A Cat May Look At Its King(sman)
Harry has cats. Multiple. He could never get a dog after Mr. Pickles, the memory was just too painful, so he has cats.
Eggsy has JB, which is not a cat.
Eggsy might insist that because heâs the same size, heâs basically a cat, but JB is not a cat. Harry is very firm on that point.
Harry needs a new cat sitter for missions, because his old one is moving to Ireland and heâs gone often enough to require a constant person.
Eggsy offered, until Harry reminded him thatÂ
a) theyâre going on the same missions so it would be absolutely pointless, my dear boy andÂ
b) respectable gun control and respectable cat control are two very different things and should not be confused.
So while Harry (and, by extension, Merlin, because Merlin knows things about interviewing and testing people, and Bartholemew and Wilhelmina and Snoozey Fluffballs Primplepuss the Fourth (two of the cats came to him pre-named, one of them didnât, guess which one) deserve the best) go through candidates, Eggsy putters around Harryâs apartment and finds a whole pint of nearly off milk, and sometimes watches through the security cameras and makes terrible jokes about the people who showed up into Harryâs comm unit.
And in the end, after the candidates have left and Merlin has gone back to his actual job because dammit, Harry, this wasnât supposed to take all afternoon, you know that I do things, right? Really important things? Harry marches upstairs and flops facedown entirely inelegantly onto his bed and mumbles something about hating everybody and everything and fuck it all, really, heâll just pay for Mrs. Edlen to stay in London and not retire even though sheâs eighty four, she doesnât need a quiet country life with her grandchildren, not really.
Eggsy shuts off the security monitor and nudges Barty gently out of the room with his toe and closes the door and sits next to Harryâs head on the bed and says, quietly, while looking at his hands, âYou know, my mum used to have cats.â
Harry stops his grumbling and turns his head, slightly, so that Eggsy can hear him say, âYou have got to be joking.â
And then Eggsyâs mom is on the case permanently because sheâs quite good with kittens and Daisy renames Wilhelmina Princess Fuzztoes Muffincakes Lemon Sparkles and renames Bartholemew, who is a pure white persian, Spot, and forever endears herself to Harry and Eggsy sits with JB in a corner and mutters /things/ about cats and doesnât realize heâs got his glasses on until he hears Merlin say, âMmhmmâ in his ear.
And then probably sex because thatâs how all Kingsman fic endsÂ
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