Perpetually Confused

Percy / 24 / it/they + kit/kits / ko-fi

[queijac]

Entrusting wishes to the sky

[auspex]

*thinks about OCs* *Thinks about OCs* *thinks about OCs* *thinks About OCs* *thinks about OCs* *Thinks About OCs* *thinks about OCs* *THINKS ABOUT OCS* *thinks about OCs* *thinks about OCS* *thinks about OCs* *THINKS about OCs* *thinks about OCs* *thinks ABOUT OCs* *thinks about OCs* *thinks about OCs* *Thinks about OCs* *thinks about OCs* *thinks About OCs* *thinks about OCs* *Thinks About OCs* *thinks about OCs* *THINKS ABOUT OCS* *thinks about OCs* *thinks about OCS* *thinks about OCs* *THINKS about OCs* *thinks about OCs* *thinks ABOUT OCs* *thinks about OCs*

[blorbo-posting]

[yellowtrinity]

say never my name, thou darling love

[timeskip]

One thing that's struck me while rereading my old OC writing is just how ANGRY my OCs were. I write about their difficult moments, their breakdowns, the friction between the characters, so obviously some anger is inevitable, but they snapped at each other a lot in moments where if I wrote it today I would never have made them snap. And it really does reflect how much anger and other difficult emotions I was holding inside myself when I wrote it, and how I saw the world as a teenager. yknow?

It's hard to explain but I was just. extremely emotionally dysregulated. Side effects of literally all my mental illnesses and autism and ADHD piling on top of each other at once made things hard for me. My OCs were an outlet for that, Caelestis's breakdowns are based on my own breakdowns for example. And I guess it says something about me that I'd forgotten his anger? Even though his isolation (based on my own isolation) mirrors the ways I kept other people away with anger sometimes simply because I couldn't handle being around people in that state... And I've gotten so much better with that. It hasn't been like that for years. idk. It's interesting to think about. I don't know about being "happier" right now but I can at least be happy that I'm "less angry" or maybe even "less emotionally dysregulated"

[timeskip]

Wanting to Post about my mental state while knowing the Ever Looming Anxiety is caused by medication side effects (which should go away soon I hope) is so stupid bc no obviously I can't just say things like "everyone hates me" that's not true and I know it. But The Anxiety Says So.

[ackee]

what it is like being on tumblr.com actually

[maybells]

nurse them and make a fire

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

always some new bullshit in the ocean

[local-demon-in-your-area]

Why is it always orcas or dolphins

Why can't a salmon do some bullshit for once

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

worry not ☝️ they're doing coke

[timeskip]

Toyhouse progress:

I wrote a decent chunk of Tempest's profile yesterday! Still a long way to go but it's something

Continued to upload old writing. Currently I have only a few pieces left to look through from 2022 or earlier and then I'll get to the more recent stuff

I put the link to my toyhouse somewhere public (not on tumblr) which means people can find it way easier now even tho it's not complete. I'll post the link here properly once it's actually done ^^;;

[indigosfindings]

powerscaling your otp to demonstrate that they have a problematic tier gap

[srdcovka]

i kinda love to waste time but dont tell anybody

[fluorescentbrains]

this lab safety training module is sending me

[fluorescentbrains]

I feel like whoever wrote these questions was speaking from experience

[sweatermuppet]

doctors hate when you have a cursory question about any single chronic illness or pain but they also hate when you have any level of knowledge about anything medical ever. interesting

[lotsamozzarella]

Giving Moko outfits for every promo post

[timeskip]

I miss HxH so bad how do I cope with this when there's still a few days until the next chapter

[timeskip]

Me: If I die I could--wait, what? The idea of Killua Zoldyck coming to talk me out of my suicidal feelings?

Killua: Honestly no I don't care

Me: Okay well do you at least have any advice for coping with it?

Killua: Want to be with someone so badly you can't bear to leave them alone 👍 works every time

Me: That's not a solution

Killua: Yes it is