Will

Unstrap me and I’ll fit my fist into your mouth

[bobdylanyaoi]

YOU CAN BE STRAPPED FOR CASH??????

[oysters-aint-for-me]

marijuana and ibuprofen are a pair of gay angels with a very powerful message

[thoughtposting]

People with expensive hobbies be like yeah I’m getting findommed by an object

[soppingwetratboy]

Being told what to do is great because then you know what to do

[ca314159bara]

if you're having trouble sleeping the best you can do is put a bright object close to your face and look at it for at least 30 minutes. if that doesn't work you can close your eyes but make sure to think really hard about a bunch of bullshit

[dogpuppy]

[thoughtposting]

Important to remember that big freaky spiders (everywhere) chase you because they love you

[thoughtposting]

Do genies use djinnstagram

[noelledeltarune]

"you can jack off you can eat grapes all else banned" is kind of the post of the summer because literally wtf else are you supposed to do once it’s 30°C outside

[thoughtposting]

Getting invited to watch a couple have sex but I get bored and start treating it like a boxing match, occasionally pulling the top away to pat their forehead with a towel and squirt Gatorade in their mouth (I get invited back)

[thoughtposting]

polyamorous captain Torres be like one million wives

[lesbianmarrow]

free use is kind of a funny kink bc it relies on the idea that everybody wants to touch you and have sex with you but what if they don't. what if you tell everybody at the party you're free use but they all ignore you and mind their own business

[tunnaa-unnaa]

taking notes

[thoughtposting]

Bionicles (cool)

[hysteric-boy]

I’m not even horny I’m just jerking off for the serotonin at this point

[thoughtposting]

You die and go to heaven and the pearly gates open to reveal probably billions of the aliens from Signs (2002) and they’re all sitting around playing pool or something and when they notice you standing there there’s like a record scratch and they just sort of stare at you confused and then you immediately fall through the clouds and land in hell

[critowski]

Oh Little Dog how much I love you’re dances

[spoinky-the-exuberant]

Dinobot my beloved