blackened.

my touch is black and poisonous, and nothing like my punch-drunk kiss; i know you want it, do you feel it? drink the water & the wine

[thnxbi]

( gta voice ) ah shit .... here we go again jflskjf anyways hi it’s rouge ( she / her, 21+ ) with nabi again, this time as the war skeleton from four horsemen of the apocalypse !! she’s essentially the same with 50% more unhinged behavior, 30% less empathy, 20% more dramatics, 100% reason to remember the name. ooh, also her secret has changed to something more dramatic and fitting too so that’s always fun !! as always like this post if you would like to plot or hit me up on discord at saturnian charm#3118 ⏤ i cleared out her plot page and tweaked some so there’s a ton open now !! anyways here’s some tl;dr under the cut and all that good stuff ⏤ 

            ✧  [  ABOUT  /  BACKGROUND  /  PLOTS   ]  ✧

( tw parental death, abuse. )

jung nabi, class of 2016, 24 years old

acted out as a kid because her parents didn’t bother to understand her and that was the only way to get out her anger and get their attention at the same time. because of that she was known as the problem child and people kept their children away from her, so if the shoe fits wear it y’know?

it was a regular routine of constantly getting in trouble all throughout school, her parents chastising her and punishing her, her being “good” afterwards only to do it again; wash, rinse, repeat.

so in hannam she was infamous for doing things just for the hell of it or because she was bored. wedge herself between a relationship and break them up, start rumors because you looked at her the wrong way, get into fights, anything and everything as long as it gave her a thrill. it was better to be on her side than against her. parents don’t do shit because they’re both rising in their careers and tbh, they don’t know how to control her. tbh tho she probably got more refined in her ways that people never really openly said anything to her parents in fear that she’d get back at them, so.

was probably held back a year let’s be honest

anyways, right after high school graduation her mother passes from an undiagnosed heart condition. nabi feels like shit because she thinks the stress of having her as a child caused it. she delays college for a year for grief and her and her dad get closer as a result.

she acts better in college, but there’s always a push and pull of being a good person and fucking shit up. in college she gets accepted into a secret society with a brutal hazing period for pledges, all coming to a head during the last week called ‘hell week’ ⏤ it fucks her up but she eventually gets through it and accepted and loves it. years later during her last year they hear about how she was in high school and allow her to take over designing hell week and miss ma’am is in her element.

the things she plans are some vile shit, and it reaches the breaking point during an obstacle course. there’s a pledge that was already walking with a limp that essentially collapsed, fell rather awkwardly into a mud pit they were supposed to crawl through and lost consciousness. they find out because of the fall combined with blunt trauma to her spinal cord from previous hell week abuse, she wakes up with no feeling in her legs. the whole thing is hush hush and quickly paid off so it doesn’t get into the media, but the secret society is banned from the school for the next decade due to the incident.

her and her dad are also back on the outs because of it, along with the fact that he found another woman only 3 years after the death of nabi’s mom, and proposed to her. she also comes from a lowly background, which also does not help.

ANYWAYS nabi ..... doesn’t really feel for the girl and it’s scary, moves on and graduates. through her connections with the secret society ( and because she didn’t snitch ) she gets a fashion marketing job at a good place ( tbd ), and now fully commits to her attitude change in hopes no one ever finds out what she did. everyone on the outside thinks that she got her shit together during college and is happy for her, and in a way .... she has. but she still is fighting with the need to act out, probably always will.

how tf did u get to the end i love u thanks for reading this mess LOL

[thnxbi]

heyo quick psa !! tumblr keeps marking my blog explicit and it’s getting annoying, so i’ve moved accounts and will now be at @thnabi !! so if you see me refollowing don’t be alarmed, it’s still me ♡ 

[intolisa]

dazed 18

[thnxbi]

hi everyone !! just posting a notice here that i’ll be going on hiatus for the next two weeks on both nabi and saerin. life has suddenly went from worse to worser this week and because of that i’ve been leaving a lot of people hanging in regards to plotting, i’m so sorry 😓 😭 but my mindset really hasn’t been in the best place for rping atm. however! i’m not really going away because i need an escape fjdslkfjs, so i’ll still be posting when i feel up to it and getting through all my plotting messages so saerin will have things to come back to! just wanted to let everyone know the reason for my extra dextra slowness, love u all and stay cute ♡ 

[thnxbi]

–––––– · ❥ ;  do it featuring @chrsujeong ‘i’m just with the crew, we ain’t out here looking for boo, cause some nights are better with you, it’s a homies only kind of mood’

what’s always kept them together would be the sense of freedom and the absolute need for it; it’s how their relationship has survived the test of time up until this point. they carved their own space for each other as a place to just exist as is during high school, when judgement was assaulting from all directions, and sujeong will never truly realize how thankful nabi was just to have that space, how it sustained her during turbulent times and saved her from destruction ⏤ destruction of others, destruction of self. there’s always been this implicit sense of understanding with each other that infers to believe that sujeong feels the same way; a kindred spirit in the struggle of doing right by family or right by self, the emotions that rupture from the other every now and then. where as others attempted to control her or tone her down, nabi accepts it, embraces it, incites it.

soon enough, it’s not just the class they were born into that feels like a cage; it’s feels like the walls are closing in within the borders of the country when the both of them graduate, eyes are always upon them and there’s never a safe place. even with the change in nabi’s outer demeanor mean that they can be together more freely than before, it’s still not enough. impulsive decisions lead to impulsive trips outside of trappings of korea, and that’s when the shackles are broken ⏤ endless nights of unadulterated indulgence and debauchery, memories that are preserved only within their minds ( or maybe within hidden albums within their phones, or snapchat ), not to be spoken of when they return to the homeland.

it’s why nabi will drop anything for the older whenever it’s requested. there’s a loyalty that ties them, a sense of trust and acceptance that’s something she can depend on that will always cause to choose sujeong over ... most things. a majority of things, okay. it doesn’t matter that nabi is currently standing in front of a pr company when she receives the call from the woman, only a couple of minutes away from networking with one of the higher ups thanks to a friend of a friend of a friend; her name appears on the id of her phone and the knots within her stomach almost instantly untwine. nabi doesn’t even let the phone get through the first ring successfully, hastily accepting and phone to her ear, “what’s up, bitch. you thinking about me?” it’s cheeky, no sense of the nerves that was rattling her a couple of seconds ago can be detected within her voice. heels click upon the pavement as she moves away from the entrance, raven moschino bag tossed upon her shoulder, “or are you trying to get into something? please say you are and you’re not calling just because,” usually nine times out of ten it’s the former, and nabi could always use a get away from the thoughts steadily plaguing her mind.

[thnxbi]

chrhayoung​:

greek tragedy  cars are flipping, i’m in hot pursuit / my character’s strong, but my head is loose for @chrnabi tw / implications of self-harm 

as much as she would like to live in the fantasy that those two weeks had been nothing but a fever dream, the residue hurt reminds her otherwise. there’s the sting of deceptive hopefulness that follows after every one of insu’s texts, the pungent bitterness that floods her senses whenever she’s forced to encounter her elder brother, the inexplainable exasperation that yanks at her heart whenever she checks her messages with kitae only to be faced with the same empty inbox from a week ago. (it fucking sucks – she’d left to the island with that ugly matching supreme carrier she’d made jaehyun get with her so how and why the fuck did she come back with another emotional baggage to lug around?)

her emblematic coping mechanisms don’t seem to work as well as before – she breaks up a couple with the help of a new friend, indulges in gratuitous amounts of alcohol and drugs, fritters daddy’s money away on pretty shoes and pretty bags. nothing ameliorates the situations – worsens it, she would say. one night, after an especially bad trip that involved seeing their faces in the dirty mirrors of neon-lit rooms and hearing the words she’d begged to be obliterated from her memory, she’d scratched and scratched and scratched, desperate attempts to claw out the ache in her.

she doesn’t tell anyone. doesn’t know how to articulate the turmoil. just goes through her days routinely – laughs when she needs to, smiles when she needs to, teases when she needs to. it’s easier that way; it brings back a sense of normalcy.

and it’s a thursday evening when she gives herself the half-day off with the excuse of an emergency and a cheeky “need a new dress!” (no one says anything. the last employee who’d made a snarky comment under her breath about the employee’s child had their livelihood disturbed, some unfounded rumour of embezzlement and some mildly concerning funds in their bank accounts.)

she doesn’t expect to see nabi there, but it’s not an unwelcome sight. some cruel twist of fate, hayoung thinks, somehow, she’d managed to evade nabi the whole time but not those who should’ve been eschewed. “unnie!” she chirps, “haven’t seen you in so long. i almost thought you didn’t make it to the nam’s island but i knew that hannam’s queen party girl would never do that.” 

fate was the only reasonable explanation for something like this to happen, the meeting of each member involved in the infamous nam island love triangle in succession. sure, nabi was familiar and ( somewhat ) amiable with each person involved, but it was a little wild how the timing of each crossing seemed to play out. sungho comes back into her life only days after the posting ( shoutout to rose because without the blast, she’s not sure what else she could have come up with after several years of absence ), then there’s the meet up with somin that follows during the first week of their return back to normalcy ( and the tea that comes with it as well ). 

when nabi is out and about involving herself in some retail therapy to curb her boredom, the last thing she expects to see is jin hayoung prancing up to her with a lively attitude. not that it was unwelcome ⏤ no, even if their last meeting may not have been on the best terms, quite understandably, but she finds herself a little bit bewildered considering it was a week after she last spoke to somin.

“hey,” she replies easily, turning to the other with a with a soft grin, letting the jacket drop from her grip as it no longer had her attention. the fact that hayoung also mentions the trip comes as another surprise, but then again she never really knew the other to shy away from anything, really. “queen party girl? uh, i don’t know if i’d say all that,” and the last part is said playfully rather than modestly, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear before laughter is heard. that did have a good ring to it compared to the other things that was said about her back then. “but yeah, that hasn’t changed too much. i was there and it was ...” nabi trails off, head lulling to the side as her mind drifts over the memories, “fun, to say the least. some very good and some bad, y’know how that goes. regardless, it was needed. but what about you?” it’s a honest question, but it’s hard to see how to go about it. rejection is always hard to deal with, even more so when it’s put on blast for a myriad of people to see. her attention goes back to the rack of clothes before her, but hayoung is still within her peripheral view as she continues, “i saw the thing, too. are you good with all that?” she’s never been the best at consoling, can already start to feel the awkward nature within creep up, so the first thing that comes to mind becomes audible, “men aren’t shit anyways. all of them.”

[thnxbi]

jamiechr​:

 (  ✕  ✕  ✕  )

    funny how nabi tastes nothing like she imagined – jamie thought strawberry lip gloss and freezing lips , but all she got was smoky liquor and burning desire. it was a thousand times more so you could imagine the struggle jamie faced when she had to force the distance between the two , eyes shut and her lungs quickly taking up whatever air they could find.. “ fuck…” profanities weren’t often something that fell passed her lips but let’s just say the situation called for it because geez , if their first kiss was anything to go by… yeah , she was probably already regretting her next move. 

    “ nabi.. ” hands still a little too desperately needing to reach for her but being tamed to stay off and help the situation de-escalate , perhaps then jamie would’ve thought to pull away a little further and not let her own lips ghost over hers , but , small steps yeah? “ nabi , you’re drunk.. and i don’t want you doing something you’ll regret tomorrow —- no matter how much i fucking want you. ” another deep breath and a little more distance. “ you– you should.. you should get some sleep… ”

it’s hard to think straight when every fiber in your being thrums with want, settling upon her skin like an itch she can’t scratch, the supple nature of jamie’s lips gradually edging the sensation into need, a fervent hunger. her heart picks up speed, battering against her rib cage, and nabi doesn’t realize how crucial the state of her lungs were until the older throws her into a state of disorientation with the way she suddenly parts from her. the labored breathing is the only sound picked up within the hushed ambiance of the room aside from jamie’s exclamation, and it causes eyelids to flutter open in response, eyebrows raising. she’s confused, upset, wants to protest like a child who’s toy was harshly taken away ⏤ but the other is the first to speak, to explain, and the more she does, the more nabi’s attitude changes for the better.

the words she speaks are of hesitation and protection but it’s easy to pick up the faltering, the way the woman openly pines for her; and she can’t deny the tingles that descend her spine because of it. a breath of amusement is given as a response, the corners of her mouth moving into a smirk. it’s that moment of weakness that she would use for their gain, not just her own. jamie pushes away but nabi pulls back in, leaning forward as a the tip of her index finger sits below the other’s chin, guiding her face back to her. “look at you being such a good girl, jamie. trying to make sure you’re not taking advantage of me,” her tone is dark, unabashed with lust as she continues, “still so fucking cute even in desire. god, i could never regret anything with you,” attempting to distract from the truth laced within, there’s a lingering peck placed upon her lips, a tease of a kiss; nabi then latches onto jamie’s body to pull her forward and down onto the mattress, adjusting herself in a swift motion so that her legs are on either side of the other’s body, resting upon her thighs. nowhere else to run.

there’s so many ideas that run through her mind at this moment, so many filthy things that she wants to do to the woman below her, the anticipation almost allowing her to forget that she wants to ease into it, coax her into it. she takes her hand to grab one of jamie’s, placing it on her own inner thigh and slides it upwards, underneath the hem of the short skirt, chest heaving as delicate fingers reach the thin barrier of nabi’s silken panties. her mind goes blank at the small sensation for a moment, but recovers haphazardly, “but if you left right now, i’d regret that you weren’t able to touch me like this,” and her breath hitches as she pushes the other’s digits further into the material, folds throbbing around the touch and feeling the dampness that’s already starting to soak through the material. nabi’s reveling in the tease, pearly whites sinking into her bottom lip, hips curling into her hand with the need for more ⏤ more access, more than just fingers, more of jamie. it’s hard to think of anything else than the woman before her right now.

her hands leave jamie’s to rest on either side of her face, her full attention focusing within the matching dark hues, “don’t run from it, baby. i want you too, so damn bad. i need to you fuck me,” words are whispered in a strained sort of way, doing everything within her power to restrain herself in this moment ⏤ but her resolve is crashing, as seen by the way nabi’s hips still attempt to rock against jamie’s fingers, thighs clenching at her sides, a need for more friction. starting to close the distance again, her thumbs graze against soft cheeks with a small tenderness, “don’t make me beg for it ... or like, i can, y’know. if you’re into that.”

[thnxbi]

sunghochr​:

he finds their situation humorous, because in all honesty if you were to call them friends, he wouldn’t agree but they are far from strangers. just two people simply…existing around each other who, for some god forsaken reason, have now found themselves sharing a moment amidst the crowd and reminiscing on memories of way back when. he doesn’t know where to look so he decides to focus on the crowd dancing behind her so at least at some angle, it seems as if his focus is on her. though that doesn’t last long as his attention is brought back to her when she mentions the little instagram incident. he remembers thinking he’s seeing things, that surely nabi wouldn’t be snooping around on his page at the wee hours of the night, let alone like a picture on accident. but a rub of his eyes and a scroll through his notifications prove him wrong. 

“well i wasn’t planning on bringing it up but…” he trails off and lets a laugh bubble past his lips before he quickly downs the shot in hand, head tilting backwards as the liquid slides down his throat. the glass hits the countertop with a soft clang, drowned out by the music and by sounds of others having fun in the background, “you just had to have liked that picture, huh?” the aforementioned picture, one that he posted without a thought one day after an especially rigorous gym session, had caused quite the uproar in his comment section and if he’s ever looking for a good laugh on an especially unbearable day, he’ll go back and scroll through. “it was the arms, wasn’t it?” again, he’s teasing, but it’s true, he’s no longer the scrawny kid he once was when they had been together. 

a brow raises at her comments and it’s becoming a little more clear as to why she decided to approach him– at least he thinks he knows why. perhaps the idea of not having him anymore is what pushed her here and perhaps for him, he doesn’t mind. just perhaps. with alcohol in his system and clouding his better judgement he inches closer to her, a sudden bravery washing over him that holds power over any sort of awkwardness he had been feeling around her prior. he isn’t close enough to whisper but he isn’t far enough require a raised voice to be heard over their intense background, “you’re not just saying that in an attempt to come back to me, are you, nabi?” there’s a slight slyness to his tone, awaiting a reaction from her that he’s sure he will enjoy seeing. if things haven’t changed over the many years and she’s still the same nabi he dated, he’s sure her response would be one he will like. 

if she could afford another moment of honesty, nabi’s more than surprised at how well the conversation is going, how receptive sungho seems to be to her after all this time. there wasn’t an idea in mind about how this was supposed to go, really ⏤ more like an erratic decision made from an intoxicated instinct with no aim in sight, but she’s more than pleased at the outcome of it all. or, at least that was her initial thought process. the way sungho starts leaves nabi’s eyebrows to furrow, confused because it’s hard to understand what he was getting at. it was a joke, something that he was supposed to haha at the audacity of and then move on from. there’s a vague mention of a picture and the image brings nothing to mind at first, to which she responds with a “what? stop playing with me,” because sure, she actually has gone through his instagram at times, and yes, maybe some of those times were during the midnight hour, but she ... oh shit. wait a minute.

the arms, he says. that’s all it takes for her to remember, all it takes for her to suddenly choke on air in embarrassment, a quick attack that suddenly has her regretting making her way over to him. 

“shut up, you’re lying,” she exclaims after she’s able to catch her breath, though the flush of red still remains upon her features, using a hand to lightly swat at the limb in question. “your arms aren’t even that impressive.” although it was a literal weak attempt, denying was obviously the best way to go ( even if it was apparent that she was caught, using the same hand to fan herself ) because what else was she to say? yes, it was your nice fucking arms and i was thinking about how they ⏤ uh, no ma’am, no sir. instead the woman takes a much needed sip of her margarita in an attempt to cool down, in some form of a distraction, but it was obvious that sungho had other plans. 

his presence is felt in her immediate vicinity and it’s enough for eyebrows to raise, but wavering isn’t an option this time. it’s a sense of a challenge that’s felt more than anything from the man’s words, and she’s not about to give him another point without a struggle. it’s what makes nabi close the distance further, leaning forward with her chest as an elbow rests upon the bar, a little too close for comfort, “come on, babe. if i really wanted you back that badly, i’d have you wrapped around my finger right now,” she says, low, head cocking to the side while a simper blooms upon her lips, “and while that’s not something you’ll admit right now, in the back of your mind ... you know i’m right. it’s okay.”

there’s a once over given with her eyes before she eases up, backing up until she’s at a safe distance from sungho once more, resting upon the edge of the bar’s countertop. a couple of beats pass before breaks out in laughter; soft, but still apparent, thinking how wild this situation is, “no offense, but if someone told me this is what i’d be doing with you before i came to this event, i’d think they were crazy,” the woman admits with a shake of her head.

[thnxbi]

–––––– · ❥ ;  don’t threaten me with a good time featuring @alexchr 'this night is heating up, raise hell and turn it up’   ╱    circa 2018

the ridiculous pomp and circumstance that deluges these charity receptions makes her want to do nothing more but gauge her eyes out with the silver plated cutlery. it’s nothing but cultured showboating under the guise of philanthropy, putting on airs to maintain a sense of hierarchy within the society. it feels like even she is on display for all to see ⏤ the beauty of jung chulsoo’s only daughter, the one that finally got her life together after all those years. it feels like she’s only an extension of the family’s many successes at these events; never an independent being aside from the actions that stained her adolescence. in simpler terms: she hates it here. hates everything about it and everyone involved in it. and despite the fact that she’s trying her hardest to remain in her father’s good graces, pretending to belong was not something she was willing to do. nabi played along well up into a certain point, adorning the dress that he bought for her, thinking it was en vogue ( sure dad, maybe in the 1960s or something ) and actually showing up, but her own sense of generosity was drying up as the event went on.

she’s seated in one of the far off tables near a corner of the ballroom, chewing upon whatever finger foods the staff offered to her at the moment, expression exuding nothing but irritation and boredom. naturally she finds herself alone and she would prefer to keep it that way, dark hues constantly glancing at the screen of her phone, counting the hours until her father releases her from this cage where she could be doing something more productive and fulfilling with her time. her father seems to take notice of her sedentary nature and before she comes to realize it he’s swooping her on to her feet, gliding her over to one of his colleague’s sister’s mother’s cousin’s dog’s close family friend twice removed ⏤ she doesn’t really know, doesn’t bother pay attention. nabi gives a smile and bow as a courtesy, but there’s a itchy feeling of awareness that pricks at her when she gazes at the son. long legged and attractive, sure, but it isn’t until there’s a mention of hannam between the two older men that there’s the ah, we went to school together. of course.

eventually the older men belong to a world of their own with their conversation, drifting off somewhere to continue while leaving the children to chat, and nabi finds herself breathing out an exhale of relief as she eyes their frames fading into the distance. “god, i thought they’d never leave,” she admits rather truthfully. no offense to the man before her, but her social battery is draining rather quickly and she’d rather suffer alone than be forced to make small talk with. the only course of action was to see if she could make him feel awkward enough to leave without going too far. “i’m jung nabi, and i’d rather drink hot lava than pretend to make nice with these people right now. nice to meet you.” but the soft grin upon her face hardly matches her words.

[thnxbi]

–––––– · ❥ ;  night view featuring @chrkitae 'i’ll talk about what i can’t yet say tomorrow’

nabi tries her absolute damndest to not make a home out of someone. home is stability, peace, vulnerability. people are fickle, impractical, discretionary.

but there’s always those few that tend to slip through the crevices without realizing, years of familiarity and camaraderie blurring lines of acquaintance to friendship to confidant; there’s no big bang of a moment where their relationship shifted, couldn’t pinpoint an exact date and time. she just remembers ryu kitae always being a constant in her life, regardless if he was in the forefront or the background. from childhood up until the hazard occupation that is adult life, he’s always just been there, somewhere. maybe it was that assurance that caused them to drift towards each other, and the unveiling of their hidden situations only solidified their friendship; a comfort in the lack of judgement and the parallels between their secrets. he isn’t a home, but something damn near close to it within nabi’s eyes.

and even though it seems that mocking kitae is pastime of hers at this point, she looks forward to the times they are able to meet ⏤ where they’re both able to shed the facade of confidence and competence, and allow vulnerability to come and go as it pleases, to take up space. there’s a sudden need for him that’s hard to explain, something that she doesn’t bother to analyze further ⏤ instead, texts him at four in the afternoon with a quick meet up tonight? pc bang after your shift because it’s not like she has anything to do better anyways, cruising around in a ride sharing vehicle going god knows where in finely pressed designer clothing, an attempt to appear busy. kitae knows she’s not just as well as she does.

it’s how she ends up in the pc bang at choice around eleven pm at night on a weekday, when most of the city is slowing to a crawl. decked in her own cat ear headphones ( it’s cute okay, shoot her ) there’s nothing but the sound of the clicks of keyboard and mouse as she focuses upon her round of overwatch on the screen ⏤ there’s voices of mania that’s muffled within the headphones, overwhelming the noise of the game, and it’s enough to distract her from the reality of having nothing to look forward to in life while waiting for kitae’s arrival. her ashe takes a fatal headshot of a widowmaker and she’s waiting to respawn when she thinks of him again, sending off another text of what do you have left over? kimchi fried rice? bring some even if you have to steal it off an old man, pls and thank you.

[jaennie]

cutie pie ♥

[thnxbi]

 jamiechr​:

    you’d imagine that jamie would be here standing in utter shock at the seemingly 180 nabi’s personality was going through.. but having the opportunity to interact with people before and after they were down a few on a daily basis, she knew how alcohol was more than capable of bringing out the least expected —– the only difference? just how much this inebriated nabi was affecting her. it was probably the unspoken reason of the light shade of pink on her cheeks. but she’ll just tell you it was that last whiskey sour. 

     “ first off , i think the problem is that i think about you a little too much but you? i can just tell that i’ve never even crossed your mind. ” she retorted with a little pout and before words could continue , she feels the breeze caused by delicate digits that brush against the stray locks and work to now expose the smile she couldn’t have possibly subdued. her own grip on the younger slightly tightened unknowingly before taking a second to snap out of the moment. “ that sounds like a great idea !! ” there’s a little falter in the confidence but still , a chuckle escaping because the visual of precious adorable nabi fists up and taking down a few was… — well actually it was kinda hot.

      even though the movement was innocent… for the most part , mostly just a slip from her end where jamie full well expected to be the only one actually affected by it.. which she was — but the woman on her back actually reciprocating the tension had her breath hitched. jamie noticed how her brown orbs slowly sunk and she knew turning away was the only way to stop things from escalating because a world where nabi was actually interested in bridging the gap wasn’t real , only lived in the older woman’s imagination. so she chose to laugh it off , holding her close at the little fit and re-adjusting her almost like a backpack that slid down , “ ahh i’m sorry , i’m sorry – but wait… i didn’t really do anything. ” as the moment died down between the two , it wasn’t long after until jamie was sucked into it again. the lower octave of her voice ringing so loud , even though it was barely a whisper – the emphasis on the honorific was straight up cheating. teeth clench and her jaw tightens as a finger slithers against the defined area and jamie just huffs a quiet little , “ not fair. ” before moving to the pointed direction. there wasn’t much she could do and nabi clearly had the upper hand in this position , but once they arrived , jamie could really….–  no , no.. maybe she should let her off the hook this one time , she was drunk , after all. it’s fine.  

      she patiently waited while the other fished out the key to her room as the end of a rather adventurous journey approached. she carefully sets the woman down on her bed. “ home sweet home. ” she says with a smile while filling up a glass of water before taking it to her , the free hand was used to grip onto the other’s to help her find the way to the glass , the front of her hand pressed against the back of hers for a second before she let go and let nabi take a sip. now , it would’ve been easy to walk away and leave it at that — except it wasn’t , not when she could still hear her whispers and feel the touch that was not nearly enough. again , she could just blame this on her last drink , right? the distance between them didn’t last too long as jamie bent closer , hands on the bed , one on each side of her as the usual cheery light hearted gaze the bar owner had was now replaced with something a little darker in shade , something that matched the little smirk perfectly. “ just for the record , i never start anything i can’t finish… but then again , i’m not the one who started this. ”

it’s as if the anticipation building could be physically felt ⏤ the playful wording, squeeze of a thigh or soft touch, knowing glances; each action a rush that is surging into a levee reaching critical levels, threatening to overflow at the sudden pressure. too much to handle at once, for one moment. the niceties coat a thin layer over their actions, could lessen their actions as to jokes or playing around within their friendship, but nabi has never been the one to impel hard lines and distinctions whenever it came to these kind of things, especially since jamie seems so receptive to it. if the heat that radiates from her face means anything. or the way her jaw constricts at her touch. or the way the older doesn’t pull away from as quickly as others would have when they were too close for comfort.

she’s drunk, distracted, and impatient. all make for a destructive combination which causes her thoughts about the other a lot less innocent, a lot more immoral. but there’s something that rings her curiosity in the way jamie reveals that she thinks about her. something that makes her want to question it, but by the time the realization hits her they’re within her room, attention going to the goosebumps that litter her skin at the loss of contact when nabi is placed on the bed; too accustomed to the way the older felt against her that it was unsettling without. lips part to call out to her, afraid for one second that she would leave and that would be it, only for them to be occupied with a glass of water not too long after. as much jamie’s nurturing tendencies were welcomed, heart warming and appreciated, she’s thinking about something else. it gleams within the hunger of her gaze, how she never dares to looks away.

luckily, it seems that the other is within the same frame of mind ⏤ and nabi can’t help the way teeth sink into the supple flesh of her lip at the words, her presence closing in, teasing, never enough. corners of her mouth quirk upwards as her words come out slow, dragging the moment, “really? you’re super cute when you play innocent like that, but i know what you want, jamie.” the chuckle that follows is low, deep, as a free hand moves forward to crook a finger within the material of her collar, pulling the other woman enough to extinguish the tension put there’s a sudden pause right before, a short stop. nabi’s breath caressing her lips as she whispers, purposely tantalizing, “you said you think about me too much before, hmm? show me how far we go when you do.”

it feels like a rubber band snapping once she closes the distance, kissing her. the satisfying release of tension, invitation of sweeping intensity, desire. all she can think about is jamie’s taste against the bite of liquor and how fucking wonderful it feels, free hand searching to pull her closer, a dire need to feel her body on hers once again.

[hyunth]

sit this one out ( wait for the next life ) with @chrnabi

suspicion is the wrong word. call it intuition, call it feeling. it comes after one too many weekday afternoons spent together in a part of town that sleeps during the day. in this part of town, the wide street seems too wide without hoards of schoolchildren and officeworkers lining the curb. crowding stalls and filling restaurants. in this part of town, at their usual time of day, only people without jobs or with night jobs go anywhere. 

their usual joint is a matchbox restaurant you have to squeeze up a narrow stairwell to get to. and somewhere between the world’s best tofu stew and the world’s easiest conversations, he starts to wonder. somewhere between skirted questions and slippery answers and mismatched timelines, he starts to wonder about her. 

the puzzle pieces come together like loose magnets in his mind. are you doing anything tomorrow? says the text on a tuesday night, my turn to take you somewhere. it’s three in the afternoon on a wednesday again, and usually, they’d be talking about nothing over plates of food in their usual joint. but today, he’s pulling up to the glittering driveway of a five-star hotel with her in the passenger seat. everything so shiny and ostentatious that his yellow huracan with its vertical doors seems to fit right in.

sun glints and glimmers off of his yellow aviators, and maybe he should tell her where they’re going but he wants to be good at surprises. the possibility of a misunderstanding or misinterpretation never once occurs to him. or, maybe he had gotten so comfortable with her, he started thinking she knows him well enough. he absently hums to himself with one hand on the wheel. the car engine growls quietly as it slowcrawls up the line to the door. just a few cars ahead, valets and doormen wait with bated breath.

[thnxbi]

the conversation between them waned a couple of turns prior, back when she really started to take notice of the ornate architecture of the district around them. quite a difference from the places that they’re usually found loitering around, but it’s not an entire surprise ⏤ or at least, it’s not as much of a suprise compared to the revelation that they were cut from the same cloth; the shock of hyun fitting in within the cultured atmosphere of fine dining was still fresh within her mind, even moreso when a waiter found him familiar. and it wasn’t in the sense that he wasn’t supposed to be, no, but there was so much comfort in his presence that nabi usually didn’t feel with others within the elite circle so instantaneously. combine that with the lack of pretentiousness and their constant meetings in hole in the wall bars and street stalls, nabi could only assume that he came from a different tax bracket.

it’s the same contentment and connection that allow quiet moments to just be without awkwardness, no need to fill the space with meaningless words just because. causes nabi to slip up in terms of her secret; always finding herself with him when she should be working, making up fly by excuses of leaving early or working from home. it also allows nabi to accept the sudden change up for their usual get togethers ⏤ while the lambo was a brow raiser and leaves her with questions that remain within her mind ( are you old money or new money? are you sure you didn’t rent this? you being for real right now? what kind of hannah montana shit are you into? ) the building their lined up for only leaves her with more. as much as she is the type to stay within her lane, nabi is also wildly curious and impatient. not the best person for surprises, but she tries.

“where are you taking me to, huh?” a light tone finally cuts through the silence after the sun beam reflects off the building and catches her in the eye, expression twisting as her gaze flickers to hyun’s face instead. she expects him to come back with a non-answer so elbows raise shortly after, spine straightening in attempt to stretch within the cramped space as she continues, “and is there gonna be food? i feel like pavlov’s dogs or whatever ⏤ i see your face and i instantly get hungry.” a chuckle comes from the woman as she comes to relax. though she’s growing bored, finds herself in a playful mood as they grow closer to the entrance, so an elbow comes to rest on the center console while leaning over towards him a bit, “or wait ... is this what you do with girls? get them all nice and comfortable like ‘i’m a good guy’ and then take them to,” a quick flit of her head towards the title of the building and back with a smirk, “hotels? really though?”

[thnxbi]

truth - what has been the biggest change of heart you've had?

"that'd have to be the whole change, wouldn't it?" she says with a smile, referring to the difference in appearance and attitude from high school and now, "i lived my whole life being the antithesis of what my parents ever wanted, so it's not a surprise that old friends are surprised or pissed when they see me all dolled up and obedient. but at the same time, it's like ... it does piss me off a bit. like, why the fuck do i have to explain myself to you? sorry that my mom fucking died and i feel like i'm the reason? sorry that i don't want to send my dad to an early grave as well? and that i actually enjoy his attention?" there's a release of something that's a mix of a huff and a sigh, irritation etched upon her expression at the thought of it all, "i shouldn't have to trauma dump just to feel better. stay in your lane."

[thnxbi]

(truth) What’s the meanest thing you’ve ever said to someone else?

"mmh, i'm not sure. i've said a lot of vile shit back when i was just angry at the world," she trails off. to think about those types of things makes her cringe, mainly because everything was fair game back then when she was upset and bent on retaliation. much less so with those she cared about, but it even then it was still hard for her to control. "probably something about someone's dead parent? mocking it, and stuff. it's alright though, karma came back at me tenfold for that one, so."

[thnxbi]

truth: "Are there any two people you know that you would ship together? Would you ever do anything to set them up?"

"do i look like cupid to you? if two people have feelings for each other that's something they should deal with on their own. i don't have anything to do with it."

though in the future, she will take some credit of unconsciously bringing somin and sungho together.

[thnxbi]

chrinsu​:

     her voice only receives the smirk on his features to become more pronounced, his gaze not leaving her as she speaks, the hand on his chest and the grappling at his collar. an understandable reaction, one he had expected with an encounter from someone like her, he wasn’t surprised not nearly enough to let her words cut him. if he was any sober perhaps his reaction would be more colourful, more vibrant with the way things were spiralling. a mere tch leaving from his lips, tension filling the ambience in the backdrop as the foreground shifts to the feeling of sudden indignation as her laughter echoes through his drunken haze. mind barely sober enough to keep himself accountable but he’s grasping onto his disposition, keeping his sanity by the thread, gaze narrowing onto her. 

     “then lets not forget how i found one you with some fucktard, or did we just choose to conveniently forget?” the entirety of their relationship, the embodiment of instability, warped delusions of picturesque highs that were always too ideal replicate. only to be followed by incredible lows that stooped to a hellscape of insanity, their relationship hung on the precipice of madness, a yoyo that had suddenly snapped at the tension point and he was left sprawling to the sidelines feeling like some sort of monstrosity. some sort of grotesque monstrosity. digits raising to swoop the strands before his dulled hues away, a sigh leaving from his lips, taking everything in his drunken disposition to remain calm. though, her words only falter his resolve, gaze moving to narrow on her again, “i’m causing a commotion? are you fucking blind or fucking stupid?” eyes rolling, almost having lodged themselves at the back of his skull at the sheer audacity of her words, “rich, coming from you.” his voice never raising, keeping its sombre tonality. 

    “have an adult conversation? what the fuck are you on? i’ve been trying to have an adult conversation with you and what the fuck do you do? avoid me.” he doesn’t want to resort defiling her name, nor to swear directly at her, he doesn’t want to swear at all, not in her presence, not when he’s feeling this much emotion of anger. but he has done just that, swore in her presence, called her stupid, defiling her name. red lathering his soul, his disposition bleeding out at his grip as he feels himself losing his resolve, losing his sanity. the knuckles only peering whiter through his skin as he slams it up against the wall beside her. “i didn’t mea— i didn’t… i didn’t mean to call you stupid.” he’s trying to regain what little sanity he has left, what little control he had left over his slipping mind, the bass falling to the background only urging the twitch in his body to worsen, as he feels himself tensing up. “we’ll talk outside.” he speaks slow, any faster and he would lose his mind, he would do something he might regret.

“no one forgot shit, but riddle me this ⏤ where do you think i got that bright idea from, huh?” there’s something in the way that her gaze is unrelentless, cocking her head to the side as nabi continues to verbally prod at him despite all the warning signs that are telling her not to, despite the fact that the adrenaline that courses through her definitely wasn’t from excitement,  “because apparently it was okay for you to fuck around when you wanted to, ghost me for a good part of our relationship doing god knows what without my knowledge, so i’m sure she wasn’t the only one ⏤ but when i do it, i’m in the wrong?” and they both know it’s a dramatic oversimplification of their situation, much more nuance and context that’s located in between the lines, hangs in the distance between them, but she finds it irrelevant at this point; hard to care for it when it came to the bottom line of wrongdoing in their relationship. “i’m the one that’s stupid? really? how else did you expect this conversation to go, insu? fucking enlighten me ⏤ or do you wanna play stupid too and act like you didn’t know coming over here like this wouldn’t get me riled up?” and maybe she is as dumb as they come because here she is; hook, line, sinker. blood pressure rising. vision lathering in crimson.

but insu continues to talk and it’s enough to make her laugh again, enough to make her think that this is all some sick joke that he’s doing for the sake of entertainment ⏤ if not him, some deity from above that revels in her suffering. “and now you see why i avoid your ass. or are we still playing pretend?” the grin that blooms upon her face is anything but chipper, lithe fingers pushing through dark strands as a sigh passes from her lips, an attempt to discharge the hot air of vexation that continues to permeate her lungs. it doesn’t help, and she’s looking away again before speaking up again, “because are you honestly ready to have that conversation? truly and sincerely?” it’s been several long years since their break up, meaning that the conversation was far overdue; but as time goes on nabi isn’t sure she sees the point in it anymore. maybe they’re too far gone past the point of reconciliation, too grounded in their own ways to focus on any alternative point of view.

it shows in the amused exhale that tumbles out after he backpedals, how her arms cross below her chest, the shake of her head. had this been years ago, this is where she would crumble; insu shows a shred of decency and it was enough to get him back in her good graces. she’s hardened with time and now it only fuels the agitation, “like hell you are. you insult me and then expect to get what you want?” the connotation of you must be out of your fucking mind doesn’t need to be said, already laced within her words and incredulous expression. she’s had more than her fill of him for tonight. “fucking move, insu. i’m done. i don’t owe you shit.”