This whole thing is a mess, so be warned if you actually read it.
I'm going to delete this later, but I have to put it somewhere before I go crazy. I don't have friends so there's no one I can talk to about this. I'm a Christian and for as long as I can remember, I wanted to wait until marriage to have sex. Not only for my religious beliefs, but also for my own personal views on sex. But, someone I trusted decided to take that choice from me. I don't care what your views on sex are, religious or not, something was taken from me and I'll never be able to get it back.
However, this is not about that.
I received a message from a guy over Instagram. He saw I was a Christian and was interested because he was too. But his first question was if I was waiting for marriage. I told him yes. He then asked if I was a virgin. Since I'm still trying to figure that out for myself, I didn't know how to answer so I just said no, but not by my choice.
He seemed to catch on pretty quickly... but this was his response...
"You know that you can get surgery to get your virginity back. It might not be the same for you, but your future husband will be able to say that he was your first."
...Are you f*cking kidding me? You think that because of an action that was completely out of my control, that I should have my vagina operated on, so that my future husband can feel better about himself? Or so that he can have the best experience possible?
Even writing this, I'm holding back tears because of how angry I am. I don't give a damn if you think I may not be "tight enough" for your dick, because I can guarantee you, on that night that I finally decide to trust someone that much again, the last thing on my mind I'd gonna be whether your my "first" or not.
I hope you'll be able to ignore my flinching every time you go to touch me. I hope you can excuse my hesitating before doing anything with you. If I freeze up and ask you to stop, 1. I hope you do unlike the last one, and 2. I hope you don't take offense to it. Because after all, you are my "first", right?
I'm sorry that you're expectations were not met.
theartofmadeline
germansingergirl
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s