365 Days

Because i'm corny i'm going to try do a thing to document this year. I have a little book i'm writing in and each day i will post what i wrote for that day. It might work, it might not, but for now i hope it does.

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Page 21 of 365 I've spent so much of my life being petrified of running out of time. Now, here i am, eighteen years (old) on a Wednesday night, literally just wasting the time i was scared i didn't have.

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Page 20 of 365 The ocean reminds me of you. How you tend to seem horribly amazingly calm but even i can feel storms brewing in your head even if you can't feel it.

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Page 19 of 365 You said you weren't leaving, but opportunities abroad are always more exciting

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Page 18 of 365 There will always be a part of me that wished we'd have been closer. While i could drop everything for you in a heart beat I was never an option for you.

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Page 17 of 365 I'm so scared you're going to fuck her over. Prove me wrong.

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Page 16 of 365 Goodbyes really aren't my thing

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Page 15 of 365 I cannot begin to fathom how to live without this length of dance. Full-time dance is the most amazing thing i've ever experienced and now it's almost over...

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Page 14 of 365 The pain of dance is getting to me. But the worse part is how tired i am from not eating like i should. I'm so sorry body...

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Page 13 of 365 I finally have a future. I got into the course i've been dreaming of and i'm so ecstatic. Though i feel my drawings were rough it was so good getting a professional opinion; one that says maybe i am good at this.

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Page 12 of 365 More of you is gone and the relief is settling in. I'm sorry for no warning but it's all for the best.

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Page 11 of 365 I don't need people who will be nice to me. I need people who will be real and tell me when i am out of line. I need someone to not save me but to have a hand on my shoulder just to ensure me i am real.

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Page 10 of 365 I found another way of torturing myself. I need to stop but i like the small pain... The pain that no one else will see. It's my secret pleasure, of course, not so secret now...

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Page 9 of 365 I crave the knowledge of the universe. The cause of supernovae, the relation of the bug bang theory to the laws of thermodynamics. I hated physics but now i want to know all about it

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Page 8 of 365 If we can't be friends forever, I'll cherish the days i have, For all the days i see you are, "The best i've ever had". JT

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Page 7 of 365 I'm scared i'll never find love. I'm scared because ever since a boy hurt my best friend, it hurt me instead. My story doesn't involve abuse or harm via another person, mine is only collateral damage of stupid situations my friends got into. What makes a person so ruined that experiences not of their own fucks them over?

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Page 6 of 365 I never realised until today that i avoid ending conversations. I dont like to say farewell goodbye foe the irrational fear of never seeing them again...

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Page 5 of 365 I need to learn to stop talking. Why do i find it so easy to talk about the demons that kill me as if i was talking to a long lost friend that i'd not seen since the day school ended. (Addition: yeah i know its not long ago but its rhymed :P)