hi! happy new year! i’m a little anxious and shy and haven’t really talked to anyone here on tumblr yet, but i just wanted to say that i’ve read your recent joel fic and it’s amazing!!!! i so adore your writing style and i love how you write joel 🩵
Happy new year! There’s no need to be anxious at all!! I’d be happy to talk!! Thank you so much ❤️❤️
we talked off app but i head a little ✨ mental health crisis ✨ and deleted my old tumblr and a bunch of people off my discord. maybe i changed my discord even lol. i don't remember. glad to hear you're getting back into writing. i'm trying to get back into the swing myself but it's so hard 🤣
we haven't talked in like twoish years probably 😅😅 just wanted to drop by and say i hope you're doing well 💗
!! Have I only talked to you through anon or we’ve talked elsewhere? I totally fell off the face of the earth after getting a full time job + starting theatre, but I missed writing soooo much, one of my new year goals is to write a hundred words of something every day.
A/N: I hope everyone has a happy new year and that you do amazing things!
Rating: 18+ this is smut
Warning: THIS IS SMUT! This includes a hint of a blow job and P in V sex. Reader is AFAB and their body parts are mentioned heavily, but no gender is mentioned. Smoking cigarettes. Naughty words.
Word Count: 3,441, apparently!!
Summary: It’s New Year’s Eve in Jackson and you and Joel are the only ones not celebrating.
GIF Credit: ^^^^
——————————————————————————
You sighed to yourself as you stared up at the stars glittering in the sky, the silence of the outdoors only broken by muffled music and laughter coming from inside the church hall.
Everyone in Jackson was celebrating the start of the new year with midnight just a handful of minutes away and while you wanted to join in, something was just…missing.
Of course, you spent so many new years just trying to survive that you couldn’t celebrate those, but you’d been part of the community for nearly a year now. You had a semi-normal life when you weren’t patrolling. You had friends and neighbors.
But it still felt so…empty.
Your gaze lowered to the unlit cigarette you held between your fingers when the noise from inside the church hall suddenly became much clearer. You straightened and looked back to see the door was opened, Joel Miller half way out it.
Joel had been there just a tad longer than you and you knew him a bit; he was Tommy’s brother and worked in patrol as well, though you’d never been partnered with him. You heard the watered down version of the story of him and Ellie. But there was never really a reason for the two of you to do more than exchange small talk or simply nod at each other in recognition when you crossed paths.
Besides, he mainly kept to himself and more often than not seemed a little grumpy, so you didn’t want to bother him.
He was cute, though. Handsome in a rugged sort of a way. You’d even venture to consider him hot when he was freshly showered and wearing just the right flannel…or sweaty and covered in dirt in a potato sack.
There was just something about him, even if he was a little bit unapproachable.
A hint of surprise flashed in his eyes as he noticed you standing there, probably staring at him. “Didn’t know you were out here.”
You smiled softly. “Yeah, I just needed a little alone time.”
“Shit. Sorry,” he mumbled, starting to step back into the church hall. You couldn’t tell if he was embarrassed for intruding or annoyed that you got there before him.
“I can be alone with you here.” It wasn’t as if he was going to be talking your ear off or anything.
He hesitated and glanced back into the hall, but some uproarious laughter seemed to make him decide to step outside fully. The apparently funny conversation was muffled once more as the door creaked shut.
The two of you stood in a surprisingly comfortable silence for a few moments, you looking at the sky as clouds covered the stars and Joel surveying the empty town.
“You smoke?”
You glanced at him in confusion so he nodded at the cigarette in your hand and your brow softened. “Oh! Honestly…no. Someone gave them to me and I didn’t want them to go to waste. So I just kind of hold them and hope that’s enough to relieve stress which, as I’m saying it, sounds real fucking stupid.” You felt embarrassed to admit it to him, because he was hot and you now portrayed yourself as a total loser.
Well, maybe you were a loser, but you didn’t want him to know that. Who didn’t want a hot, mysterious, probably emotionally unavailable man to regard them highly?
He held his hand out, silently asking you to give him the cigarette.
You shrugged and handed it to him, watching as he fished around in the pocket of his jeans with his free hand. “Do you smoke?”
“Here and there. I’ve mostly quit.” He procured a weathered, yellow lighter out of his pocket. “Found this a few weeks back, it still works well enough.”
He put the cigarette between his lips and cupped his hand around the lighter, flicking it until it sparked a flame before lighting the cigarette. He returned the lighter to his pocket and took a drag, turning his head away so he wouldn’t blow the smoke at you.
“Can I try it? I’ve held them long enough and it sure as shit never actually relieved my stress.”
He offered it to you and you grabbed it, taking a long drag like you’d seen other people do.
But other people were smokers and you weren’t, so you immediately began to cough as soon as the smoke hit your lungs. You put one hand to your chest and doubled over, tears pricking your eyes from your uncontrollable coughing.
You felt Joel tug the cigarette from your outstretched hand that was hurriedly trying to get rid of the evil, little stick and you swore you heard him snort, but you were too busy coughing to be certain.
Finally, fresh air replaced the smoke in your lungs and you were able to straighten up, breathing shakily. You could see amusement in Joel’s eyes, though he kept himself pretty composed; most likely to maintain his grumpy demeanor rather than for your benefit.
“That’s awful. How do you even manage to get addicted to nicotine in the first place so you can relieve stress?”
“Practice,” he said simply before taking another inhale.
“It doesn’t even taste good. Bleh.” You stuck your tongue out as if the chilly night air could fix it.
Silence fell over you both again, still comfortable. It wasn’t long before Joel was dropping the cigarette butt and extinguishing it beneath his boot.
“So you really came out here to hold a cigarette?” Joel asked so nonchalantly that you weren’t sure he was talking to you. He was looking straight ahead like he wasn’t, but you were the only one out there.
But he was asking you a question and staying instead of returning inside or going home. Maybe the hot, mysterious, probably emotionally unavailable man didn’t think you were a loser.
Did you mention he was hot?
You found yourself briefly distracted by the profile of his face, watching little puffs of air pass his lips from the temperature outside rather than a cigarette.
Having the chance to actually talk to him and know he was more than just some grumpy guy actually made him more attractive to you.
“Yes. No? I mean, yeah, like I said, it’s my lame attempt at stress relief, but I also just…needed to get out of there.” You highly doubted he wanted to hear your thought process. “What about you? What brought you out here?”
He didn’t answer for a moment and you thought maybe you shouldn’t have pried. “Celebrations aren’t my thing.”
You nodded and warred with yourself as you decided whether or not you wanted to push the conversation further. Maybe he did want to hear your thoughts. Maybe he understood.
“I don’t…get it.” You weren’t sure whether or not to go on, but felt confident when he glanced at you. “I mean, New Year’s and all that stuff. Well, I do get it, we’re trying to live our lives fully and normally, but I just…I don’t know.” You sighed, pulling at a thread on the hem of your jacket. “Nothing ever changes. Nothing’s new. Don’t get me wrong, Jackson is amazing and probably the safest place to be, but that clock’s gonna strike midnight and everything’s gonna be the same. We’ll still be living in a world full of the infected, stuck in one town, having to choose careers that don’t lead anywhere, and nothing will have changed. I’m probably not even making sense…”
“No. That makes sense.”
So he did understand. You smiled a bit to yourself and looked at your hands. “I wish I felt differently. But sometimes shit like this just feels so meaningless.”
He made some noise that you thought might be affirmative, but you didn’t want to push your luck and spook him by trying to get him to open up about his own feelings.
Even you weren’t admitting fully why you didn’t want to be inside. The celebration was meaningless, sure, but you were also hyper aware that everyone had someone to celebrate with.
Maybe it would mean more if you had someone by your side, but you were alone and when the clock struck midnight, you would still be alone.
Nothing would change.
Through the door came the muffled sound of everyone beginning to countdown from ten, which you knew meant that it was nearly midnight. Funnily enough, after your rant about how useless it all was, the thought of kissing Joel popped into your head.
He was hot, and he understood, and you were lonely. It wasn’t like you were going to build your life with the man, but even just a few hours with someone at your side might help that emptiness the old holiday brought.
If you kissed him, it wouldn’t be to celebrate the new year. No, it was a convenient way to make a move on him now that you’d gotten to know him the tiniest bit. If you didn’t make a move now, you knew you would be too anxious the next time you saw him, and you would only get more anxious from there. You couldn’t lose the chance of a fun night with someone as hot as Joel.
You imagined that he was lonely too and that was why he was so closed off. You’d never seen him with anyon anyway.
The countdown hit three and you knew it was now or never. If he didn’t respond, you would just never speak to him or look at him again and you would move out of Jackson to avoid the humiliation. So what?
As you heard everyone begin to celebrate, you turned and kissed Joel before you could talk yourself out of it.
He was warm and he smelled good, but he was definitely not kissing you back. You kissed him for maybe four seconds before you pulled away awkwardly, refusing to look him in the eye.
“Fuck, I’m sorry, I should have asked before I did that, it’s just that you’re hot, and we were talking, and I’m lonely and…God.” Well, you had a good run in Jackson, but now you had to go so you didn’t have to look at Joel and know he probably thought you were a pathetic idiot.
You turned to run off so you could really solidify his opinion of you, but he grabbed your chin and turned you back, capturing your lips in a firm kiss. You would almost call it desperate if you didn’t know any better and if you were in your right mind what with him kissing you.
Your knees buckled a bit and you grabbed onto his arms for stability, closing your eyes as his tongue touched your lips to deepen the kiss. You granted him access easily, moaning softly.
Cigarettes seemed a little more appealing when you were tasting them through Joel.
He drew back and gave you a quick kiss, while you stood there with your eyes closed like a fool. You felt something cold hit the end of your nose and you blinked your eyes open, meeting Joel’s dark gaze. You could tell what fell on your nose by the new specks of white quickly accumulating in his hair.
“It’s snowing,” you said stupidly as if he didn’t know, but you weren’t sure what to say. You were a little stunned by him kissing you and how good he was at it.
He looked around briefly before his eyes met yours again. “Your place?”
Oh. He actually wanted to have sex with you.
You hoped you weren’t totally crosseyed and dumbstruck as you nodded simply, gesturing in the direction of your neighborhood.
He pushed you ahead of him, which allowed you to snap out of your stupor enough to lead him to your home. You weren’t gonna skip out on a night with Joel by not knowing how to get to your damn house. You would definitely leave Jackson if you got this close to fucking someone so attractive when you were so lonely only to forget you lived two streets down.
Joel was on you as soon as you entered the front door of your small house, pressing you against the wall and cupping your face to hold you still as he kissed you again. You could feel the bulge in his jeans for the briefest moment before he was pulling away a bit, still kissing you while he hurriedly pulled his coat off.
You were doing the same as well as kicking your boots off, not really caring where anything landed at this point.
Your fingers found the buttons of his flannel when he broke off the kisses for air and you slipped your hands under the shirt to push it off, palms gliding over his skin that was still warm despite the weather. It was soft too, unlike his hands which were a bit rough and calloused.
He grabbed the hem of your shirt before you could go for his belt, so you abandoned your quest and lifted your arms to help him. He tugged you away from the wall, one arm around your waist as his free hand reached around you to grab the hooks for the plain bra you wore. He fumbled for maybe a few seconds before he managed to unlatch it, pulling it down enough to reveal your breasts.
“Jesus Christ,” he breathed out, yanking your bra the rest of the way down your arms to join the pile of forgotten clothes on the floor.
He went for the button of your jeans and you went for his belt at the same time, which merely caused you to slap your hands together in a bit of a tangle. The chuckle he let out was soft and short, but made you want him all the more for finding the humor in it.
He reached your jeans first and undid the button and zipper with ease, slipping his hand underneath both them and your panties. You fell back against the wall so you could stay standing as he gently cupped your cunt. He felt around experimentally before he touched your clit, rubbing light, little circles with those aforementioned rough hands you were growing to appreciate.
“Fuck, you’re warm.” He kept his eyes on your face, watching your lips part and your eyelids flutter as he touched you.
“Yeah…” You were currently too dumb to form something clever or sexy to say, not that it mattered. The silence as you both hardly spoke was unnoticeable with the desire and need thrumming between you.
“Been a while,” he said in a way where you couldn’t tell if it was a statement for him or a question for you.
Probably both.
You didn’t realize you closed your eyes until you were opening them again to look at him. You reached out to unbuckle his belt, tugging it out of the loops of his jeans and hearing it smack the floor.
When you went for his zipper, he pulled his hand out of your pants and grabbed your wrist. “I’m too old to be doing this against a wall anymore.”
“Wall sex always gave me a cramp in my hips anyway.” You grabbed his hand to guide him down the hallway toward your bedroom, briefly forgetting he was a grumpy old man as you tugged him along.
You stopped him at the foot of your bed and met his eyes meaningfully, moving down to your knees and undoing his pants. When you tugged them down along with his underwear, he groaned and you gasped.
“I’d be grumpy too if I had to pin this thing in my pants…”
“Shut the fuck up.” He was lighthearted about it, sounding like he wanted to laugh.
“I’m just saying, it’s big.” You allowed him no retort, wrapping your hand around his cock to stroke him slowly.
He let out a breath slowly and tilted his head back, which encouraged you to press gentle kisses to his tip and along his shaft. You flicked your tongue out against his tip and felt him shudder.
He didn’t let you get much farther than that before he was grabbing and, much to your surprise, throwing you onto the bed. You heard he dealt with lifting dead bodies back in Boston which probably made him able to lift anyone. Which was…morbid.
He had kicked his own boots off at some point back in the foyer and now he shed his jeans and underwear fully, reaching out to pull yours off by the cuff. They were a bit snug so he ended up pulling you down the bed a bit, and you couldn’t help but giggle a little.
Your underwear was on the floor next and then he was climbing onto the bed, pushing your legs back so he could fit between them. Now he explored you, his hand gliding along your thigh, up your side, until he reached your breast and cupped it almost greedily.
You whimpered, rocking your hips so you could rub against his cock as he played with your breasts. “Joel. Please.”
He glanced at you and slid his hand between you to stroke his cock, kissing you hard as he pushed his tip inside you. He shuddered and paused for a moment. His forehead pressed against yours to break the kiss like he needed to focus, eyes closed tightly as he gave slow and shallow thrusts, easing into you fully.
“Fuck,” you hissed when he was finally filling you, gripping onto his biceps tightly.
Then he started to move, quickening his pace until he was all but pounding into you. The headboard of your bed slammed into the wall with each thrust, but you couldn’t give less of a shit about it. Not when Joel was grunting and panting above you, his cock hitting all the right spots. You weren’t even embarrassed by the way you were whining like a porn star in those old pornos some creep smuggled into Jackson.
His lips found your neck, sucking and biting and kissing, the scruff on his face scratching the delicate skin there. You were so sensitive, every single touch felt like fire in the best way possible.
One of his arms left your grip so he could rub your clit and you practically arched your back, crying out in pleasure. You were already pushed over the edge, squeezing his cock tight as you came, hearing him mumble curse words somewhere in the distance beyond your own little world.
He pushed one of your legs back farther so he could thrust even deeper, keeping his hand there and squeezing tight.
It didn’t take him long either. You blinked at him as you came down from your high and he lost his rhythm, movements desperate as he started to fill you.
He groaned softly, his hips starting to slow until he stopped completely, letting your leg go so he could practically collapse onto you. His hair tickled your heaving chest as he lazily kissed at your skin.
You didn’t think as you moved a hand into his hair, stroking it and playing with it. “I’ve never cum that fast before.”
He glanced up at you. “Like I said, it’s been a while.”
“Wanna do it again?”
He chuckled and pulled out of you carefully, rolling off to lay beside you. “I need a little recovery time and I’m not usually up this late anymore. Wake me up in an hour.”
You were honestly a little surprised he intended to fall asleep there, but you weren’t bothered by it. In fact, you kind of liked it.
As you laid there and watched him, you couldn’t help but think that you had been wrong earlier.
Sure, new years didn’t change everything; you were still in a world where you had to fight to survive, but that didn’t mean nothing changed. Lots of little things could be changed and that could make all the difference to keep someone going.
That was probably why Jackson had a celebration. Because they had food, and water, and love, and fun. Even though they couldn’t control the world around them, there were things they could do to make it a little easier to handle. All they had to do was make those things possible.
You couldn’t say that you and Joel would be best friends or lovers from here on out, but just that moment of human connection made everything a little more bearable and a little less lonely.
It was something new in a world where everything always seemed to be the same, and that was what you both needed.
ulterior motives | Poe Dameron x Fem!Reader (1 of 2)
A/N: Wow, long time, no Poe! And a long time without posts. I just haven’t been motivated to write (or finish what I start) and time is moving so quickly, I can’t even keep track of it. My goodness!!!!
Rating: 18+
Warning: Canon typical violence, naughty words, people assuming you were promoted for doing sexual favors and it is heavily discussed.
Word Count: 4,499, apparently!
Summary: Post-war with The First Order, your generals, Poe and Finn, promote you to commander of your squadron. Not everyone is happy about it, especially with how close you and Poe seem to be.
GIF Credit: ^^^^
You couldn’t help but smile as you hopped down from your ship, removing your helmet and tucking it under your arm, watching your fellow pilots leave their own X-wings to greet the people awaiting you all.
There was nothing more satisfying than a successful mission where nobody got hurt.
There were still remnants of the First Order, desperate people with no personality outside of the dictatorship, as well as new groups popping up. The galaxy simply couldn’t exist without someone with bad intentions wanting to rule it.
When one of your generals sent your squadron out to nip one of the groups in the bud, you hadn’t expected to be ambushed by their ships as soon as you broke the atmosphere for the planet their headquarters were on.
But, even taken by surprise, you managed to take each one of them out and suffer nothing but superficial damage to your ship and the others’. One day in maintenance and they’d all be good as new, like they never even left the hangar.
“Captain,” said a familiar voice from behind you and you nearly jumped, turning to find Poe was approaching you with a proud smile.
“General Dameron,” you breathed out, nearly stumbling over the name as you fought away your own shy smile.
He had that effect on everyone and you were certainly no exception. He was handsome already, but he’d grown a beard speckled with white since taking over as co-general and it made him so…distinguished. He let his hair grow out a bit and it was just barely graying at the temples. He was smart and strong and kind and toned and his eyes would crinkle at the corners when he’d smile at you or laugh or—
How could you not feel something? It was a little embarrassing, the way your heart would jump at the sight of him and your breath would catch when you spoke with him, and your palms would sweat just from being near him. But you couldn’t blame yourself or anyone else for that matter.
You tried your best to not reveal your feelings, hiding genuine yearning behind banter and what could possibly be construed as flirting. And sometimes you couldn’t help how you looked at him, especially when there were times where he looked at you in such a way that you thought that…maybe…
But he was one of your generals and you were just someone with a silly crush. Just like everyone else. You weren’t special, the two of you weren’t fated to be an item just because you liked him. It just…was what it was.
“Looks like Finn did a good job entrusting you with the squadron for this mission.” Poe looked around the tarmac at the other pilots, who were all animatedly telling anyone near them how intense and ‘cool’ the fight was.
You felt a touch of pride, but you just smiled. “I couldn’t have done it without them.”
You looked at him to find he was looking at you now, like he was considering something. When he didn’t say anything and you found yourself wanting to squirm beneath his gaze, you cut through the silence.
“Do I have something on my face?” You leveled him with a jokingly annoyed expression and he looked away with a laugh.
“Nothing that needs fixing,” he said offhandedly, biting his lip in thought for a moment before he looked at you again. “I wanna talk to you about something. In private.”
Your heart felt like it leapt out of your chest, mind immediately racing as it tried to figure out what he would want to talk about. Had you done something wrong? Was he going to ask you out?
You waved the thoughts away and smiled a little too brightly. “Sure! What’s up?”
“No, no, go take a shower and get changed, come to my office after.”
“Are you saying I stink, General?” Your typical banter was only slightly delayed as you tried to calm yourself.
“I’m just saying, I want to be able to inhale when I talk to you.”
Despite him being your superior, you gave him a playful shove that made him stumble back a bit, shaking your head as he laughed. “You’re horrible.”
“And you like it.” You did. Because he never meant it and just wanted to make you…make people laugh. “See you in fifteen?”
“We’ll see if I even show up now.”
——————————————————————————
You were outside of Poe’s office fourteen and a half minutes later, clean and in comfier clothes than a flightsuit; you sped through the process, both eager and nervous about what Poe wanted to talk to you about.
You took a deep breath to fail at calming your nerves before you knocked on the door.
“No one’s here!”
“Oh, then I guess I can just come back another day.” You barely made it a few feet down the hall before the door slid open and Poe was peeking out, smirking at you. “Oh! I thought no one was there.”
“I snuck by when you weren’t looking. Come in.” He nodded and stepped away, and you followed him into the room as the door shut again.
His office was simple, a desk and a few chairs, some necessary technology, a few little personal touches like toys from his childhood or cool things he found on missions. There was one across the hall for Finn that was nearly identical, but he had a lot more personal touches as he discovered new, wonderful things he enjoyed every day.
You sat in one of the chairs in front of his desk as he sat in his, and you waited for him to start the conversation. He was just smiling at you. You stared at him before you squirmed in your seat, feeling awfully hot for some reason. “What did you need to talk to me about?”
“Oh, right, uh…” He sat back in his seat, clearing his throat. “You know how Finn asked you to oversee your mission because Commander Nichos had to step away?”
You nodded. Nichos and you weren’t too close, but he was nice and you respected him, so you were concerned when you found out he wouldn’t be on the mission.
“Well, his wife is pregnant. And he wants to step down as commander so he can just have a family…in peace.” He started to rearrange things on his desk. “Since we’re not in a war and I want his kid to have a dad, I agreed.”
“That’s kind of you.” Poe was a fair general as far as you were concerned. He could get a little worked up sometimes, but it was only when it was necessary.
“But that means we won’t have a commander for your squadron and I’ve been thinking about it and talking to Finn…and we want you.”
You stared. “Want me to do what?”
“Take over as commander…but only if you want to.”
Slowly, you started to register what he was asking you and a smile spread across your face. “I…I would be honored. Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure.” He rolled his eyes playfully at you.
“This…thank you!” You’d been hoping to climb the ranks with your hard work and you so loved overseeing missions and your squadron. Not to mention, you felt so accomplished and flattered, knowing Poe and Finn thought you were capable enough. “Can I hug you?”
“You know I love hugs.”
You were around the desk and on him so fast, making him grunt as you hugged him tight. You would’ve been in his lap if you didn’t keep your feet on the ground. He laughed warmly in your ear and the sound made you melt, knees buckling as his arm came around you and he gently rubbed your back.
You pulled back after a moment and his arm loosened around you, but it didn’t fall. You stared at each other and you couldn’t help admiring how handsome he was, how soft his eyes were when he looked at you. Did he just glance at your lips? Were you imagining things to give yourself hope?
“General Dameron, I— oh.” You both turned to see a member of your squadron had entered; it was Valin, a typical tall, dark, and handsome man. He was a bit aloof, but a good pilot and fighter.
“Well, your breath smells fine to me!” you said quickly, inwardly cringing as you pulled away from Poe. He looked amused, but turned his attention to Valin.
“Hey, we were just finishing up if you wanna take a seat.” Poe nodded to you that you could leave, which you did in a bit of a daze.
Both from the awkwardness of Valin’s entrance and…whatever the hell that other feeling was. It felt like a strange mixture of hope, longing, and disappointment.
You were almost certain that you wanted to kiss Poe and that he wanted to kiss you back. You did want to kiss Poe.
But he was your general! And everyone wanted him! You were being ridiculous, making things up because you were excited and he was gorgeous. So unbelievably gorgeous…
It would never work, but it was nice to flirt and pretend. Even with your logic, you still wished Valin hadn’t walked in and interrupted whatever was going to happen.
Would Poe have kissed you? Would you be the one who initiated it? Would you both lean in, only to smack your noses together and laugh and break the tension that shouldn’t have been there? It was good that Valin walked in.
Great, even. It made things way less complicated that you weren’t able to kiss one of your generals.
You tried to shift your focus to your new role as commander and how excited you were, but you weren’t sure if you couldn’t stop smiling because of that or because it really seemed like Poe wanted to kiss you.
——————————————————————————
There was a celebration the night it was announced that you were promoted to commander and Valin was promoted to captain; everyone chattered, laughed, and even danced as they enjoyed delicious food and dizzying drinks.
Everyone but Valin, but it didn’t seem out of the ordinary given the distance he always kept between himself and the others. He just stood in the corner, sipping on a strong drink. You supposed he kept his emotions about being promoted to himself.
Regardless, you were having a great time with all your friends celebrating you, and other squadron members congratulating you and telling you how right you were for the job.
Poe observed for most of the night until you - a little buzzed, forgetting embarrassment despite the heat in your body - dragged him over to dance. He didn’t mind, joining in on the fun like he wasn’t one of your highest superiors.
Things were so different with the war over. While there were still problems to be dealt with, they were fewer and farther between, which meant you had time for celebrations and access to real food instead of rations.
You could enjoy your lives to some extent.
“Congratulations again. I gotta get this guy out of here,” said Kelsa, a member of the Blue Squadron, as she helped her husband Adharan out of the room. He was a member of your squadron and he was mumbling random things all the way.
There were few people left at the celebration as the night grew late and everyone felt the true effects of what they drank. It was you, Poe, Finn, a few new faces, and Valin left.
The group of newbies left and your eyes widened when you saw Finn with one of them. You looked at Poe in question when he plopped down next to you with a groan. “Someone made a friend.”
He laughed. “He’s been looking at her like a barghest pup since she joined. It’s about time.”
“Yeah…” You stared at him, the alcohol coursing through you doing a great job at making you forget why it was good you hadn’t kissed Poe the other day.
He had such perfect lips. He was made to be kissed and you wanted to do the kissing.
You didn’t even realize you were leaning in until you felt his fingers on your lips, stopping you from meeting his. He looked like he was almost in pain. “You’re drunk.”
“Not drunk enough to not know what I’m doing.” You mumbled against his finger tips, turning your head to lean into his touch.
“Maybe not, but you’re drunk enough to not think it through. I’m not gonna take advantage of that.” He slowly removed his hand, being sure you were holding your own head up and not relying on him. “I don’t want you to regret it in the morning.”
You knew refusing to take advantage of someone under the influence was the bare minimum a person could do, but you liked Poe so much, it felt like he’d just offered you a million credits. “You’re such a good guy.”
There was a snorted laugh and you looked over to see Valin walking by, but his face was so emotionless that you figured you heard wrong. You wanted to reach out to him even if he was distant, so you stood. “Captain.”
He just stared straight into your soul, only looking away once he was approaching the door.
You scoffed. “Talk about having a stick up your-“
Poe quickly stood and slapped a hand over your mouth, pulling you to his side as he grinned and waved at Valin with his free hand. “Goodnight!”
Valin’s eyes were darker as he left and you continued to mumble behind Poe’s palm. He made sure the other man was likely out of earshot before he moved his hand away.
“-and another thing, who stands in a corner and glares at everyone when they were just promoted? You should be celebrating! And I’ve been so nice to you and you just stare at me! Why?!”
Poe pressed his lips together and patted your shoulder, gently guiding you toward the door. “Yeah, you’re not in your right mind. Let’s get you to bed.”
——————————————————————————
It was a few days later that you noticed that people didn’t seem as excited for you anymore. It couldn’t just be in your mind that everyone was glaring at you, whispering to each other as soon as you were too far to hear them.
You wondered if you’d done something embarrassing at the celebration, but you remembered all of it and the most embarrassing thing you’d done was try to kiss Poe. That wasn’t reputation destroying, was it?
You did your best to ignore it, but the more people whispered without telling you what the problem was, the more irritated and nervous you became.
The tarmac outside of the base was crowded with people as Blue Squadron prepared to leave for a mission, but all conversations hushed as you walked through. The throngs parted, friends and acquaintances and people you didn’t even recognize staring at you. You felt big and small at the same time, like you were taking up too much space for the meaningless person you were in their eyes.
You just kept walking, wanting to wish the squadron luck before going.
Kelsa was about to get into her ship, but she stopped and looked at you with pity. That was better than being stared at like you were an abomination…maybe…pretty sure…you had no idea if it was better or worse. What was there to pity?
You approached their commander, Alsafi, and did your best to smile. “Hey, I just wanted to wish you luck out there.”
She regarded you for a moment like you were a lowly creature she could easily step on, then she lifted her chin and straightened her shoulders. “You know, I was assigned as commander of the Blue Squadron because I worked hard.”
You furrowed your brow. “Yeah…you’re the perfect fit, anyone knows that.”
She hummed and started to climb the ladder to her ship, saying over her shoulder, “I don’t need luck from General Dameron’s pet.
Your eyes widened and you quickly grabbed her ankle to stop her ascent. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Oh, come on!” She clenched her jaw and kicked you away easily, so she could hop back onto the tarmac and loom over you with her impressive height. “Everybody knows. How could he not grant you such a favor when you’ve been granting his?”
You opened and closed your mouth a few times in shock, turning to the crowd where some were staring and others quickly pretended they hadn’t been. “Is…is that what you all think? I was promoted to commander because I’m sleeping with Poe?”
A murmur fluttered across the group, some people saying nasty and hateful things while others begrudgingly admitted their beliefs. A few people were silent, obviously not believing the rumor, but too frightened by the general consensus to stick up for you.
That included members of your own squadron, people you’d known the longest, who’d been the most vocal about how happy they were that you were their commander.
“You all know Poe would never do that! That I…I would never accept…I…” You were so flustered by all the anger and judgment pointed towards you. “Kolb, Navi, come on, you know that’s not why!” Your fellow pilots looked ashamed as they stayed silent, so you turned to the ever stoic Valin.
Something was different in his eyes.
“Valin was promoted to captain! Poe and Finn were just moving up their best pilots to fill a space. Tell them.”
“I saw them together with my own eyes,” he said as he stared at you coldly. “And now you claim to be one of our best pilots? Better than me or the rest of our squadron?”
Your face fell. “No…I didn’t mean that…I just mean…we should trust their decisions, I…and what do you mean, you saw us?!”
“In his office, after everyone left the party…”
You scoffed and laughed nervously because, while you hadn’t done anything, you knew the position was compromising and you were filling with unfounded guilt. Or was it unfounded? You did feel that Poe liked you. Did he just promote you because he liked you?
No, he wouldn’t do that. Would he? He promoted Valin too. Maybe he liked Valin.
“We were hugging in his office because I was excited, and I was drunk at the party! Come on, you guys don’t really believe this!”
“If he was just promoting his best pilots, Valin should have been commander and you should have stayed captain,” Alsafi said before climbing into her ship.
Valin leaned in close to you as the crowd began to dissipate, their decision made. “Everyone sees how you look at each other. You think we’re stupid?”
You floundered, but couldn’t come up with a defense before he shouldered past you. What were you supposed to do? Nobody believed you.
All you could think was one thing; hide.
You ran, pushing past anyone who was left, bolting right back into the base so you could hide from their stares and assumptions, humiliated by their lack of faith in your abilities as well as them thinking you were sleeping with Poe.
You were just turning the hallway that held your quarters when you bumped into someone solid, hard enough that the two of you fell into a heap on the floor. He grunted and you gasped, panting.
“Hey, you okay?”
Your eyes widened when they met Poe’s and you quickly scrambled off him and crawled back until you hit the wall, wanting to put distance between you. You couldn’t imagine if someone walked in and found you on top of him.
His brow furrowed as he sat up. “What’s wrong? What happened?”
You didn’t know what to say and you felt panicked as tears welled in your eyes; from how much you liked Poe, and how much you wanted to be commander, and how everyone thought there was a correlation between the two. You opened your mouth and all that came out was a sob.
“Hey…” Poe softened and reached for you, but you quickly moved to your feet and pressed your back against the wall.
“Thank you, but I don’t think I should be commander.” It was like you were replying to a conversation he hadn’t been let in on, and you saw the confusion on his face before you darted down the hallway.
“Wait!” You could hear him calling after you and heard his footsteps running behind you for a moment, but you didn’t dare look back.
Part of you wanted to cry in his arms. The other part feared someone seeing you in another compromising position.
——————————————————————————
You stayed in your quarters for days, too frightened to face the stares or to wrestle with your feelings for Poe. You were also too scared to see his reaction to you turning down the role of commander.
Everyone had rations and a private refresher in their room, so you didn’t even have any reason to leave.
Maybe if you stayed there for a year or two, everyone would forget about this and Valin would be the new commander.
You peeked out from under your covers when you heard a knock on the door. “Who is it?”
“It’s Poe.”
“—no one’s here.”
“Should I rephrase that and say that your general is standing out here, in the freezing cold hallway?” When you gave no response, the door slid open and in walked Poe with a sympathetic expression. He looked around before grabbing the chair from your small desk and moving it to face your bed, sitting down. “Kelsa told me what happened.”
You groaned and pulled the covers over your head. “So you see why I can’t be commander and you agree? I’m glad we had this talk.”
“No, I see that someone started a rumor because you’re capable and deserving…and Valin is jealous, he thought he would be promoted to commander.” He tried to pull the covers down, but you held tight. “Come on, I know you. You’re gonna let this ruin something so important?”
“They think I fucked you, Poe,” you said bluntly as you shoved the covers back and sat up to look at him. “Do you know how embarrassing that is? They think I slept with you and that’s why you promoted me.”
“Who cares? You know the truth. I know the truth. And, sooner or later, they’re gonna forget all about the rumor and move onto something else.”
“They’re not gonna respect me if they think I do favors to get what I want.” You looked at your hands.
Poe reached out to tilt your chin up so you’d look at him. “I promoted you because you’re good and you deserved it more than anyone. They’ll get over it.”
You smiled a little, shaking your head. “I just don’t know if it’s right.”
“Well!” He stood and slapped his thighs. “Your squadron has a mission in a few days and I don’t plan to put someone in as commander, even temporarily. So I guess you at least gotta go for this one, or the whole squadron might be lost.”
“That’s just playing dirty.”
“Whatever gets you out of that bed.”
You watched him as he put the chair back and started towards the door, calling out before you could stop yourself, “Poe?”
You didn’t know what you wanted to say when he turned to look at you expectantly. Maybe you wanted to ask if it was all a rumor or if he did like you, if he looked at you the same way you looked at him.
But you couldn’t.
“Thanks,” you said lamely.
“Thank me after your briefing, first thing in the morning.”
——————————————————————————
The morning air was chilled as you finished packing what you needed into your X-wing, looking around at your squadron as they prepared themselves. Most of your group was being respectful and kind, though they hadn’t spoken up for you before.
The only one who didn’t seem to care for your orders was Valin. You didn’t care for him very much at all now, given how he started the rumor, but you would make sure he stayed safe.
You were just climbing the ladder when he approached you, data pad in hand. “General Dameron said he gave us the wrong coordinates, these are the right ones.”
You looked at him and then looked to where Poe was standing to see you all off, smirking a bit when he waved at you. You quickly made your expression neutral and looked at the coordinates on screen, nodding. Maybe even Valin was getting somewhat used to you being his superior, if only by doing something helpful that you imagined Poe was forcing him to do.
“Let’s get a move on, the sooner we’re out of here, the sooner we can come back!” You climbed into the cockpit of your ship and put in the coordinates before you let the canopy close, starting it up.
Poe was still watching as you lifted into the air, followed close by the rest of your squadron with Valin right behind you. You waved to your general quickly before you took off into space, surprised by how far the planet would be.
That’s what hyperspeed was for, you supposed. You were able to engage it once you broke the atmosphere and you were in the quiet expanse of stars.
It cut your travel time in half and you exited it once you were a few minutes away from the planet, pausing when you only saw one ship behind you. Where the hell was the rest of your fleet?
Your comm crackled to life and you could hear Valin, “I think they dropped out of hyperspeed too soon, this place is kinda in the middle of nowhere. We should go ahead and land, scope out the place.”
He was right about the planet being in the middle of nowhere and you knew your squadron was smart, they’d figure out the coordinates. It made sense to go ahead and get started, so you could see what needed to be done.
You took off your helmet once your ship had touched down, climbing out to take a look at your surroundings.
It was pretty barren, dirt as far as the eye could see, crumbling buildings and dead foliage. You couldn’t even hear animals or the wind.
“I think maybe we’re the ones who dropped out of hyperspeed at the wrong time,” you said over your shoulder as Valin jumped out of his ship. “I don’t think this is even livable. Maybe it was at one time, but not anymore…they wouldn’t want a planet without resources they can harvest.”
“No, I think we’re in the right place,” came Valin’s voice from right behind you.
You barely had time to register the pain of something being brought down on the back of your head before everything went black.
Aye you're still here? This the anon from about five years back about Poe singing Dean Martin and whatever else I said. you were working on fifty ways to kiss someone back at the time, I've got it bad for Oscar Isaac again or maybe worse now then before help 😭 I feel like I'm entirely a different person then before so my bad for being out of character. Still I missed you and just dunno, dropping by to share about my pain and 🌹
A lot of time has passed I remember writing that!! I’ve honestly been back on Poe lately and working on some things for him!
I will be participating in @flightlessangelwings Kinktober which is linked here. These are the prompts I chose and some characters chosen so far, pls let me know if there’s a certain character you’d like to see with one of the prompts!!
I will be participating in @flightlessangelwings Kinktober which is linked here. These are the prompts I chose and some characters chosen so far, pls let me know if there’s a certain character you’d like to see with one of the prompts!!
Compiled by myself and edited/peer reviewed/approved by my bestie @the-purity-pen who had made fantastic prompt lists in the past (and who also made the beautiful graphics for me)!! This list has a little bit of everything from more vanilla to more hardcore prompts so there’s a little something for everyone, or to branch out and try something new if you feel like it!
Write fics, make art, graphics, gifs, moodboards, whatever your heart desires!! Any type of creations are welcome too: reader insert, oc, ships, original works, anything!
Have fun and be creative!!
Because of the nature of the event, this is 18+ ONLY! Minors interacting or participating will be blocked!
Please tag me @flightlessangelwings and use the hastag #fawktober2023 and I’ll share your works!
Please use proper warnings in your posts with this event as some of the prompts may not be for everyone. And if you’re doing a reader insert, please work to be inclusive of your writing/art!
No kinkshaming please! I made this list to be varied so there may be things on here you hate. That’s ok! There’s things here that even I don’t like but I designed it that way so there’s something for everyone! But that’s also why tags and warnings are so important!!
Reblog this post so others and find this list and to share the fun!! And don’t forget to reblog other people’s work too throughout October and support each other!!
If none of the prompts for the day speak to you, feel free to pull from another day if you want! Don’t feel pressured at all! Have fun with it!!
List under the cut in graphic and text format!
Banner free to use for your posts with credit to @the-purity-pen 💖
