You made me feel so worthless, I wasn't even worth a bit of your time.
You didn't even have the decency to reply to any of my mssgs.
& apparently only your side of the story is correct/matters.
You don't even want to see my side. You won't.
You post about how you feel but God forbid I do the same.
You didn't even have any compassion towards me when I was going through one of the darkest moments in my life. When I told you I wasn't in my right mind & wasn't myself...you couldn't even take that into account. When I apologised for my wrong doings...it wasn't enough.
I hate having to write these feelings out on this stupid app when I should be able to just tell you, TALK to you but you don't even care.
You won't even respond to me.
It's like I'm just so meaningless.
Clearly I am bc it wouldn't have played out like this.
What I will NEVER understand is when someone you know that is supposedly your friend is going through a really hard time & then be so damn cold & uncaring about it. I can't imagine reading a mssg from a friend saying that they're struggling so much & not say anything about it. 😣
You literally said nothing, absolutely nothing, no support, no care. Nothing. & somehow my reaction to that was wrong?
How did you expect me to react!?
How could I possibly be ok knowing that someone whom I thought was a friend couldn't even give a simple mssg of support when I'd just poured my HEART out all the while struggling due to what I was going thru.
I was LITERALLY insane last year & I'm still suffering from what happened to me
I was literally having a mental breakdown, my thoughts were tormenting me every fucking second of every god damn day. It was HELL I was going out of my fucking mind. My thoughts had never been so irrational & fucked up. I was scared to do ANYTHING!
No one knew how bad things were
My dad had to sit w/ me every single day for hours upon hours just to try & comfort me while my mind was scaring me with really dark thoughts. The intense stress & anxiety I felt ALL day every single day was so draining. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't FUNCTION
From the minute I woke up if I did manage to sleep, my mind was instantly flooded with anxiety inducing thoughts. I had to fight like hell every second to try & fight them I cried & cried & cried, every single day for months BEGGING just to be able to do a simple thing like relax.
I begged for my mind to shut up.
& I'm still going through that but not as intense, it gets bad randomly again every now & then & then I think I can't make it out...but I keep fighting.
I have to. I don't have a choice.
It's a terrifying thing when you are scared of your own mind.
It can be your worst enemy.
I'm scared that I'll never recover fully after last year, I was already broken enough before that, I don't know how I'll ever be free & it scares me more than anything.
Mental illness should be taken more serious!!! It's not a joke, it's not just feeling a little anxious or sad...
It's much much worse...& it's on a massive spectrum...
Not one person can experience it the exact same as someone else.
I wish people were more compassionate. 💔
Compassion was the one thing I wanted from her...but I don't think I'll ever get it.
& it hurts that I have to write all of this.
ellievsbear
annaxmalina
tangentwithtanner
kianamaiart
snowghoul
gummygunk
