The search for kinks has only just begun as you and your best friend Harry officially cross...The Line.
...so what happens when it's over?
Word Count: 5.7k
*Contains Mature and Explicit Content. Take care of yourself first, only consume what you feel comfortable with!*
“Wait…wait.”
Harry stills, muscles tensing beneath your touch as you take hold of his face and guide his eyes to yours.
And you give him a moment to really see. To really understand what it is he’s agreed to.
No, you’re not exactly taking his virginity, but…that doesn’t make this any less real. Any less important, and more than anything…you want to take care of him.
“What?” he pants after a minute more of silence. He’s anxious. Terrified of why you’ve stopped him, and perhaps terrified that you’ve changed your mind. “What, Bee?”
You roll your lips into your mouth and squeeze your palms against his cheeks. “I just…I wanna do this right, I wanna…I wanna make sure this is what you want.”
His brows pull together as he hovers above you, knee still firmly pressed between your thighs as his hands hold him above your quivering frame. “How could I not want you?”
And it’s a sweet thought, but it certainly doesn’t answer your question. “Come on, you know what I mean—”
“No,” he interjects, rather aghast. “No, I don’t. How could you—look, I know this is…for science…or whatever, but I’m not here for the fucking fun of it. Okay, I’m here because…I meant what I said. It can’t be anybody else. It has to be you.”
It has to be you. The second time he’s said it, and your mind goes fuzzy.
You don’t want it to mean anything—it can’t mean anything. It can’t…but what if you wanted it to?
“Fine,” you agree, feigning confidence as you tilt your chin up. “But if you’re gonna fuck me…then fuck me. Do it right. Make it worth it—ruin me.”
You sit up just enough to tilt your head, drag your nails down his jaw, and ghost your lips over his.
“I know you can.”
When you finally kiss him, you feel him slip back into that possessive headspace you’re growing so accustomed to.
And it’s…
Everything.
He sucks on your tongue, takes hold of your hip to grind you down against his knee, and he savors. He savors each fucking second of you and your body and your willingness to be devoured.
He wants to devour you and you can’t fucking wait.
“How do you want it, hm?” he murmurs against your mouth, and your heart leaps into your throat. “How do you want me to fuck you? Just like this? Or do you want me to put you on your stomach? Take you from behind?”
Your cheeks flush at the tenacity in his voice. In the borderline possessive way he speaks, and you wonder how he’s so fucking good when he’s still so new to all this.
Perhaps he’s picked up a few things from porn, and while you’re almost amused, you’re mostly…grateful.
Because this Harry makes your stomach lurch, and your heart race, and your pussy flutter.
You shake your head, nose gently brushing back and forth against his as you do. “No. I’ve got a better idea.”
His brow cocks up as you place your hands on his chest and push him back.
You both straighten up into a sitting position before you give his chin a squeeze and nod toward the headboard.
“Go sit down for me, okay?” you instruct with a soft smile. “I’m gonna grab something.”
Curious but wildly intrigued, he nods faintly and retreats to the head of the bed.
And as he does, you slip off the mattress and make your way for the items beside his nightstand, rummaging through until you find what you’re looking for.
When you look back and meet his eye…your chest grows tight.
He’s mesmerized by you. So entranced by every move you make, and you’ll never be able to understand what his attention does to you. Why you feel so…worthy and important under his gaze.
His lashes flutter when he notices the object in your hand, that fervent hunger returning to his expression as you approach.
“What do you think?” you ask, kneeling beside his legs.
He almost smirks but seems to be too far gone in his fascination. “Yeah. For me or you?”
“You.” You move a bit closer. “If you’re okay with that.”
“Yes,” he breathes, head dropping back against the wall as he attempts to grab onto your body and bring you back to him. “Yeah. Whatever you wanna do, Bee. Trust you.”
Trust you. You feel somewhat relieved to know he’s still doing all right, and even more relieved to hear that he’s into it.
So, you nod your understanding, and unfurl the rope.
However, before you can go any further, you feel a firm squeeze to your side. “On one condition.”
You hesitate, lips parting as you wait for him to continue.
He then takes hold of your tank top and pinches the material tight between his fingers as he grins at you. “You have to take this off.”
With a snort, you swat his hands away to take hold of the hemline, peel it over your head, and toss it toward the floor.
And now…now…you’re completely naked to him.
You’d chosen to forgo a bra when getting dressed this morning. After all, it only would have slowed you down.
However, as his devious gaze falls down to your chest…you almost wish you would have brought one.
If for no other reason than to give him a reason to pluck it from your body.
“Shit,” he exhales, nearly inaudible to your ears, but you do catch it. The same way you catch his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows thickly.
You shift closer, running your hand down his shirt this time. “Your turn.”
With a soft laugh, he sits up, and reaches behind his head to hook his fingers around the collar. Then, in one, swift motion, he pulls it from his body, and tosses it right on top of yours.
You take a moment to admire the two items of clothing, messily strewn together across the floor.
It almost feels symbolic. Your clothes as intertwined as your bodies. Your lives.
Your hearts.
You look back, blinking the thought free as you clear your throat and motion toward the headboard once again. “Go on.”
Fighting off a grin, he scoots back down and brings his wrists to the wooden pole, watching closely as you begin to loop the rope.
You’re careful not to pull the knot too tight but still snug enough that it won’t easily unravel. And you watch his expression for any signs of pain or discomfort, more than pleased when you don’t find any.
In fact, he seems rather excited about the prospect of being restrained.
Although that could just be because your tits are in his face.
Once you’re sure his arms are secure and everything is the way it should be, you lean back…and stand up.
Rather confused, Harry’s brow raises as you begin to walk around the bed and toward the door to his room. “Bee…”
You glance over your shoulder and toss him a wink. “Don’t move.”
His disbelieving scoff calls out to you as you disappear into his apartment, followed by a very agitated, “Bee, do not fucking leave me here!”
You laugh.
When you return, you find him pouting rather adorable as he slumps against the mattress, eyes downcast toward his knees.
His head lifts when he hears you, expression lighting up like a lost puppy, and your heart wrenches at the way he attempts to squirm up.
“The fuck did you go?” he huffs as you make your way back to him. “’Cause if that’s one of the kinks…I did not like it.”
With a smirk, you shake your head, and swing your leg over his hip to straddle his waist like you had before.
However, your lack of quippy retort only makes his head cock, and he studies you as you gently rest your hands along his stomach. “What? What’s wrong?”
But instead of responding, you simply dip down…and bring your mouth to his chest.
You feel his muscles quiver in anticipation, and perhaps lust as you push the object in your mouth toward your lips…and make contact with his skin.
The frigid ice against his warm body makes him reel, and you’re rewarded with a gasp as his arms begin to tug on the rope in retaliation.
But you don’t stop there. You drag it down his sternum, oh so slowly, as he braces himself against the headboard and squeezes his thighs together underneath your ass.
“Shit,” he murmurs as you move toward his left pec. “God, that’s…could’a warned me, you know—”
However, the rest of his comment suddenly melts into another frantic inhale as the cube of ice travels over the peak of his hardened nipple.
His head once again falls back against the wall, veins in his neck tightening as he grits his teeth together and hisses, “Fucking shit—”
And you’re rather proud of yourself for bringing him this kind of gratification as he shifts beneath you and bucks his hips.
You can feel exactly how much he’s enjoying this little detour and the harder he grows, the more inspired you become to torture him just a tad longer.
After all…this is in the name of science.
So, you indulge him. You suck the cube back into your mouth so you can press your tongue against his nipple and flick.
You’d had a feeling he might be into this kind of stimulation and when he whispers your name and something along the lines of, “Fuck...fucking killing me,” you know you were right.
You repeat the action a time or two more before rolling the icy substance back between your teeth to continue dancing it down his body.
And you feel him watch you. Feel him follow everything you do and again, you’re reminded of how comfortable you feel under his stare. How…safe.
You reach his belly button right as your fingers simultaneously reach for the band of his boxers, gingerly curling around the elastic as you eagerly look up.
“Can I?” you ask quietly, ready to stop at a moment’s notice if that’s what he decides.
But you aren’t too surprised to see that that’s far from what he wants, his eyes going wide as he nods quickly. “Yes. Yeah. ’Course.”
So, you begin to tug, guiding the fabric down his hips, thighs, and legs as you crawl back to make room.
Once they’re off, you toss them away, and settle back down over his thighs.
And there it is.
His cock.
You feel momentarily stunned to see it in person for the first time but the immediate rush of adrenaline that passes through you at the sight only makes you dizzy.
He’s…beautiful. Because of course he’s got a pretty cock to match that pretty face. And while you had a rough estimate on his size, you’re more than thrilled to confirm this theory.
“What, never seen one before?” he teases after he notices your rather obvious gawking.
You snort under your breath and move back down, palms smoothing along his waist as you bring the ice closer to his hip.
You follow the curve of his body, tiny droplets melting against his skin as you go. And it’s so fun. So deliciously fun to do this to him, to trail the freezing substance over the tattooed ferns below his stomach until the goosebumps rise.
To hear him curse to himself when he feels the way you drench his thigh, the way you grind against it in an effort to find your previously denied release.
And then…you drag it even further down.
When it grazes the base of his cock, his entire body goes still, and you watch as his eyes nearly roll back from the brief but significant contact.
“Fuck, Bee,” he groans, so low and deep in the back of his throat that it makes your cheeks flush. “Shit…shit—”
You trail your lips toward the tip, letting the ice melt along the way as he strains against the restraint once more.
You can tell he wants to touch you. Wants to take a fistful of your hair and tug. And you’d quite enjoy that but right now…no, right now the power is yours.
And you’d love to spend all fucking night getting a taste of him. Even without the extra water, you can feel yourself salivate at the very idea. And perhaps one of these days you’ll return the favor, but for right now…there’s something else you have in mind.
You suck the access moisture off his cock and gather it into your mouth before sitting up and moving closer.
“Bee,” he whispers, but it sounds more like a whine. “Shit, please…please—”
You place one hand on his shoulder and the other below his jaw, fingers pressing firmly into the sides of his cheeks as you force his head back.
Then, you nod your chin at him.
After deciphering the silent instruction, he immediately opens his mouth and sticks out his tongue, eager to accept your offering.
The spit dribbles down, landing directly in the middle as his lashes flutter and his fingers curl into his palms.
Then, he swallows.
Like a good boy.
You squeeze his chin once more as a gesture of appreciation before leaning down to kiss him.
This one is slower. Softer.
Purposeful.
He takes extra care of you through this kiss, making sure to convey his gratitude and adoration. He might not be able to say it with words…but you know.
However, the rather tender moment passes quickly as his cock begins to graze against clit. Reminding you both of what you really need.
He curses against your bottom lip, nose nudging your cheek as he whispers, “Shit…Bee…please. Please, can’t…can’t—”
“I know,” you say in return, nodding fervently as you lean back to position yourself onto your knees. “I know. Gonna start slow, okay?”
“Yes,” he breathes, head rolling back. “Yes, go.”
Once you’re in the right spot, you reach out to take hold of his cock and run your palm up, allowing him a moment to revel in the feel.
And it’s everything. His face, his sounds, his fucking body.
You’d whimper if it were any other time, but you focus your attention on his face. On making sure you aren’t pushing him too far. On making sure this is still what he wants.
He sucks the air through his teeth as he fights the urge to thrust up into your hand. And you almost feel bad for how hard he’s trying to restrain himself, but he’s doing so good.
“S’okay, Har,” you murmur, flicking your thumb over his tip. “I’ve got you.”
“I know,” he says, so instantly, and so sincerely that it almost hurts. “I know. Always do.”
You smile and scoot a bit closer before taking a beat. “Do you…did you get the condoms?”
He jerks his head toward the nightstand. “Second drawer.”
You nod and look over, but don’t move to retrieve them. “And you…definitely want to use one?”
His brow cocks up, curious to your premise, so you rush to elaborate.
“Just because…I mean, they’re really important,” you explain, feeling rather sheepish. “Like…super important. You know, for safety, and…babies and shit.”
“Right,” he muses in agreement, growing oddly smug. “No, yeah. With you so far.”
“And since it’s still one of your first times, you know…I wanna make sure,” you continue. “’Cause…it’s important.”
“Right. You said that.”
“Right. So…yeah. Just…wanna make sure. ’Cause some people choose to go without. Which is fine. If everybody is clean and…you know, being safe and everything.”
“Mhm.”
“Which I am, by the way,” you add, lip between your teeth as you meet his eye. “Clean, I mean. Haven’t been with anyone since Eric, and I got tested like three times afterward just to make sure he didn’t fuck me over.”
Harry exhales a gentle laugh. “Right.”
“Yeah…so. I am,” you repeat, now glancing down at the sparrows painted across his collarbones. “And…as far as baby’s go, you know…it’s not…it wouldn’t be…I can’t…you know.”
His eyes soften at the reminder, and you imagine he’d be pulling you into his chest right about now if he had the ability to do so. “Yeah…”
You simply wave his remorseful expression away. “Yeah…so, I guess my question is…do you?”
And you want to wince at how idiotic you sound, rambling on and on about condoms and sex education, but you suppose this is a conversation to have…you just wish you were better at it.
A smile begins to curl around his mouth. “Do you?”
You can tell he already knows the answer, but you fidget, nonetheless. “I mean…I want to do whatever you want to do.”
“Well…I’m clean,” he reports, focus flicking across your face, attempting to encourage you. “And I think it should be pretty fucking obvious which I’d prefer, but…this is your call, Bee. Always your call. Just wanna fuck you.”
You take a deep breath, rather pleased by his answer as you look down at his cock. “Well…then, I think it’s only fair we do this right.”
“Yeah?” He almost sounds hopeful as he lifts his head. “Y’sure?”
You nod silently, teeth once again tugging on the flesh of your bottom lip. “Yeah. Wanna be able to feel you. Really feel you.”
“Then fucking feel me,” he murmurs, and you hear the sound of his arms pulling against restraint. “God, fucking feel me, Bee. Please…can’t fucking stand it anymore—”
“I know, I know. Okay,” you agree quickly, scooting back up so you can guide yourself closer. “Okay, are you su—”
“If you ask me if I’m sure one more fucking time, I’m gonna lose my goddamn shit,” he exhales, and you have to smirk.
You bring his tip toward the mess between your thighs and innocently allow it to drag through.
And it’s soft, and slow, and gentle…but it ruins you.
Ruins you both. His head drops back into the wall with a thud while your chin drops to your chest in ecstasy.
Everything.
He swallows a string of curses as he braces himself for you to continue, and you do, almost without thinking. So desperate to feel him inside you that you throw caution to the wind and just take.
Sinking down onto him feels like placing the final piece into the puzzle. Satisfying, and whole, and complete.
The full picture.
You’ve never felt so…filled. So satiated. It’s fucking perfect and your jaw just about drops as you stretch around him and realize one very important thing:
There’s no coming back from this.
Because this—him—is what you’ve been missing. This one moment, this one realization, this one acceptance.
Your body and his, connected in a way they never have been before.
The years of trust, and understanding, and love you’ve built come to a point right here, right now.
This is what needed to happen. This is what was missing from your friendship.
The line you needed to cross…to understand.
His wrists squeeze against the rope, desperate to break free and touch you as you begin to find a good rhythm. And you wish he could. Want more than anything to feel his nails down your back, around your body, pulling at your skin until you bleed.
“Shit…shit,” he seethes before bucking up into you. “Goddamit, Bee…s’fucking perfect.”
Your palm finds his chest, fingers clawing at the butterfly on his sternum as you roll yourself over his cock. “I know,” you manage to whisper but it’s lost beneath the gentle pants slipping from your lips. “I know—”
“Fuck…” His groans grow louder as the sound of his cock slipping in and out of your cunt begins to echo around the room. “God, fuck you for keeping this from me for so long.”
You almost laugh but don’t have the strength to follow through as you begin to move a bit faster. “What can I say…wanted to make you work for it.”
“Yeah? I would. Promise. Fucking do anything you wanted,” he says between gritted teeth, the muscles in his jaw tightening as he attempts to thrust up. “Fucking anything, Bee…just to feel you. Exactly like this…can fucking feel you—”
When you sink all the way down, you both just about lose it, lewd and borderline pornographic moans ripping from your throats.
He throws his head against the wall for a second time, a violent display of outrage and pleasure as he’s forced to keep from ruining you.
And you love it. Love every second of the way he’s forced to simply take what you offer.
Already you can feel the way you’re hurtling toward that edge, already too wound up from everything else that’s transpired so far.
But you try to resist. Try to force yourself to carry on because you want to stay here forever, want to feel this kind of euphoria until your lungs give out.
And looking at him while you ride his cock is sinful. It’s unfair because he’s so…he’s so. And everything about him and this moment could wreck you forever. Could permanently alter your brain chemistry until all you know is him.
“Go,” he suddenly murmurs, nodding his chin toward you. “Go on, make yourself come. Please. Please, gotta feel you come around me, baby, please.”
You nod quickly, free hand coming up to your clit as you do as instructed, fingers rubbing in fast circles.
You cry out at the added spark, pussy clenching around him as he takes a deep breath and watches you. He watches you. He always watches you, and the soft green in his eyes just about does it.
“Har—” It’s a depraved whimper, bleeding through your anxious gasps, and he swallows at the sound.
“I know. Fucking know,” he says, tanned skin beginning to glisten with little droplets of sweat. “Come ‘ere. Gimme your fingers.”
Enthralled with the idea, you take your hand away from your clit and bring it to his mouth.
Your arousal paints across his lips like a mural and he sighs as he sucks you in, tongue lapping across your thumb like a man dying of thirst.
And the sight of his cheeks hollowing as he tastes you, as he consumes you, as he moans around your finger’s tips you over.
No, it shoves you, stars exploding behind your eyelids before you can fully understand what happened.
You lose time. Lose everything except him. Don’t understand a goddamn thing except for this feeling in your cunt, and in your chest, and in your lungs.
Your hand falls from his mouth to his stomach as you scratch at his skin in an attempt to brace yourself and remain steady.
“Fuck…fucking shit,” he hisses before it dances into some sort of debauched growl. “God, there it is. There it fucking is, come on. Give it to me, Bee. Fucking give it to me, that’s right…s’fucking it—”
And no sooner have you managed to grasp onto reality do you see him suddenly snap his wrists free of the rope and lunge for you.
In a matter of seconds, he’s got you wrestled onto your back as he grinds down between your thighs, cock once again pushing against your cunt as you gasp.
“Har,” you nearly scold, rather insulted by how easily he managed to break free. “Wha—”
“Wanted you to have your fun,” he grumbles as pushes your right leg further open. “And you did, didn’t you? Had your fucking fun. Now it’s my turn.”
You get ready to reply but miss the opportunity as he slips back in, filling you to the hilt as you roll your head back and gasp.
“Shit—” It’s a strangled mewl, pathetically whiny as he buries his lips into your neck to take a bite. “God, Har…”
He hums at the sound of his name, and the low vibrations make you flutter around him. “Knew you liked it rough.”
“Could say the same about you,” you retort breathlessly. “Should I start calling you Daddy, too? S’that another kink of yours?”
You’re only half joking but the way you feel his dick twitch inside you as he makes a rather animalistic noise against your throat suggests it might not be so funny.
You aren’t opposed to using the pet name if a partner likes it. In fact, you’ve used this very one once or twice before. Because the name itself isn’t what does it for you…it’s their reaction to it.
So, your fingers find his hair, and you pull at the roots as you ghost your lips over his ear and whisper, “Hurt me, Daddy. Come on.”
He groans with so much tenacity and lust that you swear you could come from the sound alone.
His thrusts become slow and focused. Angry, almost. You’ve only ever seen Harry get like this a handful of times. His passion sometimes overtakes his common sense, and if he’s really furious (or really drunk), he becomes a completely different person.
And right now…you’re more than okay with that.
His fingerprints leave memories on your thighs as he holds you open. As he presses your body to the bed so he can have you exactly the way he wants. As he pulls himself out just to slowly drive himself back in.
It almost hurts the way he drags this on. The way he tortures you with a taste of more. The way the room is filled with the sounds of him and you and everything in between.
And then…there’s a sharp smack to your outer leg.
So zealous and so loud that you moan from the subtle pain. From the understanding that you’ve just been spanked and the understanding that you fucking loved it.
He does it again. Harder this time. Quicker. Then, two more times for good measure, just to feel the way your body clenches around his cock.
If you had the strength to say thank you…you just might.
“Fucking look at you,” he grunts, lips trailing down your chest as he flicks his tongue over your nipple. “Look so fucking pretty like this, don’t you? Filled with my cock. Just dripping for me.”
You choke on a silent cry as you rake your hands through his curls.
His nose nudges under your jaw. “Who would’ve thought? My innocent, baby Bee…just a desperate, little whore.”
You feel breathless as he brushes his palm up your stomach to take hold of your other tit and squeeze.
“Isn’t that right, baby girl?” he muses, almost as if to himself. “Just needed someone to come along and take care of you.”
Your head rolls back as he sucks bruises into your neck, a whimper instantly getting stuck when his teeth make contact with your vein.
“Is that what you need?” His thrusts begin to pick up. “Need me to throw you around? Ruin you? Treat you like you’re nothing but a fucking hole?”
You might not be used to hearing this kind of talk from him but goddamn his voice was made for comments like this. For promises like this, for filthy fucking words like this.
It sounds so natural coming off his tongue and you squeeze your eyes shut as the pain and pleasure planted deep within your stomach begins to coil.
“You do,” he whispers, touch moving back up to your throat. His fingers find their designated spot over your pulse point, and he presses until he can feel your heartbeat hammering against his hand. “You fucking do…want it so bad. Want me to give it to you.”
Yes, yes, yes, you think but don’t say. After all, he’s already far too smug.
And you’re so close to another. So close to just depleting yourself for his pleasure and you wouldn’t have it any other way. As long as he keeps fucking you, as long as he stays right here forever…you won’t care.
“Gonna come for me again?” he asks as his rhythm begins to pick up. “Come on, baby girl. Fucking gimme another. Let me feel you again. Gotta feel you.”
You nod fervently as you take hold of his face and bring it to yours, kissing him so hard, it nearly knocks the wind from your lungs. “Yes, Daddy.”
And you can feel the repercussions of the nickname rolling through his body as the hand around your throat snaps closed and his cock just about slams into you with determined force.
“S’my fucking girl,” he groans against your bottom lip before tugging on it with his teeth. “Come on, Bee. Right fucking now. Come.”
And before you have the chance to oblige, he takes his fingers from around your throat, sucks them into his mouth, and then places them on your clit.
He pinches, and he circles, and he presses until you have no other choice but to do as he asked.
You’re vaguely aware of the way he follows after you but when you feel it—when you feel him and the way he fills you…you simply succumb.
To all of it. To him, to this decision, to this feeling.
His sounds are like a symphony. Like heavenly music being sung directly into your ear as he tries to work you both through your high. As he continues to play with your cunt like a toy, almost as if hoping to encourage a third from you.
You move to wrap your arms around his shoulders and keep him on top of you. He’s heavy but the weight feels…freeing. Almost as if he was always meant to be right here.
And as the silent seconds continue to tick by while you both catch your breath, you wonder if this is finally where things change. If crossing this line will be the thing that ruins you both. That ruins your friendship.
You can’t speak for him, but you…you’ve never felt so content.
He is your puzzle piece.
Your perfect fit.
You expect him to pull out and climb off you rather quickly, much like Eric used to.
But Harry is not Eric, that much is certain.
Because Harry…refuses to let go.
He wraps one arm around your body and just…stays. Face nuzzled into your neck, thumb stroking your skin in soft, soothing circles.
He’s quite warm, and it’s almost too hot to have him on you like this…but you don’t mind.
“Are you…okay?” he exhales after a moment, and you nod softly.
“So fucking okay,” you hum, eyes fluttering shut. “Yeah. Was really fucking good, Har. Oh, sorry…Daddy.”
You feel him smile against your skin. “Good.”
“Are you okay?”
This time, he nods. “So fucking okay,” he mimics with a soft laugh. “Felt so good, baby girl.”
And you aren’t sure why, but this nickname makes your cheeks flush, and your heart race, and your ears ring.
“Shit,” he hisses when he feels you clench around him. “Bee…you’re gonna kill me, don’t do that.”
“Sorry, sorry,” you whisper, fighting a smirk. “S’kind of your fault, though.”
“Oh, is it?”
“Yeah. Where did you even learn all that, anyway? How To Talk Dirty for Dummies?”
“Oh, you fucking—”
With that, his arms tighten around your exhausted frame before he rolls you both over until he’s on his back and you’re lying on his chest.
“Har,” you laugh, attempting to squirm out of his hold. “Stop, for fuck’s sake—”
“No,” he says simply, tucking your head under his chin as he keeps you still. “We’re not done.”
You smile again as your ear presses to his heart. “Oh, we’re not, huh?”
“Nope. Aftercare, right?”
“Yeah, but it normally doesn’t involve squeezing your partner to death.”
“Really? ’Cause it kind of seemed like you liked me squeezing you.”
“Yeah, but not now.”
“Fine, so teach me.”
“Teach you what?”
He nuzzles his cheek against the top of your head. “How to take care of you.”
You can’t hide the giant grin that spreads across your face as you roll your eyes. “For one…you can loosen your grip.”
“Yeah…no.”
“Harry.”
“Bee.”
You shake your head, amused, as the room falls silent. You focus in on his steady breaths. The way his heart thumps against his ribcage. Comforting and familiar.
You brush your palm back and forth along his side, absentmindedly continuing to keep the tender moment going. Desperate to feel even closer to him, despite the fact that he’s still half inside of you.
After a minute more of comfortable quiet, you feel his lips ghost your temple. “Bee?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you regret it?”
Your lashes flutter shut. “No. Not at all.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.” You lean up just enough to see him, forcing him to acknowledge the truth. “I’d never regret you.”
The side of his mouth pulls up in a gentle smile. “Good.”
Pleased, you reach for one of his arms, fingers trailing down to his wrist as you delicately bring it up to your mouth.
He watches you with wide eyes as you dance your mouth along the subtle red marks across his skin. A gift from the rope, and when you press your lips into the faint bruise…you hear his breath hitch.
“This…can be a part of aftercare,” you whisper as you travel around his hand. “Wrist check.”
“Wrist check,” he repeats, as if in a daze.
You nod. “Making sure that you didn’t get too hurt. That you’re okay. Letting you know you did good.”
You linger for a moment, almost wishing the kiss would melt into his skin, and you feel his heart rate increase.
“And you did,” you say softly, looking up. “Did so good for me.”
His lids seem to grow heavy as he looks at you through a lust-filled haze, and you can feel his fingers squeezing around your hip.
And in this moment…you exist. Your past, and your present, and your future coming to a point right here as you lay in his arms.
Terrified of what happens next, you shake the impending implications free and nuzzle yourself back under his chin, eyes squeezing shut.
You can feel him suck in a sharp breath and hold it.
You do the same.
“Bee?” he murmurs.
“Yeah?”
A beat.
His grip tightens.
“Watermelon.”
(Alternatively titled: Fuck Me 😗)
Other parts of this series:
~ Teach Me pt. 1*
~ Show Me pt. 2*
~ Hurt Me pt. 3*
~ Other Harry Blurbs
~ Full Masterlist
Tags: (I have no idea if you all wanted to be tagged in each additional part, and if not, please let me know and I am so sorry for dragging you here! And if you did...then welcome back!!)
In where Harry gives up his best friend when she needed him the most, and now they both have to navigate themselves without each other. After Harry experiences a second heartbreak will he work his way back into Y/N’s life? Will she let him back into his life that easily?
that’s the basic summary so i don’t give anything away that’s it.
hi ! not much to say rather than i love you i’m proud of you have a great week and thank you for all your support. also ps you’re not gonna get chapter 15 for a while i’ll be super busy sadly but i’ll be open to talk in the asks always !
remember if you want to be tagged simply ask and i’ll be open to add you always ! simply ask away
series masterlist series playlist
song for this chapter was a hard one to choose it was in between we’re in love or inbetween letter to an old poet but the winner is tolerate it by taylor
To be honest, Harry had no exact plan to end up on Y/N’s doorstep that night. He had no plans or backstory of how he got there, all he knew was he was there now and he was going to get her to listen to him. He essentially had no other choice because even if it was embarrassing to be on her doorstep to begin with, there was no way to back out now. He had no way to leave the spot he put himself in, and he was sure that even if he was forcing her to listen, he knew the girls’ soft heart and person would allow herself to hear him out even after he put her through.
Well that was what he wished at least, he wished for her to simply sit and let him talk for hours and hours and try to justify why he was a right asshole.
He spent the weeks after she ignored him on the streets on his own in every way. He hadn’t contacted his mother or his sister because he simply knew that the two would be on Y/N’s side of things. He never bothered to contact them even if they bothered to contact him, he simply was not open to going through the struggle of contacting them and having them constantly criticize him for the way he took things with Y/N.
He spent weeks thinking of the man that sat with her on the bench. He thought about if he was just a random stranger or someone Y/N had known. Or what the man had that simply seemed to have brought such ease and comfort to Y/N so easily in the way he did. The way he saw the man with Y/N was the way he figured everyone saw him with her. And seeing anybody else in what he deemed would be his place hurt. It hurt immensely and Harry didn’t know how much longer he could have let the hurt consume him.
He had come to terms that he ruined every relationship he ever had around him that he loved. He came to terms that he was the one being destructive to not only his relationships but himself. Tearing down his relationship with Y/N was the thing that openly led him to tear down himself, and in a way he knew he deserved all the destruction coming towards him. He deemed himself to be okay with being on his own, but he hated it in every way.
If Harry was honest he just wanted to constantly be loved and cared for, and the only way he had gotten constant care and love was from Y/N. And he had lost that all by his own will and words, he took that route himself he deserved all the pain he was enduring. He deserved to be ignored by the girl he realized he loved the most in the world. In the time he spent on his own constantly thinking about Y/N and the person she was and could be in his life still, he only realized how madly in love with her he was.
In fact he had never loved her in the way friends do since the day he met her he knew they had a spark, he himself lit it when they were on tour, and he himself turned it off not once but twice. He was so cruel to tear apart the girl he loved twice. He had no way to prove he gave his all to her, but he knew she was constantly giving her all to him. In a way that’s what made him so sick of himself when he didn’t have her around, he was the cause of the girls’ heartache in every way, and there was no way to justify it.
There was no way to justify that he was an asshole and Harry knew that. But he was in denial. He wanted Y/N to hear him and simply let him in again, and he was willing to do anything to just have her take the first step and listen to him.
In a way that’s why he held himself back from showing up her door so many times. Because he knew that he had to give her time to actually want to hear from him. He had patience in himself for doing so, multiple times he held back from showing up at her door early in the morning and begging her to listen. He had to respect the girl and show her how patient he would be for her till she was ready, but eventually he cracked.
He cracked because he was desperate to be loved and to be cared for by her and only her. He cracked because he wanted to be with her. He cracked because he wanted everything to be back to normal. He cracked because he was exhausted from being alone. He cracked because he was tired of living without her. He cracked because he realized he couldn’t live without her anymore.
He tried to do anything and everything that would keep him from bursting through her doorway. He really did try, he was constantly at Mitch’s home spending time with anybody he still was holding onto in his life. He even tried to find a rebound of some sort, but it never worked; he was never able to bring himself to talk up the multiple women that would come up to him at the bars’ his friends dragged him to. To the public eye Harry was fine, but everyone around him knew the guy was absolutely falling apart both on the inside and almost on the outside of himself.
Given that he was constantly at bars with his friends nightly and daily now, one would assume he was drunk when he showed up at Y/N’s door. But he wasn’t, and it was all his mother’s and sister’s fault. He was simply going to spend truly a day at home with himself and his thoughts, but his sister and mother absolutely crushed his plans, practically bashing into his home by 10 in the morning.
He appreciated their efforts of knowing him well enough to recognize he wasn’t his normal self, but he simply did not want to deal with them both today. He didn’t want to wallow in his thoughts, but he much rather do that than have his own mother and sister up his ass for being an asshole which he already knew.
Harry had told himself every single word his mother and Gemma were throwing at him. Which is probably why hearing it from them only made him feel one thousand times worse. It was almost as if they were bashing him, more so Gemma then his mother. But their outtakes were rather harsh to the extent Harry was bawling at his dinner table because of his sister. She was constantly throwing word after word at him for being an absolute dick to what was the best girl in the world.
The guilt consumed him entirely while Gemma sat going on and on about how out of his mind he was and how selfish he was to just block the two of them out after knowing he would be so miserable. So that’s why he ended up on Y/N’s doorstep full of fury and utter sadness. Because his sister had pushed him to the edge of feeling such a way and he could no longer handle it or handle the pain he was putting himself through.
So he raced over to Y/N’s place at 6 pm in the evening. It wasn’t planned but it was going to happen, and it was now inevitable. He wasn’t in tears on the drive there he was more so consumed by anger Gemma had sprouted in him, the anger wasn’t directed towards Y/N but much more than the situation.
But by the time he was in her doorway his anger seemed to be directed at Y/N. He pulled into her driveway to see the lights on her kitchen window signaling that she was up and awake, he did the math in his head knowing she was 8 months pregnant but not knowing exactly the state Y/N would be in given that he had never had someone close to have experienced a pregnancy. Well he had but he had only watched their pregnancy evolve from the sidelines and not face to face.
Getting out of his car he was mentally planning and embarrassing himself over how he would approach her door, but his thoughts were not quicker than that of his emotions or words. He let the anger growing in him consume him, he didn’t even process the anger coursing through him till he was banging on her door.
He was always the one that made it into her home peacefully prancing in with soft movements and care to be with her all the time, now he was the exact opposite. He was absolutely banging at her door with no intentions to hurt her, but the way he was banging on her door had already instilled fear in her.
He truly didn’t realize the anger or fear coursing through Y/N till the other man showed up at her door as well. He truly didn’t realize the anger coursing through him till the same man from the park was once again at her door and encouraging him to spark the anger coursing through him.
That's when Harry was seething out the question, “Who the hell are you asking me to leave her home?”
Nick let out a mocking laugh at Harry’s words, before responding, “Look, I really don’t know who you are, and you much less don’t know who i am, but the way you’re talking to her just tells me she would not want you near her, and you gotta go.”
Those words really got to Harry, and it only grew his anger more, and he let out a sarcastic laugh returning Nick’s laugh from earlier, “Talking to her in what way mate?” He scoffed, shaking his head, “I don’t know what you two got going on, but this is between us, not including you.” Harry stared right at Nick, who’s features were only laced with concern other than the anger Harry was throwing at him.
Y/N tried to speak but it was as if her mouth was glued shut. She simply didn’t know what to say or do in such a situation, she never once thought that Nick and Harry seeing each other would be something she had to deal with. And having to deal with it right in front of her scared and panicked her in every way possible. But all she could actually think of was how she did not want Harry near her or her home at the moment and she wanted him out.
“Harry” Y/N shakily started her voice was barely audible, and she’s sure the two men didn’t catch her speaking. But even if they did, Nick was quickly interrupting her.
“In the way she looks at you man, I wouldn’t want to be between whatever you got going on with her, cause she looks quite scared of you” Nick didn’t intend to get sassy, but all he knew was the girl he was falling for looked absolutely terrified of the man on her doorstep and he wanted to help her in anyway he could, and if he had to force the said man off her doorstep then he would.
Harry however had other plans, he was consumed by his anger and he couldn’t even control the words coming out of his mouth, “Considering she has known me longer than you, I’m sure she would be quite scared of you not me” Letting out a mocking laugh he continued, “I wasn’t the one who randomly talked up a pregnant lady on a park bench, I’m quite sure she’s scared of-”
Harry was cut off by the cries of a baby coming from the inside of her home. Confusion easily went through him as he failed to process who the cries of the baby could be from. She was very obviously pregnant, and he knew for a fact she wasn’t hiding a baby from him through their time as friends. His wandering thoughts were interrupted by Y/N cursing herself quietly.
“Fuck” He heard her mumble, before she was turning her attention over to Nick. “Sorry I had her sleeping with Cuddles and Arlo was watching a movie and then I-”
“Hey” Nick smiled at her now ignoring the man next to him, “It’s okay, love, she’s probably just missing her papa by now” He assured the panicky girl in front of him, “Will you be okay out here if I step in there with them?” He asked her before stepping into her home to check on his children, but he ultimately wanted to make sure she would be okay with the man he deemed as demanding and cruel in front of them. He surely had no clue or idea who he was but he knew he didn’t want her with Y/N he seemed quite intimidating and he sensed Y/N didn’t want anything to do with him.
“You can go in,” Y/N let out a breath, looking down at the ground, “I'll be okay.” She looked at Nick with a soft smile, that didn’t reassure Nick at all but he knew that if she said she would be okay, then she would be fine on her own for a bit, and if anything were to make him believe things weren’t fine he would be there to protect her in a heartbeat.
“Okay” Nick sighed looking right at her as he stepped into her home, “Call if you need me” He whispered as he stopped right by her side on his way into her home.
Y/N was angry. She was angry and upset at the fact Harry was at her door. She was upset that he had been talking to Nick in such a harsh manner. She was upset that Harry himself had revealed he watched Nick and her on that same park bench weeks ago. But most of all she was upset because Harry was near her and he was trying to make himself closer to her in every way.
“What do you want, Harry?” Y/N finally addressed her attention to him looking right at him.
“Fuck Y/N” Harry groaned geasturing his hands up into the air before he put them back down and looked right at Y/N, “I want you to hear me out, I want you to give me another chance.”
“Harry” Y/N shook her head, “Not now, not soon, no.” She had no other reason other than she was on the brink of giving birth, and she didn't want to deal with a newborn and the chaos Harry would easily bring into her life, chaos of knowing he would constantly want to be around the little baby, the chaos of what would happen if she did let him back in.
“You said that last time Y/N. The least you could actually due is hear me out and then decide if you want to let me back in” He pleaded the girl, “I am begging you Y/N to just listen to me this once”
“Are you drunk?” Y/N avoided his pleas and simply asked the question, turning gears in her mind.
Harry looked at her with confusion,” No Y/N” he scoffed, “I’m not drunk I just want my best friend to hear me the fuck out” He was growing more angry and he had no where to direct his anger so it was being thrown at Y/N.
“Woah” Y/N stepped out of her doorway, glancing at the small family behind her briefly before taking the few steps out of her home closer to Harry and closing the door behind her. “Best Friend?” She questioned him with anger now growing in her, “Best friend Harry, now I’m your best friend again?”
There was no possible way that he was going to take the title of best friend and put it to her once again after everything he had told her that day so many months ago. There was no way this man had the audacity to label her as his best friend after the pain he had put her through. Not after the pain he forced her to feel, not after what she had to go through because of him.
“Best friend, Y/N yeah” Harry nodded his head in a mocking manner, “You’ve always been my best fucking friend, what do you mean by Now I’m your best friend again, I’ve always been”
“You’re making me angry and I really don’t want to deal with your shit right now Harry” Y/N glared at the man in front of her.
“Well” Harry laughed, “You wouldn’t have to deal with my shit if you just listened in the first place like how I did weeks back.”
“How do you even want me to listen to you if half of the time you even ask to talk you aren;t even being nice about it!” Y/N wasn’t yelling at him., but her voice was slowly growing louder, “You want to walk yourself back into my life so badly, you aren’t even considering that the door to that isn’t open Harry!”
“I’m waiting for you to open that door but you won’t, so I have to come pounding on your door Y/N!”
“Do you not see the problem with that!” Y/N was at this point yelling, letting the anger consume her, “You can’t just come pouding at the door thinking I’m going to let you in! Cause News flash Harry, I’m not!”
“Can I know why you’re not? Because honestly all I am asking you for now is just for you to sit and listen to me! You don’t even have to let me back in just listen to me, that’s all I am asking you for.”
“That’s a bit much to ask coming from you” Y/N scoffed, refusing to let him easily work his way back into her life like he so badly wanted to. She was scared to let him and she didn’t want to, a part of her wanted to let him pour his mind out to her but the better side of her told her to not listen to him.
“Y/N Please” Harry was desperate in asking her to listen to him, he didn’t know what more to say to get her to listen to him. “We can even talk out here whatever you want darling, I’ll do whatever you want.”
But before Y/N could talk Nick was already walking out with a baby in his arms and his 4 year old holding onto his hand. Even though he wanted anything but to leave Y/N and the man in front of her alone, he had to for the sake of his children. His daughter was already knocked out in his arms, and his son was getting fussy because he wasn’t snuggled up in his bed. The way Nick’s entire day had gone worrying and stressing about the cries and tantrums of his both children, he didn’t have the energy to deal with a crying 4 year old late at night so he had to go back to his home to avoid the chaos of tantrums.
“Hey” He turned right to Y/N, “We’re heading out now” He showed her a soft smile as he noticed her features laced with panic and anger.
“Oh” Y/N let out, taking a few steps towards Nick and his children in the doorway, “It’s only 7?” Nick wasn’t one to leave her home immediately once he picked the kids up. He always sat with her for a bit to talk, even if he knew the kids were sleepy, the kids would often even fall asleep in her home, so seeing them take off early only settled more panic through her.
“Yeah” Nick sighed at her question, “But this little guy and this sleeping beauty” He gestured slightly towards his children, “Have been having mood changes and tantrums all day. They’re getting sleepy now, it's better to get them home and to bed.”
“That’s why this little one was crying all day then” Y/N let out a soft laugh. “I thought she was just having a bit of an issue with me” She cooed as she reached to softly touch the baby’s cheek without waking her. Nick and the kids made her forget everything around her, and that’s why in the moment it was as if Harry and his words never happened and he wasn’t behind them. It was as if it was only them and everything around her simply faded away because of him.
Just like Y/N was, Nick was entirely focused on her. On everything about her in that moment, the strange man had no say and nothing in his mind; he was fully captivated by her in that same moment. “She could never have an issue with you” He let out a soft laugh responding to Y/N’s humorous comment, “Walk me to my car?” He looked up at her with almost begging eyes urging her to follow him so he could at least reassure she was okay before leaving her alone with the man in front of them both watching them interact.
“Of course” Y/N smiled at him before turning her attention to Arlo, “Come on sleepy guy give me your hand” Whenever she saw that Nick had a struggle with handling the two children physically, like he was now, one in his arms and the other latched onto his arm, she always tried to help him. That’s why she tried taking Arlo out of his hold, to make the small walk to the car easier for him so he won’t awake the sleeping baby in his arms. Whether it was because Arlo was excessively sleepy or because he trusted Y/N so deeply already, after hearing Y/N’s words he easily latched his small hand into her’s with Y/N securing it as she started to walk over to Nick’s car.
One thing Y/N had become a master of when it came to being around Nick was putting his kids in car seats. Which was something she was proud of doing so well. She was going to have her own baby soon and she would need to learn how to settle the child into the car seat as a baby and as they grow as well. Settling Arlo in his seat was easier than putting Willow into her seat given Arlo was more aware of what was going on and now as she was putting him into his seat he was sleepy, all making the task so much easier for her.
“Hey” She hears Nick’s call as she is making sure the straps on Arlo’s seat are secured.
“Hey” She smiles up at him, focusing her attention on him.
“Are you sure you’re alright?”
“I’m okay” She assured him, “I’ll be okay”
“What’s that dude deal anyways” Nick tried hinting that he wanted to know what was going on, but yet wanted to somehow tell her she didn’t have to tell him.
“He’s just” Y/N sighed, getting out of the side of the car and then walking over to Nick’s side of the car where he had been strapping a sleeping Willow into the car. When she finally made it to his side, she began to somewhat hint at the current problem.
“He just wants to talk about a few things” She sighed, then it struck her he probably assumed it was her baby daddy, “He’s not the father of the baby!” She quickly rushed out widening her eyes at Nick, trying to fully emphasize that he wasn’t the father of her child. Even at some point in the past if she wanted him to be the father of her children, he wasn’t, and now she didn’t ever want him to be even near his child.
Nick let out a soft laugh trying to comfort Y/N, “You don’t have to explain it to me love” He looked right into her eyes, “Was just concerned over the big man yelling at you on your doorstep” He furrowed his eyebrows, “If he just wants to talk there’s no need for him to get so angry.”
Y/N sighed, “Yeah” she looked to the ground, “He has his reasons to be upset I think” She tried to think of something quick to say. She didn’t want Nick to leave, she felt safer with him around and Harry so close. But she knew that Nick had to get home and let his children fall asleep in the safety of their home, if anything that was better than letting the children stay asleep in her home at the moment.
“Don’t justify his anger love” Nick tried to help Y/N in the sudden situation she was in, “If you know he has no reason to be mad, it’s on him for being so upset”
“You have a point there” Y/N sighed resting her hand on her bump for some comfort. “But it’s alright I’ll get him out of here in a bit” She smiled up at Nick.
“Call or text if you need me?” He asked her like he always does whenever he feels she might be struggling a bit. “I’ll be there to talk okay” He assured her as he moved to pull her into a soft hug.
“Thank you” Y/N whispered into his shoulders as they hugged, “I’ll call and text if I need you”
“Just leave a text when he’s gone” Nick was concerned about the man if anything. He had no idea of his intentions or what his anger would cause him to do and he wanted to guarantee the safety of the girl he was falling for.
“I will” Y/N let out a soft smile as she let go of the hug Nick had her in, “Get home safe”
“You got it love” Nick smiled at her as he rounded his way around his car, getting into it quickly and briefly glancing at the backseat of his car to make sure his kids were okay. Seeing they were asleep he easily turns the car on and makes his way out of Y/N’s driveway with concern only lacing his mind as he took the short but what felt like a long drive to his home.
Meanwhile, Harry watched the conversation and interaction go down between the two of them. He saw how soft the girl was being with the man. He saw how the kids of the man made her go even more soft for the man. He watched as the girl he loved was taken by someone else right in front of him. He watched as he felt absolute jealousy grow in him knowing that if he hadn’t been such an ass that would be him in Nick’s spot. Not with kids, but with Y/N at his entire heart and soul. WIth Y/N right by his side trusting and confiding in him with anything and everything.
Y/N sighed and looked down at her growing belly, rubbing it softly with comfort and letting herself think for a moment on what she should do. She really didn’t want to let Harry back into her life so easily, but if anything she wanted to know why he said and did the things he did to her so badly. She wanted to know what in his mind caused him to end their friendship in the way he did. She wanted her questions to be answered but she wanted to keep her baby and herself safe. Not that Harry would bring physical harm to them, but much rather he would only bring emotional harm to them. He would be one of the most emotionally destructive people around them because he knows so much about her that would only make it easier for him to be close to her baby. It scared her to let him in again, because he held so much power in hurting her. It scared her because she no longer wanted to be hurt, but if she even dared to let him in it was like she was asking herself to get hurt.
“We’ll be okay” Y/N spoke to her growing baby in her, “I’ll make sure we’re okay.” She promised the unborn child, knowing that even if it hurt to hear Harry’s words, hearing them would be the only way her multiple questions would be answered.
She prayed to whatever god she believed in as she made the walk back to where Harry was standing on the porch, immediately she saw tears in Harry’s eyes and felt bad over how she had neglected his words. But then again she had a right to deny his words, he denied her when she needed him the most out of everyone in the world.
“Harry” Y/N got his attention standing a few steps away from him, but close enough where she knew he could hear him. When she saw him left up his head from it hanging down staring at the ground she let a sad smile cover her face, “Let’s go inside” She continued to rub her belly for her own comfort as she saw Harry’s face light up with a bit of shock before he was fully nodding his head.
The two made their way inside of Y/N’s home in what was complete awkward silence. It was awkward but it was necessary to get through if they were even going to talk in the first place.
“Do you want anything to drink?’ Y/N broke the silence when they were both making their way into her couch that still had Cuddles laid onto it. Now that she thought of it she actually wanted to see Cuddles’ reaction to Harry knowing that he hadn’t seen him in a long time, and that the last time he saw him he was absolutely reeling in anger at Harry over how he saw Y/N react to his words.
“No thank you” Harry replied to her and Y/N could hear the nervousness in his voice. She tried to ignore the feeling of terribleness growing in her, but it was like she couldn’t.
“You could take a seat” Y/N gestured towards the couch, “I think we’re going to be here for a while” She laughed trying to ease the tension making her way to sit on her couch with Harry right behind her tracks.
Y/N sat closer to Cuddles knowing that she would need his comfort throughout the entire conversation that would take place just in a few moments. Not only that but at most she knew that Cuddles would obviously be somewhat bothered by Harry’s presence if he wasn’t already tipping Harry over with his love like he had always done in the past whenever he saw Harry.
“Okay” Harry let out a breath that he didn’t even know that he was holding as he took his spot on Y/N’s couch. As much as he wanted to be close to her, he couldn’t because he knew neither she or himself would ever be comfortable given the situation he put both of them in.
They sat in a moment of awkward silence until Y/N once again broke the silence with her voice, “You wanted to talk?”
“I’m sorry” Harry started off staring right at Y/N. “I’m so sorry, you actually don’t understand how sorry I am now, and how sorry I will always be for doing what I did to you and hurting you in the way I did.” He looked down at the ground to avoid looking up at Y/N, “I don’t know how to explain to you how bad I have felt for saying what I did to you, and how much I regret it” He felt the tears growing in his eyes and he felt embarrassed of himself. Why was he the one crying when he had been the one that terribly hurted her.
“It hurt badly when you said all that” Y/N looked up at him with her own tears in her eyes. SHe was feeling vulnerable to allow Harry back into her home so easily after what he had done. She felt vulnerable because he knew everything about her and he used it against her so easily and now he was suddenly regretting it all. “But I think” Y/N tried to grow a smile on her face, “I think if you said it you had to be thinking about it for a while for you to say it. You don’t just say hurtful things out of nowhere” She let the tears fall from her view as she stared at the man in front of her.
“I was absolutely whipped for Fallon Y/N, I thought she was the one” Harry looked up at her, “She had me fucking manipulated so badly, and she was the one that made it easy to come and attack you so brutally”
“No” Y/N shook her head with tears in her eyes, “You can’t just blame her Harry. You said it not Fallon.”
“Y/N, she gave me an ultimatum” But Y/N interrupted his words.
“I don’t want to hear about Fallon Harry, if you came to talk and to blame it all on Fallon than it’s better you go” She wanted to hear what Harry had to say for himself, not what Y/N had missed out on his life when he was out with Fallon while she was at home with a broken heart.
“I want us to be friends again” Harry bluntly responded to Y/N’s words, “I want everything here to be back to normal and for us to be okay again” He put his wants out in the open.
“I don’t think we can do that” Y/N looked at the dog next to her petting him softly. “You’ve said so much Harry, that I can still hear the way you screamed at me that day. It’s like engraved into my head. You can’t just take it back. You can’t just come in and apologize and then ask for it all to be okay.”
“I said it because I thought I would have it all with Fallon. I thought she was the one, I thought if she would be happier with you out of the picture than so would I. I thought that I could do this without you but I can’t” He finally looked up at her with tears still blurring his vision, “I have spent half of my time regretting every word I said to you. I felt absolutely sick when I thought about it.”
“Didn’t you feel sick when you said it?” She pet Cuddles to distract herself from what Harry was saying in order to convince her to let him back into her life. SHe was listening but it still wasn’t getting through to her why he so suddenly was flipping to so desperately wanting her back.
“I never really processed how terrible I was being to you” He sighed, “Y/N I said it all to just throw you out easier, I never actually meant it. I said it so you could want me out of your life, and make it easier for me to get you out of it.”
“Right” Y/N Looked at him, “ So you just yelled out that I practically meant nothing and threw out every single thing I’ve trusted you with back right into my face because you decided your girlfriend was right about everything that she assumed about me.”
“Y/N” He sighed, “I said it to get your reaction, to get you to throw me out so it wouldn’t hurt me as bad. So I could move on easily and let you be. I did it because I thought Fallon was right, that she would be happier with me if you were gone. But she was just as miserable with me once I had thrown you off the edge.”
“You threw me off the edge to save yourself” Y/N whispered, moving her hand onto her belly to allow herself to feel more comfort in the vulnerability taking over her body.
“But yet, I ended up drowning because I lost you” Harry looked right at Y/N wanting to reach out and hold her in any way, “I lost Fallon but it hurt more because I didn’t lose my best friend.”
Y/N once again grew angry upon hearing Harry refer to her once again as her best friend, she didn’t know why but now it was angering her. He was directly claiming her to be his best friend even when he had been such a cruel person. “Harry, you didn’t even realize how much it hurt you to not have me in your life until you lost your only other lifeline that was Fallon!”
“I realized how much it hurt because I didn’t have you to hold onto when I wanted you to be there with me Y/N!” He was trying to tell Y/N how deeply she meant in his life but he was finding a great struggle in trying to find a way to tell her.
“Because you had no one else Harry” Y/N sighed, “You had relied on me for so long, here you are trying to rely on me again”
“Y/N” Harry inched a bit closer from his spot on the seat, “I know I hurt you with everything I said. Trust me when I realized how terrible I was, I Immediately wanted to come here and apologize, but I couldn't bring myself to do it because I was so embarrassed. Sitting here I still am knowing that this was the place where I shamed you for having fucking feelings” He felt tears coming into his eyes and he quickly wiped them, “ I shamed you for being who you were and feeling what you felt, not knowing that I was causing myself even more pain by telling you all that. I was hurting myself more by yelling at you in such a format then by actually explaining to you the situation my toxic girlfriend was putting me in.” Harry was crying at this point feeling absolute regret consuming his entire body.
“I think, this would have been much easier for the both of us, if you just told me Fallon was putting you in such a position.” Y/N looked at him with simple confusion written over her face, there was too much going on in her head with Harry’s words going through them that she simply didn’t know what to follow up with, “We both know that I would have understood you and everything she was putting you through with if you had just old me. Rather than almost ghosting me and leaving me with your mom, and then coming to attack me you could have just told me”
“I was scared Y/N” Harry let out, “I was scared I didn’t want to lose you but I ended up losing you a million times worse than I ever would have imagined I would. Worst of all is I can’t even get you back.”
“Harry” Y/N felt sad for the both of them as Harry spoke, she was slightly beginning to understand his outlook on their past friendship when he broke them off but she yet didn’t understand what he was trying to get through her at the moment, “It’s not so easy to let you back in. It’s not as if I’m doing this to hurt you.”
“Tell me what I have to do to let me back in Y/N” He was beginning to plead with her again, Harry was so serious when he said he would do absolutely anything to get this best friend back.
“You left me when I needed you the most” Y/N blurted letting the tears and emotion run all over her body. If anything including the words Harry had thrown at her that was what was hurting the most, he had left her when he knew she would need him. Not only when she would need him, but when he promised her he would be there for most. Not when she needed him the most, but when her baby needed it the most. It was almost as if Harry had hurt her baby before they were actually born, and that was one of the main reasons Y/N was struggling in allowing him back in. “You promised you would be here when I needed you the most and you left”
“That’s the thing I feel the worst about.” Harry cried alongside Y/N, “I left you when you were at your lowest and there is nothing I could ever do to show you how sorry I am for letting you down” He continued to cry, “I know you trusted me and I promised you and I just let you down so easily.”
“Yet Here I am letting you into my home and trying to somehow let you convince me to let you back into my life.” Y/N softly laughed with tears still falling down her cheeks, “ I can’t explain to you the pain you put me through Harry. The pain I felt for you was unbearable to begin with” It was her turn to express how she felt over everything, “It hurt so badly that I began to ignore it. I began to ignore the pain and the idea of you. So I learned and adjusted to living without you, so it wouldn’t hurt. I got so used to ignoring it, it didn’t hurt anymore Harry and I thought you would do the same.” She confessed to him with tears still falling onto her cheeks.
“I tried Y/N” Harry sighed with tears still falling down his face, “I tried to ignore the pain I put myself through. I tried to ignore the idea of you, I tried to move on because I put myself into this mess. I walked myself into this one and I should have been able to walk away from the pain, but I was such a coward too, I lived with the pain, and with the idea of you. And it only made me hurt more, because I could absolutely not handle another day without wanting to be with you, without wanting to be by your side knowing that you were at such a new step in your life that I wanted to be a part of.” He cried, “I wanted to be apart of the family you were making and I couldn’t because I myself threw myself out of it, and I don’t have the right to simply walk back into this home and ask you to let me in like you’re allowing me to because I have been so terrible to you, and I really don’t deserve you.”
Seeing Harry in such a state, only moved the emotions in Y/N, and she began to cry with him, “Harry, you were hurting the both of us in what you did, but it took you losing me to realize the pain you were putting us both through. It took losing me to realize what I actually meant in your life. It took losing me to realize how painful it was to live without me and that’s why you want me back, so you can live in peace and not pain. You want me back because you know that even after what you did to me when I needed you the most, I’ll still be here with my arms open for you. I’ll still be here even though you hurt me in a way that I would never hurt you Harry. You want me back because you know how much you need me to actually move forward, and that’s what you have learned from the pain of losing me. Right Harry?”
Harry shook his head, with the tears fully running down his face. “I want you back because I don’t think I can handle living without you. I want you back because I can not picture the rest of my life going on without you. I want you back because you are the best person that has ever been in my life that I need to keep in my life. I want you back because you are everything that I would ever want or need in a best friend. You are everything my heart longs for and wants whenever I can’t get through a single day. You are the one that I want Y/N.” He takes a breath, looking right at her before moving his seat closer to her and reaching out to grab her hand that wasn’t resting over her growing stomach, “ I want you back Y/N because I love you. I love you and care about you in a way more than before, in a way that I thought I would only see and love Fallon in. But in reality it was only you. It was only you and it was always you.”
Those were the simple words, Y/N always wanted to hear from Harry, the words she longed to hear from him since she had practically meant him. The words that she longed to hear from him when they were on tour, the words she longed to hear from him when she gave him everything she held sacred to herself. The words she wanted to hear when he was alone by her side, the words she wanted to hear when she thought she was practically unloveable. The words she thought she never deserved to hear, the words she felt incapable of ever feeling for someone else until she meant Harry. Now he was throwing them right at her when he knew she was in such a vulnerable state and time in her life now he was throwing them at her.
“No” Y/N shook her head as the tears fell down her face, “Harry no, you don’t love me’ She cried, he was surely doing it to assure he makes it back into her life, “You’re saying it because you want to be back into my life Harry. You don’t love me. You don’t”
“Y/N” Harry held onto her hand, “Trust me darling, I love you, and I have been loving you since I know you I’ve just never recognized it till I lost you.”
“Harry '' Y/N cried, pulling her hand out of his, “You’re just saying this because you want me to let you back in. You can’t just say that so I can let you in, Harry! You can’t just say that and expect for this to all be okay!”
“I’m not saying it to guilt you Y/N.” Harry looked right into her crying eyes, “I’m saying it because I've realized it and I can’t hold it to myself without telling you.” He continued to look at her, “I love you since the first day of tour. I love you since you gave me your all. I love you since you have been by my side when no one else has. I have loved you since I have met you, since the day you have been devoted to me I have loved you. It took me long to realize it and yet I feel as if I love you even more for how strong you are.”
“Harry” Y/N cried, “No” She denied, “You can’t be saying this to me, not now Harry” not even because she was in denial but that it simply wasn’t the time for Harry to come in and say this to her. Not when she was at the edge of giving birth, not when she was just meeting someone who was so open and kind to her.
Harry was now beginning to grow frustrated with the constant denial Y/N was presented him with, and finally hit the question running into his mind, “Is this because of that guy from earlier Y/N? Why do you seem so upset about this?”
“It’s not about Nick Harry!” Y/N herself was growing angry with Harry’s words, “Do you know how long I have been wanting to hear those words from you? I’ve been waiting so long and you do it right when I don’t have the time for it, right when I’m just weeks away from giving birth. Right when I’ve just met this guy that has been the kindest soul to me! Right when I actually don’t know what to do anymore!” SHe cried as she absolutely broke into hysterics of sobs and tears right in front of Harry, it hurt Y/N so badly to hear Harry say such words that she no longer could Handle all the pain that she had been feeling, and she completely broke. She once again completely broke right in front of the same person she always finds herself breaking in front of, Harry.
“Okay, Okay” Harry wrapped his arms around her, completely letting her break down in his arms. It was something he was oddly used to doing, and if anything he was oddly happy about having her in his arms again. It gave him not only a sense of security in having her, but also a sense of trust when she openly fell into his arms as she cried.
But If anything he felt absolutely worse and even more terrible than when he got through the door. He intended to come in her door and help her and hoped to make everything around ehr better, but in a way he almost seemed to make it worse. It hurt him to see that in his way of helping he only seemed to hurt her more, and he wouldn’t put the blame entirely on himself. The girl pressured herself to hold in her pain given her state of pregnancy and just state in life she was bound to break, and when she broke Harry was there to catch her. Even if it meant things still weren’t okay for the two, even if it mean things would never be okay with the two, he knew that the girl loved him back in the way he loved her, and he would have to accept that and deal with not living her love for what he figured was a while. But this time he was fully ready to wait as long as he knew the girl would be happy and okay to love him in the way he loved her when she was ready.
Summary: You and Harry tried to figure out how to be without each other
Pairing: Harry Styles x Female Reader
Warnings: sadness, break up mention
Author note: Part 2 Bruised Heart series AU is here. Thanks to those who like this mini-series so far. I know this is short but more is coming soon. I hope you guys like it and enjoy reading!
Part 1: Leaving You <- Previous Part
Harry was trying to accept the fact that you and him are no longer together. He couldn’t believe it at all. He was feeling all types of emotions. He wanted to pick up the phone and call you even though he knew you were not going to answer him.
Most importantly, he was trying to figure out who he was without you. Mia didn’t mean anything to him even though she wanted more with him. Harry never wanted Mia to begin with.
He sat down on the floor in his bedroom and read his diary that he always kept hidden in a safe place where nobody would find it, including you.
Harry Styles Diary
She’s amazing. We are supposed to be married soon. There is something unique and different that I love about Y/N. Mia wanted more from me, but I can’t give her that. I am in love with Y/N.
all are harry styles fanfiction. make sure to read the warnings on each fic as some may be triggering or contain heavy topics. you are responsible for your own media consumption.
hello friends ! long time waiting even when i said this would come soon. but life update i got a puppy and he has been taking all my attention and time but anyways here’s the part ! i’m so proud of you i love love you hope you are having great day, night or evening ! i’m sorry for the weird spacing i uploaded on my phone and yeah.
i hope you all like this one as much fun as it was writing. Don’t forget to talk to me in the asks i’m always open to feedback and hearing your thoughts on the chapter ! also feel free to talk about anything and everything ! if you want to be on the tag list don’t forget to ask !
series masterlist ! series playlist !
song of this chapter in honor of the boygenius album dropping we’re gonna do emily im sorry not to be a bougenuis sponsor but listen to the album.
Y/N swore she had never walked out of a place so quickly. Well considering the fact she was carrying the weight of a baby inside of her she walked as fast as she could out of the restaurant. When she made eye contact with Harry it was as if she could hear her heart fall to the ground. Soon enough that same eye contact caused every bad emotion to flood her body, and so she ran, she ran to get away from it all.
She cried as she rushed out of the restaurant. She wanted an out to all the anger and sadness that started coursing through her body, and the out came through her tears and in her steps. She walked as far as she could from the restaurant until she was exhausted and in a sense lost. Lost in where she was, and lost in what her day had become. And lost as in she had no idea what steps to take to move on or what steps would lead her to the closest path to her home. All she wanted was to be at home and wrapped up on her bed with the comfort of her dog, but the universe deemed it all too much to ask for.
She sat herself on the nearest bench she could find and sobbed. She just wanted an out from Harry. Of course she thought of him occasionally, but she had worked so hard for him to not even be a relevant thought in her head and it all came crashing down on her. She sobbed because she was tired, she was tired of having to feel so unloved. Everything around her would eventually lead back to him. For Christ sakes her only source of support came from his family. The only support, love and care she got was from his family, how would she ever fully escape him. How could she ever bring herself to ever fully unlove him if everything around her quite literally was surrounded by him?
Y/N already knew that falling out of love with Harry would be almost nearly impossible. But she genuinely tried her hardest to make it possible. She only deemed it impossible because he was her first for essentially everything. First love, first time, first anything you name it, Harry was the one the first happened with. She was so infatuated with him that his hurtful words were not that harmful to her to simply make her fall in love. No that’s not how she began to move on from him. She began to move on from him because he moved on from her. She spent most of her pregnancy telling herself that she didn’t need him because he wasn't near her. She spent so much time telling herself such things to make herself disconnect from the idea of him, that her mind began to eventually convince her that she didn’t need him. But when she made those few seconds of eye contact with him it all came tumbling down. All the convincing she worked on was non-existent.
Her mind only further spiraled when she questioned if Gemma had planned with Anne and Harry for this all to happen. She never anticipated this to come out of her day, in fact she didn’t even want to move on from the day until Gemma forced her to. Gemma randomly showing up to her door only made her spiral in the question if they all had planned it out. Y/N knew that Anne wasn’t going to show up to the ultrasound with her, she knew that for a fact but she didn’t know Anne would make it so Gemma was by her side. Gemma only randomly showing up to her home per Anne’s request doesn’t ease her mind. Were Anne and Gemma both capable of putting her in front of the man that hurt her so badly? Was it intentional was her question. I mean in her mind, she was going out with Gemma and then out of nowhere Gemma was sitting with her mother and her brother. Not even did Gemma send her a message warning her that Harry was there.
Gemma not sending her even a little message after she poured her heart out to her in the car about how she felt about everything only made things worse. What was so wrong with her she could not hold the value she held for others? What was so wrong with her nobody could hold onto her long enough? She had so many questions she wanted so many answers and there was no way to find the answers to her deep questions. She felt terrible about herself, she felt as if she wasn’t worthy of love or care. She only wondered if she couldn’t be loved or cared for then would she be able to care for the person inside of her? She could barely carry the weight of herself. Moreover, nobody could carry the weight of her and she was expected to be able to carry the weight of a little baby all on her own.
One of the running thoughts in her head was what would Harry ever want from her. He swore on his life right in front of her that she was practically useless. He told her every disgusting hurtful word he could ever find and threw it directly at her with no remorse. He took everything he knew about her and threw it all in her face as an insult. He was the cruelest person to her because he found her as a menace when it came to his love life. So what could he ever possibly want from her now. He left her when she was at a time when she needed the most support, and he simply threw her out of his life. Not even to the side he threw her out of his life. And he showed no remorse or care for his words, and now he seemed to be looking for a place back into her life? She wouldn’t allow it, not when she had so much going on for not her but for her child. She wouldn’t allow it because she had so much to carry and Harry didn’t want to help her carry anything, so she isn’t going to allow him to carry anything now.
The only vivid question living in her mind was If Gemma was in on Harry popping up at the restaurant they were at was Anne in on it all as well? Gemma hearing the girl fall apart with her heartbreak in the car then putting her in front of the one who broke her heart was one pain. But the only mother figure she had being in on it as well was a new level of heartbreak for Y/N. She wasn’t worthy of being loved; she couldn’t even be seen as a daughter to anybody. Was Anne really capable of putting her in front of her biggest heartbreak? She understood that he was her son, but she thought she held a value within Anne to be able to trust her with how broken she was over losing the boy. She thought she could be immensely open with Anne to feel safe and protected, but maybe Anne didn’t want to protect her.
She had an endless amount of questions. The biggest one being if it was time to move on from the comfort she had found within the Styles’ family. If they all did eventually lead her to be hurt then maybe it was time to find out about all the support, love and comfort she found within them. If they all had a way to hurt her she would much rather be out of their ways and out of their lives. Even if it meant not having a sister or a mother anymore she would leave it all to no longer feel the pain and ache running through her entire body. She felt almost betrayed that she had opened up to both of them in such a way and they had made it so easy for her to open up as well. But the moment she opened up they both seemed to take advantage and put one of her greatest fears and heartbreaks right in front of her.
She only wished for one thing, and that was her dad. She wished to have his love and comfort at the most. She wished he was there for her for more years to guide her. She was doing this all on her own and she couldn’t for much longer, and she knew that if she had her dad by her side it would all be so much easier. Her dad was someone she constantly longed for right when he died and after he died. He was the only source of comfort, love and support she had since she was born and it was all taken away from her when she was eight. When she was eight that’s when she began to be unaware of the love so many would be open to having for her, or the support and care somebody could ever offer her.
Her cries and thoughts for her father were interrupted by the mass buzzing of her phone. She was drowning so harshly into her cries and thoughts that she failed to even recognize the buzz and vibrations that came from her phone. But when she pulled out her phone from its buzzing spot in her coat she found 8 missed calls from Gemma, 5 from Anne, and 15 missed calls from Harry. All three of the styles were filling her phone of calls and incoming texts. She didn’t want to hear from any of them, she didn’t want to be around them, she didn’t want their comfort or support. For once in her life she didn’t care if they were trying to contact her. She didn’t care and she didn’t want to be near them. She wanted to be on her own and nobody seemed to understand her at all. She only briefly glanced and scrolled through the various call and message notifications before she let her mind consume her fully and shut off her phone entirely.
She wanted to be home. She wanted to be in her bed with her dog and in the only safe space she seemed to find that was offered in her home. She knew her day would end badly but once Gemma had come in and turned that all around she never expected for this to happen. She never expected to be in the amount of pain she was in over only making a few moments of eye contact with Harry.
She never expected to be around him that quickly. I mean of course she knew it would eventually happen. But a part of her convinced her that it would never happen as long as they were away from each other how Harry had asked. She assumed that Anne and Gemma understood the amount of pain and shame that consumed her when it came to Harry. She assumed wrong and she saw that when they put her in this position.
For once in her life, maybe she wouldn’t fear the idea of being alone. Maybe that was because she saw that nobody could ever love her like her father did. No one would ever compare to the love and comfort her father gave her at the age. No one would ever compare to the love she had for others. She loved the people closest to her. She thought herself incapable of loving until she met the styles and found out what love was. That was when she began to understand what it was like to truly love others. That’s when she began to accept all 3 of the Styles as her family. That’s when she began to understand that she could love. That’s when she saw she could be loved. But she could never seem to be loved in the way she loved others. The only way she would be immensely loved would be through her father at the age of 8 through her father who was no longer there. And a love that she longed for that she seemed to never be able to find or be worthy of.
She figured if she wasn’t enough to be loved, then she would have found the love in her and provided it all to her child. Her child was looking to be the only hope, the only source of comfort and support she was so desperately trying to find. Her child would be the one that would make her world spin and make her worthy of living, she knew her child would make her the proudest woman ever. She knew that she could make herself worthy of love if she could love somebody else. And the only person she knew that would value her love and her would be her child, her child that would amount to her entire world.
In a way this was all her fault, the entire situation it was all on her. She put her entire trust, her entire world into not only Harry but all of the Styles’ family. If she hadn’t been so desperate for a sense of having a family then this all could have been avoided. She wished she could go back to her old self and warn her to not follow the request of making a suit for Harry Styles. She wished she had never accepted the invite to go onto his tour. She wished she had never accepted the invitation of his friendship. Of his invitation into his family. She wished she had never met Harry styles.
**************
“Found her” Harry had whispered lightly when he made eye contact with Y/N. He didn’t notice both Anne and Gemma look at each other in absolute fear of what was to come next. He didn’t see the two women panic as to how the girl would react. But when he tried to get up from the table right when he saw the girl rush out of the restaurant, that’s when he saw the reaction of the two women in front of him.
They didn’t let him out of the restaurant behind her as much as he wanted to follow her; they didn’t let her. He didn’t understand the panic among their faces but he managed to understand why they were so reluctant to allow him to follow her. It was almost embarrassing and shameful of him to even allow himself to run after her.
“You’re going to stay put Harry” Gemma was pulling his arm back into the table booth after he had so quickly gotten up after he saw her rush out of the restaurant. “You’re gonna let her leave and stay put” She was almost seething at her brother in anger.
“Gem just let me see if she’s-”
“Harry, you have no right!” Anne was just watching her two children fight over one of the most special girl in not just their lives but all of them. “She has tried so hard to get you out of her life ever since you-“
“Gemma” Anne interrupted her daughter sensing the conversation was going to get more heated after Gemma started raising her voice to her son. “Not here not right now” She reached to hold her hand.
Anne saw her daughter roll her eyes slightly “Then when mum?” She turned to her mother, “When will he realize the damage he has done to her before trying to get her to fall right back into his arms?”
“Gem that’s not- ” Harry started before Gemma interrupted him with her own anger coursing through her. She wanted him to realize how hurtful and cruel he was to Y/N. She wanted him to realize he doesn’t deserve her.
“Oh really?” Gemma let out a mocking laugh, “Then what you were trying to run after her for what reason? What were you going to do when you went after her? Tell me Harry.” Gemma demanded her brother to answer her and he simply sat in silence.
“That’s what I thought” Gemma scoffed at his silence. Staying silent when she saw a waitress making their way over with their food.
Harry sat in silence and only meekly let out a thank you when the waitress left their food. He no longer had hunger in him; he only had guilt suddenly running through him. Every question Gemma had presented him all had the answers she was looking for. He had no reason or right to want to jump back into her life, he simply wanted it for his own benefit not hers. He wanted to make his life better with her in it, he was doing it because he knew she was in love with him and he wanted to find himself back in love with her like he knew he was deep down.
The silence among the table was broken by Anne asking where Y/N could have gone, “Gemma, where do you think the poor girl ran off too?” She had a sense of concern laced through her tone.
“Fuck” Gemma whispered to herself before she was reaching into her pocket and Anne soon was reaching in her pocket as well both of them getting ready to send her a message.
“Well if you would have just let me go after her” Harry rolled his eyes at his sister. Among his running thoughts and wonders about how he wanted Y/N back into his life for good he began to grow angry. He grew angry because he knew it wouldn’t be as easy as he was making it out to be in his. He knew he would have to put everything into getting her back. But he also knew his sister wouldn’t allow him into Y/N’s life so easily as well.
“Harry” Anne started this time, “Now is not the time okay” She softly told her son trying to get him to understand that she was rooting for him to be a better person towards Y/N but now was simply not the time.
“Mum, why are you acting as if you were not rooting for me in wanting to be in her life again?” He groaned, beginning to show his frustration, “You told me if she wanted me she would let me work to be in her life.” He looked at his mother, “You were rooting for mei needing to work as hard as she would let me to be in her life”
“Yes Harry” Anne sighed “ I did support you in all this but now is not the right time” She emphasized knowing that the girl would already be having enough running through her head at the moment.
“Why- ”
“For fucks same Harry!” Gemma was a bit on the louder side catching the attention of others. Anne let out a small apology on her behalf feeling embarrassed about the outburst her grown children were about to have in front of the entire restaurant.
“She fucking ran out of the restaurant as soon as she made eye contact with you Harry. She didn’t fucking say a word or get close she mad eye contact and she fucking ran, and if that doesn’t tell you that now isn’t the time then I don’t know what will Harry.”
“I think she ran because she was shocked to see me” Harry raised his eyebrows at his sister's words.
“No Harry” Gemma was herself growing angry at her brother’s ignorance, “She ran because she doesn’t want to see you. How do you not fucking understand that she doesn’t want to fucking see you that’s it! And frankly she doesn’t want to see you and I don’t want to see you near her”
“Okay now why don’t you want me around her?” Harry scoffed at his sister’s words, “Are you hearing her mum?”
“I am yes Harry” Anne sighed putting down her fork she was eating with, “Look Harry I agree with-”
“Oh god” Harry flies his arms up in anger, “Now you’re agreeing with her” He looked at his mother feeling sadness and anger taking over him. How was his mother so easily turning on his words and actions ? “Just two nights ago you were telling me how I should work for it, did you not? Or did you think I would be too drunk to remember?” He let out a harsh laugh towards his mother.
“Harry please don’t start now” Anne glared at him slightly, “Look Y/N just had a rough day today and now is not the time.”
“ Then what other time will there be!”
“I don’t know Harry but Not now!” Gemma exclaimed, “Maybe not even ever, Harry”
“Why are you assuming that-“
“For fucks sake Harry” Gemma looks at him, “She’s 5 months pregnant and is currently absoluetly miserable and it’s because of you. She had an absolutely miserable morning because of you. You have done so much damage to her that she fucking bottles it up and keeps it to herself. You have done so much to her that she’s fucking scared Harey. She’s fucking scared to love someone else because of you! Because of you Harry you damaged her so much you forced her to no longer want to be in love or believe in love. Because of you Harry. So maybe Harry, maybe never is a good time to try and push your way back into her life” Gemma bursted out slamming her fork rather loudly onto the plate she was eating from.
Harry only stared at Gemma after her words. Had he really made the girl afraid of loving? Had he really been that much of a monster ? Had he actually ruined love for the girl that deep down he and everyone knew he loved? While he was out running about with any girl that easily caught his attention his best friend was falling apart because of him. He was the reason the girl was so damaged he was the reason the girl was so scared about love and what love was. He was the reason for all of the girls’ fears.
Harry got up after hearing his sister's words and rushed out of the restaurant . He needed a source of air and he needed to be alone. He needed to gather his thoughts his emotions and he needed to gather how he would ever approach Y/N. But whether Gemma or Anne liked it or not he was going to be on his way to look for her whether she was. And he knew he would be the first to get to her if she had forgotten about the fact that they had always shared their location with each other if they were ever in danger. And if the universe was on Harry’s side then he would be able to easily find her and try to push himself into her life.
*************
Meanwhile Gemma was absolutely fuming inside the restaurant Harry had so harshly walked out of moments ago.
“Who does he think he is trying to just barge into his life mum!” Gemma bursts to her mother, “He can’t just do that!”
But Anne’s thoughts were on what Gemma had said about him making the girl scared to love, for some reason she felt guilty for the girl feeling such a way. “Did she say that she was scared to love because of him?” She blurts the question to her daughter.
Gemma sighed knowing that she had just spilled every word Y/N confided with her out to the man that had hurt so badly. She was deeply regretting it but she knew in a way she had done the right thing. She had done it in the aspect of her brother seeing the light of how he couldn’t simply crash into Y/N’s life. Did she regret pouring Y/N’s words out that she confided her with? Slightly, but not necessarily because she did it all in the name of helping the girl live in peace.
Anne got the hint that her daughter had spit the words that Y/N had confided her with. She only knew because those simple words of being scared to love because of her son were words she herself had never heard from Y/N. She would like to believe Y/N had enough trust in her to open up with such words. Shaking her head, Anne turned to her daughter, “You shouldn’t have said those things dear. I know you did it to convince him to not run after her, but Gem he was going to run after her anyways. She trusted you with those words and you threw them out to the one she was talking about that hurt her. I didn’t even know she felt that way and you gave the power and knowledge of it all to the wrong person, the one that caused it all”
That was when remorse and guilt began to fill Gemma’s body slowly. That’s when she realized maybe she was totally wrong in telling her brother the reality of what was going on in Y/N’s mind. Maybe she was wrong to try to displace Harry in her life again. “I just want what’s best with her mum, and I don’t think Harry is what’s best for her” She confessed to her mother.
“I know Gem, but it’s all not about her” Anne tried to get her daughter to see her brother’s side of the situation, “It’s about the both of them, not just her or not just him. If they both work the right way they’ll be able to find a new way to involve each other in their lives if that’s something they both want”
The two sat in silence eating the rest of their meals after Anne had spoken the last bits of her words to her daughter. Gemma tried to see it on her brother’s behalf she really did but she couldn’t exactly understand why Harry would have the power to simply walk back into her life. But then again if he was simply walking back to her it was for a reason and if he was even able to walk into her life again it was because Y/N allowed him to. As much as she didn’t want to let her brother so easily back into Y/N’s life she knew there wasn’t much she could rightfully do for her to avoid it, there was no choice that involved her that would cause a significant change in the way his brother and Y/N approached their relationship.
It wasn’t until the two finished their meals and when their small talk was interrupted by the sound of Gemma’s phone ringing that they realized they were left on their own without the two other people they both were joined with at the start of the day. Gemma pulled out her phone internally groaning and wanting to ignore the call of her brother, but she took her anger to the side and answered the call on her screen.
“What do you want, Harry?” Her annoyance was visible through her tone to her brother.
“I can’t find her,” He sighed into the phone, “Did she bring her own car? Is she at home?” He slightly panicked to his sister.
That’s when it all came reeling into Gemma the girl hadn’t driven her own car to all the places they went to. Y/N had been in Gemma’s passenger seat the entire time, and now she had ran off to god knows where from the restaurant they were at.
“Oh my god” Gemma faced Anne, “I've been driving her around the entire day mum” She panicked telling her mother how Y/N had no place to run off to since she was the one who drove her to the palace they were at. That’s when Anne began to pull out her phone and began texting and calling the girl asking where she had gone off too.
“I’ll find her” Gemma told her brother, “You out of all people should not be looking for her” She told him before she briefly hung up the call that she had with her brother going on. She searched through her contacts quickly, not even hesitating before clicking the call button on Y/N’s contact and leaving a voicemail when she didn’t answer.
“I mean she couldn’t have gone that far right?” Gemma asked her mother as they paid the bill for their lunch and quickly made their way out of the restaurant.
“I mean, I don’t know love, it depends on if she knows the area” Anne sighed once again pressing the call button, she knew that the girl wasn’t bound to answer their calls or texts. “If she wants to be alone then she’s not going to answer our calls” Anne tells her daughter looking around the outside of the restaurant trying to find a view of Y/N.
“I don’t want her to be out here on her own, mum” Gemma also looked around the area, “I hardly know the area we are in and I’ve lived here my entire life how the hell would she know where she’s at!” Gemma was beginning to show her panic towards her mother.
“Okay, calm down” Anne rested her arm over her daughter’s shoulder, “We’ll find her, she’s not stupid she knows how it can be to be on her own out here, she can’t be far” Anne assured her daughter before they both took a new pathway to look towards wherever Y/N could be hoping that they would eventually successfully find the girl.
***********
Y/N sat crying for god knows how long. She had turned off her phone to avoid all 3 of the styles contacting her, but she now had no idea where she was or what time it was. She assumed she looked absolutely pathetic on the bench she was sitting on. A 5 month old pregnant woman sat on a bench sobbing her eyes out sounded like a pathetic site and she only began to pity herself for feeling and looking in such a way to others.
When her sobs and eyes were no longer that teary or strong, she decided that maybe it was time to actually find where she was so she was able to find the easiest way home. But she knew that she wouldn’t be able to find the bravery in her to ask any of the mothers in the park she was at. Even if she knew they were all bound to be as sweet as ever given they were with their children the way she currently looked at felt didn’t allow her to go out and ask one of the mothers that was occupied with their children.
While her mind was reeling from coming up with ways to get out o the park and into the safety of her home, a man who was holding what seemed to be a newborn baby strapped onto his chest and holding the arm of what she assumed was a 4 year old boy rushed over to the spot next to the empty spot on the bench she was on.
“I’m sorry, this spot taken?” The man rushed out, and Y/N only turned to him and lightly shook her head no, the 4 year old boy the man was with easily catching her view. Y/N wished she had a mirror to check how horrendous she was sure she looked and how terrified the 4 year old would have been upon seeing her face.
“Okay buddy you can head out there, just stay in my view” The father said to the four year old boy before he was taking off towards the playground, the father beamed with a smile to his child. The view made Y/N slightly smile upon having the wide feeling of sadness take over her body for so long. “Now I don’t have to worry about you, you just keep dreaming on” The father said to the newborn encased into his chest that was taken over by sleep.
Y/N only began to imagine if she would be just like the father with the newborn in their chest. She began to think about all the little things she would be able to do or have to stop doing when it came to actually having her baby. But her short run of thoughts was interrupted by the man next to her, this time talking to her and not the baby on his chest or his 4 year old out on the playground.
“It’s a nice day out” He comments, turning to look at Y/N, “The little guy over there begged me to bring him here and I had no choice but to follow him” He laughed to Y/N, and she did lightly respond to him with a brief laugh, showing him she was at least listening to his words.
“If you don’t mind me asking” and Y/N already knew the question that was about to come out of the man’s mouth, “How far along are you?”
Either Y/N didn’t look as terrible as she assumed for the man wanting to engage her in a conversation, But she would try her best to come across as kind as possible aside from how she might look upon the amount of tears she said.
“Just about 5 months'” She quietly let out, putting a hand onto her belly and slightly turning to face the man next to her as he kept his view on his child out on the playground. He wasn’t bad looking, he seemed like a kind young man and it was easing the nerves and the sadness that was left in her body. It was almost like a breath of fresh air coursing through ehr to engage in a conversation that wasn’t with one of the Styles’.
“5 Months,” He turned to face Y/N with a small smile on his face, “That’s one of the hardest, I remember my partner having to go through the one, that was one ride of a rollercoaster” he laughed and Y/N lightly giggled with the man.
“Yeah” She agreed, “It’s been a slight struggle” She turned her attention fully to him.
“Well you’ve got 4 months to go, that's exciting!” He saw the trace of sadness not only across the girls’ eyes but also across her face, and he wanted to try his best to try and get the girl to a lighter state. He knew from his experience with his past partner that nobody should be miserable through their pregnancy; it only leads to misery past the pregnancy, and it all would be presented towards themselves but to their children.
“It is yeah” Y/N smiled not exactly knowing what else to tell the man next to her.
“Do you know if it’s going to be a girl or a boy?” He asked, still having the brightness of a smile laced into his face.
“I’ve decided to keep that until the birth” She told the man who she didn’t know the name of, “I guess I just wanted it to be a surprise” She continued with the same soft smile on her face.
“We took that route with this little girl” He motioned towards the baby in his arms, “And honestly I wished we would have taken the route with that little guy, it was easier in a way, I don’t know how to explain it but it kept a fun in the pregnancy” He tried to explain his thoughts to the girl next to him.
Y/N laughed a bit at his words, “Yeah no I understand” She smiled, “It’s the fun through all the struggles”
“Exactly!” He exclaimed “I’m Dominick” He smiled moving to support his baby on his chest with one hand and reaching the other towards Y/N.
“Y/N” She smiled, reaching out to shake his hand, meeting his bright smile. There was something about him Y/N felt that didn’t make her afraid to engage in conversation with him or be around him. Something about him made her want to be near him at the moment, something about him made her feel a sense of calm.
“This little one is Willow” He lightly grabbed the arm of his baby and lightly waved it towards Y/N. “That energetic guy over there” He pointed to the 4 year old over on the playground, “That’s my little guy Arlo” He introduced his little family over to the sad but yet beautiful girl next to him.
“What cute names they have” Y/N smiled at the man next to her.
“Proud to say I chose those myself” He looked out at his playing son, “Have you and your partner thought about any names for your little one?”
Y/N didn’t know how to answer the question of her not having a partner it threw her into a loop of awkwardness, but she tried to answer as best as she could, “Uh no haven’t thought of any names, it’s kinda overwhelming” She confessed to him, she felt as if he would be able to relate to her in the sense that he had not one child but two.
“Phew,” Dominick scoffed, “Overwhelming is the least dramatic word to use, but definitely is stressful” He turned to Y/N, “For me, my partner didn’t have much say or word actually, she wasn’t very involved in it all. Other than being pregnant of course” Y/N sensed he was about to go off on a rant and she oddly found comfort in him trusting her in such a random way, “She was in denial of having the kids, especially the second one.” He widened his eyes in emphasis, “So in the end when she had them, one glance at them and I was able to name these beauties”
Y/N only offered him a comforting smile, but it was the most she had smiled throughout the day, and even if she had been sobbing on the bench before he had arrived she was grateful she had ended up on the bench to end up next to him. “I’m sorry about that” There wasn’t much for her to say after offering her sympathy but she hoped her next words would allow him to know she also knows what it’s like to feel to be on their own while carrying children. “Uh If it helps, I’m also on my own with them” She rubbed her belly slightly looking down at her stomach
“Well we’re both in the same boats here!” Dominick laughed lightly looking at Y/N with a face of sympathy but yet understanding laced through his features, “Look at us all on our own with babies” He laughed as the 4 year old came running back to him.
“Papa!” The boy screaming running at him, “water” He breathed reaching towards the bag near his father.
“Alright buddy I've got you” Dominick reached towards the bag he had pulled out a pattern water bottle for the 4 year old.
“I’m Arlo!” He turned over to Y/N heaving but with a smile on his face.
“Hi Arlo!” Y/N giggled at the little boy, “I’m Y/N” She smiled at the little boy in front of her.
“She’s baby Willow” He said, pointing over at the baby resting on his father’s chest.
“Yeah she’s cute isn’t she” Y/N kept the conversation going with the boy as the father of the boy passed him the water bottle stealing the boy’s attention.
“Sorry he’s a talker” Dominick turned to Y/N apologizing for his son’s talkative nature. “Trust me, took that little boy to school, by the second day the teacher was calling telling me he’s interrupting every lesson. I mean what do they even learn in preschool!”
Y/N laughed at the man’s words, while the boy sipped from his water, “But he’s cute! That’s the upside” Y/N laughed.
“Yeah he is a cutie at heart” Dominick laughed, taking back the small bottle of water the boy was handing to him, turning his attention to the boy. “Alright it’s 2:30 buddy, 30 more minutes then we’ll head to grandma’s okay?” The little boy nodded before running back off into the playground. Then Dominick focused his attention back over to Y/N. “I’m sorry if I just bombarded you with my entire life story out of nowhere” He apologized feeling bad to have interrupted the girls’ afternoon, but he didn’t feel that bad he could feel the girls’ sadness.
“Don’t apologize” Y/N looked at his eyes, “Wasn’t having much fun on my own here” SHe laughed trying to mask the shake in her voice from her sadness of before.
“Well, I hope I was able to make it fun by showing up here” He smiled brightly at Y/N before he sensed the shake of his baby on his chest, “Oh here it comes” He was able to say right before the baby in his arms was in fact crying into his chest.
Y/N watched as he lightly cooed at the baby urging her to calm down and assuring her she was okay, and she hoped and wished she would be the father and mother the man next to her was. Seeing how protective, careful and loving he was towards his children only made her want to be the parent he was to both of his children. The boy would run up to him and look at him as if he had raised the world, and Y/N wanted that from her baby she wanted to be the best like the man next to her was. After the baby was calm Dominick only continued small talk with Y/N.
“Do you live close to here?” He asked her after he placed the baby into a baby carrier he had with him.
Y/N stuttered in her words, “I actually don’t know” she tried to laugh with her voice, but when he looked at her with a furrowed eyebrow she knew that she had to elaborate, “Uhm I was out with a friend and things didn’t end up as planned an I just ended up here” She gave him a brief vague summary of what had happened not finding the need to go into depth with what she would still consider a stranger.
Dominick still turned to her with a furrowed eyebrow, “I’m sorry about that” He wanted to help the girl, she looked absolutely sad and he wanted to make the beautiful girl next to him feel better, he didn’t know her she was practically a stranger but he wanted to know her beauty she seemed to have. “If you want, I could try to give you a lift?” He offered the girl. “I’m sorry, not like in a creepy man way, I just want to help you out” He said with full honesty in his voice.
Y/N laughed, “It’s okay, I think I’ll just walk my way home” She offered him a sympathetic smile.
“See I just don’t think that will be the best option here darling” He looked at her while making a quick glance over at his watch checking the time, “I know at this stage of pregnancy everything and anything is going to start to make you uncomfortable and hurt love.” He told her honestly trying to help her. It wasn’t because he was a creep, it was more so he didn’t feel it was a safe or healthy idea of a pregnant lady walking on their own for such a long time. “I mean you don’t know for how long you’ll end up walking for”
Y/N thought it over for a bit and didn’t want to fall into his offer she was fine with walking, “Truly it’s fine, Dominick” She finally used his name in the conversation, “I can walk on my own for a bit, I don’t think I’m that far from home to be honest”
“Love” Dominick turned to her, “I know we don’t know each other but I would really feel bad if I just let you walk to your home on your own when you're like this.”
Y/N could sense not only his care but his effort in trying to understand her place and what she was seemingly going through, “But it’s fine, Dominick I swear I can make it” She tried to convince him, if anything she simply needed the walk to clear her mind a bit more.
“Okay” Dominick sighed but still thinking about the walk the girl would have to take. But after glancing at the time now hitting 2:50, he started to call over his son. Y/N watched as he moved from the bench allowing his son to take a seat, wiping off the bit of sweat coming from his small body and giving the boy water, before checking on the baby in the baby carrier.
“Alright all ready Arlo?” Dominick checked over the boy before picking up the baby carrier and lacing his small son’s hand with his. He turned his attention to Y/N, “Weird question” Y/N furrowed her eyebrow at the man, “Do you have your phone on you?”
She continued to stare at him with confusion laced into her face, “Yeah”
“Just take this,” He said, pulling out a notepad from the bag he was carrying that held the water bottle the little boy had drunk out of. Y/N watched as he scribble onto the scrap of paper, “Take this, and please let me know when you make it home, if you’re comfortable to of course, I’m doing it cause it honestly sounds a bit scary to let a 5 month pregnant woman walk god knows how long alone” He looked at her with a shaky smile, he was offering his kindness to her because not only was he genuinely concerned with her current state, but also because he had a interest of her tha easily after hearing her voice and having known her for a few minutes.
“I’ll let you know” Y/N quietly agreed with a smile. She was grateful that at least someone seemed to have a sense of care for her even if it was completely a stranger, “Thank you Dominick” She stared at the man with tears coming into her vision. She didn’t know why she was crying and she didn’t know why the man was being so kind. He clearly had a lot to handle and he was willing to handle the idea of her at the moment.
“Don’t thank me” He smiled at her but the rest of his words were interrupted by his son.
“Dominick? Silly you! ” The boy laughed at Y/n, and Y/N furrowed her eyebrows with confusion, but her confusion was taken by the boy’s voice, “Papa’s friends call him Nick! You can call him Nick not Dominick. Right Papa?” The boy smiled up at his father and the father returned his smile brightly.
“He’s right,” He smiled at Y/N, “You can call me Nick, Dominick’s too big and scary” He playfully rolled his eyes at his own words.
Y/N laughed and the tears that were once flooding her vision were all turned away, “Okay thank you nick” She smiled at him, “And thank you Arlo” She offered her smile to the little boy that easily returned the smile.
“We’re off now” Dominick turned his attention to her, “It was nice meeting you, let me know when you’re home?” He once again asked the girl with a shy smile on her face.
“I’ll let you know,” She assured the man feeling his kindness and care radiate around her “Thank you again” She smiled, and the man only smiled back before making his way over to his car with his children in tow.
Y/N let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding thinking of the man that had just randomly approached her and how he made the conversation flow so easily. How he had offered care so easily and how she had so easily fallen into it. It was sketchy in a sense, but for some reason she didn’t feel as sacred as to fall into it. Maybe it was because he was practically in the same situation as her and for once she knew that she wasn’t the only one that was on her own having a baby. She knew that if that man had his own success and two children then she could have her own success and one child. The man made her see that there was a reliable and open future for her if she had the child she had been homing for 5 months. The man made her see so much in just simple minutes, he had opened her mind and eyes as to what her life could be in the future with her child.
She let her mind run a bit wild with the thoughts consuming her head, before she began turning on her phone once again to plug in her address into the GPS so she could be on her way to her safe place. But as her thoughts ran and her phone turned on she was interrupted.
She was interrupted by the voice of the man she had made eye contact with not long ago.
“Is this spot taken?” Was how he approached Y/N. It caused her to practically jump out of her spot at the sound of his voice. She might as well have jumped from her spot cause anger took over her lightly. She didn’t even take a glance at him when he began to speak, she simply got up, and began to walk away.
She glanced at her now turned on phone and simply made the quick move to find the GPS app and quickly put in her address, grateful when the GPS was directing her with a route of only a 30 minute walk. She clicked the button that started her walk ignoring the voice of Harry behind her calling out her name.
“Y/N come on” “Y/N let’s talk” Was what he kept repeating but she only continued to walk as fast as her body could take her, her hand taking a rest on her belly when she felt her child kick.
“I’m sorry, I know a lot’s going on” She whispered glancing down at her stomach addressing her unborn child. She truly walked as fast as she could but soon enough, Harry was catching up to her.
“Y/N” He heaved when he was at pace right next to her, “Just let me talk with you” He begged, but Y/N only looked forward and ignored, “Or at least let me give you a lift to your home, it’s a long ways”
“Leave me alone.” Were the first words, Y/N told him, and Harry stopped walking when he heard his voice, processing the fact that she had actually acknowledged him, but he quickly worked to keep up the pace next to her.
“Just let me explain to you” Harry turned to her as they walked, “Please Y/N” He was sure he looked like a madman to outsiders begging a pregnant lady to give him the light of day.
“Harry” Y/N stopped in her walk taking a deep breath, she turned to him, “I said leave me alone please” She could feel the anger brewing through her.
But Harry, the moment she turned to him, he might as well have plummeted to the ground. She was glowing, as any pregnant woman would, but she was glowing without him. She looked amazing and she had managed to do it all on her own and he was proud of her. Proud of her but disappointed in himself for letting such a beauty go.
“Y/N please let’s just talk, one time, let me take you home and-”
“Harry I said no” She repeated once again and Harry could hear her anger, “I really can’t and don’t want to deal with you today please” She began to let the emotion take over her fully, with tears flooding into her eyes.
“I’m just I’m sorry okay” Harry sighed looking at her right in the eyes, “let’s just talk, please Y/N” He begged her with his own tears coming into his eyes.
“No Harry” Y/N turned her teared vision off to her phone, beginning to walk to make it to her home. “Not today, not now” She continued to walk.
“When Y/N?” Harry asked her trying to make it up to her pace again, “When can we talk, I’m begging you to hear me out”
“Harry I heard you out before and I don’t want to again” She cried as she walked, “So please just leave me alone!” She began to get tired of her walk but forced herself to walk faster wanting to get away from Harry.
“Okay” Harry accepted her words, “I’ll leave you alone then” He looked at her, “But know I’ll be coming to talk to you at one point” He told her as he was right behind her walking as he noticed she picked up her pace.
“Please just go away Harry!” She cried turning to him one last time before she saw that he was right behind her walk with tears also in his eyes. But she only looked at him for as much as a minute, then quickly turned to continue her walk as to where the GPS was navigating her wanting to make it home as quickly as possible.
And after what seemed to be an eternity but what was actually 20 minutes, Y/N made it home, and she easily collapsed onto the ground next to her doorway as her dog ran up to her. SHe quickly encased her dog into her arms, melting into his comfort.
“Oh cuddles” She cried, “We missed you so much today” She spoke to the dog referring to her and her child, speaking as if the dog would understand what she was trying to say. But he definitely got the message when he placed himself in her lap as she sat in the doorway sobbing her eyes out once again. She took a few moments to continue crying and processing everything that she had just been through throughout the day witnessing Harry right in front of her begging her to have a conversation with her. But then she thought about the man that had sat next to her in the park and it brought a sense of calm over her. It calmed her in the sense of having a safety net and a source of care, and soon enough she pulled out the note in her pocket and put in the number into her phone and texted the man that had offered her such kindness in her sadness.
hey nick, i made it home okay :) hope you are having a lovely day !
She sent the message with no hesitation, picking herself up from her spot in the doorway, leading herself up the stairs with Cuddles right behind her tracks. By the time she had made it into the safety of her bed she was exhausted and reaching out to sleep with the comfort of her dog next to her. After a few moments she began to doze off into sleep, but right before she reached her dreams her phone dinged.
hey! glad you made it home alright! was it a long walk?
Like a little girl on a school night, but being a pregnant woman mid day, she didn’t doze off to sleep, she was connected to her phone for the rest of the afternoon answering texts of the man that offered her such an easy source of comfort.
Be careful what u wish for 😬 testing our first person POV
Warnings: unrequited love, pining, mention of Harry with another person that isn’t reader
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——-
I wanted to hate him.
Seeing someone you love, love someone else hurts.
It hurts worse than I had ever imagined. Seeing him with her, a girl I hate for no reason other than the fact she has What I wanted, it feels fucking pathetic. The icy cold that swallowed me up before the red hot embarrassment washing over my skin as I walked into the hallway into something I never wanted to see was there worst thing I’ve ever felt in my life.
It was like a car wreck. I couldnt look away. Seeing his ringed hand grip her ass as he kissed her neck. The giggles coming from her throat that made me irrationally angry. His deep voice contrasting her lighter one and his glazed over eyes looking down at her upturned nose.
I had heard him gush about her. Every time her name was mentioned my stomach would turn and ache because his head would snap up and his smile would widen. I wanted that for me. Not for her. There was realistically nothing wrong with the girl. She was nice. Sickeningly nice, with a pretty smile and a kind demeanor. She had always been kind to me.
I hated it.
Childish, absolutely. But with Harry, he was fucking oblivious. And I was a fucking coward who couldn’t tell him how I felt until it was too late. He was in love with Jess.
He had told me before he told her at a party. We were high out of our minds around the fire pit, sitting on the ground with our backs up against broken logs and he got the prettiest look on his face. He had smiled so wide and let out the most beautiful laugh, head thrown back on the wood before turning to look at me. His words were so genuine and soft, turning to me and probably expecting the thing I should have done.
His whisper was giddy. Happy.
“I’m so in love with her, Y/N. I’ve never felt like this before.”
I had the weakest smile on my face. Squeezing his hand, I closed my eyes to attempt to stop the burning. It didn’t though. Harry didn’t notice either way because he was lost in thought, thinking about Jess. Stupid fucking Jess. Stupid, pretty, kind, Jess, who had everything I’ve ever wanted in the palm of her little french manicured hands.
“I’m happy for you.”
The worst part was, I was.
I was so happy that Harry was happy. His happiness has always been so important to me. But I wanted that happiness to be shared with me. I wanted his pink kisses and I wanted the smile he gave her.
Seeing it up close now hurt so badly. It felt like I was punched in the chest. Leaving the bathroom at this grimy house party, I hadn’t expected to walk out and see him with her in the small hallway. But I couldn’t look away.
It was like looking into my own dream and nightmare combined. I’d never seen him so touchy, so lovey with a girl. Never seen him so shameless about loving a woman and that woman not being me, killed me. I felt sore. My heart ached as I watched on, the both of them in their own little world.
“Adore you, J. So much. I’d walk through… dunno, fire for you.” He nuzzled his nose against hers, pulling her flush against his body. The words stung me, but not as much as seeing her grin, their tipsy mouths connecting messily and the little moan coming from her cherry lips making him grab her in a much filthier way.
“Don’t kiss me like tha’ unless Y’want the consequences.” His dark voice was breathy as his fingers slid under her dress, her back arching and breasts pressing into his chest.
“And what if I do?”
That was the point I had to walk away. Knowing that his fingers were about to go where I always ached for them, but would never feel them was only in my god damn dreams. I had lost my chance. All I heard was a gasp and moan, the door to whoever’s bedroom closing behind me with a bang as I rushed down the stairs with those god forsaken tears burning my eyes.
I wish I could be her. All I ever was, and ever would be is the best friend.
A/N: Here’s the final part for my power mini series. 🥺 I was honestly debating on how I should end this one. I was going to go a different route for this ending, but I just couldn’t see the reader doing that. I hope you all enjoy. Thank you for taking this journey with me. 🫶🏻 Song inspo: “The 1” by Taylor Swift.
Also thank you for 900 followers. 🥹🫶🏻 Thank you all for showing me so much love!! 💓
All my mistakes are my own. Please do not repost or translate my fics on any other site nor this one.
I appreciate any likes, reblogs, messages, and interactions.
Series Masterlist || Masterlist
Harry always wondered why he let himself make the choices he had made all those years ago.
He tells himself he was weak. He was too young to know any better. But in all honesty, he was an idiot. He was too dumb to see what he had right in front of him.
And it’s a mistake he has been paying for since the day it happened.
He had made a mistake the minute he had let Olivia kiss him.
He often wonders what was going through his mind when he allowed himself to let her lips touch his. He remembers being hesitant, but he also remembers not pulling away.
It wasn't because he was infatuated with her. She didn’t have anything he wanted or needed. He was a millionaire already. A household name. And his celebrity status was only growing by day.
He didn’t need more fame. He was good with his money. He didn’t need Olivia’s name tied to his. He already had yours tied to his. A wonderful actress and a name most people already knew.
Not because of him. You were just known because you were that good.
It was lust.
Lust for another woman. Someone other than the love of his life.
Lust because of the way Olivia’s green eyes always followed his every move. The way she’d invite him to her trailer to help him rehearse when you weren’t on set and the sneaky touches she’d do to get his attention.
Harry tried to resist her. Did his best. But he fell weak to his sins and let her kiss him that one night.
And it was downhill from there.
He let his lust for Olivia cloud his judgement and he lost the love of his life because of it.
And now… five years later, he’s still with her. Trying to make it work, but not seeing a future with her. But not wanting to leave her because if he leaves her, everything that he did was for nothing.
All the pain he caused you was for nothing if Olivia and him break up. It’ll be a slap to the face.
And he doesn’t think he’s brave or strong enough for that.
Harry sighs as he twirls his iced vanilla latte in front of him.
He was sitting in an empty cafe, but a cafe that you love. Or used to love. He didn’t know anymore.
He was home in London for business, away from Olivia, and he needed to clear his mind. He felt lost within himself and wasn’t too sure what to do anymore.
He felt unfulfilled, distracted, and unhappy.
He was almost thirty-two years old and felt empty. His shoulders are sagging as he feels the weight of the world on them. He gulps down the dryness he feels as his thoughts seem to overtake him and proceeds to sip on his coffee.
He hears the door ring as someone walks into the small cafe. He lets his curiosity take over and peers up to look up at the stranger.
It was barely seven am and the cafe was nearly empty. He wondered who the other morning bird was. Or a night owl. Depending on the way you looked at it.
He stilled in his seat when he recognized who the stranger was.
It was you.
The last time he had seen you was three years ago at the Venice film festival where the night ended in a nightmare. He had spoken to you after that profusely apologizing for the events he caused, but you only listened to him to please him and told him to take care after his rant.
He stopped bothering you after that. He didn’t want to be that person in your life anymore. So he stopped. He knew he had to let you go and it killed him. But he wanted you to be happy.
But looking at you right now as you walked in, he still felt that feeling he hadn’t felt in years. He felt heat rush to his face as he watched you, his heart accelerating, and the smile that wanted to break out on his face making his lips twitch.
He watched you as you walked in, holding your nude colored scarf close to your face to keep the cold December chill away from your face, your cheeks flushed with the cold air either way, and your entire body was covered by a darker nude colored oversized coat.
You walked up to the counter, giving the barista your biggest warmest smile, throwing your hair back, and fetching your wallet from your bag.
Your hair fell down your back and it was the longest he’s ever seen you have it. He let his eyes follow your every movement and it’s as if you felt him watching you. Because once you paid, your eyes found him, eyes locking together, and your smile didn’t falter. Your eyebrows crinkled together as your expression was shocked as if you couldn’t believe he was really in the same cafe as you.
Harry wasn’t sure what to do. Should he stand up to greet you? Should he just wave and smile? Should he just look away and pretend he wasn’t just caught staring at you?
He didn’t have much time to weigh his options because you were walking towards him already. He watched you as you walked towards him. Walking tall with your shoulders straight, and filled with confidence. You were glowing.
He stood up quickly when you reached him.
“Harry!” You exclaimed as you surprisingly wrapped your arms around him, pulling his entire body down towards you, pressing your cheek against his as you hugged him tightly against you, and Harry almost melted in your arms. His senses are filled with warm scents of your favorite perfume.
Harry wrapped his arms around you and when you pulled away, he wished the hug hadn’t ended so soon. He was still in shock. He looks down at the woman he once called the love of his life and wonders if you are still the same person as before.
You hold onto his arms as you look him up and down, “I can’t believe you’re in London right now! In this cafe! Wow!” You exclaim with a big smile as you look at where he was sitting.
“Is this seat taken?” You ask as you gesture to the empty seat in front of him.
Harry snaps himself out of his daze, quickly shaking his head, and gesturing for you to sit down. You adjust yourself into the seat, placing your bag on the back of it, and tugging off your scarf.
Harry goes back to his seat, fumbling as he sits down, and watches you with a small smile.
“You look amazing,” Harry says to you and you smile at him.
“Thank you,” you say, fixing your coat around your body, and smiling at the barista who brings you your order.
You place the big chocolate croissant in the middle of the table, parting it in your hands, and start to eat. Harry doesn’t miss the pretty ring on your ring finger, but he doesn’t allow himself to focus too much on it. His heart was tightening slightly.
“You can have the other half,” you say casually as you chew your half. He hesitantly gets the other half, “Thank you,” he says as he munches on it. Thinking about what he should say. He doesn’t want it to be awkward, but he doesn’t want to say the wrong thing.
“How have you been?” You ask him, sipping on your iced drink.
Harry wipes his lips with a napkin, “I’ve been good. Needed to come to London for some business, but I’m heading back to LA at the end of the week.”
“How fun! I assume congratulations are in order for your latest win,” you say with a cheeky smile and Harry blushes at your comment as he picks at the skin around his fingers. He wonders how you know.
Do you keep tabs on him like he does on you?
“Yeah, yeah. Thank you,” Harry says shyly at your compliment, his entire body showing how flattered he was.
“Don’t be coy with me,” you tease, “It’s another wonderful accomplishment. You should be proud.”
Harry sits up straighter at your words, “I am. I am, thank you. How have you been? I saw your latest film. You did wonderful, as always.”
You play him off with a wave, “Oh shush.” You smile at him as you open your coat, opening it up to reveal your cream colored oversized sweater, and cross your legs under the table.
You take a second to look at his face, your heart races underneath your chest, and you see how different he looks from the last time you saw him.
His beautiful chocolate curly hair was long again, piled up on the top of his head in a messy bun, a couple loose curls fell down framing his face, and his dimples were caving into cheeks with his shy smiles he was giving you. You secretly wondered why he had decided to grow out his hair again, but you continued to sip on your drink as you watched him.
The conversation between you two flowed easily, almost never feeling awkward, and you both feel thankful for it.
Harry could see from behind you the people passing by, taking their photos of him and you, and the internal anger he felt because of it never left him. He always hated that people tried to get the best photo of him whenever it got leaked where he was. And now that he was here with you? For the first time since the break up, since the messy Venice film festival drama that neither of you commented on, and now you’re both enjoying a drink together. He wonders how much the highest bidder will get paid.
The conversation never leads to Olivia nor Sebastian. Harry knows you’re still with him, but as to only what he sees on social media. But he’s too much of a coward to ask you about it.
It isn’t until Harry opens his stupid mouth and word vomits all over you.
“I need to tell you something,” he abruptly exclaims, which makes your laughing stifle, and you nod at him to continue. Your hands clasping together on the top of the table to stop yourself from fidgeting.
“I want to tell you that.. seeing you right now, in front of me, makes me feel indescribable. I haven’t seen you in over three years and you’re still the most beautiful woman I have ever laid my eyes on.”
“Harry,” you start to say, eyes softening with sadness, and your lips frowning.
“I have to say this, please.” He begs you, you frown, and nod for him to continue.
“I want to thank you for loving me all those years ago,” he whispers, voice low, and almost as if he doesn’t believe he’s saying these words out loud.
“You loved me in a way that I have never been loved before. Never. Not by Camille, not by Kendall, not Taylor, and not even bloody Olivia. Okay?” His voice wavers and the way you’re looking at him right now makes his eyes swell up with tears. He takes a second to compose himself, pinching the bridge of his nose to keep his tears at bay, and he pushes away a couple strands of loose curls from his face.
“You loved me with purity and honesty. You-you loved me with such force and passion… that I’ve been searching for that feeling for years since I left you. Nothing—and I swear to you— nothing has been able to fill the void you left in me. And that’s my mistake. And mine only.”
His eyes are staring into yours, threatening tears in both eyes, and your nose is turning into that shade that shows him you want to cry. He silently curses because he doesn’t want to make you cry. But he knows this might be his only chance to tell you how he’s felt the past couple of years. Truthfully and honestly.
Harry reaches for your palm that’s laying on the table top, the oval ring resting on your ring finger like gold, hesitantly he grasps your hand gently in his, and you let him. A rush of warmth runs through both of your bodies, but you both don’t show it. You bite the inside of your cheek to try and keep your emotions at bay.
You furr your eyebrows down as you wait for him to speak again. You raise your eyes to meet his own once again. Beautiful green eyes rimmed red.
Harry takes in a shaky breath, letting himself try to relax as he tries to not melt at the way his body feels touching your skin again, and he tilts his head as he watches you.
Watches the woman that still looks at him with love in her eyes, the one that makes his heart skip a beat, the one who’s smile never fails to light up a room, the one who can make an entire crowd laugh until they cry, and who’s name is still engraved on his heart and soul.
Your eyelashes flutter as you give him a small nod. Waiting for him to continue.
“I made the biggest mistake of my life when I did what I did to you. I won’t recount all my wrongs, but you know them better than anyone else. I especially— especially regret,” he pauses slightly, “what I did to you at the after party of our movie.” He says the last part in a whisper. He’s ashamed of what he did. He felt ashamed for forcing himself on you that night. And ashamed for the lasting scars he made on you at that moment.
“I know you may never forgive me— shit, I wouldn’t forgive me. But—“ Harry’s cut off by your words, “I forgive you.”
Harry’s mouth parts open in shock at your words, his expression turns into sorrow, and he immediately looks down. He feels his tears covering his eyelashes as his lips tremble. Not fully believing the heart of gold of the woman in front of him.
He feels you squeeze his hand in yours and he looks up at you. Red rimmed eyes and pouty lips.
You look the same except your face is nothing but sincere. You nod at him with a smile.
“It has taken me a long time to fully understand the events that transpired that night. I couldn’t believe it had happened for so long. Many long nights I spent wondering where we had gone wrong. Many that I spent cursing Olivia’s name. Cursing your name. Cursing my own,” you let out a sigh, “But.. everything happens for a reason. And whatever may that reason be… it’s the reason why all the events between us happened. We may never truly understand why we made the decisions we did… I may never understand why you did what you did.. but it happened. And I can’t hold onto the past any longer. I held on for so long— so so long.”
Your eyes glisten as you watch Harry.
“We can sit here all day long. Staring at each other and wondering about all the what ifs. We can even talk about it. But it won’t change anything. It won’t change what happened or has happened since. It doesn’t change the fact that I’m a completely different person from when we were together. Just how I know you are. We’re not the same people we fell in love with.”
Harry can bet a million dollars that isn’t true. You’re the same woman he fell in love with. But he won’t say that.
He lets you continue, his thumb brushing against your warm skin as he used to also do.
“We can sit here and pretend that we weren’t madly in love not so long ago. So in love that we didn’t care what people said and we did so without shame.”
Harry closes his eyes as he tries to memorize your face in his mind before this ends.
Your soft voice continues, “I miss you.” Your voice almost cracks at the words, but compose yourself quickly. You clear your throat with a cough.
Harry’s eyes open in surprise, deep regret written all over his face, and he opens his mouth to speak. But you hold your hand up to stop him.
“I miss you in a way that I would miss an ex best friend. I miss our talks. I miss the way you never judged me. You never bullshitted me. You’d always tell me what you were thinking and I never had to second guess you. We were perfect together. But life happens. Mistakes were made and now…”
You lean forward, gripping his hand in yours tightly, and lean your face against your enclosed hands. He does the same, soft tears falling down his cheeks, and you can feel your own cheeks wet.
Harry feels as if he’s about to have a breakdown with the emotions he’s feeling right now. He feels overwhelmed.
“Now I’m happy. I’m finally happy again. And I can't— I can't let you back in. I can't even let you be my friend. Sebastian wouldn’t have it. Because,” you pause and hesitantly continue in a whisper, “a part of me will always be in love with you. And if you’re in my life… I will never get over you. It doesn’t matter how many years have passed.”
Harry cries at your words, his shoulder slumping down, and body shaking slightly with his tears.
“If you’re not happy with Olivia,” you start saying and Harry looks at you with surprise, “Leave her. You deserve to be happy. So insanely happy that you can’t even believe it.” You squeeze his hands in yours.
Harry nods at your words, knowing they’re true, eyes glistening, and your palm cups his cheek slightly.
His face instantly melts in your palm, “I want you to know that there will always be a piece of you in me.”
“Always,” you both say at the same time with a small smile.
“I don’t deserve your time right now,” Harry whispers, eyes soft with sadness.
“You deserve the world. We all make mistakes. Some are worse than others, but it happens.”
Harry nods at your words and he knows it’s time to say goodbye. Not knowing if it’s forever or not. But knowing it’s the right thing to do.
“I should let you go. Let you get back to him.”
You agree with a hum, gathering your belongings, and standing up as he does the same.
Harry is the first to pull you into a hug, wrapping his arms over your shoulders, holding you tightly against his body, and your arms wrap around his waist. Your head on his chest and Harry feels something against his waist. A small protruding belly.
Harry pulls away from the hug, looking down in confusion between your bodies, and sees for the first time your belly.
His jaw slacks down, mouth parting open in shock, and he wonders how he hadn’t noticed earlier.
He looks up at you with a confused face, “You’re…” He can’t even ask the question. The words he was going to ask were getting stuck in his throat.
You beam up at him, pretty eyes twinkling, “I am.”
“Wow,” he breathes out, heart breaking a little bit, and he can only smile.
“Congratulations, you must be so excited. I’m happy for you.”
“Thanks, B-Harry. I am,” you repeat with a smile and you reach up to kiss his cheek gently, his cheeks tint pink. Harry doesn’t catch the name you were about to call him.
“I’ll see you later,” you say, pinching his cheek slightly with a smile, and you both watch each other for a moment. Taking it in together. Both eyes taking in every inch of each other.
You walk away from him after squeezing his hand once more. Once you reach the cafe door, taking one final glance behind you, looking at Harry, and you smile at him. You wave your hand goodbye slowly and Harry waves back with a deep inhale to try to calm his nerves.
It kills him to see you walk away from him.
He watches you from the window. Watches your hand go to your lower belly on instinct. Carrying a child that isn’t his. Will never be his. And he knows you're happy.
He can see it in the way you walk, the way you’re dressed, and by simply the way you are carrying yourself right in front of him.
It’s the way he could see it when you were sitting in front of him mere minutes ago. With a smile on your face. The soft smile you had reserved for him. He didn’t know if that was still the case. But deep down, he wished it was.
He could see it in the way your cheeks blushed pink by his compliments, but that’s all it was to you. A compliment from a man. That’s all.
He wasn’t the love of your life anymore.
He was just the man you used to love. A man you used to be in love with. A man you used to picture your life with.
And it killed him inside that you were now living a life he wasn’t familiar with.
He didn’t know what your favorite color was anymore. Your favorite food. Your favorite movie. Your favorite memory. Your favorite snack. He didn't know any of that anymore.
It makes his soul ache in a deep part of his body. He feels his lips tremble slightly as he keeps his eyes on you. He knows he looks pathetic. With that sad look on his face as he watches the only person he’s ever truly loved walk away.
But…
There’s always a bigger piece in him that feels at peace knowing you’re happy.
That even though he didn’t end up being the man you married and had children with… that you were still living the life you both had planned once upon a time.
Even if it’s without each other.
Harry can only hope he is lucky enough to have the same ending one day.
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