I think about this all the damn time. Like... all the damn time, I cannot even begin to explain. Because Adam is latching onto her, despite what he may say to the contrary. He stays for her. He cares about her. (And there's a lot to say about being a young man in an abusive household and the expectation placed on him to protect his mother, despite her being the parent and it being her job to fucking protect him?) My mother will never speak to me again is his biggest fear in that moment. His thought process when pressing charges involved looking for his mother. He isn't surprised she asks for updates. But he knows it'll be detached, right? He knows she maintains some distance, that her asking for updates is curiosity. And, to be honest, for all the abuse he went through, there's some little piece of me that can't help but think the most hurtful thing his mother did was stay silent and let him take the hits. The person who is supposed to protect you let the other hurt you to protect herself. And there is this engrained need to protect her. Because he was taught to "be a man."
"He could see himself knocking, her standing on the other side of the door, not answering. He could see himself knocking, her standing at the back of the trailer, holding her breath until he was gone. He could even see himself calling, and the phone ringing as she held it in her hands.
But he could see her opening the college brochure. He could see her clipping his name out of a newspaper. Putting a phot of him in his smart jacket and nice trousers and easy smile on the fridge.
At some point she had released him, and she didn't want him back. She just wanted to see what happened.
But that was all right, too. It was something. He could do that. In fact, it was probably all he could do."
Page 432, The Raven King
I always interpreted this as Adam expecting her to want to see where he goes, like he says, and that some part of him wants that. And he expected it. He set the bar exactly as high as they could jump. He isn't expecting his mother's love at this point, but there is some part of him that wants something with her. I see this as a rationale ("it was probably all he could do") warring with an emotional response. A kid who still wants to talk to his mother. I hope that makes sense? Even if she knows she doesn't care about him, but there's some part of her that just wants to see where he goes.
And don't even get me started on the comparisons between Adam and his mother? I've always stood on the grounds that for all Adam feared becoming his father, it was his mother he was most like - and the one he was most likely to grow into the role of. He's described as looking like her:
"She was a shadow of Adam - the same elongated features, the same wide-set eyes."
Page 132, The Raven Boys
His mother teaches him to make things quiet (Adam was good at making things quiet), to fade into the background and people watch and observe. Which is all she's ever done. Watch. Deflect. Stand by. She's taught Adam not to take action. (And blanket this with him taking action, to press charges, to confront Whelk.)
"Adam knew what she was thinking, because they'd had that conversation so many times before: Don't say anything, Adam. Tell him you fell down. It really was a little your fault, wasn't it? We'll deal with it as a family."
Page 351, The Raven Boys
Gansey even says this to him (though I don't think it was really his place, but that's the root of the Adansey dynamic, isn't it?)
"'You're as bad as her. You think you deserve it.'"
Page 137, The Raven Boys
I think it's so telling that in this moment Adam chooses to lash out (shoves a box on the floor in anger). In a way, that's the adverse of what his mother would do. And the point I'm getting to is that Adam, who looks like his mother and sits in the same mentality as his mother and has seen his mother disappear into the backdrop has not considered even for a second that he's similar to his mother. Because wasn't he taught that his father is the dominant force? That assertion of masculinity and Adam's responding instinct to settle within the role of a "real man" has him entirely dismiss how much like his mother he is. That this can't even be a possibility because his mother is such a not presence. But, really, she's the one staring him in the mirror, isn't she?
And Persephone is the first prominent maternal figure in his life. Not just a positive parental role, but a woman who is a prominent influence on his psyche. Who shows care and helps him work through all the trauma and shit he's gone through and reclaim his agency. This being such a turning point for Adam's character, that influence. Her calling him out and helping him find himself. And I think, with all that healing (and I cannot stress enough that Persephone explicitly taking this maternal role is why he's able to see women are able to make in imprint. Because half of Adam's journey is unraveling that toxic masculinity), he's able to see pieces of his mother in him and vice versa, and there's this instinct to protect and help and stay just a little bit in contact. Because he can acknowledge, now, that there is this piece of him that is so like his mother. And for all he can't stay close to her some piece of him understands her to a point he knows what they both need. And he is making this choice - he is not going to be his mother. Not going to be his father. He's being Adam. And that's his third option. The one he had to make himself.
(Really hope this is coherent. I am agreeing so wholeheartedly with what you said, and I do apologize if me hopping on was inappropriate. But please know I got so excited and am nodding so hard in agreement that someone else noticed this.)
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