thought detox

unlearn. release. renew.

[thoughtdetox-blog]

one of the ways that society likes to reinforce the concept of difference is by categorizing our coping mechanisms. i.e., addiction. see, we’re all addicted to something, it is simply just a habit that we approach in excess. some of us to drugs. some of us to people. some of us to sugar. some of us to television. and some of us to our own sad thoughts. you’re unaware of who’s dealing with what, so be mindful of who you differentiate yourself from. the person deemed an “addict” could be you on a rough day. 

[thoughtdetox-blog]

a lesson we often skip

we often pride ourselves on being good lovers, and we sometimes claim to know exactly what we want in a lover, but rarely do we discuss the lesson in learning how to receive love. we put so much effort into the energy that we hope to give off, and the energy that we hope to attract, that we forget how necessary it is to know what to do with said energy when it arrives. 

it starts with recognizing the humanity in love. 

while it is a construct, and it is intangible, love is something we tend to cling to and something that in turn causes us to cling to others. the love that we deserve isn’t possessive, it isn’t parasitic, and it isn’t perfect. the person offering love to us is just that: a person. and like us, they make mistakes, they underestimate, they overestimate, they have highs, they have lows, and they just may be learning how to receive love also. 

so be fair, be confident in your intuition, and be soft in your approach.

[thoughtdetox-blog]

a few huge steps (in the last 48hrs)

I stopped trying to battle my depression and suicidal ideation on my own. I let my friends know how bad it had gotten.

I quit a job that I hated, that was draining me, and that made me feel small.

I decided that I need intensive care and time to heal from my prior stressors and episodic symptoms. 

I took a leap of faith. I recognize that all of this time I have been living my life with everyone but myself at the forefront, and I finally decided to stop. 

None of these steps were easy, all of these steps took guts, and each of these steps will help me get to the me that I aim to be. I will keep my word to myself. I vow to heal. And for the first time in my life, I vow not to break down but to break open. 

[thoughtdetox-blog]

sight

on those days when positivity hides from you

when you're in the depths of yourself and emerging into the external seems impossible

I wish you my sight. 

because when I look 

I see everything you may not be able to

and it is far too glorious to be kept.

[thoughtdetox-blog]

playing with fire

my love is volcanic:

alluring in its danger. exotic in its intensity. 

beautifully fear invoking. accessible when inactive. 

but get too close upon ignition and you’ll melt into me.

[thoughtdetox-blog]

WaVeS

You will be uprooted

lifted 

from your depths

and sunken into your darkness

waves will wash over you

until you become them

[thoughtdetox-blog]

I decided to revisit this old blog of mine and turn it into something new. Somewhere where I can be vulnerable and connect, but that isn’t about the materialistic and tangible aspect of myself - somewhere where I can unwind and just be. 

I’m hoping to shift into a sense anonymity just because I need to right now. I recently had one of my worst depressive episodes of my life and I am working to heal. The most common side-effect of depression is a preoccupation with negative thoughts, and I feel like this blog can be an active way to put my thoughts out into the universe - the good and the bad. Not all of them, but the thoughts that are a little too stifling, or even too great, to keep locked inside my journal, sometimes never to even be revisited again.

This is simply a place to release. 

For the first time in a long time, I just want to release.

[thoughtdetox-blog]

Sometimes the biggest accomplishment is simply your presence today; because it's the tomorrow you didn't think you could get to yesterday.

TA

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You're really cute

but so am I…and I mean this in the most non self-centered way possible. Because what would be really narcissistic is me deciding to love you simply based off of your ability to be physically complimentary. I need more than that and so do you.

[thoughtdetox-blog]

Just know...

Speak on it

[thoughtdetox-blog]

So yeah, I’m a writer

It’s probably really silly, but I contemplated about whether or not to put “writer” in my social media bios for what felt like forever. Writing was always something that had come easy for me but it eventually turned out to be an escape, a form of personal expression, and the vessel for my advocacy endeavors. So, in time I came to realize that writing is a part of who I am at my core, and there was a self-respect that came along with making the exclamation of who I am. It’s like I’m telling myself and others what to expect of me and from there forward I’m no longer allowed to sell myself short because I’ve come out to the world. 

[thoughtdetox-blog]

Peace isn't something you find and then keep forever. You have to wake up every single day and seek it again.

TA

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There is no version of me that exists without being in proximity to who you are at your core, I know the real you.

TA

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A party favor

The acute colors that curate your being are a lot more attractive when they’re not tied so tightly with faux-confidence. You've never been good at hiding your anxiety so I can sense that you don’t really want to be here, not alone anyway. I haven't seen you since we decided to put more stock in our egos, but I brought my love to the party anyway. Loosen up.

[thoughtdetox-blog]

Here’s to remembering that if I want people to believe that I am who I say I am, then I must believe it first. I must follow through on goals that I set for myself, promises I make to myself, and the feelings that accompany me and provide guidance throughout. I will love myself through the tough days and remind myself that no win is too small to celebrate.

[thoughtdetox-blog]

He's the type of lover that makes you a liar for telling anyone before him that it was love.

TA

[thoughtdetox-blog]

Wo I am currently obsessed with one of your works and want to get a tattoo inspired by it, I would always ask a visual artist if it was ok to get a tattoo of their work, so I wanted to ask if getting a tattoo inspired by your poetry would be ok?

Omg wow! That'd be fine by me. This is really exciting!! Can I see it when it's finished?