hyeon stayed awfully quiet on the ride to his apartment, unsure as to why he even invited sejoo back in the first place. well, that was a half lie. the surgeon knew what he wanted out of the younger man, however he knew it was deemed rather unattainable at the moment, as they had more adult things to work out then what could easily lousy sex. god hyeon really hoped it wouldn’t be. while approaching the door, sejoo’s sudden voice peaked interest. small grin graced his face, eyes rolling as he opened the door for the two, allowing the intern to enter the apartment before him, “ i-it’s nothing bad, i just have some things i should probably mention before we continue whatever the hell is going on in the pretty mind of yours, ” hyeon’s word choice was slick for a reason, steady hands reaching up into the white cabinet grabbing one of his more expensive bottles of whiskey, pouring a small drink for each of them.
drink in hand hyeon made his way over to the couch, fingers tracing the back as he leaned his back against it, that same smile never once falling from his pale face, “ okay, so, as you know, i’ve done a few tours in the middle east as a navy medic, and by few tours, i really mean i was stationed in iran with some u.s soldiers from the pyeongtaek base, and the first three years there, were a-a mess,” hyeon’s voice was quite soft, eyes glossy as he began to think back on those horrid memories. the amount of useless bloodshed &. loss of brothers who laid their lives for something so large it was entirely beyond any of them, “ i never really came home, that probably added onto the issues i have now now that i think about it,” the surgeon couldn’t help but chuckle at the thought taking another sip of his drink, this one not-so small, “ anyways, it was doable until my last tour, t-that one really took a toll , ”
he remembered that fateful night vividly. the mixed smell of burnt flesh &. gunpowder, his brain attempting to block out the screams heard around him. hyeon was equipped for death, he was mentally prepared to lose anyone the war took, but he was never mentally prepared to black tag the amount of people he had tonight. the night was quiet for the most part, he and his fellow medics doing some inventory in the hospital, all talking about their families back home &. their favorite memories. this was the only part of the night that hyeon couldn’t remember clearly. there he stood, in front of the medicine room, clipboard in hand when he began to smell something burning with the ever so faint noise of ringing. then, there was the BOOM.
“ they bombed part of the hospital, something to do with the united states &. some oil truck out of saudi arabia, i’m still not too sure to be honest. ” hyeon then shifted his position, walking closer to the intern who stood by the kitchen island as hyeon avoided any sort of eye contact, “ i passed out for a few hours, i think, and when i woke up i was laying down in the middle of an active war zone. it was far too dangerous for anyone to move in &. i was surrounded by so much debris i would of thought i was dead as well. ”
taking a step backward, hyeon positioned his drink at the identical island, shaky fingers trying to unbutton the long-sleeve flannel he wore. it was the first time tonight he managed to look his lover in the eye, but still hyeon wore the same impassive expression — at the least he attempted to that is. as he pulled the sleeves off his shoulders, the damage was clearly visible. discolored skin scarred over in various patches, a fish scale-like texture felt under one’s touch. ( thank you skin grafts ). not only did the scars leave a physical mark, one that hyeon couldn’t bare to live with for the year following the bombing, but they also limited the surgeon’s range of motion. after about eight months of strenuous physical therapy, he was cleared for work, where he then applied to seoul university hospital as their chief surgical attending, never disclosing his situation — aside from being naval reserves medic of course !
hyeon never mentioned that night never mind show the aftermath to many people, as there was always that constant visible reminder of what he had to go through completely on his own. after his return home, that’s when the nightmares began. for a while he had written them off as simple, as returning home fully healed allowed the first night’s rest for longer than two or three hours, as well pointing it as a strange detox of various painkillers. never-ending dreams reliving that night over and over again like a tape on loop. no matter what he did, he couldn’t make them go away. the only place he began to feel safe was in the comfort of his own home, using whatever he could to stay awake, resulting in his body crashing after that last twenty-four hour shift.
it wasn’t long before they progressed into mid-day panics &. triggers, the doctor even being arrested for various bar fights started from an episode. however, having ties into the local police department really helped in keeping all of those off-record, “ i, um, that last tour really, REALLY, messed me up. between the two of us i’ve been doing therapy for the last few months and i think i-it’s been working ? i know it’s crazy i even q-question that, but i still have episodes, they’re just not as often, a-and i still have the dreams .. “ he trailed off as a small tear fell down his cheek, “ fuck i told you i wouldn’t cry, sorry about that .. ” a small chuckle left his lips as he swirled around his drink, yet another serious expression to his face.
“ before this goes anywhere, i need you to promise me something. just-just promise me you’ll never leave, because i-i don’t think i could physically take that pain again … ”
he takes glass from other, nodding graciously, though he has no time to enjoy it before hyeon begins to explain everything. all he can do is listen, hear the way his resolve diminishes with each admission, each memory retched up from a repressed past. sejoo knew he’d been in active duty, he’d assumed that there were mental scars that linger beneath the surface. they were subtle ticks, things others wouldn’t notice, but much of his time was spent by the attending’s side ; how could he not ? pieces begin to fall into place, the aloofness, the steely expression and persona that follows him closely, the compartmentalisation that seems to come so naturally. heart sinks lower and lower until it sits in the pit of his stomach, chest aching in its absence. what can he say ? what words could possibly take even a fraction of his pain away ? speechless, he lets out broken sigh, gaze falling to the drink held loosely against the counter.
movement catches his eye, head tipping upwards to watch hyeon move closer, recollection spilling from lips. he watches him spiral into the depths of his own emotions, overcome by the macabre memories that so clearly rush to the front of his mind. sejoo can only begin to imagine what he’d been subjected to, stationed in an active war zone, watching as his friends and closest confidants fall around him. how could he even begin to understand that pain ? suddenly he feels so small, weak and helpless to the situation — he had nothing to offer but tears of sympathy. what good would that do ?
“ hyeon, ” his name comes out in strained whisper, reaching out to tug at his wrist, pulling quivering hands from the buttons he works to undo, “ you don’t – ” words catch in his throat as gaze falls on marred skin put on display ; scars stretch along every inch of skin exposed from slight tug of shirt, disappearing yet beneath the rest of fabric clinging to his form. his first thought is to apologise — for what ? for a conflict he has no stake in ? the ill intention of man ? with slow shake of his head, he takes a hand into both of his, drawing knuckles to his lips in chaste kiss ; lets him unpack his baggage, shifting a fraction of his burden onto sejoo. the implications of his words were heavy, but a weight the younger willingly shoulders.
he offers smile through tears, squeezing hand gently in his, “ i’m so proud of you, hyeon ... i – no, no, hey – ” elder’s tears brim, spilling over as he sways beneath throws of emotion ; this time he doesn’t choke on his own words, swallow back incoherent reassurances, “ don’t ... don’t apologise, please. what you’re feeling right now ? it’s nothing to apologise for. ” the attending is vulnerable, scared, putting himself in a place he surely hasn’t been in a long time, if ever. hyeon had always been the level - headed one, sejoo’s voice of reason when the job became too much, overwhelming. he’s always cared, perhaps more than he should, but he’d always put sejoo’s best intentions first — this wouldn’t be any different, right ?
hands, petite compared to hyeon’s, shift to cup tear stained cheeks, gazes locking for the first time as lips smooth into reassuring smile, despite tears that line lower lashes. “ i’m not going anywhere. i’ll wait ... i’ll be here when you get back, ” he shifts just enough to offer his pinky, gently pressed against his chest to punctuate his point, “ i promise. ” he waits for other to seal his words with childish sentiment. as smallest digit links with his other’s, sejoo pushes onto his toes, leaning up just enough to catch his lips in brief kiss
———— seal it with a kiss, right ?
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