SHE SAY I'M ACTING DIFFERENT JUST BECAUSE I GOT THIS PENDANT!!!
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@danpilled
SHE SAY I'M ACTING DIFFERENT JUST BECAUSE I GOT THIS PENDANT!!!
Actually FUCK IT list of times Shane calls Ilya baby:
- Ilya gets a sunburn during the first cottage summer and neither of them realize it until Ilya is taking his shirt off that night and Shane sees the lobster-red flush across his shoulders. He sucks in a hiss through his teeth and says, "Oh, baby, ouch," and presses the big, broad pads of his fingertips so tenderly to Ilya's shoulder and Ilya has to close his eyes because he feels like he's going to crack apart.
- When he answers the phone and he's alone. "Hi baby," said so softly if it's been a long day. Or a hard one. Or if it's late. "Hey baby," more energetically, usually in the morning, in a way that reminds Ilya of how his teammates answer the phone to their girlfriends and wives. Masculine and jockish and very North American in a way that makes Ilya feel pleased for Shane, in a weird way.
- Glass on the floor in the kitchen. Ilya blindly following the sound of the shatter and not really even thinking about it until he's standing amongst the shards and Shane is gesturing frantically with the broom. "Put on some fucking shoes, baby, please! Fuck, where are your slides--no, don't move, I'll get them--"
- Said gently, as a question, on days when he perhaps stays in bed longer than can be justified by sleepiness.
- "Hey, baby," said some mornings when Ilya comes downstairs dressed for the day and Shane really likes his outfit. Usually an indication that Ilya will not be wearing those clothes for very long.
- In bed less often than you'd think. Really a vanilla sex only thing, because being called baby can sometimes bring Ilya out of it when he's really in the groove. But Shane will lose it a little sometimes, when Ilya says, "Tell me you like it," and Shane says, "Yes baby fuck fuck I like it fuck please don't stop fuck baby please let me cum" and that's. Very good. Obviously.
- Said with a very particular warning lilt and only AFTER Shane has already said, "Ilya." and then, "Rozanov." In the same tone. This is actually one of only two circumstances where the very elusive 'babe' comes into play. If Shane REALLY wants Ilya to stop whatever he's doing or saying, it's a hand around the wrist and the word, "Babe," quiet but firm. And it does shut Ilya up approximately 100% of the time.
- Other instance of 'babe': Any sort of crowd. 'Ilya' is three syllables (Because Shane...pronounces it a bit wrong.) and unique enough that Shane sometimes worries about drawing attention. 'Babe' is one syllable and can be barked above the crowd in the Captain Hollander voice loud enough that Ilya will have no choice but to hear him if he's within the surrounding 500 feet. They have Marco-Polo'd themselves back to each other with 'BABE' and 'SHANE' multiple times in multiple countries.
- One time someone accidently brings several bottles of fortified wine to the barbecue. It's quite high proof for wine and several people get tipsier than normal, including Shane. Halfway through the evening he puts his head on Ilya's shoulder and plays with his fingers and murmurs, "My baby," into the seam of his shirt and Ilya, looking down at him so fondly, says, "Yes. Yours. Drink some water for me, sweetheart."
- "YES BABY." Yelled directly in Ilya's face during goal cellies. Obviously. This is also the first thing Ilya hears when the ringing in his ears stops after he scores the game-winning goal in overtime in game seven of the Stanley Cup finals. Knees on the ice, sobbing, screaming, laughing, and his husband barrels towards him at damn near light speed, tackles him, skids onto his knees and sends them sliding along the ice together, knocks Ilya's helmet off and puts his hands on his face and yells Yes baby! Fuck yes, baby! We did it!
“be gay do crime! but sex is yucky and crime is wrong!” ass website
literally 😭😭😭
ilya rozanov in these in unrivaled please 🙏
ilya's silly april fools "shane is pregnant 💕" post with shane's comment "not with playoffs around the corner. abortion"
if Hayden hadn’t outed them publicly how do you think they’d go about it after getting married ?
tastefully worded borderline ambiguous post on shane’s instagram featuring photos of them together on various scenic hikes standing at least 3 feet apart in every shot. followed by a tourist’s photo of them in ibiza with ilya with the worst sunburn of his life fully lobster red with both hands down the back of shane’s swim trunks grabbing his bare ass. followed by a tweet published on ilya’s twitter at 3:31am and deleted at 4:47am that reads YES I SUCK COCK YOUR MOTHER WAS GREAT TEACHER
The Freudian slip of it all when someone accidentally types Shame Hollander is just…🤌
every night in bed to calm down ilya watches the most stupid ass boy youtube videos. he's falling asleep to someone removing rust from a bread slicer from 1950 and his airpods are just blasting brrrrrrrrrr shhhhhhhh [sound of sandblaster] all night
ilya rozanov youtube history is like. ilya rozanov top 10 sexiest goals. ilya rozanov downtown macklemore edit. how to unlock steering wheel on maserati. maserati making noise like clk clk clk clk. montreal metros owned moments. shane hollander fights. shane hollander top 10 worst checks. the godfather movie clips. rust removal video 1975 soviet fan. rust removal video antique horseshoes. cattle hoof abscess removal. die hard movie clips. aquarium clean out video. spearfish hunting lionfish video. how to empty lint trap.
I think it would be so gender affirming to Shane that he and Ilya are like show canon and are basically the same size. He likes when they fuck in front of a mirror cause he can look at their bodies and how clearly they are two men fucking and it gets him so wet.
reading this made me go like this fr
LIKE LITERALLYYYYYY YAY!!! YES!!!! YESSSSSS<33333
he loooooooves seeing how close in size they are he loves knowing that they both are so fucking strong and that its his choice to be so pliant for ilya when theyre fucking and god yeah he fucking loves seeing them in a mirror he really truly does<3 he makes a fucking mess whenever hes really thinking about how they are Men Fucking. he loves when ilya calls him strong and compliments every part of him that he admires on ilya too. all of the things shane finds so sexy and manly about ilya physically, ilya reminds shane he feels the same way and that makes shane float sooooo high up above the clouds he fucking loves knowing he is a Man and that ilya really truly sees him that way and wants him so fucking badly like wow
I think the first threesome shane and ilya ever have is with the cup
to clarify, I do not mean that they have a threesome in the presence of the cup, I mean the cup is their third
now, I know you're wondering about logistics. I did, too, but I think the most likely answer is that they took the cup to Paris, right down to the champs du mars.
"but shane is a strict bottom"
yes, I know, and believe me, I'm sure he was understandably upset he couldn't get railed by the physical manifestation of hockey superiority, but one must play the cards they are dealt
although...
what if the cup had a strap?
@fuckrozanov 😭😭😭🙌
Ilya Rozanov is not real and he cannot fuck you
first day of pride month but troy and Shane are staring each other down in the locker room sooooo hard bc he accidentally triggered shanes pgsd (post gaytroy stress disorder) ((happy pride hollander)) ((what the FUCK is that supposed to mean.)) ((YOU HAVE A HUSBAND??))
fluff? on mymansmoon? it's more likely than you think.
it's the year following s1. ilya is still in boston and shane is in montreal. they've just played a game against each other in boston and shane is staying over at ilya's house. after dinner they have a little fight about who's going to handle the dishes and ilya wins, play-snarling and biting at shane. shane rolls his eyes; ilya tells him to go into the living room and turn on the TV or something. so he does. settles into one corner of the couch. bundled top to toe in ilya's clothes: hoodie, sweats, socks. (he prefers his own, texturally, but he liked the principle of using everything of ilya's.)
he turns on some sports channel probably. five minutes later ilya comes into the room and flops onto the couch, head landing in shane's lap and the rest of his body stretching out lengthwise. he lets out a big 'ahh!' sound as he does and shane smiles, putting his hands on him. ilya turns onto his side so he can watch tv as well. maybe there's a hockey game on, i don't know. but they talk for a bit about whatever they're watching. relaxed observations traded back and forth. shane is absently playing with any part of ilya that he can easily reach. his hair, his ear, his neck, his shoulder. the night is winding down. they had a late dinner because they were having sex before. started the moment shane walked in the door. shane is full and relaxed. he has his favourite person in his lap. a silence descends on them both.
Shane getting mad that Ilya swallowed the first time they blew each other because “this guy was determined to one-up him at every turn” makes me giggle and kick my feet. My competative boy was goaded into letting the slut ways take over.
the chasm between who Irina actually was and who Irina was to Ilya is massive and cavernous and such a fun place to play in if you're a sicko freak who likes to hurt your own feelings
tumblr is my little vague diary. you guys know nothing and everything.