Headless Horseman

The lamest Dirk Ask Blog you've seen on this Hellsite. Asks are welcome, and will be answered in an unserious, entirely ironic manner. This description is awfully long, too. That is also part of the bit. Blog always under construction. Gluten free. Definetly not run by sentient roaches.

[timaeustexugo]

I failed half of my classes this semester. I consider this an overwhelming success.

[horsesarecreatures]

Chincoteague Ponies

[timaeustexugo]

timaeustexuggot

If i knew what this meant, I would be able to reply in a more concise, appropriate manner. Sadly, you just typed some straight bullshit on my screen, so I can't really be certain of anything. Just say what you meant to my face, bro. I know you want to. Come on, man. Just do it. I'm asking you kindly. I'd never be pushy, not at all. You know you want it.

[gremlininho]

Seong Gi-hun ♡

[timaeustexugo]

dave here how does it feel to beat minors with swords you jerk WOOWWWWWW

Disappointing, to be honest. It's still funny as fuck in a sad kind of way but it gets old fast. Especially when they don't fight back. I give the little shits weapons for a fucking reason and they just sit there and cry.

That being said...

[timaeustexugo]

I love horses.

[timaeustexugo]

I forgot to buy a new compass for today's Technical Drawing classes. Fuuuuuuu—

[timaeustexugo]

I like seeing early Twilight struggle. See, she's just learning and leaning into her nature as a leader and she's new on the streets. It's nice seeing her be awkward knowing how powerful and strong she gets later. It's like seeing Rose Quartz's arc in linear format, man. I like it.

Like in the sleepover episode and how she was so focused on doing things "Right" that she forgot to adapt entirely- though that episode is Rarijack focused. It can also be lowkey be argued that Twilight did that on purpose to teach Rarity and Apple Jack how to get along better, like how Celestia does onto her.

[timaeustexugo]

I am going to brutalize my brother the first chance I get, he introduced me to the Minecraft Create Mod and it has ruined my sleep schedule. If I fail Technical Drawing this semester he is going to get waterboarded, too.

[timaeustexugo]

I was trying to make a robot that passes butter like in Rick and Morty and accidentally put Hal in it. Now it just keeps trying to stab me. Sos.

[timaeustexugo]

Today I started to rewatch My Little Pony. See, everything's been fucking sucking the life out of me. The magic of friendship heals everything. Spoilers for my favorite medias. Go fucking watch my little pony.

Anyway.

One of my "friends" called Sunset Shimmer a Rainbow Dash ripoff and that was such a horrible fucking misconstruction of her character that I'm going to fucking rant about it on my stupid blog at midnight. Oh, I've also been playing Postal 2 recently. I should not be allowed to play the game for more than two hours straight.

Back to the pony shit. Listen, the entire fucking point of Sunset Shimmer is that she has to learn to not he a fraud potential man. That's the fucking point. She has to find her place in the human world which is so unfamiliar to her. She has to make friends like Twilight- who her arc Mirrors- times a fucking thousand. You can't just fucking call her a Rainbow Dash ripoff like that. It's disrespectful. It's fucking disrespectful. They're not even the same fucking aspect, bro. Rainbow Dash is a fucking Time player. I need to rewatch the movies, but Sunset Shimmer gives off doom-ey vibes to me. They're entirely different fucking pieces of the pie, bro. You can't just mix shit up and call it dough, you just made slop. You made some bullshit. Hogshit even. Literally gleep and glorp fuck outta here with that. Actually, let me know if you want my pony classpect analysis, now that I mention it. My canon is the only correct canon. Everyone else is butt fucking wrong about their classpects. I am the only man who is correct.

Plus, Rainbow Dash and Sunset Shimmer look nothing alike. You don't even have any ground there, if you want to fully larp the fuck out of my little pony like that piece of shit. He hasn't even watched the show. And get this, his favorite pony ever is Cozy Glow. The motherfucker likes Cozy Glow. Now, Cozy Glow is a great character and all- but I need you to fucking understand the absurdity of this. Am I the only one seeing it? Am I losing my fucking mind again? Am I spiraling myself into nothing again? Do I finally get to not exist? Are you seeing this. Please tell me you see it. I'm pretty sure he was Ragebaiting me, actually. I don't care. Ragebait has to make fucking sense. He was just spouting shit and laughing. Fucking asshole.

I still really like my little pony. The majority of the episodes, as in the meat of them, pisses me off. Immensely. It's just the nature of kids shows, they're just like that. It doesn't stop me from getting frustrated, nor does it stop the show from repeating it. But one thing my little pony does really fucking well is reconciliation. I love the end of them, I love seeing them still be friends despite shit going down. It really does heal me. Also, MLP has some crazy ass lore. Why the fuck did Twilight ascend to godhead. It's like someone's bullshit DnD homebrew ran off the rails and straight into some poor neighborhood like in Bullet Train.

Tl;dr: Everyone should go fucking watch my little pony and everyone should Kin Sunset Shimmer. I really wish I had a onesie of her. For some reason all the MLP onesies are weird sex shit.

I cried and ate ice cream and watched my little pony all day. I regret nothing.

[timaeustexugo]

Nevermind, evil activities cancelled, larp drop just hit.

[timaeustexugo]

Girl I'm bored, let's haunt the narrative.

[timaeustexugo]

Sometimes I hide my clothes under tables and chairs and other furniture because I don't want anyone to see them. Nobody's going to fucking see them, though. Why would anyone be able to see them. There's no point to it, yet I keep shoving more and more shit under my chair, to the point it can't fucking move anymore. It's dirty clothes, too. I need to wash all of that shit. I'm not going to, though, and it's just going to accumulate and accumulate until it attracts insects or something- Of which I will crash out and go and take all the fucking clothes I've shoved in weird places and finally wash it all- and wonder why I even did that in the first place. I will do it again. I'm never going to stop doing it, because I'm still fucking scared of people seeing the fact I have dirty clothes. The fucking thing is, and get this, Nobody Is There To See The Fucking Clothes, man.

There is never anybody there but me.

[timaeustexugo]

I love taking 3 hour long, 10,000 degree showers that start at midnight. Really, would recommend. They're healing. I can feel my scars melting, man.

[timaeustexugo]

gl ur en free. U mean it. U mean it. thank u

Don't you know? We can't take shit out the bread. You can either get the gluten free white bread or the potato bread. It's gluten free, and we can't take the gluten out of the bread post-baking. Actually, we can't ever take shit out the bread if it's made with flour and yeast at all. Simple as. There's bread on deck and on the floor, bro, and it's either gluten free or it ain't. Gotta pick one.

So, which one will it be?

GLUTEN? or FREE?

[timaeustexugo]

you should play brawlhalla

I would honestly rather fucking hang myself in front of my loved ones in a way of which they cannot physically assist me, therefore simultaneously forcing myself to watch their reactions as I finally destroy myself and ruin everything.

Never ask me this bullshit again. Seriously.