Thoughts of Charlotte & Dave @thoughtsofcharlotteanddave - Tumblr Blog

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ruthlesshumiliation-deactivated

Follow me at: @ruthlesshumiliation

hotwifeplaydate

It kinda does, yeah.

thevirginislands

I lose the urge to eat my own cum from you when I orgasm. I’d love to eat other men’s cum from you while I’m excited, and boy will I be excited!

(I did this all the time in real life with C. and she and I adored me eating other men’s cum from her.)

thoughtsofcharlotteanddave

Have you thought about it Dave?

oursexyexploration-deactivated2

Hotwife Lifestyle - Understanding Our Man’s Hotwife Fantasy and How to Use That to Our Advantage

The fantasy of having a “Hotwife” is growing, in fact, research shows it is growing at a higher rate than a good majority of the other lifestyle alternatives, including the old staple of “swinging” and the modern “open relationship”. Why is it that a fantasy that revolves around only one part of a relationship – the woman – going out and finding pleasure from another man more intriguing to an increasing number of men than going out and “getting some” for himself?

Basic psychology tells us that men are highly competitive creatures. They have a drive to compete with other males of the species for the best mate – this isn’t so much different than what happens in the animal kingdom. Most men have an innate drive to compete with other men when it comes to the “best mate” or the “most attractive woman”. With this being said, one of the reservations of most women who find out about their husband or partner’s Hotwife fantasy is that he is somehow “weaker” than the rest because he wants to give up his position as your only partner. Is this really true, though? Could the truth lie somewhere within today’s man’s loss of natural competition in everyday life, and a desire to maintain a level of competition after marriage or “monogamy”? Is this weakness, or rather the ultimate confidence?

Cuckholding aside, because this aspect of the fantasy requires a bit more in terms of a “woman led” relationship, and a bit more from the man in terms of a desire for mental sadomasochism, a good majority of men enjoy the idea that they have been able to “capture” the best mate and even when she’s out having amazing physical and emotional experiences with men who may have qualities that actually supersede their own – a better body, a larger cock, youth, more prowess in bed – their woman actually WANTS to come back to them at the end of the night. While most Hotwife-Husbands do get some level of turn-on from the jealousy and the possibility that their Hotwife may actually be enjoying their dates more than they enjoy being “at home”, the overwhelming desire is the competition and the “win” in terms of having a wife who chooses them again and again even after being allowed to go out and have other men.

As Hotwives, we may be the focus of the fantasy, but there is that deeper and more psychological desire of a man who, even after committing to one woman, is able to compete with other males sexually. This is why the desire for “reclaiming” a Hotwife after a date is so strong – it’s actually been scientifically proven that men who are able to reclaim a partner after she has been with someone else have an increase in testosterone levels, which means stronger desire, more powerful erections, longer lasting erections, and an overall stronger sex drive. So, what does this mean for us as Hotwives?

He Enjoys the Jealousy, Go with It

As women we’ve learned that inducing some jealousy can actually be a good thing when it comes to dating – before we’ve found our “person”. We use our female prowess to keep the men who we are seeing guessing…why? Because they seem more interested in us when it seems as though we may not be 100% there. So, if this works in the dating world, why wouldn’t it work once we’re married? In contrast, women typically don’t respond as well, or in the same way to jealousy – we tend to worry, question, and sometimes shut down if we feel that he might be “just not that into us”. Naturally, because of our own feelings on the matter, we tend to avoid making our men jealous once we’ve committed to them, because we, ourselves don’t want to feel as though we’re in constant competition with other, more attractive, sexier, younger, etc., women. Why would we do something to the man that we love that we, ourselves, would hate?

For men, though, and especially those with Hotwife fantasies, jealousy is a big component and tool for us to keep our men hot and bothered. Sometimes just the mere mention of being flirted with by that cute guy at our favorite restaurant, or our interest in the sexy personal trainer at the gym is enough to send our men into a sexual frenzy. It doesn’t take a lot to feed the fantasy. It’s not ALL about dates and recounting how well we got worked over in the bedroom (and how much we loved it), though that is the ultimate turn on for our men, it’s also about the little things – the mention of our interest in someone else, the sexy messages that we send to potential lovers or Bulls, the “tease” of how much we loved what our last Bull did for us and how much we’re looking forward to doing it again. Remember, this ignites the “competition” element of things, which is natural for men.

The More You Enjoy it, the More He Enjoys it

You may be thinking, “But I’m doing it for him, I’m not doing it for myself” (a common theme by A LOT of Hotwives), but in reality, our men WANT us to enjoy our encounters. They want to hear about what this “other guy” did for or to is that sent us over the edge, and yes, they want to hear what we liked better about the “other guy”. I know it seems crazy, because we don’t want to imagine our men, even if we did allow them to be with other women, thinking that their “others” were better, sexier, hotter or had something that we don’t. That’s because we don’t have that “competition drive” like our men do.

Let’s face it, despite what our men tell us – “It’s all about your pleasure” or “I don’t get anything out of it unless you’re enjoying it, because I love you so much” – this isn’t some ultimate “unselfish” thing our men are doing for us. These things come out of their mouths, but what they are really saying is “I want to know that you came three times while he was fucking you, and you STILL want to come home to me”. It’s their kink, and we have to understand it.

So, if you’ve actually taken the step into the world of Hotwifing, you’re going to have to learn how to properly tease your man into believing that, just maybe, your Bull was better than him in some ways. Whenever you think “But I’m only doing it for him”, follow that us with “I’m doing it for him and he WANTS to know that I absolutely enjoyed it”. Find some aspect of your encounter that was mind-blowing, and recount, in great detail exactly what it was that sent you over the edge. This may require a little bit of embellishment, and that’s OKAY…trust me…embellishment is your friend in this situation. Tell your man about your Bull’s amazing cock, how good if felt, how good he tasted, how fantastic he was at oral sex, etc. These are the things that will ramp up that competition streak in your man and make him want to reclaim you with increased vigor and desire.

The More You Want Someone Else, The More Your Man Wants You

Again, you’re playing on the competition and the teasing aspect of things here… The more that you act as if you WANT to be a Hotwife, the more that your husband or partner is going to WANT you. His desire for you is going to skyrocket, his sexual desire for you is going to make it so that he’s ready to chew his own leg off to get you back in bed. I have experienced this firsthand many times…if I am completely honest about an “encounter” and admit to “D” that my Bull was lacking in some way, or I didn’t quite “get there”, he isn’t nearly as turned on as when I tell him about how amazing things were. I don’t like or believe in lying, but I do advocate for being selective and stretching the truth…maybe your lover wasn’t the best at giving oral sex, but maybe he was an amazing kisser, so a good answer would be “he was amazing with his mouth” and leave the rest up for interpretation.

We’re women. We are strong and capable and we are smart. And the truth is, this is a GAME we are playing for and with our husbands/partners, so we need to get our heads into the game. Furthermore, this is an intellectual game, and we need to use our intellects to get to where we want to be. Where do we want to be? We want to have a husband/partner who is absolutely drooling over us, believes we are the ultimate sexual goddess, and in is jealous enough to realize that in order to “compete” they will need to step up their own game in order to “keep” us satisfied – be that with amazing sex, extra romance, other rewards, or all of the above.

Happy Hotwifing!

-S

thoughtsofcharlotteanddave

A must read

hotwiferules

If you have done this item, please make a comment so we can track the popularity of each bucket list item!!!

thoughtsofcharlotteanddave

I can do that

mydirtymindcaptions

hotwifeplaydate

Decisions!

thoughtsofcharlotteanddave

What would you like me to do Dave?

bicuckandmistress

are-you-ready-to-be-cuckolded

😚😚

thoughtsofcharlotteanddave

Would you do that for me Dave?

christinebitg

thoughtsofcharlotteanddave

Looks like someone is playing our game Dave

coolopenmindedhubby-deactivated

are-you-ready-to-be-cuckolded

♥️

thoughtsofcharlotteanddave

That’s our game Dave

realtimecuckolding-deactivated2

dirtyeastcoastcouple-deactivate

I bet she does - N

I do. I love how hard N gets waiting for me to get home - M

thoughtsofcharlotteanddave

I hope Charlotte feels the same way

oursexyexploration-deactivated2

Hotwife Lifestyle - The Stages, and Why Honesty is Best Even When It’s Hard

We receive a lot of questions on the Hotwife Lifestyle – how to get into it, how to bring it up, whether or not it’s “healthy”, why some people are so drawn to it and others find it…off-putting. It seems, though, that the majority of our questions come from men who are worried to express their sexual desires to their wives or partners. Here’s one such question: When D first told you he wanted you to be with other men what did you think? Were you excited or did you look down on him? I’ve tried round about conversations with my wife and when the topic of swinging or being with other people comes up, she says she doesn’t want to be one of those kind of people. That people who really love each other don’t want their person with someone else. She says she’s so glad I’m not one of those guys, but I am just haven’t told her. I’m afraid she’ll hate me.

The answer to this question isn’t simple, and I will definitely say that in very few situations is someone able to bring up something like this, without previous interest shown by their significant other, and have that person jump completely on board. It’s not one of those “Oh my GOD, I’ve been waiting our entire relationship for you to say you want me to be with other people” type of things. There are stages that women go through when they find out about these things, in most cases, and I’ll go through the stages that I initially went through.

Stage One – Wow, this is a pretty cool “fantasy”

So, D brought up the idea that “alternative lifestyles”, namely swinging or a threesome with another man, was something that erotically turned him on. D and I were (and still partially are) “long distance”, so you can imagine that we’ve had many hot and heavy conversations with each other about sex, fantasies, etc. It was never brought up as “I would like you to do this”, rather more in the context of telling a story about watching me meeting a man at a bar and taking him up to a hotel room and then D coming in to watch and eventually participate. I fed back into the fantasy, telling him how I would do things, what I would wear, how I would act, etc., because at the time I fully thought this was just long distance “pillow talk”.

D knew about my past with my ex-husband – I won’t go into great detail, but he cheated on me, was a porn addict, alcoholic, forced me physically to do things that were painful both emotionally and physically, etc. He knew the way that I felt about monogamy (that it was something I desperately wanted), so he just spoke about things in “fantasy terms” and I was okay with that…it was FUN! I knew that D had been a “swinger” in the past with his ex-wife, but I was under the impression that he didn’t enjoy it…that it was something he did to keep her happy and to make life easier at home in a terribly dysfunctional marriage (I’ve since found out that I was slightly wrong in this belief, as he did enjoy it, just got tired of some of the ways she handled things). I was okay with his past, because he said that after a while he lost interest in it, and I figured that it was just a fun fantasy that we could share together in bed.

Stage Two – Okay, this is for real and I’m terrified

At some point, D began expressing more of an interest in “trying out” some things in the swingers community. I was shocked at first…but I was also new to the relationship, newly divorced, and I wanted him to think I was the “cool girl” who would do anything to make him happy. I thought to myself…”How bad could it really be?”. Was there an interest in it for me…maybe a slight one, just because it was taboo and crazy, and I think I had something more like “Eyes Wide Shut” in mind, you know, beautiful people dressed in tuxedos and cocktail dresses with masks and sex that was sensual and erotic happening in almost an artistic way.

D found a few swingers sites, got us on Tumblr, and we started looking into things. I also started to realize that a lot of what I saw wasn’t exactly what I had pictured. I also started to really think critically about whether or not I wanted to give up monogamy – at the very least not giving it up on my side by allowing him to be with other women. We flirted and chatted with a few couples, and my suspicions about my comfort level were indeed correct…I was not okay with my man showing an interest in another woman. D was actually pretty okay with that…he said he was more turned on by the idea of me being with another man anyway. His ultimate goal was to have a threesome with me and another man…I figured “I guess I could do that once – even if it was terrible, it would only be for a couple of hours and then I would have made one of D’s fantasies come true”. So, we started looking into finding a threesome partner…I got scared again and didn’t think I could go through with it. I was worried about becoming one of “those people”, that my parents and friends would look down upon for being slutty or whorish or somehow a derelict member of society. I was worried about people finding out. I was worried about how I would feel about it after the fact, and I was most worried about why in the hell a man that said he loved me would possibly want me to have sex with someone else…that was cheating, right? Men who love their wives want to keep other men away from them, not invite them in to fuck them, right?

Again, I was going through a whirlwind, and D was there to assure me that everything would work out if I would just give it a try. He would be the BEST and most ATTENTIVE boyfriend/fiance/husband in the world if I did this. I would be showered with more romance than I could possibly take. I would be rewarded handsomely for doing this for him…and, yeah, that all sounded pretty damned good to me. Did I mention I’m a die hard romantic, and if I’m tempted with grand romance and romantic gestures I have a hard time resisting?

Stage Three – Learning Mode…bury myself in the research

So, here is when I went into full on research mode, as is my nature. I researched every aspect of this “kink”, the psychology of it, the “real life” situations, talked to people online, read blogs, articles (both from real couples and psychologists). I started to realize that my “ideal” of monogamy is something that was probably given to me when I was a child and was influenced by the way that I was raised to be a classy, demure girl who kept certain things sacred. Sex was sacred, you only gave that away to people who you thought you loved or you planned to be with…I was the girl who made boyfriends wait months and months to have sex, and lost a few in the process. Before D, I had only been with 4 other men in my entire life, one of which was my ex-husband. So, you can imagine that his “proposal” of having a threesome was scary…very scary.

I actually stumbled upon the idea of Hotwives (he had brought it up before, but it wasn’t his focus at the time). I thought…”well, this might be easier…just meeting a guy one on one, having a date and then having sex”. I always knew I didn’t want a “bull” who would take me to a seedy motel, rip off my clothes, slap my ass and fuck me…I guess I was looking for the “romance” even in a situation that didn’t appear romantic at the start. Again, this was supposed to be a way to “get my feet wet” enough so that I was comfortable enough to make D’s threesome fantasy come true. I figured…what the hell, what’s the harm? Not to mention, I’m going to be getting back SO MUCH from D in way of his gratitude that I’m going to be the most prized and showered with affection and romance woman on the planet.

Stage Four – Fuck it, let’s do it

D and I talked and talked endlessly about this stuff, almost to the point that it was all we ever talked about. At one point I finally just said, “I’m creating a Tinder account and I’m going to go on a date…fuck it.” Did I still have reservations? Hell yes. Did part of me think that when I finally said I’d do it, D would say “No baby, don’t do it”? Hell yes. Well, that didn’t happen…I opened the profile and within about 2 hours I had a date set up with a man for dinner. I still half expected D to stop me before I actually went through with it, but he didn’t, and I did. We had dinner and we made out by the car, and I didn’t go home with him. I think from that point forward, D was sort of hooked on the Hotwife idea.

Originally, I admit, I brought up the idea to scare him. He had only ever talked about doing things together and I figured that me doing something on my own would scare the crap out of him and make him realize he wanted me all to himself. This is when the real learning really began. I’ve learned that D is just one of those men who enjoys the idea of his partner being with other people. He gets turned on by it, he gets “jealous”, but not the same kind of jealous that most people do – meaning not to the point that he wants me to stop, but rather urges me to continue. I continue because I want to make him happy…and because at this point it’s kind of part of who we are. I realize that D just isn’t a “monogamy” guy, and he probably won’t ever be. So…all of these things happened over the course of the last few years, and I went through different emotions all the way through it.

In reality…not everything I thought actually happened the way I thought that it would, both on the positive and the negative side. The reality of a thing is usually always different from the fantasy, and things that you plan for or promise don’t always happen, but the journey has been one of major self discovery and it hasn’t been completely without it’s perks.

Back to the question… Did I ever look down on D for his fantasies? No, I didn’t. That’s not to say that I share them – him with another woman would break my heart because I love him too much to see that happen. I think it’s that love, though, that allowed me to listen to him and try to understand what he wanted, and to ultimately do something I never thought I would do. If you and your wife are solid and you can communicate, you should be able to express to her your desires. She should also be able to say “no” if that’s her decision. The fact that she already thinks you’re “not one of those guys” means you have a little extra work ahead of you, but it’s not impossible. You should definitely speak with her and be completely honest about the things that turn you on…lying and hiding are never the answers. I do wish you luck…and go easy on your wife, she’s going to go through all of the feelings I did, and it’s not easy for most women to understand, accept and then actually “do”.

- S

thoughtsofcharlotteanddave

Interesting reading

siscuc-deactivated20141116

elpasolace

It’s easier than you think AND you’ll never regret it!

thoughtsofcharlotteanddave

Or boyfriend in my case

whiskeyvixenandhubs

thoughtsofcharlotteanddave

What would have happened if I’d discovered it before Dave?

whiskeyvixenandhubs

thoughtsofcharlotteanddave

It really is that simple

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