbed one of the books from Andrew's beside table to read. There was a bookmark in between the pages, near the middle of the book. But she didn't disturb it, just started from the beginning.
Around two hours later, Andrew came back in to check on her. He frowned, seeing she was awake.
He sat on the edge of his bed. "Why aren't you sleeping?".
She shrugged. "Can't. I tried, but it's too loud out there."
He paused, like he was thinking about something.
"What?".
Leaning forward, he reached down in between the mattress and the bedside table and took out a gun.
Her eyes widened. "Andrew-".
"Hold on just a second, sweetheart."
He left quickly, and after a few minutes, the music stopped and she heard three gunshots go off.
Then, "Everyone out. Now!".
Another gun shot made her flinch a little. "Go!".
It became much quieter after that and she sighed in relief.
He came back into the room to put the gun back where he got it from and gave her a smile.
She rolled her eyes playfully. "That was dramatic."
He shrugged. "What? Now you can sleep."
"Yeah, once the ringing in my ears stops."
He frowned, looking at her in concern. She gave him a lopsided smile. "Kidding."
She was glad to be getting some sleep, though. She hadn't realised how tired she was until she was actually lying down.
She only woke up briefly a little later, feeling the bed dip beside her.
She muttered something imperceptible. It sounded more like a breath than actual words.
Andrew moved closer, pressing his chest against her back before putting his arm around her.
"Shh, shh." He whispered. "Jus' me, sweet girl. Go back to sleep."
"Andy."
"Shh." His voice lowered, cooing softly. She grunted, wanting to turn around to face him. Maybe lay on his chest. In the cover of darkness, he smiled softly. "What, baby?".
She was too tired to attempt words, so she just wiggled against him until she got what she wanted. He rolled his eyes, loosening his grip on her and allowing her to turn around. She immediately buried her face into his chest.
He kissed her head, then ran his fingers through her hair. "Happy now?".
She nodded against him, eyes closing again with a sigh of content. Shaking his head, he just held her closer to him.
_
"I'm gonna be away for a few days."
She frowned, tilting her head. "Where are you going?".
"I have to run an errand. For Smurf."
She was sitting on his bed, watching him pack some things into a travel bag. Clothes and whatnot. She quietened.
When she didn't say anything, he turned to look at her. "It's only for a couple days."
She looked away from him and he sighed, crossing the space to kneel on the floor in front of her. "Hey. I'll be back, okay?".
"That's not what worries me."
"What does?". His hand gently rubbed her thigh soothingly.
"You have to do this errand for her?" She picked at her nails.
He sighed. "I know. I don't want to do it either, but I don't have a choice."
"You do. You could just... not do it. Say no."
"It's not that easy, baby. You know that."
Her frown deepened.
He sighed. "Don't do that."
"What?".
"Don't look at me like that. I know you don't like it, I'm sorry."
"Can you at least, just... promise me one thing?".
He nodded. "Anything."
"Don't hurt anyone." Her eyes filled with tears, but none fell. Andrew gently tilted her chin up to make her look at him. "Sweetheart-".
"Andrew, promise me."
He looked at her face, contemplating. "Okay." He nodded. "Okay, I promise."
Leaning in, he pressed a sweet kiss to her lips, hoping to soothe her. "Don't cry, please. It's okay." She leaned forward, burying her face into the side of his neck as her arms wrapped around his shoulders. "I'll make it up to you when I get back."
She wasn't happy about it, and he could tell.
"I'm sorry, sweet girl." He kissed the side of her head.
Then he moved back and kissed her lips again, deeply this time. Soft, but passionate. He wanted her to know he was sorry. His arms wrapped around her, hands starting to wander when she stopped him.
"Stop." She broke this kiss. "Andrew, stop it. You can't just kiss me, hoping it'll make this go away. It doesn't work like that."
He sighed, nodding. "Okay."
She sniffled, wiping her cheeks. "I have to go. I want to go home."
"Baby-".
"Either take me or I'll walk myself."
He paused. "Alright. I'll take you."
The drive to her house was quiet, but she seemed to need it and he understood that.
When they got there, he walked her to her door.
But before she could go in, he gently stopped her.
"Y/n, wait."
"What?".
"I just... I wish things were different, but this is the way they are. I can't change that. The only thing I can do is keep you safe from it."
"But I don't understand. If you hate Smurf so much, why do you still have to do stuff for her?".
He moved closer, reaching up to hold her cheek. "Because I don't want her to hurt you. She'll do anything to get back at me now that she can't control me anymore."
"Okay?". He cooed.
"Okay." She muttered, still not liking it but she understood a little more. Her hand rested on his forearm.
His expression softened. "I'll be careful."
"You better."
He smiled slightly.
"This doesn't mean I'm okay with it."
"I know." He rested his forehead against hers. "I'll be back in a few days."
"Yeah... okay."
"I have to go. I'm leaving tonight."
She nodded, but didn't say anything.
"Will you be okay?".
"Yeah, I guess."
_
The first day he was away, she just found ways to distracted herself. Hung out with Deran and watched him surf, and they went back to his place to watch movies. He knew she was upset, so he was doing his best to cheer her up and assure her that everything would be fine. Andrew could take care of himself, he knew what he was doing. She knew that, but it didn't stop her from worrying about the what ifs.
The second day passed more or less the same.
On the third day, she got a call from Andrew saying that it would be a few more days before he could come back. He apologised profusely, promising to be back before the end of the week.
She forgave him, but it didn't make her feel good.
The fourth day rolled around and Deran managed to convince her to come to the bar. It wasn't a party as such, just a casual hang out around the fire pit in the back.
Craig was there, of course with a couple of women hanging off his arms. The rest were Deran's friends, people he surfed with or employed at the bar.
It wasn't too loud. Music played in the background. She joined in on conversations, even laughing a few times.
Then Craig brought out a little clear plastic package with white powder in it.
Y/n frowned, watching as he put it on the table.
Deran sighed. "Craig, put that shit away. It's not that kind of night."
"What, I can't have a little fun just cause she's here?".
He pointed at her.
"Quit it."
"Oh, come on. She doesn't mind, do you, sweetheart?".
She sighed. "It's fine, Deran."
"There, see? She's fine with it."
She watched Craig roll up a dollar bill and lean over to snort a line into his nose. The effect it had on him seemed almost immediate, his pupils dilating.
She sighed. "I'm gonna get some air."
"Okay." Deran replied. "Want me to come with you?".
"No, it's okay." She gave him a smile before standing up.
She made her way outside to the front of the bar. It was dark now and a little colder but the fresh air was definitely needed. She breathed in the salty air, and then checked her phone for calls or texts from Andrew.
There was nothing.
She frowned.
"Excuse me."
She jumped a little at the sudden voice and looked up to see a rather large man. He was bald, tanned skin and tattoos crawling all the way up his arms.
"Oh, sorry. Didn't mean to scare you. I think I lost my keys, have you seen them anywhere?".
"Uh... no, I'm sorry." She looked around, but offered him a smile. "I can help you look for them, if you'd like."
"That would be great. Thanks."
She nodded, putting her phone away. "Okay, well they gotta be around here somewhere."
Turned around, she looked along the ground, assuming he was doing the same.
She wasn't anticipating being shoved to the ground roughly.
She screamed when the man got on top of her. There was absolutely nothing she could do against him.
"Please, stop." She whimpered.
"Shut up. This ain't about you."
"What's it about?".
He punched her in the face. The first one was more shocking than painful. The second one hurt so bad and she started to cry.
"Consider it a message to Pope Cody."
She screamed again, hoping someone would hear her. He covered her mouth with his hand and she bit him.
"Bitch!".
The bar door flew open and the guy was suddenly ripped away from her.
She heard Deran shouting, swearing and beating the life out of him when he had him on the ground. But she couldn't focus on what was going on. Her eyes were blurry, everything hurt.
"Deran!".
She sat up. "Deran, stop!".
Eventually he did, with knuckles bruising and his face flushed with rage, he left the guy in the dirt and rushed over to her.
"Hey, you alright?".
He helped her up and she clung to him, terrified and shaking. She sobbed.
"Let me see." His hands found her cheeks and he made her look at him. "You're okay."
His thumbs ran along the bruising on her face, checking for fractures. It made her flinch.
"What happened? You know him?".
"I... I don't know. He was looking for his keys. I don't know him. H-He said something about Andrew."
He sighed. "Come on. Let's get you inside, get some ice on that."
Deran took her back to the Cody house after that, and dressed all the scrapes she had on her hands, elbows and knees. Then she went to Andrew's room to lie down.
And he called Pope.
It was safe to say his oldest brother was pissed.
When y/n woke up the next morning, she was sore and feeling a little stupid for letting something like this happen.
Andrew came storming into the house, finding Deran in the kitchen.
"Where is she?".
"She's in your room."
"Is she okay?".
He shrugged. "I don't know. She won't talk."
He sighed, taking a second to calm down knowing it wouldn't help her.
Moving past Deran, he went to his room and found her on his bed, laying on her side facing the wall.
She looked at him when he came in, but didn't say anything. That hurt worse than if she had thrown a brick at his head. The bruising on her face had his heart aching.
He sat on the edge of the bed beside her.
"Hey, sweet girl."
She just looked away from him and he watched a tear slip down her cheek.
He sighed. "I'm so sorry, baby. I'm here now."
She still didn't say a word, though it was clear to him she didn't want him to touch her.
"Are you hungry? I can make you something to eat."
"Does anything else hurt?".
"Want me to leave?".
With no verbal response from her, he sighed again. "Okay."
She didn't stop him from getting up, so he took that as a sign she wanted to be left alone.
"How did this happen?". Pope's eyes were furious as he stared at Deran.
"I don't know. I wasn't there when it happened."
"Why not?".
"She wanted some air, man. What do you want me to do? I heard her scream and I beat the fuck out of the guy who did this."
"Where was Craig?".
"High off his ass, probably fucking some girl in my storage room."
"What did he do to her?".
"Shoved her to the ground. Hit her a couple of times, as far as I can tell."
"Did he-".
"Uh... no, I don't think so. Her clothes were still on when I got there."
"She doesn't want me to touch her."
"Well, maybe she just needs some time."
Later that night, Andrew quietly slipped into his room. She was still in the same position as earlier, only now she was fully asleep.
He covered her with a blanket, making sure she was warm and comfortable before getting on the bed and sitting up beside her. He didn't move closer or touch her, he just wanted to watch her.
He didn't sleep, staying up the whole night watching her breathe.
The morning light eventually filtered in through the blinds, stirring her from her slumber.
Her eyes blinked open tiredly, moving to lie on her back. Andrew shifted beside her and that was when she noticed him there. But she didn't startle, just stared up at him.
Silently, she shuffled closer to him and rested her head on his chest. He audibly sighed in relief as she let him put his arms around her. His lips found the top of her head, then rested his cheek there.
"Can you talk to me?". He mumbled.
"Please, say something. I miss you talking. I... I'm not good at it."
She nuzzled into his chest, not wanting to talk. But she sighed quietly.
Her voice cracked from lack of use and all the tears she'd cried yesterday. "I'm sorry, Andy."
That was the last thing he expected to come out of her mouth. "What are you sorry for, baby?".
"He said he lost his keys." Her voice was so quiet, he never would've heard her if he wasn't so close to her. "I was helping him look for them. I... I wasn't thinking."
It was then he realised she wasn't talking to him because she was mad at him. She thought he was mad at her.
"Oh... no, no. Hey, shh shh. It wasn't your fault."
"I was so scared."
"I know. I'm sorry, baby."
"I thought you'd be angry that I was stupid and trusted him too easily." She sniffled.
"No, I'm not angry with you. I promise, it's okay. I love you so much."
"Did you finish your errand for Smurf?".
He sighed, shaking his head. "No."
"No?".
She sat up to look at him. "But-".
He pressed his finger to her lips. "Shh, she'll never know."
She blinked. "You left that because of me?".
He nodded, smiling softly. "Of course I did. If you get hurt, I don't care what Smurf wants."
They spent the whole morning like that, him holding her, comforting her, promising he wasn't going anywhere. She seemed to need him as close to her as physically possible, and he wasn't complaining. It was rare for her to be so clingy with him, but he didn't mind. He understood the need to feel safe.
It was around a week later that she finally started to feel like herself again. She hadn't left the Cody house the whole time. Andrew had left, saying he had some things to take care of. But he promised to be back later. Deran had been around as much as he could, but she didn't blame him too much. She wasn't his responsibility, though most of the time he felt like she was.
She was in the house herself, alone with Smurf. A woman who seemed to hate her now more than ever. Though it never showed on her face, y/n knew not to trust the overly nice, maternal front she put up.
There was always a catch, so she was prepared by the time it was brought up.
"He doesn't love you, sweetie. He uses people to get what he wants. It's what he does."
She shook her head, trying not to let the words get to her. "You don't know anything."
"I know my son. He doesn't care about you. He likes the sex and the attention, and your complete dependence on him."
"That's not true. You'll do anything to get to him because you know you can't control him anymore."
She chuckled. "Is that what he told you? You're such a sweet, naive little girl. You don't believe him, do you?".
"Yes."
"Honey, look at your face. Is it really worth all that?".
"Stop it, Smurf. There's nothing you can say to me that'll make me believe you."
Her eyes turned ice cold so fast, it was almost like she'd imagined it. "I want you out of my house. And stay away from my sons. They can't keep you safe from me forever. One day, they'll leave you high and dry without hesitation. And you'll only have yourself to blame. Don't say I didn't warn you, little girl."
On her way out the front gates, she bumped into Deran. He frowned, seeing the tears in her eyes.
"Hey, what's going on?".
"I'm done. I can't do this anymore."
"Woah. Hey, hold on a second. What happened?".
"Smurf." She sniffled.
He sighed. "Y/n, whatever she said, you know you can't let it get to you."
"I know! That's the problem."
She huffed, wiping her cheeks. "You're my best friend, Deran. And I love you, but you're the worst thing that's ever happened to me."
Her words stung, but he nodded. "Would you believe that's not the first time someone's said that to me?".
"I... I'm going home. Can you just- tell Andrew I'm sorry. But I can't do this anymore."
He understood, though he knew his brother would probably flip out at him for letting her walk out of those gates. But clearly, there was nothing he could say to stop her.
Turns out he was right.
Deran was still at the house when Pope got back.
"Where's y/n? She's not answering her phone."
"Uh... she took off, man."
He paused. "What do you mean?".
"She left. Said she was done."
"And you didn't stop her?".
He shrugged. "I tried. She seemed pretty set on leaving. I can't really blame her, you know. With all our bullshit."
"No. She can't just-".
"Pope, she said she's done."
"The fuck she is."
Deran sighed, watching him run out the front door.
_
Y/n had grabbed a suitcase and a travel bag, starting to pack up some clothes that would last her a couple of weeks at least. She was trying not to think about how it was tearing her heart into pieces, leaving Andrew like this. But she never would've been able to do it in person.
She paused when there was a knock at her door.
At first, she didn't move to answer it. But then there was another knock and she sighed.
She opened the door, but not fully. The chain above the lock was still latched.
Andrew sighed softly. "Can I come in?".
His heart hurt seeing the hesitation on her face. "C'mon, sweet girl. We have to talk."
She sighed, shutting the door to undo the chain. Then she opened it to let him in.
He stood in her living room, tilting his head. "You think you can just leave like that and I wouldn't have a problem with it?".
"Leaving is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, Andrew."
"Then don't."
"I have to."
"Why? What happened, baby?".
"I just can't take it anymore."
It seemed to click for him then, and despite his heart racing in his chest at the thought of losing her, he knew he had to tread lightly.
"Where will you go?".
She shrugged. "My parents, I think. At least for a while, then I'll figure it out."
He nodded once, staring at the floor for a long moment. "Deran told me. What did Smurf tell you?".
"Does it really matter?".
"Well, whatever it was, you know not to-".
"I know that!".
He was taken aback by her outburst.
"That's why I'm leaving, Pope-".
The two of them froze. Even she seemed shocked at what she'd just said.
The name left a bad taste in her mouth.
She blinked. "I... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-".
He moved closer to her, his own eyes getting misty. "Y/n, say anything you want to me. But please don't call me that. Not you."
Tears filled her eyes, taking a shaky breath. "I... I've been around your family since I was fifteen. And my life hasn't been the same. I'm scared, all the time because I don't know if it'll be someone who hates you that'll hurt me or someone your mom hired to kill me because she doesn't like anyone who cares about her sons more than she does. I hate being a part of it, even if I'm not directly involved. I hate that house, I hate what you do and I hate that I know everything. I hate knowing you have a gun in your car right now. I love you, Andrew. I really do. But I cannot do this anymore."
She was fully crying now. Andrew's expression fell, then he moved to pull her into his arms. She didn't reject it, so his grip on her tightened, pulling her as close as he possibly could.
He rubbed her back, quietly hushing her as she cried.
When her cries reduced to sniffles, he pulled back. His eyes were red underneath, stinging with unshed tears. "Please, don't."
"What?".
"Don't leave me."
Her bottom lip wobbled, hands trembling despite her best efforts to stop. She froze as he slowly knelt on the floor at her feet.
"What are you doing?".
"I can't lose you." A tear slipped down his cheek. "Please, I can't."
"Andrew-".
"I love you. Stay with me, I don't want you to leave."
She took a shaky breath.
"I need you. Please stay."
"I love you too."
"Then stay with me."
"I... I can't."
"Yes, you can." He looked up at her, the dim lights catching the tears wetting his cheeks. His eyes were soft, pleading with her.
She sighed. "Can I ask you something?".
"Anything."
"Do you love me enough to leave her?".
Her being Smurf. He knew that.
His nod came without hesitation. "Yes. I'll do anything."
"Really?". She was unsure, but he was quick to reassure her.
"I'll leave it all if that's what you want. I'm about to throw that gun in the fucking ocean. But please, just don't go."
She paused. "Okay."
"Okay?".
She nodded. "I won't leave."
He quickly stood back up, pulling her close again before crashing his lips into hers. She chuckled at his enthusiasm. The kiss was not soft or slow. It was messy and desperate, teeth clashing occasionally. But neither of them cared.
The sound of her laugh seemed to put him at ease, pulling him back down to earth.
"Don't ever scare me like that again."
She smiled slightly, running her thumb along his jawline. "I love you."
"I love you too. So much."
Pulling away, he took her hand and gently tugged her forward to get her to follow him. "Come on."
"Where are we going?".
"You said you wanted it gone. It's going."
He led her outside and he went into his car, reaching under the seat to grab the gun there.
He smiled at her, easing the slight unease on her face. He kept the gun by his side, away from her. Then motioned for her to follow him.
They went down to the beach and y/n stood back, watching as Andrew threw the gun as far as he could into the ocean, disappearing under the surface with the weight.
Then he stepped back, and put his arm around her waist and pressed his lips against her forehead.
"I would have done that ages ago if I had known that's what you wanted."
Description: Jack is flabbergasted to learn his girlfriend has never received flowers from a romantic partner before.
Warnings: Fluff with a little bit of angst sprinkled throughout. Details of a panic attack. Use of y/n and she/her
Notes: I just started thinking about how Jack would be the kind of person to buy his partner flowers without thinking about it. He'd be absolutely pissed to learn he's the first one to do so. We love mature and respectful men around here :)
______
The knock on her door instantly brought a smile to her face, despite how early it was. She knew who it was. Getting up from the couch, she paused the movie she was watching and went over to the door. Opening it, she found her boyfriend standing on the other side.
He gave her a soft smile, although she noticed how tired he looked. The kind that settled deep in your bones. He'd just finished a night shift, yet the first thing he did after was come and see her.
"Hey."
"Hi."
Moving aside, she let him in and he tugged her into his side for a hug and he kissed her head while shutting the door behind him.
"How was your shift?".
He shook his head. "Tell you later. Jus' let me hold you."
"Okay." It was then she heard a crinkling of plastic and looked down to see he had flowers in his other hand.
She tilted her head. "What's that?".
"Oh." He paused. "These?". Holding them up, he showed her the pretty bouquet of pink, yellow and white flowers.
She was confused. "What for?".
"No reason. Just saw them and thought of you."
"Wait... they're for me?".
He raised an eyebrow. "Of course, they are. Who else, sweetheart?".
"Oh." She breathed out. "Thank you."
He smiled, amused. "Why do you look confused?".
"I don't know. Sorry, I guess I just wasn't expecting it. Thank you."
Taking the flowers from him, she brought them to the kitchen and got a vase. Jack followed behind her, a slight limp in his walk. Y/n lifted her head, taking notice of it.
"Why don't you sit down, Jack?".
He shrugged, taking a seat at the kitchen counter opposite her. "I'm fine."
She pursed her lips. He hid it well, the aches in his stump from walking around on his prosthesis all day and night. Most of the time he seemed to handle it, but when she noticed it taking a toll on him, it always made her feel awful for not seeing it sooner.
She put the flowers into the vase with some water and put it on the counter. "They're beautiful, Jack. Thank you."
His head tilted to the side. "Why do you keep doing that?".
"What?".
"Thanking me. You're my girlfriend, I'm gonna get you flowers."
She shrugged. "Well, I don't know. No one's given me flowers before."
His eyebrows shot up. "Sorry?".
"I mean, apart from friends and family for like birthdays and stuff. But... I've never gotten flowers from a partner before."
He looked utterly baffled. "You've got to be kidding me."
She shook her head. "In their defence, I never really liked flowers."
"That's not a defence! It shouldn't matter. You do like flowers because when I gave you those your eyes lit up. It's a shitty excuse."
Her expression softened, rounding the counter to stand in front of him. "Jack-".
"No, honey. I won't accept that."
"What'd you expect? You treat me better than anyone I've ever dated before."
He frowned, pulling her into him and having her stand in between his thighs.
"Hey." Her voice gentled, finger tracing his stubbly jawline. "It's okay."
Despite himself, he turned his head to kiss the inside of her wrist. "You deserve better."
Leaning closer to him, her hands rested on his thighs loosely. "It's only flowers, Jack. It's not a big deal."
His expression softened like her words devastated him. "You don't get it, do you?".
"What?".
"It's not about the flowers. It's more than that."
Her head tilted slightly, fingers carding through the material of his scrubs that he was still wearing.
"I'm not sure I understand."
He frowned. "Sweetheart, this is kinda basic stuff. You're telling me no one has done the bare minimum?".
She shrugged. "Can I be honest?".
"Yeah."
"Sometimes it's overwhelming when you take care of me. Like when you do things for me, it takes a minute to get used to."
He straightened, eyes softening as he looked at her. "Flowers are overwhelming?".
"Well... no. It's more the act of getting them for me. I guess I just don't really understand why."
"Okay." He sighed. "Let me explain something; I don't get you things with the expectation of something in return. Most of the time, when I'm buying you something I don't think about it. Not because it doesn't matter, but because you matter more to me. And it's the little things, like getting you flowers after a shift, that's one of the ways I like to show you that."
"Show me what?".
"That I care about you. I was thinking about you and that I love you."
"But I already know you do."
He chuckled. "What's the point in me saying it if I can't back it up, hm?".
She shrugged. "That makes sense."
Tugging on her wrists, he brought her closer to him and her hands came up to rest on his biceps. He just pressed his lips against her forehead.
"You're touchy this morning."
"Just missed you." He then kissed her cheek and then her jawline, under her eye, corner of her lips and everywhere on her face until she was giggling and trying to pull away.
"Jack, stop." Her attempt to stop him was futile as she only swatted at his chest lightly. But he chuckled, stopping anyway because she told him to. His hand caught hers before she could pull it away, though.
"Come on."
"Where are we going?".
"The couch. I want to cuddle."
He smiled, letting her pull him up. "Yes ma'am."
She helped him take off his prosthetic leg, then set it to the side as he made himself comfortable on the couch. He tugged her hand, making her let out a yelp as she fell on top of him, laughing.
"Jack!".
"What?". He hums innocently. She rolled her eyes playfully before settling into his side with a sigh. His arm wrapped around her as she rested her head on his chest.
"So, what do I do for you?".
"What?".
"Well, you said you do things for me to show me that you love me. But I don't think I do the same for you."
"Oh, honey. You do plenty for me."
"Yeah? Like what?".
He hums in thought. "Hm... you notice when my leg is bothering me, and learned everything you could about taking care of it so you could help me. You always try to wait up for me after shifts even when I tell you to go to sleep. You wear my t-shirts and steal my only hoodie all the time, I know it's because they smell like me. You're there with me through the nightmares and PTSD shit, which you don't have to deal with. But you do anyway. I know you love me because you show it in big ways."
"And that's not a bad thing?".
"No, it's just... different. Good different. It's nice to be loved by you, sweetheart. Those assholes who didn't get you flowers are missing out tremendously."
His words flustered her and she quietened. "Oh." She didn't even realise she did most of those things. She just did them, and suddenly it started to make sense to her.
He seemed to notice the moment it clicked for her and he smiled. "Understand now?".
"I think so." She muttered.
_
The conversation didn't stop there. It wasn't that easy. But Jack didn't mind. He'd have the same conversation with her a hundred times if that's what it took for her to understand. It was her first time in a mature relationship with someone who treated her right. He couldn't blame her too much.
Every time he offered to do something for her, and she had to question it, he just reminded her of the flowers. And it seemed to settle her, at least until the analogy stopped working for some things.
Buying her lunch, calling her on shift when he had the chance, letting her have the last of any food they shared, bookmarking the page of the book she was reading after falling asleep, going along with whatever random hobby she picked up at 3am when she couldn't sleep. Those were all things she thought were equivalent to the flowers.
But him giving her his old dog tags was not the same thing, she was sure.
He had something in his closed hand, joining her on the couch where he had told her to wait.
"What's that?".
"Hold out your hand."
She pursed her lips, but did as told and he put something metal and cool in her palm, closing her fingers around the object. It felt like a chain that you'd wear around your neck.
When she opened her hand, the cold metal chain had two silver tags attached to it. Both engraved with his first and last name, service number and blood type.
Confused, she looked back at him. "These are your dog tags."
"Mhm." He hums. "I want you to have them."
The words left his lips and they made her heart freeze. "W-What?".
He smiled slightly. "You can have them. Wear it around your neck or keep it in your pocket, whatever you want. But... they're yours now."
"Jack, I can't take these."
"Sure you can."
"No. I... I can't. I'll lose them, or something."
He shrugged. "I don't care if you do. But I wanted to give you something a little more permanent than flowers."
He nodded at the flowers that were on the counter, already wilting after he'd just bought them a few days ago.
She sighed. "I probably should've warned you that I don't know how to look after flowers."
He chuckled, bringing her closer to him so he could kiss her head. "I noticed. Why do you think new ones keep appearing every couple of days?".
She shrugged. "Just thought I was that good at it."
He smiled in amusement, shaking his head as she giggled at herself.
"So, if flowers mean you love me, what do these mean?".
"Honey, what do you think they mean?".
She hums, letting the chain run through her fingers.
"I don't know. You think I'm pretty cool?".
"Sure." He mumbled. "Yeah, that's exactly it."
She smiled, knowing he was teasing. "Just tell me, Jack."
"It means I'm yours." He leaned back into the couch, bringing her with him and letting her lean against him. "I know that you worry about me with the whole SWAT thing. And you miss me when I'm working nights at the e.d. So... it's a reminder that I'll come back to you."
She blinked. "This is not the same as flowers."
"No." He shook his head. "It's not."
"But I don't have anything to give to you."
His expression softened immediately. "I don't need anything from you, sweetheart."
She frowned. "What if you need to know I love you?".
"I know you love me. Trust me, I know. I don't need something to remind me of that."
"You don't?".
He nodded, nuzzling into the side of her neck. "I promise. I don't give you things expecting anything in return. Remember?".
"I know. It just feels like this time I should."
With a sigh, he looked up at her. "The only thing I'm after is this."
His finger gently prodded at her chest, making her look down with a raised eyebrow. "My boob?".
"Jesus christ." He breathed out. "Your heart, y/n."
"I know." She giggled. "I was just kidding."
He rolled his eyes. "Give me those tags back."
"No, they're mine now."
His hazel eyes shone with utter adoration as he looked up at her, sure now more than ever that he loved her with everything he had.
"Yeah, they are." He sighed.
_
This was exactly why she knew he shouldn't have given them to her. She'd had the chain around her neck for a little over three months. And now her heart was in her throat because she had basically torn her whole apartment apart. She'd looked everywhere. The couch cushions were on the floor, drawers were left fully open, her kitchen and bedroom were an absolute wreck. It looked like a tornado had passed through.
She'd misplaced Jack's tags and now she couldn't find them. Her brain was working overtime, trying to retrace her steps and think where she had them last. Her palms were sweaty, hands trembling with nerves. Her breathing had even started to pick up, not that she noticed.
By the time Jack came over, she was sitting on the floor in the middle of it all, attempting to hold back sobs. She heard the door click open and her body froze.
"Y/n? Hey, honey. I-".
He came into her apartment, slowing to a stop, voice trailing off as he took in the sight before him.
"What the hell happened in here?".
Her eyes caught sight of the flower bouquet in his left hand, wrapped in light pink tissue paper. And she started sobbing.
Jack, startled by her outburst, put the flowers down and quickly made his way over to her through the obstacle course that was her living room and knelt in front of her.
"Hey, hey. What's the matter, sweet girl? What happened?".
"I'm sorry! I... I looked e-everywhere and I don't know where they are. I'm sorry, Jack. I'm so sorry."
She spoke through gasps that were making her breathing worse.
"Okay, okay." His voice softened. "Shh, let's take some breaths. Yeah?".
"I... I can't."
"You can. Look at me, just watch me."
He took an exaggerated breath, encouraging her to do the same. "In."
He held it for a few seconds, then breathed out. "Out."
"Come on, sweetheart. I need you to try for me."
Her hands trembled, finding his forearms as she tried to catch her breath. It was hard with the lump in her throat and the hot tears streaming down her cheeks.
"Here we go. Try again." His voice gentled, soothing enough for her to hold on to.
He repeated the steps, getting her to do it with him. Hers came out shaky and uneven, but he accepted it.
"That's it, good job. Just like that. You're okay."
They did it over and over again, him coaching her through it until she could breathe easier. When she finally settled enough, he gave her a soft smile and wiped her tears with his thumbs.
"Hi."
"Hi." Her voice cracked.
"What happened, baby? Talk to me."
She sniffled. "I lost them."
"Lost what?".
"I don't know where they are. I'm so sorry."
"Shh, you're okay. What have you lost, honey?".
"Your tags. I can't find them anywhere." She hiccuped.
His expression softened. "Oh... y/n, come here, sweetheart."
Pulling her into his arms, he held her against his chest as she cried a little more. "Please don't be mad."
"Hey, hey. It's okay. I'm not... it's alright."
"Why not?".
"Shit, I'm so sorry, honey."
She frowned. "What?".
He looked fully guilty as he reached into his pocket and brought out something silver and metal to show her.
"It's my fault. I should've told you I was taking them to get cleaned. I didn't think it would take long."
The chain he held in his hand had two tags attached to it, now more shiny and cleaner than the last time she saw it.
Her jaw dropped. "You had it?".
"Yes." He winced. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to panic you."
She sighed in relief, taking the chain after he gave it back to her. "Thank god. I thought I was gonna have to start selling body parts to get you new tags."
He chuckled softly, pulling her closer to him and kissing her head. "No, no. It's okay, I promise."
His hands came up to her cheeks, gently making her look at him. "Hey, please don't ever worry about losing them. I never want you to be that afraid to tell me anything, okay? I can always get new tags, even if you did lose them."
She sighed, looking around at her bomb site of an apartment. "I guess I did go a little overboard."
He smiled softly. "Want me to help you clean up?".
"Yes please." She mumbled quietly, making him give her one last squeeze before attempting to get up.
"Oh, honey?".
"Yeah?".
"Next time you have a panic attack, try not to make me get on my knees." He groaned, making her giggle as she watched him use his good leg to hoist himself up. He glared at her playfully before offering a hand to help her up.
Before they started to put her apartment back together, he grabbed the flowers he had brought for her and gave them to her.
"These are for you."
She smiled slightly, almost sheepishly. "I keep killing them, Jack. When are you going to stop getting me flowers?".
He leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. "I'll give you one guess."
I find it so fascinating that we, as a community, have collectively agreed that Jack Abbot and Pope Cody are both girl dads even though Shawn Hatosy himself is a boy dad
Description: Y/n doesn't often wear dresses, but she decides to wear one to a house party for a change. And apparently it wasn't just Pope's attention she had.
Warnings: Mentions of alcohol consumption, drug use and sex references. Brief sexual harassment. Slight spoilers for season 2 onwards. Use of y/n and she/her. Pope punches a guy in the face. Also Pope is down bad because I said so.
Notes: So, this is my first Pope Cody fic. I hope you like it. I haven't finished watching Animal Kingdom yet, so forgive me if it's out of character for him :)
______
It wasn't the first time she'd grabbed his hand, wanting him to follow her somewhere. And it wouldn't be the last, he was sure.
That pretty smile of hers made him weak.
With no immediate response from him, she gently tugged on his arm.
"What?".
"Come on. I wanna show you something."
His sigh was quiet, barely noticeable. "Last time you said that I got stuck in a big hole in the ground."
Her giggle reverberated off his chest and settled somewhere deep inside him.
"Please, Andrew? I promise it's nothing bad."
He folded like a house of cards, it was enraging to him how fast he caved. But she made him weak.
"Fine."
He let her drag him through the house to his bedroom. He was confused, but didn't question yet.
"Wait there." She said, patting his clothed chest twice before going into the ensuite and locking the door.
Pope stood there, looking back at his door like he was wondering what just happened. He said nothing, clenching and unclenching his fingers.
After a few minutes, she came back out. Only now she was wearing a different outfit. Not only that, something he'd never seen her wear before.
She smiled slightly, twirling a little. "What do you think?".
He said nothing, just stared at her.
She was wearing a short black dress that stopped just above the knee. A loose material that hugged her figure perfectly, accentuating her pretty features. She had a little bit of cleavage showing, something he had to quickly avert his gaze away from. Black, almost see-through tights covered her legs, drawing his attention to her soft thighs, followed by a pair of ankle boots on her feet.
The longer he let the silence stretch, the more she fidgeted with her fingers.
"You don't like it?".
He cleared his throat. "No, I... I do. I like it."
She sighed. "I know it's different. I just thought I'd try something new. See if I like it."
His head tilted slightly. "Do you?".
She shrugged, playing with the hem. "I don't know."
Pope approached her slowly, then his hands found her hips. His hazel eyes almost looked brown in the dim lighting.
"It has pockets." She showed him by putting her hands in them. He looked in between them, the corner of his lips twitching with a hint of amusement. Not exactly a smile as such, but he seemed to relax a little. His shoulders loosened as his arms came up to circle her waist.
"Think I should wear it tonight?".
He nodded. "You should. It looks good on you."
"Really?".
"Yeah."
"Okay."
_
For whatever reason, Smurf had arranged a party. Though she was nowhere to be seen. It was a typical one for the Cody house. Loud music blasting. Drinking, smoking, people making out randomly. People jumping into the pool, drunk off their asses.
Y/n had never been a fan of them. Neither was Pope.
She didn't drink alcohol and she didn't smoke or take drugs. Which was a common combination here, made people give her weird looks and question her whenever she said it. Made her feel weird for not doing those things.
The only reason she knew the Cody's at all was because her father had business with Smurf. He wasn't a nice person, though his reputation protected her.
She got close with Andrew. And being close to him kept her safe. Neither of them even brought it up, it just sort of happened and they got comfortable. He would often come to see her at her house, it was like a safe haven there. Most of the time it was after jobs to decompress. She calmed him down. And eventually it turned into more than that. He was as close to a boyfriend she could get without calling him that.
He was good to her. He was quiet and reserved, had a staring problem which was off putting to most people. Not her. She got used to it. But nobody else saw the side of him that she saw. He was gentle and noticed things. He opened doors and gave her his jacket when she was cold. Fixes her piece of shit car and keeps offering to buy her a new one. He helps her plant flowers in her garden.
He was soft when it came to her and it made her feel special. She wasn't afraid of him. She knew of the things he had done, the people he had hurt. She only had one question.
"Would you ever hurt me?".
"Never."
This party already exhausted her. The base of the music thumped in her ears. The smoke filled air gave her a slight headache. But she pushed through it.
Outside at the fire pit, she found Andrew sitting with his brothers, Craig and Deran. She liked them. She didn't like Baz when he was alive. As she made her way over to them, she felt eyes on her. Not just one or two people, it felt like everyone was staring at her.
It just made her want to lock herself in Pope's bedroom and hide in there the whole night.
She was suddenly all too aware of how much skin she was showing. She could practically feel men around her undressing her with their eyes.
It wasn't exactly an uncommon occurance, but normally she was just wearing a hoodie and shorts. Not this.
She made it over to Pope, greeting his brothers politely.
"Hey, guys."
Deran raised his beer at her, nodding.
Craig noticed what she was wearing and whistled. "Damn, sweetheart. Didn't know you cleaned up like that."
She smiled bashfully. "Neither did I."
Pope didn't say anything, but his hand reached out for hers and he pulled her down to sit in his lap. There were only three seats and all of them were occupied, so it was an easy solution.
It felt right. The way she just fit against him. She curled up, shifting to sit more comfortably and then put her arm around his shoulders to keep her balance, though his grip on her helped with that.
"You okay?". He muttered.
She nodded. "Yeah."
He stroked her arm with his hand. "Tired?".
"A little."
"You can go to my room. Get some sleep. It's quiet in there."
She hums, shaking her head. "No, it's okay. I'll stay here."
He noticed the looks she was getting. Of course he did. He'd been watching her all night (mostly because he couldn't look away). That meant he saw other men looking at her, hungrily and pathetically desperate. Part of him felt smug that she was his and none of them could have her even if they dared to try.
But there was a bigger part of him that wanted to put a bullet in anyone who looked in her direction.
The staring he could deal with. It was to be expected sometimes. She was a pretty girl. But she was his pretty girl. It was the specific way they were eyeing her. Naively thinking they had a chance. Pope knew what they were thinking, and thus knew that y/n wasn't always the best when it came to reading men's intentions.
It was why he got her to sit in his lap. So that anyone walking by would see her there with him, and perhaps subtly (and quickly) learn she was off limits.
He was barely listening to her conversation with his brothers. Occasionally he tuned in, but mostly he just glared at anyone who looked at her too long.
He wasn't drinking tonight. He never did when she was around, knowing she didn't like it. She thought it was sweet.
She tapped his forearm to loosen his grip on her. He didn't at first. "Where are you going?".
"Bathroom."
"Oh." Letting her go, she giggled as she stood up. "I'll be back in a minute."
"Okay."
As she walked away, she heard Craig say to Pope, "Dude, you are whipped."
For some reason it made her smile. She didn't hear him deny it.
Not paying attention, she accidentally bumped into someone.
"Oh, I'm sorry."
"Hey, watch it- oh."
The guy was all skin and bone. Short, dark blond hair and pretty blue eyes. He had his shirt off and she could see he was toned, but not what she would consider muscular. Just enough to be noticeable, but not enough to impress. That part was important.
He had a charming smile. "No, I'm sorry. I didn't see you there. Are you alright?".
She nodded. "No harm done."
She didn't recognise him. In fact, she didn't know anyone at this party. She assumed it was a friend of the boys' so she was polite. Any friend of theirs was a friend of hers, right?
"So, I've never seen you around before."
"Well, I don't often come to these parties."
"That's a shame. I would've liked to meet you sooner."
"Why?".
"Are you kidding? You're gorgeous, let me get you a drink."
"Oh, uh... no, thank you. I'm okay. Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom."
Stepping around him, she quickly darted into the house. Not that it was much quieter in there.
She just went to the bathroom in Andrew's room. He was right, it was quiet in there. It was probably the only unoccupied room left in this place. So, when she was done in there she sat on his bed for a few minutes.
She didn't even remember falling asleep.
About an hour later, she woke up to someone brushing her hair out of her face. She flinched a little in a moment of panic.
"Shh, it's okay. It's just me."
She visibly relaxed and sighed, rolling over to look up at him. Andrew was sitting at the edge of the bed, body twisted so he was facing her.
"Is it over yet?".
He shook his head. "No. You were gone for over an hour, I came looking for you."
"I'm sorry." Sitting up, she moved to be closer to him. Leaning into his side, she rested her head on his shoulder.
"S'okay. I told you, it's quiet in here."
She nodded. "People keep staring at me."
He looked down at her. "I know."
"I don't like it."
He hums, running his hand up and down her back. "They're only lookin' cause they know they can't have you."
"Do they?". She frowned.
"They'd be stupid to try anything."
"Most of them are drunk or on drugs or both, Andrew. We don't know what they're thinking."
"I know what they're thinking." He sighed. "And I won't let them do anything to you."
"I'm scared."
"Hey." He gently made her look at him. "I will kick everyone out of here right now if you want me to."
She sighed. "No. It's okay. I just...".
"What?".
"I hate parties."
He smiled slightly. "Me too."
"Hey, you can smile."
He rolled his eyes. "Don't go around tellin' people that."
She giggled softly. "What if I do? What are you gonna do about it?".
He looked at her for a long moment without saying anything.
Then, "Nothing."
He leaned in and pressed his lips against hers, surprisingly passionate. Like he couldn't help himself and she wasn't one to complain. He kissed her slow, taking his time. They'd kissed a few times, never like this, though.
When he felt her kiss him back, he nudged her back until she was lying down. He hovered over her, arms tightening around her.
"Andrew." She whispered, out of breath.
"M'sorry sweetheart. You just look so good."
She smiled up at him, stroking his jaw with her thumb. "You know you don't have to apologise for kissing me."
"Fuck." He cursed, dragging a hand down his face as he laid on his back.
He was so weak.
Her finger ran down the bone of his forearm, tracing his freckles. It was soothing and he turned his head back to look at her. His eyes softened immediately.
"Andrew, you won't hurt me. I'm not afraid of you."
He groaned. "Don't say that."
"Why not?".
"You make me weak, do you know that? If you say things like that I'll do anything you want."
"Anything?".
"Anything." He was serious.
She chuckled. "Is that a bad thing?".
"Sometimes it's a terrible thing." He muttered, a quiet huff leaving his lips. She smiled. "I don't think you mind."
"Yeah?".
She hummed as he stared at her. "I don't hear you complaining about it."
"M'not."
"Then kiss me again."
"No."
"Why not?" She pouted.
"Because if I do, I won't stop." Sitting up, he got up from the bed, avoiding digging himself into a deeper hole.
She just giggled, watching him leave.
For a man who claimed to not have much romantic experience, he sure had her feeling things.
It was later in the night. The sky dark, air slightly cooler. She didn't know what time it was exactly, it seemed like this party would never end. People were rowdier and louder, more drunk and off their heads. Some people were fully having sex in bedrooms, bathrooms, even on the floor in some places. Not a care in the world who saw them.
And worst of all, the staring was worse. Men were getting bolder, starting to approach her, trying to drunkenly flirt. She could handle it so far.
But at some point in the night, she lost Pope. She didn't know where he was, which sent her heart thumping a little faster. There was no way he'd just leave her here, so she knew he couldn't be far. It just had her slightly on edge.
She was walking through the kitchen when someone blocked her path.
"Hey."
It was the same guy from earlier.
More drunk. Definitely bolder.
"Hi." She said politely.
"Where you going?".
"Uh... nowhere."
"Ha, that's what I thought. You've been avoiding me. There's no need to be shy, gorgeous."
She frowned, noticing the way he was looking at her.
"Wanna make out?".
"I don't think so."
"Oh, come on. It's just fun."
"I have a boyfriend."
"He doesn't need to know, baby."
Now she was scared. She was almost backed into a corner, she hadn't even noticed. He took her silence as acceptance and moved closer, hand coming up to her chest.
"Hey!".
The two of them jumped as he was ripped away from her. She sighed in relief, seeing Deran standing there.
"Get off her, man. She said no."
The guy had the nerve to argue.
Deran stood his ground, though. "Look, I'm doing you a favour, alright? If you know what's good for you, you'll get out of here and leave her the fuck alone. Trust me, you're lucky it was me that caught you and not her boyfriend."
He shoved him back. "Go, now."
The guy was reluctant, grumbling a few choice words. But he walked away.
Deran looked at her. "You okay?".
"Yeah. Thank you."
He nodded. "No problem."
"Do you, uh... know where Andrew went?". She asked, rubbing her arm.
He smiled slightly, motioning for her to follow him. "C'mon, I'll help you find him."
"N-No. It's okay, just... if you see him, tell him I'll be in his room."
He seemed to hesitate, but nodded. "Alright."
Heading towards the back of the house, pushing her way through sweaty bodies she made it to his room and shut the door. Then she grabbed a hoodie and some shorts. Changing out of the dress, she put those on and sat on the bed as tears filled her eyes. None fell, but she could feel her eyes stinging.
Taking a deep breath, she managed to get it together and got up.
But when she opened the door, she was met with Pope coming in.
She paused.
He paused.
He took in what she was wearing, then his eyes flicked up to her face. Noticing the red rims under her eyes, he tensed up.
"What happened?".
"Nothing."
He caught her wrist, stopping her from getting past him. "You've been crying."
"No."
"Don't lie to me."
"It's nothing, Andrew. Just leave it."
He frowned. "Why did you change?".
She shrugged. "Got tired of being stared at."
He blinked, eyes narrowing slightly. "Tell me what happened, baby."
"You weren't there." She huffed. "That's what happened. Where were you?".
"I-". He went to say something, to tell the truth. But then it hit him and his whole expression shifted. Darkened.
"Who?".
She frowned. "What?".
"I want a name, now. Who touched you?".
"Andrew-".
"Y/n, tell me what happened or I'll find out myself."
She sighed, knowing there was no way out of this. "I... I don't know his name, okay? I just bumped into him earlier, I didn't mean to."
"Did he touch you?".
"Tried to. He cornered me, but Deran pulled him away from me. It's fine now."
"It's not fine." He spat, glaring at the floor. He was pissed, and she knew it wasn't aimed at her.
He took her hand, gently despite the anger coursing through him. "Come on. Let's take a walk."
"Where are we going?".
He didn't answer, but she followed him anyway. He led her through the house, pausing every few minutes or so, asking if she could see him.
"See him anywhere, sweetheart?".
She shook her head, though when they got outside and stood by the poolside, her eyes trailed over to the skinny blond man who was still stumbling over his feet and drunkenly slurring through sentences.
Andrew followed her gaze. "That him?".
"Andrew, don't-".
"Jus' gonna talk to him, baby. That's all. Stay here."
She sighed. It was useless trying to stop him now.
Pursing her lips, she watched him walk over to him. Deran sidled up beside her, taking a sip from his beer.
"This'll be fun."
When he was close enough, Andrew punched him in the face. Hard enough to knock him back.
"What the fuck, man!".
"Shut the fuck up and listen carefully."
That seemed to sober him up, at least enough to realise who was talking to him. His eyes widened, face paling.
"You think it's fun to touch up girls who don't know you?".
"W-What? No."
"No? That's not what my girl told me."
Pope nodded in her direction and the guy's face dropped so fast it was almost funny.
By that point, Craig had walked over and was standing on the other side of her. "What's going on?".
"Shh." Deran held his hand up. "My favourite show is on. Poor guy's gonna piss himself."
"Oh, I... I didn't know, please don't hurt me."
"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't rip your lungs out." His grip tightened.
"Okay, okay. Wait, I... I'm sorry."
Andrew tilted his head, not letting go of him yet. "Here's what's gonna happen. I'll let you go, don't be stupid. If I ever see you here again, I'll get my gun. Got it?".
He nodded frantically. "Yes."
"Good."
Loosening his grip, he let go of him and nodded towards the gate. "Get the fuck out of my house."
The guy couldn't have ran out faster.
"As for the rest of you." Pope raised his voice, turning to the crowd that had gathered. "Eyes off my girl. And hands to yourself if you want to keep them attached."
He walked back over to her and his brothers, though he paid them no mind.
"Wear whatever the fuck you like, sweetheart. They won't be starin' now."
She smiled slightly. "Thank you."
She didn't put the dress back on, though. Just kept her hoodie on, it was colder now. She didn't want to stick around either, she just wanted to go home. And when she hugged him a little bit later, he knew.
"Can you take me home?".
He nodded.
When they got to her house, he walked her to the door and she invited him in, not wanting him to go.
He didn't particularly want to go either.
"Andrew."
"Hm?".
"Thank you."
"For what?".
Lifting her head off his shoulder, she picked up his hand and ran her thumb over his bruising knuckles. He winced a little.
"But you didn't have to punch him."
"Yes, I did."
She chuckled. "Okay, well... thank you for not... hurting him more then."
His eyes softened a little. "I promised you I wouldn't."
"I know. I'm just saying, I was worried for a second."
He kissed her head. "Well, I'm sorry if I don't like men staring at my girl."
"Wait... you were jealous?".
"No." He scoffed, like it was ridiculous. "You were scared. I was protecting you."
She giggled, kissing his cheek. "You're cute when you're jealous."
"Trust me, sweetheart. You don't want to see me jealous."
Never Craved Touch Til I Felt Yours - Jack Abbot x Reader
Description: Ending up in bed with her attending was one thing. It wasn't that, that had her heart racing the next morning. It was the sudden urge to get away from him. Old habits die hard, but Jack's not one to let go so easily.
Warnings: Sexual acitivities are implied, but no smut. Mentions of intimacy/touch issues. Use of y/n and she/her. Age gap present, but not specified. Y/n is a resident.
Notes: Nothing much to add except somehow writing about intimacy issues has kinda become somewhat of a specialty of mine (and apparently write it well enough), lol. I think Jack would be so sweet about it, though. Enjoy :)
________
Waking up was slow. She was warm and the bed had that specific comfort only reserved for mornings. Though she didn't have anywhere to be. It was her day off. It took a while for her to open her eyes. But when she did, they blinked open slowly. It was uncharacteristically dark for her bedroom. Normally light filtered in through the curtains one way or another. Still, she didn't question it in her tired, slightly fuzzy state. Perhaps it was cloudy outside or earlier than she thought.
But just as she went to close her eyes again, she felt movement beside her. And everything sort of hit her at once.
This wasn't her bedroom, nor her bed. The sheets smelled suspiciously like the man she had spent the night with.
She laid there, remembering how it felt to have his hands on her. The ghost of his gentle touches, soft kisses and whispered praises that quite frankly still had her reeling.
She was wearing his t-shirt because he had given it to her to sleep in. Such a gentleman.
What an asshole.
She sat up a little, rising to her elbow and looked beside her. Jack was still sleeping soundly, bare chest rising up and down with each steady breath. She hadn't strayed too far from him in sleep. She could feel the heat of him radiating under the covers.
She blinked, part of her hoping this was a dream. For a while, she just stared at him. Almost in disbelief. What happened last night certainly wasn't planned and she was under the impression that it was just a heat of the moment thing.
They were friends. More importantly, he was her attending.
It wasn't some drunken mistake, so she couldn't blame it on that. Both of them were sober and they both wanted it.
Intimacy had always been an issue for her. She wasn't the most experienced when it came to sex and relationships. It didn't come easy for her. And as much as she liked Jack, old habits died hard. And when the reality of what happened crashed into her, it was overwhelming. Not exactly regret, but there was this feeling of something like dread that washed over her and settled deep within her.
Her body reacted before her brain did, instinctively. Like a fight or flight response and she got out of the bed to try to find her clothes in the dark. Not an easy task, she discovered.
"What are you doing?".
She hadn't even noticed he was awake. She jumped a little, looking back at him as he switched his bedside lamp on.
"Oh." She muttered when she could see him properly. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. Go back to sleep."
He sat up, tired eyes moving over her like he was trying to figure something out.
"What are you doing?". He repeated, his tone a little softer than before.
"Uh...". She swallowed thickly, nervously. He noticed this and tilted his head.
"I was just gonna...". She motioned to the door, implying she was leaving.
"What?". That tone made her pause. He sounded a little hurt, making her furrow her eyebrows.
"Baby, what's going on?".
She froze a little at the pet name he used. "Don't... don't call me that."
Jack looked at her like he was observing a patient. He noticed her slightly laboured breathing and the way she kinda hadn't stopped moving even though she was standing still.
"Y/n." His voice gentled as he shifted on the bed, moving to sit at the end of it. "C'mere."
"I... I can't." She stepped back a little. He was kneeling at the foot of the bad, bearing most of his weight on his right leg.
"Please?". His hand reached out. She stared at it for a long moment, then took it. He guided her towards him, getting her to stand in front of him.
The hesitation was clear in her face.
"What's wrong?". He asked softly, squeezing her hand to soothe the shaking of her fingers. His thumb rubbed circles on the back of her hand.
It was almost too much, but she didn't pull away just yet.
"Jack, I can't stay."
He frowned.
"Why not?". His question was gentle. Not accusing. He just wanted to understand what she was thinking. She wasn't even sure herself.
Her eyes closed briefly as she tried to pull herself together. As he was waiting patiently, he brought her hand up to his lips and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. And that seemed to tip her over the edge.
She started to cry, hot tears flowing down her cheeks. Ones that she'd been holding back since he caught her trying to leave.
His expression fell. "Hey, hey."
She sniffled, trying to pull away from him. But he didn't let her.
"Jack, let me go."
"Can't do that, sweetheart. Need you to talk to me."
She sobbed, which made him pull her closer. Eventually she was sitting down, burying her face into his chest as she cried.
Once she calmed down a little, he made her look at him.
"Did I do something wrong? Please tell me if I did."
She shook her head. "It's not you."
He noticed that she was avoiding touching him as much as possible. Her hands at her sides, body faced away from him.
He then took his hands off her. "Y/n, is this... about last night?".
She sighed. "Not just that."
"You regret it?".
"No."
"Come on, honey. Help me out here. I can't read your mind, I need you to tell me what's going on."
She frowned, eyes stinging with unshed tears. "This shouldn't have happened, Jack."
He straightened, meeting her eyes. "Okay... yes, you're right. It shouldn't have. But it did. So how are you feeling about it?".
"Well, not great." Her voice wavered with nerves.
"Hey." He gently got her attention. "Easy. Take a breath for me."
She did as told, and it was quiet between them for a moment before he spoke up again.
"What are you nervous for, hm? Don't need to be nervous with me." He kissed her cheek, which made her flinch. He noticed. Of course he did. He froze and so did she.
Then he softened. Even more than before.
"Hey... it's okay."
Her hand was on his thigh and he noticed she was working herself into a pattern. Nothing remotely suggestive. He counted each tap of her fingers like it held the answer to what was wrong. Maybe it did. One, two, three. Then she'd stop. One, two, three, four. Then she'd stop and repeat. It was subconscious, she didn't even realise she was doing it.
"Talk to me, sweetheart. I can't help if you don't."
He brushed a strand of hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear. She sighed quietly.
"I panicked." She admitted. "I woke up, and I could just feel you. I could feel you breathing, the warmth of your body. You weren't touching me, but I could still feel your hands on me and you kissing me. And I...".
Her breath hitched a little. He tilted his head, not understanding yet but listening patiently.
"I don't like people touching me."
He frowned, but didn't say anything. Letting her talk through it.
"Last night, I liked you touching me. But that's different because I trust you and I wanted that. Now I... I'm stuck in this weird place where I want you to touch me. Not sexually. But I also would rather die."
His eyebrows rose as his lips pulled up into a barely there smirk. "You would rather die than let me touch you again?".
"Pretty much."
He chuckled softly, amused. But his hands stilled, respecting the boundary she had placed. "So... you were just going to leave without saying anything?".
She shrugged. "Well, it was just a heat of the moment thing. Right?".
He pursed his lips. "Not for me."
This alarmed her.
He sighed. "I'm sorry, y/n. I should've told you before. But I like you. I thought I made it pretty clear last night. It wasn't a heat of the moment thing for me."
"Oh...".
He tilted his head, waiting for some kind of reaction.
"I like you too, Jack."
"Really?".
She nodded. "But I'm not very good at this."
"At what?".
"Well...". She hesitated to touch him and sighed. Her hand had hovered over his arm briefly, only to take it back.
Jack blinked. "It's okay. You can touch me. I'm not gonna break, sweetheart."
She didn't initiate, so he reached over and put her hand on his forearm for her. Then he leaned forward a little to meet her eyes, giving her a soft, closed-mouth smile.
She tried to avoid his hazel gaze, but he was persistent. "Hey... just stay here with me for a second."
The two of them sat in comfortable silence for a long time. There were birds chirping outside. The blackout curtains blocked the sun completely, but some light peaked out at the edges. Only the bedside lamp served as the soft morning glow. It was still early, though she had no idea what time it was.
It was his lack of overreaction that calmed her down. The softness of the moment, the way he treated her with such care and respect.
This was a side of Jack she only had a glimpse of before. She knew it was there under the gruff exterior, effortless confidence and sarcastic comments he presented at the e.d.
His care was subtle. It didn't make her heart race or take her breath away. It just sat there beside her, steady until she could breathe again.
Now that she was seeing it firsthand, just for her it was soothing. Not scary. It was gentle. Not overwhelming. It was safe.
After a while, he spoke softly. "You okay?".
She nodded, wiping at tears that were no longer there.
"Still feel like leaving?".
"No." She mumbled.
"Good." His thumb rubbed circles on the inside of her wrist. "I'll make us breakfast then."
"Jack."
"Mhm?".
"What, uh... what happens now? Like do we just go back to work, or...".
He chuckled softly. "You think too much."
"That's easy for you to say. You can't get fired."
His shrug was too casual for her liking. "It's me that'll get in trouble, sweetheart. Not you."
She frowned. "I don't think that's as comforting as you meant it to be."
He sighed. "We'll figure it out. Don't worry, okay?
She pursed her lips, but agreed. "Alright."
_
While Jack was making breakfast, y/n stood behind him watching absently. She was still in the walkway that connected the kitchen and living area. It was open plan, so much space to move and yet she stayed in the same spot. Not even moving to sit on a stool.
She admired the black marble covered counters and the dark wood accents. It was a nice space, done up pretty much how she had imagined.
Not that she had thought about it, of course.
His apartment was nothing flashy, though it was evident he'd still spent some amount of money on it. If the huge flatscreen tv and black leather couch were anything to go by.
She had been so lost in thought she hadn't noticed Jack had moved and was now standing in front of her.
"Y/n?".
She jumped, blinking a few times.
"Hm?".
"Hey... there she is." He hums. "Been trying to get your attention for ten minutes."
"Oh... I'm sorry."
"It's okay. What were you thinking about?".
She shrugged, making him soften. "Are you sure you're okay?".
"Yeah. I guess my brain's still processing."
"You can come in, you know. I don't bite."
"That's not entirely true." She muttered to herself, not intending for him to hear it. In fact, she was meant to say it in her head.
But he turned back to look at her, lifting an eyebrow. "What?".
She felt a familiar heat spread throughout her chest and into the roots of her hair.
She swallowed thickly. "Uh...".
His lips curled into a little smirk that almost made her dizzy because she knew it meant he had heard what she said.
"I said you do bite."
"Only a little." He winked at her, making her roll her eyes.
As he turned back to the cooker, she did as told and came further into the kitchen, taking a seat on one of the stools. Her eyes wandered a little, travelling over the expanse of his shoulders and arms. The muscles in his bicep flexed slightly each time he lifted the pan.
The smell of eggs and bacon filled her senses. But she was just thinking about how those arms held her last night. And she had a sudden, unexplainable urge to feel it again. That wasn't something she could say out loud, though.
Was she even allowed to?
His humming brought her out of her daze before he could catch her blatantly staring at him. He brought a plate over to her and poured two glasses of orange juice, giving one to her.
"Thank you."
He nodded, smiling as he sat down beside her. They ate in relative silence. His knee occasionally bumped hers. By the third time, she was suspicious that it wasn't accidental. And she risked a glance at him. He was already looking at her.
She frowned, confused. "What?".
He chuckled, lifting her hand to kiss the back of it. She didn't flinch this time. "What possible reason could I have for staring at you, hm?".
He seemed amused at her still confused expression. "You're wearing my t-shirt, honey. It looks good on you."
"Oh." She paused, looking down at herself. It was just the plain black t-shirt she had slept in last night (that still smelled like him). "Thanks."
After breakfast, he did the dishes, dismissing her offer to do them. He told her to go sit on the couch.
She wandered over, but didn't sit as once again she got lost in thought. With a quiet sigh, she looked out of the window mindlessly. She kept thinking about it. She couldn't remember the last time she just wanted someone to hold her, if ever. She hated it with anyone else. It was the main reason her previous relationships never lasted long.
She didn't like the feeling of being pressed against someone. And nobody talked about how long it had to last, she couldn't spend hours cuddling. It was awkward, and what did people talk about? It never really made sense to her.
But then again, no one else had looked at her the way Jack did when she told him.
"Sweetheart."
She turned her head, meeting the concerned gaze of Jack Abbot. "Yeah?".
He sighed. "Come here. Sit down."
He took her by the hand and led her to the couch, gently nudging her until she was sitting. Then he sat in the coffee table in front of her, leaning forward to rest his arms on his knees.
For a few minutes, they just stayed like that.
Then he squeezed her hand, making sure he had her attention. "Y/n, last night... are you sure everything was consensual?".
"What? Yes, of course it was."
"And... everything felt good, right?".
She nodded. "Mhm."
"I didn't hurt you?".
She shook her head. "No."
"Was it-".
"Jack, everything's fine. I'm fine. What's with all the questions?".
"Well, I'm sorry. I'm just worried, you keep spacing out on me. If there's anything you're not telling me, I need to know."
"There's nothing wrong. I told you, it's not you."
"Then what is it?".
She sighed. "Would it be weird if I asked you to kiss me?".
He looked genuinely perplexed. "I think it would be weirder if you didn't."
"Jack, I'm serious."
"So am I." He chuckled, shifting a little closer.
"I just want to see something."
"Fine with me."
He pressed his lips against hers with a different energy to how he kissed last night, softly and unhurried. Not to say he wasn't that before, but now it was sweet and less passionate. Not until he felt her kiss him back. Only then did he moved closer and place his hand on her thigh. The other coming up to tuck her hair behind her ear, out of the way.
It only lasted a few seconds, but when he pulled away he rested his forehead against hers. "Find what you were looking for?".
Her fingers twitched, hesitant to touch him. "Maybe."
Pulling back, he tilted his head slightly. "Need a second opinion?".
Despite herself, she let out a soft laugh. "I don't know, Jack."
He smiled, moving to join her on the couch. Then he leaned in and kissed her again. She sighed into it, chills running down her spine and causing goosebumps to appear on her skin. This time, she didn't kiss him back, too in her head. She was busy trying to figure out what to do with her hands.
He didn't seem to mind.
But he stopped when he felt the slightest flinch from her when he touched her arm.
"Hey." His voice gentled. "You're okay, honey."
"I know." She sounded frustrated.
He gently guided her hand to his his clothed chest. She could feel the thrumming of his heart. It was beating a little fast, but not unsteady. It was comforting.
"Y/n, look at me."
She did as told, eyes flicking up to meet his. His thumb caught a stray tear falling down her cheek. "It's not a bad thing to want affection from me. It's okay to ask for it."
She sat up, a little frown pulling at her lips. "It is?".
"Of course it is, sweetheart. I wouldn't have had sex with you in the first place if I didn't expect it."
Her eyes closed briefly. "I didn't want to ask. I hate that I can't stop thinking about it."
"About what?".
"How badly I need you to hold me." She sniffled, wiping at her eyes.
His expression softened. "Hey, hey. It's okay. Come here."
She hesitated, but he pulled her closer to him and put his arms around her. Surprising both of them, she melted into him.
"I'm sorry." She cried.
"Shh." He stroked her hair, running his fingers through it. "Please don't be."
Once she had calmed down, she pulled back but he didn't let her go too far away. His thumb gently stroked her cheek, wiping away the sticky residue of her tears.
"Feel better?".
She nodded. "A little."
He smiled softly. "If I had known that's all you wanted, I would've done it sooner."
"Really?".
"All you had to do was ask."
After a few minutes, he took his prosthesis off and settled back into the couch, pulling her with him. He could still feel her hesitation. Her hands trembled slightly.
"Feel okay?".
She nodded, settling into his side and resting her head on his chest lightly. "Yeah."
"Let me know if it doesn't."
"Jack."
"Mhm?".
"What does one do when cuddling? You just lie here?".
He chuckled. "Pretty much."
"Sounds kinda boring."
"Well, it's not supposed to be stimulating." He took her hand and squeezed it gently. "S'posed to be soothing."
She giggled. "It kinda is."
He kissed her head, then sighed. "Good. Glad we're getting somewhere."
She nuzzled into him, craving his warmth. "How long can we stay like this?".
He shrugged. "I don't know about you, but I wasn't planning on going anywhere."
PSA to fic readers, it is so hard to freak a fic writer out with your comments. we are just as crazy about the fic as you are.
tell me you love it. tell me it made you slam your laptop shut. tell me you brought it up at your college lecture about kink. key smash in all caps. quote the passage that made you think. i promise, we’ll love it.
we spend hours thinking about it, writing it, editing it. there is no such thing as over enthusiasm when you’re talking about our fics to us. we are sooooo weird about them, i assure you. you are just matching my freak. the freak bar is already set so high. feel no anxiety about enjoying something and letting the creator know.
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