sabrina gets into the car, starts the ignition. she points to the glove compartment, like she’s telling jamie to reach in and get something. the feeling of being so close to someone that you can speak without speaking. next to it, the feeling of being so needed that people start to fear how much they need you pales ghost-white. being with her feels like living. jamie is the last breath of air in sabrina’s lungs when all the world ever does is suffocate her. if that sounds like a lovesick eighteen-year-old’s creative writing assignment, that’s because it is. she submitted that paper in just a month ago. cryptic as possible and so indirect-object. she got a 98 on it.
sabrina, you don’t stay alive by needing anything. but sabrina doesn’t have it in her yet to sacrifice living for being alive. she doesn’t have it in her yet to comply. she has it in her to be afraid, but jamie always makes her too brave. ( although, really, that’s not saying much. )
inside the compartment: a classic brown monogrammed louis vuitton card holder. inside the card holder: her driver’s license.
the windows are dark, making afternoon look like night. sabrina eases them into the road. “my picture’s pretty, right?” she says at a red light.
you don’t make homes out of people. it’s one thing she’s learned constantly. you don’t make homes out of people because people are the most uncertain future. you don’t make homes out of people because if there’s one skill each person has , it’s leaving. you don’t make homes out of people because when they do leave , you’re left with pieces that amount to nothing. you’re left with loose bricks and broken wood that never quite returns to how it used to be.
it’s the last valuable lesson her parents taught her.
it’s one that kept her safe for years. let people get close to you but don’t ever let them into you , it’s the only way. but this is jamie , and for jamie cynicism came with a grain of salt. life’s way of unfolding and her way of living in constant battle. it happened with her adoptive parents. it being the girl wanting to be unimaginably happy at the second chance of her new life and let strangers in without a second thought , call them the people she’d now trust. but... remember , you don’t make homes out of people.
and then suddenly you’re standing the face of a person who’s making you question every thing you believe in and then what do you do? --- you start smiling and genuinely feeling the happiness from it for the first time in a long time , of course. the burden of hurt barely at the back-burner because you’re too focused on living this new life with these new principles and you’re having a blast.
messaged received and jamie’s excitedly reaching for the mystery in the glove compartment --- is it weird to point out how everything involving the girl with her had jamie buzzing? is it weird to say that sabrina breathed realness into her life? ... is it weird to think about how her previous black and white life fell short in comparison to the rose-colored one she brought with her? is it... weird to say that she never wanted to go back to it?
a wide smile that only grows when eyes zero in on the card , particularly the piece of art that resided in it and jamie nods without missing a beat. “ the prettiest picture i’ve ever seen on a driver’s licence , i feel like the people at the driver’s test place are gonna’ frame this one and put it up , y’know? they know it’s the best picture ever been taken. ” she gushes and you’d imagine something like this was only spoken with sarcastic connotations , the exaggeration of it all --- but , for her.. it was still underwhelming , if anything... and that’s jamie for you.
taking the advantage of the red light , the older quickly reaches over the console and places a rushed kiss on her girlfriend’s cheek before returning to her seat and being completely inconspicuous. looking out window , a little innocent whistle.. yeah , she didn’t do anything. --- okay so , the restrained smile and glances were not as discreet. “ sorry.. sorry , i just... you looked so cute i couldn’t help myself. i mean , i just realised that this total catch in this picture , ” she spoke , lifting the card up and pointing to said picture as if she was showing to her for the first time “ is my girlfriend?? --- i’m super lucky , aren’t i? ”
you don’t make homes out of people.... but maybe we won’t tell anyone about this. about how along with every ounce of reluctance that sabrina shattered... she also managed the break that one rule. she made jamie.. the person who never needed anything , not even from her own parents , beg on her knees for a simple request.
don’t leave. don’t leave because i made the stupid mistake of making a home out of you.
