Gender Tourist

I'm Aspen Thorne: wheelchair user, femme transmasc, & artist.

[thornestar]

Biblically accurate Jurassic Park

[thornestar]

.

My therapist believes in soul contracts. Basically that we’ve made an agreement to come to Earth and live the life we have. In order to learn something, I guess.

I am so strong. I’ve been through so much and yet I persist.

But there’s no way I would have agreed to live this life. I would not have chosen to go through this bullshit. No one would have.

I’m haunted by the sound of my own screams. When it happened I was frozen. I couldn’t scream, I couldn’t cry out for help, I couldn’t get away. Later when I was back at home I couldn’t stop screaming. Couldn’t stop. I’m still screaming.

This is not a soul contract. This is a soul highjack.

[fatartappreciation]

l'atidrog II by Argentine artist Diego Gabotto

[0ld5chool]

[deadlyr0s3]

i love when ppl message me again if our convo kinda ends. like yes, please keep it going. you could never annoy me but sometimes i forget and don't know what to say or i was busy

[thornestar]

I’m a sheep in boy’s clothing

[thornestar]

Gave in and answered the bear on my birthday. He said his phone was shut off when he was ignoring me. I find this hard to believe. I’ve texted phones when they were shut off and they returned error messages.

Regardless of his truthfulness, he knows at least two other ways to contact me. Even a service-less phone can get WiFi. He has a computer where he lives. I would have been happy with “I’m gonna be unreachable for awhile” or “I have a girlfriend, I can’t meet up”

He was active on a mutual site while he was ignoring me. I think he found a girlfriend and gave me the silent treatment because he doesn’t give a fuck about me.

I don’t want him to write sonnets about me. Just treat me with minimal respect. Everyone makes mistakes. We can’t fix the past only do better in the future. I said I’d like a sincere apology and for him to make it up to me but he started spouting drama. Like, “you don’t gotta worry about me no more! I shall run away and never return!”

He makes me so maaaaaad! I wish I didn’t care about him or think about him at all. He clearly doesn’t care about me. I hope my 🐈 haunts him. I know he cares about her. She’s pretty unforgettable. What an incredible dunce he is. Why are the sexy ones so intolerably ignorant?

[thornestar]

There are several spiders in my window that catch fruit flies and gnats coming in through the cat door. I love having them but I don’t like the mess of dead bugs they leave. Every morning I slowly clean the messiest webs away and pretend not to see the spider darting into a crevice to escape the wiper.

[fatartappreciation]

We All Do It by artist Geraldine Carton

[thornestar]

I dreamt we found an abandoned warehouse full of a shrine that my sister’s ex husband built in tribute to himself. For some reason she removed the mannequin that looked like a twinkier version of him. It had a central place in the shrine as if everything there was an offering to it/him. I was outside with a neighbor when it was hauled into my sister’s place.

The neighbor and I began chatting about who’s ex husband was the worst. Mine won, even with the addition of the creepy shrine.

[thornestar]

Hey

[thornestar]

Sometimes I run into the perfect song for the boy I am thinking about.

[thornestar]

Fuuuuuck I already give up there is nothing to do that does not involve the out of doors I can’t function in this place 😭😭😭😭

[thornestar]

Okay…can’t go to the ukulele jams in the summer because it gets too hot and I get paralyzed.

What social outlet can I engage in?

It needs to be something I can convince my ride to take me to. Hopefully not too far away. Needs to be accessible. Can’t be outside because I will melt in the sun. Can’t be too hot inside. If there’s too many folk heating up an air conditioned space I will melt. Can’t be too strenuous.

This is a tall order in a such conservative ass place.

Everyone here claims to hate people like me and there’s laws against me using the bathroom and junk but I never really let that stop me. No one can hate me properly face to face. I use whatever bathroom I feel like….but I still have no idea how to get face time

[bellysh-rebuke]

you'll have to speak up, i'm wearing a towel

[thornestar]

I dreamed

I was living in some type of dorm situation. I was given the task of locking up a specific jeep. When I made it to the garage I found that someone else had driven their car so close to the jeep that I couldn’t use the key on it. I locked up the cab but the trunk had to be done manually with the key.

I searched for the owner of the second car but kept missing her by moments. Then someone told me she was back in the garage so I ran down there to have her move the car and she wasn’t there but another car was parked behind the first car parked behind the jeep.

I think someone thought they were protecting the jeep from being rifled through and it was true that the trunk could not be opened but we needed to drive it on trips into town. There was no way to drive it, either.

I went to the room of the key keeper, she was second in command to the jeep owner. When I opened her door another girl was sitting on her bed and someone was under the covers. I tried to ask the sitter if the key keeper was there but I couldn’t remember her name. I asked the sitter if she could tell me and I heard key keeper under the blankets making some kind of nonsense speech.

I said I needed the keys to move the cars so I could finish locking up the jeep.

She ignored me and when she popped out of the blankets it wasn’t even the key keeper it was just another room mate pretending to be her.

I finally lost my temper and said fuck it I don’t have to finish locking up the jeep if everyone is happy about their dumb fuck solution who am I to argue? I’d be happy to stop fucking around with everyone’s stupid car.

At that point they told me the keys were in a lock box behind the cars in the garage and I didn’t believe them but that is when I awoke to a cat kneading my head like a comfy cushion .

[thornestar]

I dreamed I was a popular football star in my home town and my family moved to England and all the English guys hated me but the girls still liked me. School was intense with guys challenging me left and right and I just didn’t know how to navigate school without everyone loving me. Thankfully my roomie was cool and helped show me around as much as she could.

I was riding in the backseats of the car with my roommate and a bunch of her girl friends. My room mate said she was supposed to change her friend’s eye color that night! I was describing the method of tattooing someone’s eyes and telling her it was permanent and dangerous and she shouldn’t do it when we stopped to pick up a new girl.

The girl got in the car while we were talking about eye color and I was tearing up a bit saying that of all the things one could change destroying your eyes seemed the most tragic.

So the girl started looking into my eyes to see my eye color. I had the same eyes as I do now! Pretty and green. Then we started making out in the backseat because no one can resist these peepers!

Later I visited her apartment which was like the place juvenile delinquents had to stay. She had a bunch of guitars and amps and a bed and not much else. We were chatting and I was hoping to sleep with her but her boyfriend called. I was all sad about her having a boyfriend but she said I must have known because she’d told me. I didn’t remember but I promised not to kiss her in front of him.

Then there was a bus load of boys pulling up in the parking lot singing “What what what, lemme see your butt butt butt” and shaking their butts and it turned out it was my old football team and I got super excited and went to see them. I was glad I could show off to the girl about why everyone loved me back home.

And we started a football game and I had the skills to play and I caught the ball and was gonna throw it in the little goal thing but my team was waiting behind me like they wanted me to throw it to them and I suddenly realized I didn’t know how to play football 😝

I know I was looking hot with my shirt off, though. That girl had to have been mildly impressed.