WNBA dreams. Reflection piece.
I often wonder what my life would be like if I never gave up on basketball. I think maybe I'd be a) more in shape b) have a better level of discipline c) I'd probably have a sisterhood of basketball fanatics via group chat and iMessege. A dream you give up on is just that right? A dream. A moment in time or a few years that kept me afloat among a childhood of a young girl trying to find herself.
I was always tall, being tall made me feel insecure. Seen. Overly self conscious. I remember my first basketball. I remember playing across the street from my two bedroom apartment in Williamsburg. I remember thinking having this dream in the 6th grade meant more to me than mixtapes on lime wire and 106 and park.
My JHS was geared for sports/math/science. I sucked at math, hated science. Found hope in a sport that didn't choose me back.
Basketball was a love that felt unrequited. Being tall meant bumping into coaches and being asked to try out. Not making the team at 11 years old meant: hey you can try again next year or show up to the games and watch all your best friends play. I didn't care if it meant I got to play basketball with those same girls for hours every day.
Yes I played every single day. For hours.
I'd go home and watch basketball themed shows: one tree hill was my life through junior high school and high school.
I remember giving up on basketball. thinking it wasn't achievable because of the constant 'Charlie horses' and muscle strains that woke me up out of my sleep.
My older sister picked me up from school one day... I was 12. She asked me 'What do you want to be when you grow up'... We were always close.
I told her 'I want to be in the WNBA.' She said I could be whatever I wanted to be and something about me always having a babyface, I would always look young.
I gave up on the dream a few years later.
Sometimes I look back and wonder what would have happened if 13/14 year old me decided to return to the sport.
I went to a high school that didn't have a girls basketball team. I accepted that moment as a sign and never looked back until adulthood.
Adulthood is when I started seeing Liberty basketball games in person.
Adulthood is when I started saying to myself: well I mean, I remember back then thinking I was too tall. Now I think I'm too short.
It is funny in hindsight. I always downplay the dream because what do we really know from the ages of 11-14...
I guess we know everything and nothing all at once.
My everything was a sport that felt unreachable. Accepting a different path seemed easier to a kid who was willing to restart and relaunch a dream. Looking back sometimes I think the bond with other women meant more than a dribble and a hoop.
I think it's ridiculous that female basketball players make less than 6 figures and are possibly struggling compared to their competitors in the NBA.
Anyway, I found a voice and a purpose somewhere more fitting years later. An internal nudge that I ignored because it felt too close to home and too similar to others in my family: music.
Still, there are moments where I question myself.
Who would I have become if I kept basketball around for a bit longer? Could I have found a way?
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