Headless Horseman

The lamest Dirk Ask Blog you've seen on this Hellsite. Asks are welcome, and will be answered in an unserious, entirely ironic manner. This description is awfully long, too. That is also part of the bit. Blog always under construction. Gluten free. Definetly not run by sentient roaches.

[timaeustexugo]

I like seeing early Twilight struggle. See, she's just learning and leaning into her nature as a leader and she's new on the streets. It's nice seeing her be awkward knowing how powerful and strong she gets later. It's like seeing Rose Quartz's arc in linear format, man. I like it.

Like in the sleepover episode and how she was so focused on doing things "Right" that she forgot to adapt entirely- though that episode is Rarijack focused and can it can lowkey be argued that Twilight did that on purpose to teach Rarity and Apple Jack how to get along better, like how Celestia does onto her.

[timaeustexugo]

I am going to brutalize my brother the first chance I get, he introduced me to the Minecraft Create Mod and it has ruined my sleep schedule. If I fail Technical Drawing this semester he is going to get waterboarded, too.

[timaeustexugo]

I was trying to make a robot that passes butter like in Rick and Morty and accidentally put Hal in it. Now it just keeps trying to stab me. Sos.

[timaeustexugo]

Today I started to rewatch My Little Pony. See, everything's been fucking sucking the life out of me. The magic of friendship heals everything. Spoilers for my favorite medias. Go fucking watch my little pony.

Anyway.

One of my "friends" called Sunset Shimmer a Rainbow Dash ripoff and that was such a horrible fucking misconstruction of her character that I'm going to fucking rant about it on my stupid blog at midnight. Oh, I've also been playing Postal 2 recently. I should not be allowed to play the game for more than two hours straight.

Back to the pony shit. Listen, the entire fucking point of Sunset Shimmer is that she has to learn to not he a fraud potential man. That's the fucking point. She has to find her place in the human world which is so unfamiliar to her. She has to make friends like Twilight- who her arc Mirrors- times a fucking thousand. You can't just fucking call her a Rainbow Dash ripoff like that. It's disrespectful. It's fucking disrespectful. They're not even the same fucking aspect, bro. Rainbow Dash is a fucking Time player. I need to rewatch the movies, but Sunset Shimmer gives off doom-ey vibes to me. They're entirely different fucking pieces of the pie, bro. You can't just mix shit up and call it dough, you just made slop. You made some bullshit. Hogshit even. Literally gleep and glorp fuck outta here with that. Actually, let me know if you want my pony classpect analysis, now that I mention it. My canon is the only correct canon. Everyone else is butt fucking wrong about their classpects. I am the only man who is correct.

Plus, Rainbow Dash and Sunset Shimmer look nothing alike. You don't even have any ground there, if you want to fully larp the fuck out of my little pony like that piece of shit. He hasn't even watched the show. And get this, his favorite pony ever is Cozy Glow. The motherfucker likes Cozy Glow. Now, Cozy Glow is a great character and all- but I need you to fucking understand the absurdity of this. Am I the only one seeing it? Am I losing my fucking mind again? Am I spiraling myself into nothing again? Do I finally get to not exist? Are you seeing this. Please tell me you see it. I'm pretty sure he was Ragebaiting me, actually. I don't care. Ragebait has to make fucking sense. He was just spouting shit and laughing. Fucking asshole.

I still really like my little pony. The majority of the episodes, as in the meat of them, pisses me off. Immensely. It's just the nature of kids shows, they're just like that. It doesn't stop me from getting frustrated, nor does it stop the show from repeating it. But one thing my little pony does really fucking well is reconciliation. I love the end of them, I love seeing them still be friends despite shit going down. It really does heal me. Also, MLP has some crazy ass lore. Why the fuck did Twilight ascend to godhead. It's like someone's bullshit DnD homebrew ran off the rails and straight into some poor neighborhood like in Bullet Train.

Tl;dr: Everyone should go fucking watch my little pony and everyone should Kin Sunset Shimmer. I really wish I had a onesie of her. For some reason all the MLP onesies are weird sex shit.

I cried and ate ice cream and watched my little pony all day. I regret nothing.

[timaeustexugo]

Nevermind, evil activities cancelled, larp drop just hit.

[timaeustexugo]

Girl I'm bored, let's haunt the narrative.

[timaeustexugo]

Sometimes I hide my clothes under tables and chairs and other furniture because I don't want anyone to see them. Nobody's going to fucking see them, though. Why would anyone be able to see them. There's no point to it, yet I keep shoving more and more shit under my chair, to the point it can't fucking move anymore. It's dirty clothes, too. I need to wash all of that shit. I'm not going to, though, and it's just going to accumulate and accumulate until it attracts insects or something- Of which I will crash out and go and take all the fucking clothes I've shoved in weird places and finally wash it all- and wonder why I even did that in the first place. I will do it again. I'm never going to stop doing it, because I'm still fucking scared of people seeing the fact I have dirty clothes. The fucking thing is, and get this, Nobody Is There To See The Fucking Clothes, man.

There is never anybody there but me.

[timaeustexugo]

I love taking 3 hour long, 10,000 degree showers that start at midnight. Really, would recommend. They're healing. I can feel my scars melting, man.

[timaeustexugo]

gl ur en free. U mean it. U mean it. thank u

Don't you know? We can't take shit out the bread. You can either get the gluten free white bread or the potato bread. It's gluten free, and we can't take the gluten out of the bread post-baking. Actually, we can't ever take shit out the bread if it's made with flour and yeast at all. Simple as. There's bread on deck and on the floor, bro, and it's either gluten free or it ain't. Gotta pick one.

So, which one will it be?

GLUTEN? or FREE?

[timaeustexugo]

you should play brawlhalla

I would honestly rather fucking hang myself in front of my loved ones in a way of which they cannot physically assist me, therefore simultaneously forcing myself to watch their reactions as I finally destroy myself and ruin everything.

Never ask me this bullshit again. Seriously.

[timaeustexugo]

Ok hi the Egbert is back to be all up in your business

What type of music and artists do you like. Personally I’m really into the artist Halle Uchida because they have a really specific style I don’t recall finding anywhere else

I also really like vocaloid but if I were to name them all it would take 10 bullion light years

cozy glow drawn during lunch for your troubles

Hi again. This art is beautiful, thank you. She's so moe I could die.

Anyway, on the topic of music, I do enjoy listening to Alternative radio.

That's a band, by the way. They're just called that. I also really like Rise And Fall Of A Decade- I like Wheel of Cruelty a lot. I like whatever fucking genre you would call that music, haze rock? I don't know, Dave calls it loser-dork gayboy music. Personally I think he pulled that shit out of his fucking ass and that I have better music taste than him, because all he fucking listens to is shitty mumble rap and fucking Snoopdog. Seriously, let me get a song from his fucking playlist. Pull up Malarkey from Worldcorp Enterprises and tell me it isn't ass, I dare you. I fucking triple dog dare you, man.

I also like Jazz, and like, pop? I don't know what Rose Mcdowall is, and I kind of don't care.

Anyway, as a treat, I'm going to find some of my favorite songs and list them, In no particular order. I just like these songs.

1. Lisbeth - Rise And Fall Of A Decade

2. Concertina Ballerina - Alternative Radio

3. Arch of Lament - Rise And Fall Of A Decade

4. Missing You - Pink Turns Blue

5. Driving with My Darling - And One

6. Wheel of Cruelty - Rise And Fall Of A Decade

7. Eternity - Kip Tyler

8. Tibet - Rose McDowall

9. Habit - The Mall

10. Locket's Theme - Alternative Radio

11. Change Of Heart - Alternative Radio

12. Beautifully Ordinary - Alternative Radio

13. Chove Chuva - Jorge Ben Jor

14. Bebete Vãobora - Jorge Ben Jor

Hopefully that answers your question well enough. I don't listen to much vocaloid, actually.. Have any recommendations? I'm always down to listen to something new.

[timaeustexugo]

My wifi is the equivalent of giving a lactose intalorance person those extravagants milkshakes fancy restaurants give u on your birthday aka shit

But do you like the very hungry caterpilar? I like him

Your words teach me English since I do not speak it natively . Thank you. Keep speaking fancy boy

Yeah man it did send twice but I'm choosing to answer this one. The pain of an unreliable connection is real, normalize complaining about bad Wi-Fi/data coverage.

To be completely honest, before today I had never read the Very Hungry Caterpillar. Originally intended to just write a vaguely intellectual, ironic ramble riffing and exaggerating upon the surface themes of the book, but I felt that was a little too cheap even for this blog.

So I downloaded the PDF and read The Very Hungry Caterpillar (while I was having lunch, to attempt to get into the titular character's mindset), and to my surprise, it was fire. Not only did it display the lifecycle of the Papilionoide in a seamless and elegant manner, but it's core message of healthy eating is not framed as a statement or imposition over the protagonist. Rather, the importance of a diet with a strong base in vegetables, fruits, and greens is shown with action and consequence, and it ain't pushed into the reader's face as many children's (and adult) media tend to do nowadays.

It is my personal, and therefore totally objective, opinion that The Very Hungry Caterpillar is a splendid, subtle, and evocative read, that many modern writers could learn from. Thank you for showing me this book, it made my day.

Lastly, I'm happy my eloquent, totally tubular prose helps you with the bullshit tongue that is English. Gog knows more people could afford to take a track from my playlist.

[timaeustexugo]

Y'know, sometimes I wish I had a free pass to kill myself. As in, any time I'd try to blow my shit smooth off I would come back. Not only would it end any and all suicidality* but it would finally give me an outlet to express how displeased I am with shit at any given time. Imagine someone bothering you, right? Next second in you've cut your fucking head off and are bleeding out everywhere. That's awesome.

*It would likely only get worse but hey, thems the breaks.

[timaeustexugo]

More spoilers for my little pony G4. Go watch it. Watch it now. Bump that pony dust, dude. I fucking told you bro. Don't make me say it again.

Hot scalding pony take, but I think one of the best villains in the show was Cozy Glow. I know everyone hates her, but see, that shit was on purpose, dude. Listen. Listen to my words. Her talent is manipulating, we know this cus' of the chess cutie mark.

But. The whole fucking point is that she is unabashedly evil with it.

She could've been a politician. A greedy fuck yeah, but in the end a """"good"""" one. Her specific ambition to rule everything, and her fucking antagonism, is what makes her irredeemable. Discord was just a little shit. Crysalis just wanted to ensure the survival of her gabillion children. Tirek wanted to be strong, et cetera. Cozy glow wanted to hurt people because she wanted to hurt people. She had no angsty backstory. Plus she existed to teach the shitlets watching the show what was irredeemable. The other villains could be redeemed because they still had a quality of humanity to them. You never see someone making an AU to redeem Cozy Glow because she was fucking evil, and annoying.

Everyone hates her because they're supposed to hate her. Therefore making me an elite mlp fan for enjoying her character. I am better than all of you.

I am peak pony medias.

Tl;dr Cozy Glow was irredeemable facist pony medias and I like her because she's irredeemable facist pony medias.

[timaeustexugo]

If I get one and I mean One more brawlhawlla ad I am going to suicide bomb their HQ.

[timaeustexugo]

Christ almighty everything is so fucking. Orange. Why the hell does the sun do that, my whole living room is warm tones. Makes a man feel downright cozy.

[timaeustexugo]

timaeustexugofg

That's not my handle, actually. Unfortunately I rejected any and all attempts by HalGPT at keysmash. You see, my handle is a perfectly concocted string of letters to perfectly represent my mental state, at any given time. You see, timaeus represents how I will never, and can never, and have never managed, to escape myself, me, I, and my own self. It is the chain all Dirks must carry, the ghost in our shell, the bee in our bonnet. Texugo, however, is it's own beast entirety. See, a man must always wear his suit and tie. His tux, if you will, man. You tux and you go, dude. Gotta be proper and shit. Don't wanna get caught lacking. You don't wanna know what happens if you get caught lacking. I hear the lumberer gets you. Oh man, you don't wanna know the lumberer. Oh the horrors dude. Seriously. The horrors. He gets you, dude. He gets you got style.

You tux and go. You've gotta have that shit on demand bro. Lest the lumberer.

The texugo, see, is a deploy-able tux. Of my own creation. It is highly customizable and available at my website www.dirk.com.net.

Do not click on that click. It has viruses. They will download porn to your computer. So much porn. So much weird, weird texugo puppet porn. You don't wanna see that shit dude. I'm telling you now. I'm warning you. Heed that shit. Heed me, bro. I'm haunting your narrative, bro.

Anyway. The texugo costs approximately five hundred thousand "Russian" Klubecks. You've gotta pay my fucking toll, dude. I'm a troll under the bridge and you've gotta answer my riddles thre